I just got a call from my FH's mom... UPSET that this relative from Arizona, who I never met before, was invited without a date! She's like, 'Sarah... you can't invite people without dates. They're very upset. The whole family is talking and they think it's very rude. He doesn't even want to come now.' I've NEVER MET HIM BEFORE. The only name I had in my address book, which she wrote, from the engagement party, which is the same list I worked off of for the wedding, was his! And GOD KNOWS my fiance didn't help me with the invitations... he probably wouldn't have known this guy had a girlfriend anyway. So I told her that because our guest list was approaching 200, we had to limit it by only inviting those who were in serious relationships. She's never heard of that! She said I'm going to end up insulting a lot of people and they're not going to come. UM... EXCUSE ME... but when YOU start paying ONE DIME into the wedding, MAYBE you can have a say! While it's just my parents and our credit cards, then SHUSH. So, I told her that since I wouldn't know this person from a stranger in the mall, and I've never spoken to him, could she please pass along to him that it was an oversight and he can bring his girlfriend? She said she would, but she went on and on about how I should have picked a different way to limit my guest list - or had a cheaper wedding. AND brought up how my FH's sister, who ISN'T dating anyone, can't bring anyone and how can they have a good time? MY OWN BROTHER ISN'T INVITED WITH A DATE. My MOTHER'S COUSIN ISN'T INVITED WITH A DATE... and he's 50+, and is totally understanding about it! I just don't get the NERVE of calling me about this when my family is paying for the WEDDING!!!
YES... this is the same woman who gave me a 'we'll see' a couple of months back when I asked if I could invite my uncle from PA to the Rehearsal Dinner!!
And... NO... nothing about how pretty the invitations looked.
So, after hearing this after already telling her to pass along my apologies and inviting his girlfriend, yet still hearing how upset the WHOLE FAMILY is and how she has to take the brunt of the complaining and how she wouldn't have done it the way I did and how EMBARRASSING it is... I lost it! I just started crying and threw the phone on the couch, which my FH thought I was throwing at HIM, so he threw the phone on the floor and the battery fell out. So WE were arguing because he thought I hung UP on his mom and I was upset that he wasn't supporting me. She called back 15 minutes later upset that I hung up on her, which I told her I didn't. She said she was gonna drop it now and just forget it and tell him that he can add one to his RSVP. But it's too late... me and FH are in a huge fight and he just left for work.
Updates throughout...
ewickens
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Re: Huge Argument with FMIL... AND now FH! :-(
I completely agree with you. If my MIL had started this with me, I would have gotten into her face just like you did!
As for this weekend. Don't allow your FH to make it turn out miserable! I know you have fellow LIW friends on here - go out shopping for HM clothing, or just have some plain old shopping fun, go out and eat and drink and be merry with friends. Get your mind off of it and things will start to calm down for you!!!
Calm down, take a deep breathe and a nice hot bath (a bath solves everything, right?) and just remember if this is the worst thing to happen you're very lucky. I agree with you that you're FMIL is out of line and acting like a whiney brat who's not getting her way. You've done all you can do and have even taken the steps to resolve the situation... give it a little while because to me, it sounds like she not ready to hear the solution, she just wants to stir up some drama for a little while longer. If you talk to her or your FH now, it will just result in more upset because you're all worked up. As for FH leaving for the weekend... lucky you! Take advantage of the couple of days you have to be alone and get some stuff done and hang out with your girlfriends. Keep your eyes on the prize and look at the big picture. Let your FMIL & FH make a big stink until they both calm down. Hang in there!
Kara and Todd
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Re: Huge Argument with FMIL... AND now FH! :-(
Posted by sarahradio5
Posted by Kara and Todd
Hoepfully your FH will come to his senses, come home, and apologize. Then HE needs to call his mother and explan EXACTLY what you are saying.
try this instead...
come home, ignore me when I was trying to get to the bottom of what happened last night, then get into an all out war where we said a LOT of crap, then a few hours later - just when I think things are calming down - tell me he's going to his friend's house for the weekend to 'get away'. He said he doesn't want to fight all weekend, and this is for the best in this situation. He kissed me goodbye and left. I know he didn't 'storm out angry', but I don't believe in 'leaving' to solve problems. I can't stop crying. I hate this, and I can't believe this was all because of last night's phone call from his mom. He agrees with his mom and thinks I disrespected her by hanging up on her, even though I swore up and down that I didn't hang up on her.
