MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

Original post by OctGroom

Sep 04, 2004 02:02 AM

Background info --

One of my CLOSEST friends got married last year.. He's been a friend of mine since 1987. His wife is a sweetheart of a girl.

For his bachelor party, his new bride came along. Everybody was invited. It was a combo thing. (In other words.. you could bring your SO. It wasn't just the boys.)

It was a VERY fun & good day..

BUT>>>

The reason for the combo thing was that his FW didn't want him to go to a strip club. She felt that bcause he was going to be her husband --> why would he want to look at other women? (There's some validity to that).

NOW.. my bachelor party is coming up...

I told my Best Man.. plan whatever you guys want to do.. I don't care. I'll have fun just being with you. I'm up for anything.

MY FW doesn't mind me going to a strip club.

But I know my friend's DW will forbid him to go to a strip club for my party.

I know my we would all like to have the OPTION of choosing whether to go to one or not. Sure.. I admit.. going to a strip club might be fun. (It's a guy thing, I guess.. )

But I value my friend much more and I don't want trouble to start with him and his DW.

Yet.. it my bachelor party.. and does she have the right to tell us in essence what we ALL can and cannot do. We want to feel like we have the option to do it if we want to.

Opinions.....

DjPiLL Posted: Sep 04, 2004 03:08 AM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

I hear that. I am stuck here till 4am then I can go home. I am running on fumes anyways.... been up since 7am. Had server training all week.

DebsNY Posted: Sep 04, 2004 08:01 AM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

I've never understood why some woman are so aganist guys going to a strip club... but i digress.

Maybe what you can do is a two parter to include your friend? Go to a Comedy club or something first, and then go to a stirp club?

That way he can be included - but the rest of you can go to the strip club like you want to.

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: Sep 04, 2004 08:31 AM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

Posted by june262004

I might get flamed for this but..( im putting on my Flame retardant suit) If you can't let ure S.O. go to a strip club or out with friends. I think you should reevaluate your relationship and rethink getting married.

Couldn't agree more!

Jenn524 Posted: Sep 04, 2004 08:32 AM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

Being a wife that HATES strip clubs this is what I feel:

I would never tell my DH that he can't go to a Bachelor party because they were going to a strip club. I would joke around with him and tell him he better behave himself but I would not forbid him to do it. IMO anyone who forbids their significant other from doing something like this should get their relationship re-evaluated.

I have problems with married men going to the nudey clubs for just a fun friday night. But for birthday parties and bachelor parties I understand it's what guys do. Am I thrilled with it? No. But I would never tell my husband that he couldn't go. Where's the trust and respect in a relationship like that?

As for your situation, I think you should do what you want for your party. If your friend can't make it then he can't make it. Maybe you can do something before you go to the club that he can join in for? Otherwise tell him sorry dude but your wife can't bring down all of the fun for all of us.

september2004 Posted: Sep 04, 2004 08:39 AM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

Posted by june262004

I might get flamed for this but..( im putting on my Flame retardant suit) If you can't let ure S.O. go to a strip club or out with friends. I think you should reevaluate your relationship and rethink getting married.

i agree about the 'not letting' part, however i would not be thrilled with FH if he wanted to engage in these activities in the first place. i can understand boys in there teens and 20's doing this crap but once you hit your mid 30's (which is what my FH is now) my attitude is 'grow up'. i would seriously question why FH would want to do this and don't think i would be attracted to a guy that would go out of his way to arrange this type of thing.

been there, done that (i dragged my sister to her first strip club years ago with a bunch of my guy friends), time to grow up...

when it came time for FH to do the bachelor thing, he had a bunch of his friends take him out to a NYC steakhouse and they went bar hopping afterwards. he was worried that his FBIL would surprise him with something, and i told him if he did to just go with the flow and not worry about it. nothing happened. it's the attitude that FH had going into the whole things that i was happy about, he has sewn his oats...

prncssrachel Posted: Sep 04, 2004 08:42 AM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

JT can do whatever he wants as long as he doesn't touch. That being said, maybe it's easy for me to say that because he detests strippers. We're talking about a man who once wrote a letter to the Hooters girl on a napkin telling her to use her mind and not her body I was like, hell, the body gets you more money!
No one has the right to dictate to anyone what they should do. Wife, husband, friend, etc. We're all adults and should be able to trust eachother and not freak out over these things. Sheesh.

kpny622 Posted: Sep 04, 2004 08:44 AM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

You should go wherever you want to go and if that's a strip club, and your friend can't make the bachelor party, then so be it. It's your party and someone else's wife shouldn't dictate it. Geez, strip clubs are so cheesy that I have no problem with them at all - it's just good fun for guys. I'd have more of a problem with a private stripper at a house. Again, it's all about trust.

