Did I do my Invitations Wrong

Hi Everybody, I sent my invitations out a few days ago and I have already heard from a few people how nice they are and what a great job I did on them. Now hear's the problem.... I did not include my FH parents on the invite, and now everyone wants to know why. First of all I did my invitations to be very elegant and 'traditional'. The way I see it, (traditionally) the invitations are sent from my parents (the brides parents) inviting people to the wedding of their daughter. I guess instead of saying FH's name I should have said FH's name son of Mr & Mrs yada yada.
Did anyone else not include the grooms parents.
I feel so bad now, I feel like I look like a huge
B*&%$, that wasn't my intention, I just wanted traditional & elegant.....

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

Honestly, I know NOTHING about etiquette...but, I hate to see you stress about this. You should only be excited right now to start getting your responses!!! Whether it's proper or not, there's nothing you can do now, and I hope you can concentrate on only the GREAT things ahead of you in the very near future!!! If people ask you about it, just tell them what you've told us. Good luck and no worries!!!

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

You are not wrong at all! You are right in your thoughts of the traditional invitation. I did mine the same way...traditional elegant ecru invites with only my parents names. Today, a lot of the traditional ways are lost since more and more brides and grooms are paying themselves or having both parents chip in. My parents are footing the whole bill, therefore I agree with the traditional wording of my parents hosting the guests at the wedding of their daughter.

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

I did the same thing as you. I didn't include my FH's parents names on the invite. Mostly because they arent paying for it, but also because his parents are divorced and both remarried and I thought it would look weird having 2 sets of parents names there. My FMIL commented immediately, but it was too late, nothing you can do about it now. Don't stress. I'm sure they look great!

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

There are several ways to do them. You can really do whatever you are comfortable with. Since FI and I are paying for the wedding I wanted to not include either but FI wanted to so we put both. I really didn't care either way.

Traditionally, you only include the brides parents because traditionally the brides parents pay for the wedding. I just looked it up in my wedding planning book and it says your wording is correct when the brides parents sponsor the wedding.

Hope this helps

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

I totally misread the post. i have to edit my response. sorry

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

Are his parents putting money towards it? We went with very elegant traditional invites and both sides including ourselves are putting money towards it. We used the

Mr and Mrs JOhn Doe

and Mr and Mrs Jack Smith

request the honour...

at the marriage of their children

Angelica and Massimo

blah blah blah.

Didn't your FI see the proof beforehand and offer some input? One more thing, the reason i asked if his parents put money towards it is because really it is who is hosting the wedding. Traditionally the brides' family hosted the entire reception, thus the reason for the invites being in just their name. Nowadays though whoever contributes i think shoudl have the honor of being named on the invite in some way. If they are not really contributing then they shoudln't be on it

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

Only my parents were included on our invites. So don't worry about it. And if you get slack you can always blame it on the invitation people where you bought them

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

You girls are great!! I feel so much better, my parents are paying for a lot of the wedding and I wanted that to just be acknowledge because I am so grateful for any help they give, (please don't think I was trying to throw it in anyones face or anything like that)
Angie3 I did send everyone in the family an invite. Everyone got one,even his parents.

Now I will just be sure to put the in-laws names on the Rehearsal Dinner Invite

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

Angie3, to answer you question, NO my FH parents aren't paying for anything with the wedding.
They will probably help with the Rehearsal dinner.

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

Then you were 100% absolutely correct! Don't fret over it... you did nothing wrong!

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

OctBride, I didn't put either of our parents on our invites since we are paying for it ourselves BUT I had a friend include both parents and they paid for it themselves. I am not sure what etiquette calls for. Sorry that you feel like that but no one should call you out on something for YOUR wedding!

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

I think traditionally since you put your FH's last name on the invite it isn't necessary to put his parents...

I put son of MIL and then she called all worried asking why I didn't put her late husband on the invite...she was afraid that DH would look illigitimate!! lol...I told her that you don't put deceased on an invitation and that he would be honored in the program...

so there is always someone who will find something!!!

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

We put Together with their Parents on the invite, just so we didn't have to listen to anything.

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

his gave us nothing, but we know better and didn't know at the last minute if they would throw in some.
So my parents got top billing!
and then it was
Mr. and Mrs. my name
reuest the honor of your presense at the wedding mass of there daughter,

my name
and
john andrew doe
son of mr and mrs. john andrew doe

(it still had there name, but people knew who was running the show.. so to speak)

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

There is no wrong or right way to word an invite. I think your traditional way is fine - don't stress!!

And I wanted to add that having the parents names on the invite does not indicate that they paid or not!! We included both our parents name on the invites, and we paid for the entire wedding ourselves. That such a bad misconception!!

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

chmlenger is right...you don't have to pay for the party to host it

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

chmlenger - I couldn't agree more! I didn't put any parents names on the invite - I felt that we were too old for that, so the invite reads 'Teri and James blah blah blah'

and one of my friends calls me up and asks why my mom wasn't helping me pay for the wedding!!!??? First, it IS a misconception, and second, who asks someone that?!

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

I have asked more than one calligrahper/wedding person and also looked it up on the internet/in books....The term hosting a wedding is a polite way of saying who is throwing the wedding (or paying for it). That does not mean that you HAVE to include someone's name on it if they are giving money towards it (like if 'Uncle Bill' spots you $5,000 ---wouldn't that be nice --- you're certainly not going to include his name on the invite!) It is up to you. While it IS TRADITIONAL proper etiquette that anyone listed on the invite means that they are contributing to the wedding, nowadays with money coming in from everywhere or just the couple paying for it themselves the way people word their invites is changing and anything goes. Some people opt to include the names just as a way of honoring their families or on the flip side choose not to include anyone else but their own names to make it seem more special and all about the bride and groom. It IS a preconceived notion about who pays for it is listed on the invite BUT one based on fact going back to when traditionally the brides parent hosted (paid for) the reception. While it is true that it is not always 100% accurately refelct who is paying for what many people still go by how the invite is worded. Personally, I like having everyone's name somehow included or the 'Together with their families' bit just because it makes it also seems more like two families coming together. Teri - It is so disgustingly rude for someone to ask whether your mom is paying though!!! Who does that? Ewww! I would have told her to worry about paying for her own plate and not about what other people are doing!

Bottom line - some people still follow the whole tradition thing for whatever reason (especially whenyou have old fashioned families) BUT today you can certainly do WHAT FEELS RIGHT TO YOU. Only you know how an invite will be received by friends and loved ones and ONLY YOU know your families well enough to make this decision. There is no right and wrong if the bride and groom and the families all agree.

Re: Did I do my Invitations Wrong

I didn't mention in my reply earlier what we put on ours...

My fh and I are paying for the wedding, so we put:
Marni
and
Chris
Along with the joy and blessings of their families...

No matter how you put it, what's right for you is all that matters!!