By the way... had to call in sick - with no sick time left - because there was NO way I could go to work today!
I know this will blow over and it probably IS best to have this space for a couple of days... but I can't wait for this crap to STOP.
JPC1125
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Re: Huge Argument with FMIL... AND now FH! :-(
FMIL is soooo very wrong....I think your shouldve hung up on her. I agree totally that when they contribute $$$$, they can say something. Until then, respond to her with 'ok so his date will be $___. Will you be giving me a check or cash'
I think you need to be more concerned with FH running away from the fight/problem. Thats not a healthy relationship move hon I would never forgive DH if he did that to me....leaving is never acceptable.
SummerBride06
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Re: Huge Argument with FMIL... AND now FH! :-(
to invite someone from AZ without a date is harsh, regardless of whether you know him or not.
pixiechickie
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Re: Huge Argument with FMIL... AND now FH! :-(
If its any concilation...I WOULD have hung up on her. How rediculous to make you feel bad. People get invited without dates ALL the time...and their gonna get invited to mine without one either! Dont stress...forget it...let him stay in AZ anyway. Who needs a whiner coming anyhow. Feel better.
sarahradio5
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Re: Huge Argument with FMIL... AND now FH! :-(
Posted by SummerBride06
to invite someone from AZ without a date is harsh, regardless of whether you know him or not.
Are you kidding? I think saying that to me, considering what I'm going through right now, is harsh.
Happybride2005
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Re: Huge Argument with FMIL... AND now FH! :-(
feel better
CaseyVM214
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Re: Huge Argument with FMIL... AND now FH! :-(
I had a similar situation with a cousin of DH bringing a date. We invited him alone (now I should preface this with we never see this cousin EVER) and his mommy called and asked if he could bring a girlfriend. If my DH or MIL had anything to say about it I would have told they to shove it...and here is why...I busted my @ss planning our wedding and I had 2 criteria for people having an opinion. 1. they needed to help with the planning i.e phone calls research DIY or putting together invitation and 2. they had to contribute financially. Where was your FH when you were making the invite list or doing the invitation. I would tell them in the future if they want to have opinion they should help you..otherwise mouth shut!!! Also I developed another policy..all issues of the MIL were directed to DH..why is she b!tching to him...why do you have to here it..it is HIS side fo the family...I didnt talk to my MIL for 6 months prior to the wedding and it was the best thing I did.
I dont know if this helps, but stand your ground. Planning a wedding is not easy or cheap and people need to stop being obnoxious with their 'opinions'.
ds319
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Re: Huge Argument with FMIL... AND now FH! :-(
Posted by sarahradio5
Posted by SummerBride06
to invite someone from AZ without a date is harsh, regardless of whether you know him or not.
Are you kidding? I think saying that to me, considering what I'm going through right now, is harsh.
I don't think inviting someone without a guest, regardless of where they are from, is harsh....I agree with Sarah
Hope you feel better
jtgarsik
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Re: Huge Argument with FMIL... AND now FH! :-(
regardless of anything, when all is said and done, your wedding day is going to be amazing....everyone will have a great time (date or no date) and NOTHING will even come close enough to be a passing annoyance in your head. Everything will blow over, and people will get over whatever they're not over now. I'm dealing with all the same issues but u know what? The bottom line is, it's your day, and when it's THEIR day, they'll realize all these things. You're going to have a beautiful wedding no matter how many kinks you have to work out along the way - so stay positive, and try to look at all the good things about your engagement...it'll be over before you know it, so enjoy it!
sarahradio5
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Re: Huge Argument with FMIL... AND now FH! :-(
Posted by CaseyVM214
I had a similar situation with a cousin of DH bringing a date. We invited him alone (now I should preface this with we never see this cousin EVER) and his mommy called and asked if he could bring a girlfriend. If my DH or MIL had anything to say about it I would have told they to shove it...and here is why...I busted my @ss planning our wedding and I had 2 criteria for people having an opinion. 1. they needed to help with the planning i.e phone calls research DIY or putting together invitation and 2. they had to contribute financially. Where was your FH when you were making the invite list or doing the invitation. I would tell them in the future if they want to have opinion they should help you..otherwise mouth shut!!! Also I developed another policy..all issues of the MIL were directed to DH..why is she b!tching to him...why do you have to here it..it is HIS side fo the family...I didnt talk to my MIL for 6 months prior to the wedding and it was the best thing I did.
