FH is very sad and hurt...***UPDATED***

Ok girls this may be long so thanks in advance to those who take the time to read it! FH has many Aunts and Uncles but only one he is extremely close with. Originally when we got engaged this particular Uncle was sooo excited for us and was already speaking of reserving a room and looking forward to our wedding day. Well in June FH sent this Uncle an email confirming that he was definitely attending because we wanted him to do a reading during the ceremony. Well we know he received the email since he spoke to his sister (FH's Mom) about the email. HE HAS YET TO RESPOND! Three months later....

So fast forward to last night. FH sent another email to his Uncle asking him why he never responded and felt we were being disrespected and ignored after honoring him by asking him to be part of our wedding ceremony. Jordan(FH) explained that we were both very hurt that he couldn't even email us back and say 'I don't know' or 'no' or 'yes' or 'can I think about it?' WE GOT NOTHING.

So at the end of email FH said we love you very much and pray you will be able to be a part of our ceremony. So this Uncle writes back about 20 mins later and this is what he says:

' I was not ignoring you. I didn't reply because frankly, I don't know what to say. I understand you have to start planning your ceremony and printing your programs. I decline to do a reading and I decline to attend.'
Then he signed his name. No I'm sorry. No I love you. No explanation...nothing.

I felt so bad FH immediately started crying. FH doesn't have his biological father in his life so this Uncle was very much like a father to him. Why would he do this? We are so hurt and so confused. I felt awful for FH last night. He keeps saying none of my family is going to be there....what should we do???? Any advice would be appreciated.

This seems so strange that his uncle would not reply to the first email and then reply the way he did to the second email. Did your FH speak to his mom about this? Is something going on with the uncle that would make him react so rudely to your FH? something just doesnt seem right, maybe there was a huge misunderstanding.

I think your FH should call his uncle, sometimes emails can be misunderstood and interpreted differently. Your FH might have sent the email in a friendly manner asking what is going on and his uncle might have seen it as an attack or your FH just being rude so he responded like a jerk instead. I think he should talk to his mom first and maybe call the uncle or have her call the uncle to see what's going on.

Sorry you guys are going through this. I would have thought the uncle would be honored that he was even asked.

That is so odd. I am sorry! Did anything happen that would make his uncle react that way? Did your FH's mom say what they spoke about when they spoke of the email? If not your FH should really talk to him to find out whats going on ( i know its easier said then done).

Weddings are a happy time when people should celebrate but for some reason they seem to bring out the worst in some people it sux.

I hope your FH is ok and figures out what is going on.

If I were you i'd call his uncle without your FH knowing to find out what's going on. Maybe he can't afford to come, got layed off, etc. Who knows??? Make it your business and call him yourself ASAP.

Good luck sweetie

That's so sad. It must feel awful for your FH. The only thing I could think of is that perhaps there is something going on this uncle's life (an illness, financial troubles) that he hasn't disclosed to anyone and that is preventing him from being a part of your ceremony. There's no way to press this situation, but I would send email, just as curt, expressing your concerns and disappointment. And then leave it at that, depending on what the unlce responds with. Good luck.

My heart sunk after reading your post.
Thats horrible that your FH was very upset, he has every right to be.

Maybe you can contact your FMIL and ask her why he's not attending...maybe she knows more OR better yest, email the uncle back and ask him why?
You and FH have nothign to loose at this point. He already said he wasn't attending or wanted to do a reading. Call him out on it. I definitely would.

It will give you closure.
Keepus update and again I feel for you both.

I know this is what we thought too. FH did call his Mom as soon as he got the email and his Mom is very shocked. She did say she was going to call him but she was probably going to wait til his Uncle cools down. This uncle is a bit hot headed and emotional.

There is probably a bit more background I should add to this...FH's Uncle is gay and has lived with his life partner for more than 10 years. We love them both and are so happy they have found true love with one another. When we first got engaged we started a wedding website on The Knot. FH's Uncle signed our guest book, instead of words of love and congratulations, his Uncle wrote 'Maybe someday Neal (his partner) and I will be able to honor our love in marriage.'

Ok now granted I totally believe in gay rights and often am an advocate for gay marriage. However, is our wedding website guest book the appropriate forum to announce your political propaganda and for you to be discussing your life and your rights?? I thought our wedding website was about my FH and I....anyway so FH thinks this may have something to do with the fact that they are not coming...Are his uncles upset about not being able to be married themselves? If so, couldn't they put that aside for one day to celebrate FH and I

I dunno. This whole thing just hurts.....

People act strange when it comes to wedding some behavior is so unexplainable.

You FH should just call him and ask what is up...it's not worth losing a relationship over something hat might be a misunderstanding. Emotions are high during times like these.

for you

for FH

This just doesn't make any sense... I cant even give you advice because it doesn't make any sense. If they are so close, why would his uncle have this change of heart? You said that he spoke to FH moms ... Do you know what they spoke about? Maybe he told FMIL something? She might know about this ... do you think he was offended?

Okay, this might sound totally crazy ... but you never know ... does this uncle know how to read? Or maybe he has a fear of speaking in public ... so he is embarrassed and that's why he declined coming to the wedding too, since he declined to read ... Public speaking is a real fear

wow..i cant belive he said that to him!!!...even though if he has financial problems or got laid off from work it does not excuse him from saying im sorry i will not be able to do the reading....i cant attend..bcoz of ..this or that...i mean ..i would get upset too....

i feel bad,....!!!!!

well you know what..u have time before your wedding and you never know what can happen and how things could change...so the best thing to do is give it some time and maybe call...him.

i hope everythig works out!

