I had sex before I was married, with my boyfriend(now DH) from high school. I was in love, therefore, my Catholism, did not play a role in the situation. I try to be devout, but I am not perfect. If my child, who I will trust as a young adult, can make their own decisions, what does that have to do with my guilt that I would feel if I slept with a man who I did not love. DH is not Catholic, they will be his children too, so maybe they will take after him and not have guilt.
none of us are perfect (including me)......it just didn't make sense, your original statement...had you said in your original post guilt that I would feel if I slept with a man who I did not love. then it would've made total sense to me....i guess once you throw religion into the mix, that's when things get tricky. i.e. feeling strongly about certain catholic beliefs and lax with others....make sense?
RedHead
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Posted by Janice
ummm thanks..Did I not write Catholic guilt in MY head? what does that have to do with my kids having company in their room with the door closed? What does a closed door have to do with emotionless sex? Maybe my kids will carry the same guilt that I would.
be cause they are not following the catholic faith...same reason you wouldn't have sex without love!
Janice
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Re: Friend with Benefits
redhead...DH is not catholic, they are his kids too. He has had many casual sex partners. I will try and raise my kids catholic, but at 16 and 17, either you are or you aren't, no matter how you were raised.
RedHead
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Re: Friend with Benefits
Posted by MrsERod
Posted by Janice
I had sex before I was married, with my boyfriend(now DH) from high school. I was in love, therefore, my Catholism, did not play a role in the situation. I try to be devout, but I am not perfect. If my child, who I will trust as a young adult, can make their own decisions, what does that have to do with my guilt that I would feel if I slept with a man who I did not love. DH is not Catholic, they will be his children too, so maybe they will take after him and not have guilt.
none of us are perfect (including me)......it just didn't make sense, your original statement...had you said in your original post guilt that I would feel if I slept with a man who I did not love. then it would've made total sense to me....i guess once you throw religion into the mix, that's when things get tricky. i.e. feeling strongly about certain catholic beliefs and lax with others....make sense?
imo i think it is more of a personal belief rather than a catholic one
ambersmom
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Re: Friend with Benefits
In my young and wild days, yes... But he was HOT!!!! It lasted a few years.
We're not really friends anymore but it has nothing to do with that. Just drifted away; he got involved, I got invovled.
MrsERod
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Re: Friend with Benefits
exactly..personal guilt, not catholic guilt.
xjulietx
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My relationship with DH started as innocent fooling around without really dating (i.e. no sex) but both of us really liked each other more than friends and decided to make a real dating commitment. So I guess it is a half answer, because we didn't have sex as just friends but we did fool around a bit.
Janice
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Re: Friend with Benefits
okay so what is catholic guilt then?
If it is not me having casual sex because I will feel guilty the next morning simply because God knows I did not love they guy.
If it is not the fact that I will feel myself burning in the pew that week at mass and not receive until I go to confession for what I did, then that is my personal beliefs?
Personally, I believe that girls who had casual sex had a much better time in high school then I did
Janice
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Re: Friend with Benefits
Posted by RedHead
Posted by Janice
ummm thanks..Did I not write Catholic guilt in MY head? what does that have to do with my kids having company in their room with the door closed? What does a closed door have to do with emotionless sex? Maybe my kids will carry the same guilt that I would.
be cause they are not following the catholic faith...same reason you wouldn't have sex without love!
okay again..what do my kids have to do with my relationship with God? Maybe they will be athesist, maybe they will become Buddist..who knows? maybe they will love sex and not have any issues about it. So, I am Catholic, I am not going to force my children to be my religion
marymoon
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Catholic guilkt doens;t necessarily mean, 'I feel guilt about this becayuse I feel it is going against my religion'...it can also mean 'I feel guilt about this because I'm pre disposed to feeling guilt because I'm catholic'
ANyway, I don't see why you felt the need to jump all over her. Having emotionless sex, and having premarital sex when you're in love are 2 different things. The Catholic Church would rather you save the emotionless sex for after you're married.