My girlfriend won't let her husband go to strip clubs for bachelor parties because she says that there's no reason for him to look at naked girls when he has one at home, and that he doesn't need to see bodies that he can't have which are better than hers. I disagree. There's a difference between gawking at nice boobs of a stripper, and going home to the woman you LOVE and decided to spend your life with.

HearzBellz Posted: Sep 04, 2004 08:50 AM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

Posted by june262004

I might get flamed for this but..( im putting on my Flame retardant suit) If you can't let ure S.O. go to a strip club or out with friends. I think you should reevaluate your relationship and rethink getting married.

I definately agree....It is not a pick-up joint, it is a strip club... (HEY june26...is there another flame retardant suit there for me too!)
I send DH all the time...sometimes I even go with him & his friends & we have a blast! I even give him & his friends $$ so they can buy dances. Who cares? he doesn't care about any of them, it's just a night out....

I know people have these huge moral issues with strip clubs, but I used to bartend in a few and trust me, the only thing these girls are interested in is the $$ in their wallets.

janwinterbridejoy Posted: Sep 04, 2004 09:32 AM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

i think thta you should make reservations at a great restaurant and the guy who is terrified of his wife can go home before you hit the strip clubs.this way he can still be apart of your evening but doesnt have to be in the dog house with his dw.

i know a few strippers and they dont want to have anything to do with the guys either there working and go home when there shift is over. i feel that there is nothing wrong with going to a strip club i actually think the female strip club is alot better then seeing the male strippers is so much less cheezy.

i think that if you trust someone enough to make them your s.o then you can trust them with a few dollar bills at a strip club. the best man at my wedding had a fw now dw and he wasnt 'allowed to have a bachelor party so my dh and there friends all had his bachlor party without him lol.

i think it just starts a pattern of mistrust the best man couldnt even ride in the limo at my wedding because his fw thought my bms were too pretty. this is a guy that would never cheat but his wife is totally insecure i feel so bad for people in relationships like that. ill put my flame retardant suit on as well

IrishTracy Posted: Sep 04, 2004 10:48 AM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

Posted by The Original 2nd-time-around

Posted by june262004

I might get flamed for this but..( im putting on my Flame retardant suit) If you can't let ure S.O. go to a strip club or out with friends. I think you should reevaluate your relationship and rethink getting married.

Couldn't agree more!

Me to!!!

june262004 Posted: Sep 04, 2004 11:17 AM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

Just have to say 1 more thing. Men can never get enough of looking at naked woman. TRUST ME (Mike works for cablevision so he gets free playboy )

ETA: Hearz I got an extra one for u.

spel Posted: Sep 04, 2004 07:16 PM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

unfortunately, since your bm won't go to a strip club, it looks like you'll have to come up with alternate plans for your bachelor party. it sucks, but there doesn't really seem to be any other options besides leaving him out. and although its not the same thing, i'm sure you'll enjoy many a night out at the strip club for your friends' bachelor parties in the future!
let us know what happens!

don424 Posted: Sep 04, 2004 08:06 PM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

dude I wrote you this long post giving you some insight on this and the darn site timed out on me and I lost my whole message. I'll write it again later, but just so you know, I feel your dilemma. I had one with my BP with one of my groomsmen

I will give you an abridged version of my post, which sums up the whole point:

This is YOUR night, not your friend's, not his wife's. YOURS. As long as it's within the rules you and your FW have set, it's all good. Do not make alternate plans. If you guys wanna do a strip club, you should do it, or your BP may resent your friend. You need to tell him this is what we are doing and then it'll be up to him to work it out with his wife. If he doesn't show up and feels bad, go out to dinner and a bar with him, maybe do a double date with the wives, but do not feel limited because one person can't do what everyone wants to, if a strip club is what everyone wants to do.

sophie78 Posted: Sep 04, 2004 09:30 PM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

I bet that his wife would not care as much as if it was his bachelor party. Personally, I don't see the big deal. But that is just me. I told my FI that he could do anything he wanted for his bachelor party. They went to vegas for a weekend and they did not disappoint!