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Posted by littlepixie12

This just doesn't make any sense... I cant even give you advice because it doesn't make any sense. If they are so close, why would his uncle have this change of heart? You said that he spoke to FH moms ... Do you know what they spoke about? Maybe he told FMIL something? She might know about this ... do you think he was offended?

Okay, this might sound totally crazy ... but you never know ... does this uncle know how to read? Or maybe he has a fear of speaking in public ... so he is embarrassed and that's why he declined coming to the wedding too, since he declined to read ... Public speaking is a real fear

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This is a possibility. I have always thought of this Uncle as very outgoing and someone who doesn't mind attention. So it is a possibility but not very likely. I think FH's Mom is going to call FH's Uncle and see what she can do, but she wants to wait till his Uncle cools down. FH's Mom is very non-confrontational so this may be tough for her. I want to call FH's Uncle, but I don't want to make it worse....I kind of think I should call though....

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Posted by Jsquared279

I know this is what we thought too. FH did call his Mom as soon as he got the email and his Mom is very shocked. She did say she was going to call him but she was probably going to wait til his Uncle cools down. This uncle is a bit hot headed and emotional.

There is probably a bit more background I should add to this...FH's Uncle is gay and has lived with his life partner for more than 10 years. We love them both and are so happy they have found true love with one another. When we first got engaged we started a wedding website on The Knot. FH's Uncle signed our guest book, instead of words of love and congratulations, his Uncle wrote 'Maybe someday Neal (his partner) and I will be able to honor our love in marriage.'

Ok now granted I totally believe in gay rights and often am an advocate for gay marriage. However, is our wedding website guest book the appropriate forum to announce your political propaganda and for you to be discussing your life and your rights?? I thought our wedding website was about my FH and I....anyway so FH thinks this may have something to do with the fact that they are not coming...Are his uncles upset about not being able to be married themselves? If so, couldn't they put that aside for one day to celebrate FH and I

I dunno. This whole thing just hurts.....

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He shouldn't have wrote that on your guest book I agree. Maybe your FH's uncle and his partner had a fight or something and was just taking it out on the wrong people.

First may i say that im sorry for this. It must be terrible to feel that your family will not be involved on such a special occassion.

I would speak to his mother first. Have her speak to him & then Fh should call him personally. Ask what is wrong & why he feels like this. It may hurt but at least you can understand better with a real answer. You never know maybe something personal is goingon in his life that no-one knows about.

Try its worth it.

Thanks for all the great advice girls...I really appreciate you taking the time to read this and the suggestions you have offered.

okay long post in response. .

I think that you should pursue it, even if it is hard. He clearly acted in the wrong but sometimes you counteract hate/meaness with kindness. Maybe let things cool down and write the uncle a letter saying how important he is to FH, and that you understand that he might have personal reasons for not coming but that he is like a father to FH and explain how sad it made him. Then I might say, I understand if you still do not want to attend, but if you change your mind, we would be honored to have you there.

and nothing excuses his behaviour. He and his partner could celebrate their union, I have been to at least four weddings/civil ceremonies of family or friends who were gay and while it it is true youdon't get the same rights it has NOTHING to do with your celebration and for anyone gay or straight to make your wedding about their agenda is wrong. and sad.

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Posted by Jsquared279

I know this is what we thought too. FH did call his Mom as soon as he got the email and his Mom is very shocked. She did say she was going to call him but she was probably going to wait till his Uncle cools down. This uncle is a bit hot headed and emotional.

There is probably a bit more background I should add to this...FH's Uncle is gay and has lived with his life partner for more than 10 years. We love them both and are so happy they have found true love with one another. When we first got engaged we started a wedding website on The Knot. FH's Uncle signed our guest book, instead of words of love and congratulations, his Uncle wrote 'Maybe someday Neal (his partner) and I will be able to honor our love in marriage.'

Ok now granted I totally believe in gay rights and often am an advocate for gay marriage. However, is our wedding website guest book the appropriate forum to announce your political propaganda and for you to be discussing your life and your rights?? I thought our wedding website was about my FH and I....anyway so FH thinks this may have something to do with the fact that they are not coming...Are his uncles upset about not being able to be married themselves? If so, couldn't they put that aside for one day to celebrate FH and I

I dunno. This whole thing just hurts.....

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Okay, so I didn't read this before my first reply lol. So now this makes sense.... Maybe he feels that he and his partner wouldn't be accepted among some people in the reception and that's why he feels uncomfortable reading ... or maybe he isn't religious... Also, is your ceremony in a church? Because the discriminates against gays so that could be another reason for not reading ... These are just some ideas that Im throwing out there ...

Also, it sounds that he is really biter about not being married himself. He should go to CA and get married there!

thats terrible

this uncle better have a good explanation - if he doesnt i'd cut my ties with him - i wouldnt even bother sending him an invitation - but thats just how i am, id cut my nose to spite my face and i know it....

i dont really have any good advice i just feel horrible for your FH, that was rude and uncalled for and it was mean - i dont get it

Wow I'm so sorry for you and FH. I agree maybe there is some type of fear or jealousy. Because he is not able to have the same type of union freely. I would try to have him and his partner over for dinner to talk. Maybe fh really needs to explain to him how much he means to him. But if he still says no just respect him and love him more.
I hope it works out