Is this RUDE...

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Posted by KandE917

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Posted by lsiliato

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Posted by vixchik

Maybe try this:

Joe, we were wondering if you would mind keeping Jewish tradition at our ceremony by wearing a yarmulka. It would mean a lot to us if you would, but we understand if you would rather not.

HTH

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That is a great way to put it. Personally I think it is a given when you go to a Jewish wedding. I am catholic but whenever we go to a Jewish wedding all the men know they have to wear them. I have never heard anyone complain.

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A LOT of people are not ok with wearing them. My father being one of them! Most men I know who are not Jewish would not wear one.

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If you don't mind me asking, why?

A LOT of people are not ok with wearing them. My father being one of them! Most men I know who are not Jewish would not wear one

interesting comment, b/c most of the ones i know would and have (i have a lot of catholic and greek orthodox family members). i guess each family is different

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Posted by pigs222seal

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Posted by KandE917

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Posted by lsiliato

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Posted by vixchik

Maybe try this:

Joe, we were wondering if you would mind keeping Jewish tradition at our ceremony by wearing a yarmulka. It would mean a lot to us if you would, but we understand if you would rather not.

HTH

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That is a great way to put it. Personally I think it is a given when you go to a Jewish wedding. I am catholic but whenever we go to a Jewish wedding all the men know they have to wear them. I have never heard anyone complain.

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A LOT of people are not ok with wearing them. My father being one of them! Most men I know who are not Jewish would not wear one.

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If you don't mind me asking, why?

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I'm a bit curious as well.

I think a lot of people really just don't understand what exactly the significance of a kippa is... it's really not about showing that you're Jewish or something like that... it's simply a part of the Jewish faith that you keep your head covered when in a religious setting. Doing so has nothing to do with your own religious beliefs - it's purely a show of respect for the beliefs of others.

To the original question - I don't think it's rude at all. If you were having your ceremony in a synogogue (at least, one that isn't reform) it would basically be a requirement that all men in the room cover their heads, regardless of their faiths or their involvement in the wedding party. In your case, obviously, the rules are much more relaxed because it's interfaith, but there's still no reason you can't simply ask.

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Posted by amyandbill

It is not rude...it is part of respecting religion. I am Jewish, my husband is Catholic....that being said I respect his religion and he respects mine. I am sure none of your groomsmen will have a problem with wearing one. They are not converting. I actually keep one in my car for my husband so when we go to Jewish ceremonies he is prepared!

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Well said and I agree.

All of the groomsmen (with the exception of my 13 year old nephew) at our wedding were either Catholic or Protestant. They each participated in Jewish weddings before ours and they each wore yarmulkes at our ceremony. We didn't ask them to, they were there for them if they decided to wear them. They also knew to lift me and DH up in the chairs. They all said 'Mazel Tov' and they all danced the hora with us. His best man held his glass, toasted us and said 'L'Chaim' and nobody made him do that either. DH has a very diverse circle of friends from all faiths and races. We had a very multicultural bridal party.

My point is, that our closest and dearest friends shared our special day. DH didn't pick his groomsmen based on their faith, but by their integrity. If they couldn't or wouldn't have worn a yarmulke, we wouldn't have had them replaced with Jewish groomsmen. But instead of denouncing or refusing to embrace our faith, they asked questions and participated happily (and sometimes voluntarily) in our rituals. It CERTAINLY did not convert any of them.

ETA: If you need any more yarmulkes for your car, Lord knows I over ordered and have LOTS of extras!

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Posted by weddingbunny

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Posted by pigs222seal

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Posted by KandE917

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Posted by lsiliato

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Posted by vixchik

Maybe try this:

Joe, we were wondering if you would mind keeping Jewish tradition at our ceremony by wearing a yarmulka. It would mean a lot to us if you would, but we understand if you would rather not.

HTH

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That is a great way to put it. Personally I think it is a given when you go to a Jewish wedding. I am catholic but whenever we go to a Jewish wedding all the men know they have to wear them. I have never heard anyone complain.

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A LOT of people are not ok with wearing them. My father being one of them! Most men I know who are not Jewish would not wear one.

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If you don't mind me asking, why?

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I'm a bit curious as well.

