how many of you plan on having children and being a stay at home mom? FH and I have talked about it - and we will be moving to Florida so that we can afford to live off just his salary so that I can stay at home when I have a baby. Of course nothing is guaranteed but if we stay in Staten Island it will take us awhile to afford the kind of house we would like and even with FH making over 100K it would be really difficult for us to pay a mortgage and our bills and baby expenses so I would have to continue working especially since our families do not and will not be able to help us out financially. But anyways, my biggest fear is that FH will resent me for being home while he is out working. We've talked about it so many times - and he realizes how much work a baby and keeping up a house could be and says that on occasion he might get jealous but that he would never hold it against me because he wants me to be home.....but to be honest, if I had to work and FH got to stay home I would be really jealous of him! Any opinions? Anyone stay at home now? Or plans to when they have children?
MikeandJess
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Member since
Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
Posted by AmandaLynn04
Posted by MikeandJess
No, it's not right. But, what I am saying, is that I am willing to do whatever it takes to stay at home. If I have to live in a smaller house, or buy a used car, or cut coupons like a crazy woman and shop at discount stores, that's what I will do. That's not a decision that everyone will make, but, that's what is right for me.
I worked at a day care, and I would see these parents roll up in their 7 series, at 7am to drop off, and then at 6pm to pick up.
If you can afford a 7 series, and day care, you can afford a Ford and to stay at home. I think a lot of the time it comes down to choices, and people often choose to have really nice things, and send their kids to day care, instead of do without some nice things, and stay home. That's basically all I'm saying.
Like someone said before, the cost of living in NY is very high. I'd rather have 2 incomes and provide the most I can for my child. Both my parents worked and they're still struggling. We'd probably be living on the street if one of them decided to stay home.
beachbum05
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Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
Posted by AmandaLynn04
If you can afford a 7 series, and day care, you can afford a Ford and to stay at home. I think a lot of the time it comes down to choices, and people often choose to have really nice things, and send their kids to day care, instead of do without some nice things, and stay home. That's basically all I'm saying.
I don't think that's fair.
I don't see a correlation between staying at home and being a better parent than one who works. I just don't. I think if you can still give your child the love and nurturing that they need and STILL have a job (if that's what you want), then I say go for it. But that doesn't seem fair that because someone has nice things that they should be a SAHM.
I worked really hard for my degree and invested a lot of money in my career/future. I enjoy working and I enjoy having a job. But equating that to being a poor parent isn't right.
Who knows, I might be a SAHM. Again, my mother was a SAHM, and I am so grateful for that.
I don't think I should have to choose between having a career and having children. I think I can do both and do both well...so why not?
AmandaLynn04
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Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
So, that's your opinion, right? I didn't say it is wrong, I just don't agree with it, for ME.
Mine is that you cannot give your child the same love and support if you drop him off at day care at 7am, and pick him up at 6pm than if you are home with him all the time.
So, why is my opinion wrong? I don't get it.
ant n tilde
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Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
I think that even though i am SO traditional when it comes to every thing else this is something that i have come to terms with and i understand that i will have to work for financial reasons
i grew up poor - not that anyone knew, but we were poor for most of my childhood and i just remember being ten years old and worrying about not being able to afford college or not being able to afford other stuff - i have my diary from when i was in junior high where there are just pages and pages of me wishing i had never been born so that my parents would not have to pay for me to do stuff
so for me, in the back of my head i want my kids to NEVER have to worry about money and if that means that i have to work then its okay ( btw my mom worked - just they didnt make enough combined really ) its a big priority for me - i mean, i want my kids to join sports and dancing school and all those things that i couldnt join.
its sick but at 7 years old i KNEW i could never go to dancing school bc we couldnt afford it. . . i mean, most 7 year olds have no concept of money!
anyway sorry to get all personal but everyone has their own reasons and as long as the baby is raised in a loving environment it doesnt matter in the end, who worked and who didnt etc.
Espo22
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Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
Posted by Future Mulligan
Posted by beachbum05
Posted by AmandaLynn04
Posted by Future Mulligan
I feel like, why have a baby if someone else has to take care of it ??
This is exactly how I feel. I'm glad I'm not alone.
Because its financially impossible to adequately care for the child?
I mean, I just think this is such a personal decision. People have different financial situations and people have different reasoning for not being a SAHM. While I am not one of these people, many friends of mine had both parents working and they turned out to be perfectly well adjusted people.
So I don't really think its fair to say that if you aren't home with your children that you shouldn't have them at all. Sometimes it's just not possible.