I dont know if this helps, but stand your ground. Planning a wedding is not easy or cheap and people need to stop being obnoxious with their 'opinions'.
THANK YOU!!! VERY WELL PUT!
It's easy to call the shots from FL without contributing a dime or helping at all. (p.s.- she originally told me before we were engaged that she would help my parents financially, but when I asked FH what she meant by that, she told him she never said that!!). FH was watching Nip/Tuck while I was putting the invitations together. He helped me initally figure out how to align the envelopes, but that was it. And I was happy he helped with that. That's the most he's done with the wedding so far. When I DO ask for opinions about wedding stuff, I get careless shrugs, yet when I don't I get crap for not asking his opinion! Or in this case, for doing the 'wrong' thing. Just so AGGRAVATING.
Thanks for that... you hit the nail on the head!
sarahradio5
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Re: Huge Argument with FMIL... AND now FH! :-(
Posted by jtgarsik
regardless of anything, when all is said and done, your wedding day is going to be amazing....everyone will have a great time (date or no date) and NOTHING will even come close enough to be a passing annoyance in your head. Everything will blow over, and people will get over whatever they're not over now. I'm dealing with all the same issues but u know what? The bottom line is, it's your day, and when it's THEIR day, they'll realize all these things. You're going to have a beautiful wedding no matter how many kinks you have to work out along the way - so stay positive, and try to look at all the good things about your engagement...it'll be over before you know it, so enjoy it!
I hope to God! Thank you very much! I feel like the wind is out of my sails right now, and I have SO much to DO!! Thank you!!!
sarahradio5
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Re: Huge Argument with FMIL... AND now FH! :-(
Posted by ds319
Posted by sarahradio5
Posted by SummerBride06
to invite someone from AZ without a date is harsh, regardless of whether you know him or not.
Are you kidding? I think saying that to me, considering what I'm going through right now, is harsh.
I don't think inviting someone without a guest, regardless of where they are from, is harsh....I agree with Sarah
Hope you feel better
Thank you VERY much!
CaseyVM214
Posted:
Member since
Re: Huge Argument with FMIL... AND now FH! :-(
Posted by sarahradio5
Posted by CaseyVM214
I had a similar situation with a cousin of DH bringing a date. We invited him alone (now I should preface this with we never see this cousin EVER) and his mommy called and asked if he could bring a girlfriend. If my DH or MIL had anything to say about it I would have told they to shove it...and here is why...I busted my @ss planning our wedding and I had 2 criteria for people having an opinion. 1. they needed to help with the planning i.e phone calls research DIY or putting together invitation and 2. they had to contribute financially. Where was your FH when you were making the invite list or doing the invitation. I would tell them in the future if they want to have opinion they should help you..otherwise mouth shut!!! Also I developed another policy..all issues of the MIL were directed to DH..why is she b!tching to him...why do you have to here it..it is HIS side fo the family...I didnt talk to my MIL for 6 months prior to the wedding and it was the best thing I did.
I dont know if this helps, but stand your ground. Planning a wedding is not easy or cheap and people need to stop being obnoxious with their 'opinions'.
THANK YOU!!! VERY WELL PUT!
It's easy to call the shots from FL without contributing a dime or helping at all. (p.s.- she originally told me before we were engaged that she would help my parents financially, but when I asked FH what she meant by that, she told him she never said that!!). FH was watching Nip/Tuck while I was putting the invitations together. He helped me initally figure out how to align the envelopes, but that was it. And I was happy he helped with that. That's the most he's done with the wedding so far. When I DO ask for opinions about wedding stuff, I get careless shrugs, yet when I don't I get crap for not asking his opinion! Or in this case, for doing the 'wrong' thing. Just so AGGRAVATING.
Thanks for that... you hit the nail on the head!
your welcome. money is one thing but being invovled and helping out is also very important...this is what he gets for allowing you to bear the brunt of the wedding planning.
But the question is what to do now...whats done is done... my advice... 'apologize' to the mother and tell FH that he needs to deal with all wedding issues related to his family from now on...you dont have to be nasty...play it off like you are overwhelmed (which I am sure you are) and that you need him to handle these issues for you...and if he feels this strongly about another wedding issue he needs to get more invovled and help you out. He can start by supporting you in this issue and taking some responsibilty. In my opinion it is just as much his fault the 'guest' wasnt invited. It gets to the point in wedding planning that you need to stand your ground but also pick you battles. and most importantly keep your stress low.