DjPiLL Posted: Sep 04, 2004 10:11 PM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

Posted by june262004

Just have to say 1 more thing. Men can never get enough of looking at naked woman. TRUST ME (Mike works for cablevision so he gets free playboy )

Can you believe that when my FW moved from LI to Queens (I can't get cablevision here)... she actually ASKED me to order Playboy and pay the $9 a month for it! She liked the show that much when she was getting it for free... she started to miss it. I was like... no PROBLEM.

So now I am paying for Playboy cause I can't get her free cable currently. If I ever move back out to Long Island... ill be getting free cable with playboy once again.

june262004 Posted: Sep 04, 2004 11:27 PM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

LOL....

suven Posted: Sep 04, 2004 11:48 PM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

Posted by OctGroom

Yet.. it my bachelor party.. and does she have the right to tell us in essence what we ALL can and cannot do. We want to feel like we have the option to do it if we want to.

Opinions.....

Oh dear. You're going to hate me for saying this, but...

You are REALLY over-analyzing what you think that she might think...

And, they are married. It's really not your business what they 'discuss' (argue about)

I am sure that your friend realized how she felt about strip clubs before he married her. This is obviously something that he has already discussed and resolved with her.

SO, if you want to go, then go. But, I don't think it's right for you to be pissed at your friend's wife because your friend won't go. And, don't pass 'the blame' off on her. Your friend can make his own decisions. And, it sounds like he made his own decision when he decided to marry her...

My own side bar here: I ended my last serious relationship because of strip clubs (sometimes the guys DO get to do more than just look)...

So, as soon as I started dating my now husband, I was VERY clear about the fact that I am completely against them. He had no problem with that (he 'got it out of his system' when he was younger).

For his own bachelor party, HE didn't want strippers around. OF COURSE, as soon as he said, 'no strippers' EVERYONE assumed that it was because of ME. In reality, we never even discussed it. He just never wanted stippers, so there was no need for discussion...

And, he has said that he would skip any bachelor parties with strippers because he's just not into that (and, apparently he always used to get 'harrassed' by the strippers)

all I have to say is, don't blame this chick. She is not trying to control YOU...and, I am sure that she and her husband have discussed and resolved this issue a long time ago. don't be the one who gets in between them...

Moehick Posted: Sep 05, 2004 09:47 AM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

Hey your friends a big boy. Plan your party and he can decide if he can go or not. Hopefully for him his wife won't demand he miss his best friends party but hey women are insane!
This is a one time party...do what YOU want.

Kelly9904 Posted: Sep 05, 2004 01:06 PM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

I completely agree with Kristin!
First , as long as they are not fondling whats the big deal with looking? Its really no different than watching Skin-a-max!
If our DHs wanted to go ALL the time, okay then maybe I can see there would be a problem! But once in a while for an event, whats the big deal!
But I can see your dilema!
Why now plan to go out to dinner, do some drinks, then go to the strip club. Then anyone who is FORBIDDEN to go to the strip club can just excuse themselves and at the same time you did share YOUR bp with those you really wanted to!!!

june262004 Posted: Sep 05, 2004 05:46 PM

Re: MY last new topic of the week... Ethical Dilemna about my Bachelor Party

See when it was my turn for my bachelorette party my wonderful cousins couldn't go. A long time ago I was saying how I thought I might want to goto the city my cousin said I don't want to goto the city I don't want to pay a cover. Then I thought ok I want to goto atlantic city. Well she couldn't leave her daughter over night. And it was the same exscuse with from her sister. My mom went just for the day cause the room was free in her name. My mom said she would drive them her gas her car her tolls nope they couldnt go... They couldn't smoke in her car. So you know what it was my day/night and I might sound selfish to some (all though I really thing they are being selfish) but I was gonna do what I wanted to do.... The only idea my cousin came up with was why don't we just stay home and hang out.... I live upstairs from her (so really I'd be home) and she had a 10 month old daughter so we couldnt be loud and male strippers make me . Moral of my story I went to Atlantic city with 2 of my Bridesmaids and had a blast. Don't change your plans do what you want.