I think a lot of people really just don't understand what exactly the significance of a kippa is... it's really not about showing that you're Jewish or something like that... it's simply a part of the Jewish faith that you keep your head covered when in a religious setting. Doing so has nothing to do with your own religious beliefs - it's purely a show of respect for the beliefs of others.

To the original question - I don't think it's rude at all. If you were having your ceremony in a synogogue (at least, one that isn't reform) it would basically be a requirement that all men in the room cover their heads, regardless of their faiths or their involvement in the wedding party. In your case, obviously, the rules are much more relaxed because it's interfaith, but there's still no reason you can't simply ask.

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The answer is because not all non-jews are comfortable wearing one...that is all. It is not their religion and don't feel the need to wear one - it's as simple as that. If I were a male I wouldn't feel comfortable wearing one either. Let me ask you...if you went to a friend's wedding in a Catholic church would you bless yourself with holy water when you walked in or would you kneel and stand at the appropriate times during the mass?

This is why I do not want to put them out at my wedding...I not only don't want any of my Catholic friends or family members to feel like they should wear one....I don't want them to wear one. My FH and I were talking about this subject all weekend b/c of these posts....we were joking and laughing about it trying to come up with a compromise since I am so against having them. I am fine with my FH and his family members and GM wearing them....I just don't want to put a basket of them out. He was joking saying we'll put a sign with them that says 'Jews Only'. Obviously we can't do that. He wants to put a simple note that says 'Not Required' but I still feel some non-jews may not know and still take one. So our compromise may be to have the basket of yarmulkes and a bowl of holy water on a table together with a note that says 'Please Celebrate Your Faith'....

I don't see the connection between holy water and a yarmulka

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Posted by Beth1210

I don't see the connection between holy water and a yarmulka

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I'm not sure I see the connection between holy water and a yarmulke either... but I don't know much about holy water. However, honestly if that were what was usually required of every person who walks in the door of the church (as is true of a yarmulke in many synogogue's, at least for men) then yes, I would do it. And OF COURSE I would stand and sit, etc, at the appropriate times. How unbelievably rude would it be to just sit there while everybody else around you is standing or kneeling?

Like I said, it has nothing to do with whether or not it's your own faith, and everything to do with simply being respectful of others.

I wouldn't like it. As someone else said,its asking me ot represent a religion I don't believe.

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Posted by Sunrise813

I wouldn't like it. As someone else said,its asking me ot represent a religion I don't believe.

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look back in the post and it was explained very nicely- a yarmulka does NOT represent judism- it's a sign of respect

yarmulka does not equal a cross or holy water

I have never heard my DH complain when we go to jewish weddings-

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Posted by weddingbunny

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Posted by Beth1210

I don't see the connection between holy water and a yarmulka

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I'm not sure I see the connection between holy water and a yarmulke either... but I don't know much about holy water. However, honestly if that were what was usually required of every person who walks in the door of the church (as is true of a yarmulke in many synogogue's, at least for men) then yes, I would do it. And OF COURSE I would stand and sit, etc, at the appropriate times. How unbelievably rude would it be to just sit there while everybody else around you is standing or kneeling?

Like I said, it has nothing to do with whether or not it's your own faith, and everything to do with simply being respectful of others.

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Well that is very nice of you b/c I can't tell you how many times I've seen Jewish people in my church at either a wedding or funeral....(this goes for my own FH's family) and they sit while everyone else is standing. I can understand the kneeling part...but it does look awfully rude to be sitting when everyone else is standing.
It's obviously just a personal thing I guess...seems many people on this thread feel very differently about it.

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Posted by FallBride05

Not rude at all IMO

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I also do not think that is rude.

I think if your Non jewish friends are willing to be a part of the ceremony they wouldnt mind wearing the yarmulka's.

My MOH is sudanese and she will be sitting with me at the alter, and standing and sitting whenever they ask. Ofcourse she wont take the host or splash holy water in her face. And vice versa when she gets married I would wear the traditional garb and participate in her day, its not going to make me anti catholic or make me muslim.

On a lighter note: at my sisters wedding my uncle went to the bathroom and walked into the another wedding by accident. They handed him a yarmulka and he put it on. I couldnt believe it when he came back to our party with one on his head.

I think its more of being repsectful of the jewish faith & celebration as opposed to practicing it.