I feel the same way though, I'd feel like I was doing something wrong having emotionless sex, but not having premarital sex while in love. I guess because at least if you're in love you're preserving the sanctity of it.
Anyway, it's a personal belief, why would anyone criticize someone because their PERSONAL beliefs seem to contradict. It doesn't effect you, so who cares?
Janice
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Re: Friend with Benefits
Posted by marymoon
Having emotionless sex, and having premarital sex when you're in love are 2 different things. The Catholic Church would rather you save the emotionless sex for after you're married.
QUOTE]
that is classic!! I love it
RedHead
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Re: Friend with Benefits
Posted by marymoon
Catholic guilkt doens;t necessarily mean, 'I feel guilt about this becayuse I feel it is going against my religion'...it can also mean 'I feel guilt about this because I'm pre disposed to feeling guilt because I'm catholic'
ANyway, I don't see why you felt the need to jump all over her. Having emotionless sex, and having premarital sex when you're in love are 2 different things. The Catholic Church would rather you save the emotionless sex for after you're married.
I feel the same way though, I'd feel like I was doing something wrong having emotionless sex, but not having premarital sex while in love. I guess because at least if you're in love you're preserving the sanctity of it.
Anyway, it's a personal belief, why would anyone criticize someone because their PERSONAL beliefs seem to contradict. It doesn't effect you, so who cares?
i do not think we jumped all over anyone just asking a question since catholic beliefs were brought up....
emotionless sex and in love sex before marraige IS AGAINST CATHOLIC beliefs PERIOD!
RedHead
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Re: Friend with Benefits
Posted by marymoon
Catholic guilkt doens;t necessarily mean, 'I feel guilt about this becayuse I feel it is going against my religion'...it can also mean 'I feel guilt about this because I'm pre disposed to feeling guilt because I'm catholic'
really what is the difference..it is guilkt for cathlilc reasons
MrsERod
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Re: Friend with Benefits
Posted by marymoon
ANyway, I don't see why you felt the need to jump all over her. Having emotionless sex, and having premarital sex when you're in love are 2 different things. The Catholic Church would rather you save the emotionless sex for after you're married.
I feel the same way though, I'd feel like I was doing something wrong having emotionless sex, but not having premarital sex while in love. I guess because at least if you're in love you're preserving the sanctity of it.
Anyway, it's a personal belief, why would anyone criticize someone because their PERSONAL beliefs seem to contradict. It doesn't effect you, so who cares?
EXCUSE ME, but I DIDN'T jump all over her...WE WERE having a discussion!! TO ME, its being a HYPOCRITE, or making a HYPOCRITICAL statement that I'm having trouble understanding! How someone cannot feel guilty about allowing their children to engage in premarital/emotionless sex, yet would feel their OWN guilt if they themselves did that, is just hypocritical IMO!!
Janice
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Re: Friend with Benefits
Posted by RedHead
Posted by marymoon
Catholic guilkt doens;t necessarily mean, 'I feel guilt about this becayuse I feel it is going against my religion'...it can also mean 'I feel guilt about this because I'm pre disposed to feeling guilt because I'm catholic'
ANyway, I don't see why you felt the need to jump all over her. Having emotionless sex, and having premarital sex when you're in love are 2 different things. The Catholic Church would rather you save the emotionless sex for after you're married.
I feel the same way though, I'd feel like I was doing something wrong having emotionless sex, but not having premarital sex while in love. I guess because at least if you're in love you're preserving the sanctity of it.
Anyway, it's a personal belief, why would anyone criticize someone because their PERSONAL beliefs seem to contradict. It doesn't effect you, so who cares?
i do not think we jumped all over anyone just asking a question since catholic beliefs were brought up....
emotionless sex and in love sex before marraige IS AGAINST CATHOLIC beliefs PERIOD!
