Huge Argument with FMIL... AND now FH! :-(

I just can't take anymore!!!

I just got a call from my FH's mom... UPSET that this relative from Arizona, who I never met before, was invited without a date! She's like, 'Sarah... you can't invite people without dates. They're very upset. The whole family is talking and they think it's very rude. He doesn't even want to come now.' I've NEVER MET HIM BEFORE. The only name I had in my address book, which she wrote, from the engagement party, which is the same list I worked off of for the wedding, was his! And GOD KNOWS my fiance didn't help me with the invitations... he probably wouldn't have known this guy had a girlfriend anyway. So I told her that because our guest list was approaching 200, we had to limit it by only inviting those who were in serious relationships. She's never heard of that! She said I'm going to end up insulting a lot of people and they're not going to come. UM... EXCUSE ME... but when YOU start paying ONE DIME into the wedding, MAYBE you can have a say! While it's just my parents and our credit cards, then SHUSH. So, I told her that since I wouldn't know this person from a stranger in the mall, and I've never spoken to him, could she please pass along to him that it was an oversight and he can bring his girlfriend? She said she would, but she went on and on about how I should have picked a different way to limit my guest list - or had a cheaper wedding. AND brought up how my FH's sister, who ISN'T dating anyone, can't bring anyone and how can they have a good time? MY OWN BROTHER ISN'T INVITED WITH A DATE. My MOTHER'S COUSIN ISN'T INVITED WITH A DATE... and he's 50+, and is totally understanding about it! I just don't get the NERVE of calling me about this when my family is paying for the WEDDING!!!

YES... this is the same woman who gave me a 'we'll see' a couple of months back when I asked if I could invite my uncle from PA to the Rehearsal Dinner!!

And... NO... nothing about how pretty the invitations looked.

So, after hearing this after already telling her to pass along my apologies and inviting his girlfriend, yet still hearing how upset the WHOLE FAMILY is and how she has to take the brunt of the complaining and how she wouldn't have done it the way I did and how EMBARRASSING it is... I lost it! I just started crying and threw the phone on the couch, which my FH thought I was throwing at HIM, so he threw the phone on the floor and the battery fell out. So WE were arguing because he thought I hung UP on his mom and I was upset that he wasn't supporting me. She called back 15 minutes later upset that I hung up on her, which I told her I didn't. She said she was gonna drop it now and just forget it and tell him that he can add one to his RSVP. But it's too late... me and FH are in a huge fight and he just left for work.

Updates throughout...

I invited people without dates. Deal with it, plain and simple. Half the people invited to my wedding, I never saw before, and never will see again. If they are insulted, they dont have to show up...

I really wouldnt even have a conversation about it.

Its not her wedding, and thats that.

oh sweetie... i'm sorry she was such a witch.

i know how stressful it all is... i've just stopped posting about all the crap i'm going through... i'd aggrivate my carpal (sp) tunnel.

i wish there was something i could do or say right now.

Honestly, I would have flipped out at FH's mother and said exactly what you said. Knowing your situation with the RD, she needs to relax. This is YOUR wedding.

Now go take a bubble bath and have a glass of wine!

you have fm

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Posted by lipglossjunky73

I invited people without dates. Deal with it, plain and simple. Half the people invited to my wedding, I never saw before, and never will see again. If they are insulted, they dont have to show up...

I really wouldnt even have a conversation about it.

Its not her wedding, and thats that.

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I agree! Let her say whateva she wants just IGNORE it...its YOUR wedding you invite who you want

oh i know how you feel......my list is now at 230 bc my FMIL thinks if 1 person from PR is invited the whole damn place is! My fi just went to bed mad at me bc hes like how in gods name are we paying for this? Ahhhhh why dont you go ask your mother who thinks she can invite every tom,**** and harry! Best of all she hasnt given a freakin penny!!
I know hes mad at me bc i have a BIGGG family...but also my parents are paying for most of my hall....what they gave us covers just about our minimum! So of course i throw that in his face and he starts w/ me so b4 we both said stuff we will regreat i told him im going downstairs and letting him cool off! You think at 30 he'd stand up too his mother and put his foot down?! Ahhhhhh you are an adult you can side w/ your FW sometimes!!!

We are not inviting everyone with dates-only in serious relationships-we can't afford to and our hall only fits 220-we think the max. comfortably will be 190-200, so we are limiting too. You are correct and have every right to be upset.

I would just let things cool off and try not to talk to your FMIL for a day or two. I am sure you and your FH will sit and talk and everything will be fine.

I hope that everything works out. Don't let FMIL get to you and please don't let her be the cause of your arguments with your FH.

thats awful...honey whatever u do, DO NOT , i repeat DO NOT argue/fight with the FH. because ive been through that..and its best to deal with ur MIL seperately...and not to involve fiance...

hope things get better...she sounds awful!

thanks, ladies. I just can't stop crying. And the fact that my FH left without saying anything to me just makes it all worse. FINE... you don't want to make your mom pay a dime into the wedding? GREAT. But don't stand there while she DICTATES to MY more than generous parents how to invite people! Don't you DARE.

And what does he get mad about?? That he thinks I hung UP on her! Not that SHE upset me during this stressful time... but that he thinks I hung up on her when I couldn't take hearing how WRONG I was after I already apologized and gave in!

We went through a very very similar situation - I could've written that myself right before my wedding.

All I can say is that it *****, and I sympathise.

I'm sorry. That stinks

I'm so sorry! I'd be pissed as well if my MIL had the nerve! You can only do what you can afford! You shouldn't have to have a 'cheaper' wedding just to be able to invite your Mama's 2nd cousin's best friend's brother!

Your anger is totally acceptable... especially since your big day is nearing and things are becoming more serious! I know how frustrating it is for FH to leave on a bad note... it's not a good feeling to part that way but the bright side is that he'll be back in a few hours, you'll be able to discuss it all with him and things will be okay. He will understand where you're coming from. Just do what you have to do and don't worry about the complaints! It's your day and whoever should be there will be!

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Posted by libby2595

oh sweetie... i'm sorry she was such a witch.

i know how stressful it all is... i've just stopped posting about all the crap i'm going through... i'd aggrivate my carpal (sp) tunnel.

i wish there was something i could do or say right now.

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my exact thoughts

Well you know what? That's HER fault for not specifying her requests when she gave you the guest list in the first place. If she said 'I'd like all my family to be invited with guests' then at least you would have a starting point. It's NOT something that is always done, and she just assumed. You've got enough going on with planning that she should have at least given you that information. What, like you can read minds? It just makes me mad