I know they are against beliefs. I also know that when I do something wrong, I feel so guilty because God knows what I did. I am also a person who loves going to confession, I love getting things off my chest, and the priest saying it is okay.
marymoon
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I didn't answer the question.. I've had a feew friends I would make out with on occasion...to tel the truth they usually turned into boyfriends, or twice it came to the that point where the guy wanted to be my boyfriend and I said no. Once I did't really care that much for the guy. we looked up like once, and he started acting possessive, so I was like see ya. The other was a longer term friend and we hooked up a few times, and then when it got to that point it was between me dating him and FH, and I told him I had to choose FH, and it marred our frinedship, but we became frineds again later. We've since lost touch. I also had an ex that after the fact we could hook up no strings attached. That was cool because there's already caring a trust there, and it's familiar. It was weirder though than with the others because we'd be friends fine all the time but when we'd hook up I'd feel something for him..not that I at all wanted to be with him, but my heart would do flip flops. I remember one time we were both sort of drunk, and we'd been hooking up all night and he was laying in my lap and I said 'are you using me?' and he said 'you ask too many questions'... He doens't remember saying that to this day. I mean I guess to tell the truth we were using each other..but I cared for him..so it was like.. I would rather he LIE than say that...LOL
I also have another frined my best friend, we used to cuddle and be very very touchy feely for years. It was hard to deal with the loss of that once we both had SO's, but it didn't hurt the friendship at all. We've been best friends for years and years.
Sex? Never EVER. I've had some tempting offers. But I'd have to be in love.
marymoon
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Re: Friend with Benefits
I just think it's in the interpretation of the phrase 'catholic guilt'...like my fiance has a lot of 'jewish guilt' he gets so guilty over his family. There's nothing in the bible that says he ahs to eat his grandma's potroast, but he just feels guilt over everything.
I don't think 'catholic guilt' applies only to things that wold be considered agsint the religion of catholicism, but ANYTHING. You've never heard 'atholic guilt' used that way before?
I don't know. if eel like you did jump all over her. We ALL have contradicting of 'hypocritical' religious beliefs. It's impossible to follow ANY religion 100%, partially because we;re human and aprtially because the religions have things that contradict inherently.
MrsERod
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Re: Friend with Benefits
Posted by marymoon
I don't think 'catholic guilt' applies only to things that wold be considered agsint the religion of catholicism, but ANYTHING. You've never heard 'atholic guilt' used that way before? ]Honestly, no I haven't
I don't know. if eel like you did jump all over her. We ALL have contradicting of 'hypocritical' religious beliefs.
well that's your opinion, and you're entitle to that, just like i'm entitled to mine!! as far as my RELIGIOUS beliefs are, i can honestly say i'm not a hypocrite about anything I believe in!
marymoon
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Re: Friend with Benefits
Posted by MrsERod
Posted by marymoon
I don't think 'catholic guilt' applies only to things that wold be considered agsint the religion of catholicism, but ANYTHING. You've never heard 'atholic guilt' used that way before? ]Honestly, no I haven't
I don't know. if eel like you did jump all over her. We ALL have contradicting of 'hypocritical' religious beliefs.
well that's your opinion, and you're entitle to that, just like i'm entitled to mine!! as far as my RELIGIOUS beliefs are, i can honestly say i'm not a hypocrite about anything I believe in!
You're a trip.
if you put all of your beliefs out there, I'm sure someone could pick you apart too. Same is true of anyone. No one thinks of themselves as a hypocrite.
Janice
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Re: Friend with Benefits
Hi my name is Janice, and I am a hypocrite. I wish I wasn't but I am. I want to be a good catholic, but at the same time I don't want my kids to have the same hang ups I did. If they decide to wait till they are married, then fine. If they decide that is not for them, then fine. I am a hypocrite because as a catholic woman I should be strictly enforcing them to wait, as my parents did. But I don't think I will be doing that.
ETA: for any further confusion, my original post of my catholic guilt was posted as an example of marymoon's definition. She explained exactly what I considered to be catholic guilt.