I didnt mean that in a bad way.....Just for me, I wouldnt want to have a child IF I couldn't raise them....I don't see a point in having my Mom raise my child - she already did her job - she raised me - I don't think its fair to her to have to start all over again with a new baby when her kids are finally grown up! That is why I am marrying a man with the same view as me AND that is why we are moving somewhere that we can afford that lifestyle. For other people they don't mind putting their kids in daycare, or getting a nanny or family member to watch their children - but I rather not do that.
my mom stayed home with me until i was about 3 or 4, i remember some of it lol but not much...she then started to work probably a year before i started school, what i remember is the times i spent with her when she got home such as eating dinner together and spending time with her, i barely remember what i did in the daytime with my grandparents. I then started school so basically at this point it didnt matter since i was at school in the daytime...Personally i always had so much respect for my mother for going out and working, glad she also did stay with me until a certain age
ant n tilde
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Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
eh this is a touchy subject anyway
i feel like i am on LIFAMILIES
ant n tilde
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
Posted by Espo22
Posted by Future Mulligan
Posted by beachbum05
Posted by AmandaLynn04
Posted by Future Mulligan
I feel like, why have a baby if someone else has to take care of it ??
This is exactly how I feel. I'm glad I'm not alone.
Because its financially impossible to adequately care for the child?
I mean, I just think this is such a personal decision. People have different financial situations and people have different reasoning for not being a SAHM. While I am not one of these people, many friends of mine had both parents working and they turned out to be perfectly well adjusted people.
So I don't really think its fair to say that if you aren't home with your children that you shouldn't have them at all. Sometimes it's just not possible.
I didnt mean that in a bad way.....Just for me, I wouldnt want to have a child IF I couldn't raise them....I don't see a point in having my Mom raise my child - she already did her job - she raised me - I don't think its fair to her to have to start all over again with a new baby when her kids are finally grown up! That is why I am marrying a man with the same view as me AND that is why we are moving somewhere that we can afford that lifestyle. For other people they don't mind putting their kids in daycare, or getting a nanny or family member to watch their children - but I rather not do that.
my mom stayed home with me until i was about 3 or 4, i remember some of it lol but not much...she then started to work probably a year before i started school, what i remember is the times i spent with her when she got home such as eating dinner together and spending time with her, i barely remember what i did in the daytime with my grandparents. I then started school so basically at this point it didnt matter since i was at school in the daytime...Personally i always had so much respect for my mother for going out and working, glad she also did stay with me until a certain age
yeah i always say that - my mom worked and came home at around 5 and i totally DONT remember her being a 'working mom' she was there for dinner and bath time and in the day i was just hanging out with my grandma. . . never seemed like i was 'waiting around' for her to come home all day
Mizzdimple
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Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
I personally want to stay at home with my kids Right now I live with FH and find it impossible to work and care for myself and one other person the way I*** want to.
I agree with Amanda you can sacrafice alot to take care of your kids and stay at home., thats only if you want to.
*The income levels of 's and 's are very different on this site....so while others can do this..others cant or just dont want to., we all have different wants and needs for ourselves and our UNBORN children.
buTTTTTTTTTTTTT honestly most of the time i baby-sat myself and im glad I did b/c I think i would have been a diff person if one of my parents stayed at home with me., it made me very independent.
Julybride08
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Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
We have talked about it and FH wants me to stay home. But right now thats not an option. were trying to save for a house so if we had a kid now i would definetly go back to work and my mom or his mom would watch the kid. but if it was a few year from now I would probably stay home. I don't want to miss all the important things in our childs life.
SeaMaiden
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Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
Posted by Espo22
I agree, its one thing if you leave your kids with somebody else all the time, even at nights so you can go out and on weekends but during the day to go to work is something different. Honestly either way you look at it theres pros and cons. I know ppl who loved that their mom stayed home, i also know someone who says she was always embarassed that her mom didn't work and when kids at school would talk about their moms careers they'd feel left out. You just have to do whats right for you.
I was one of those children always embarrassed by my mother who didnt work, i dreaded having to say she was a 'homemaker' because she was frequently watching TV or something so i didnt understand why she couldnt work part time, especially consdering how poor we were......(that was the opinion of me when i was 9)
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
Posted by AmandaLynn04
So, that's your opinion, right? I didn't say it is wrong, I just don't agree with it, for ME.
Mine is that you cannot give your child the same love and support if you drop him off at day care at 7am, and pick him up at 6pm than if you are home with him all the time.
So, why is my opinion wrong? I don't get it.
it doesnt necessarily have to be between 7am-6pm...my FH gets home between 2pm-3pm and quite a few times will get out even earlier.
Also its not just about money for nice cars and all that...but things like a college education...i know so many ppl who did well in school and got accepted to good schools but their parents had to say sorry we can't afford it.
Honestly i know the good and bad of parents staying at home, its hard to determine what is right or what is wrong bc every situation is different. I know those who loved that their mom stayed home and those who didn't like it, same with working mothers those who liked it and those who didn't
AllyDrew1108
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Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
My dream would be to be a stay at home WIFE - ha ha since we don't really want kids. I know that sounds awful. I'll be working until I'm 80 though.
Future Mulligan
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Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
i dont think its right or wrong if you stay at home or not.....just for me, i couldnt see having a child but making them someone else's responsibility.....i rather put them in daycare before i burden one of my family members.....but that is JMO, it doesnt mean i think its wrong. FMIL watches my nephew and I dont think there is anything wrong with it - I just would not be comfortable with that situation for myself......My family also had no money - they still don't ......so I know what its like to be the poor kid too - and not be able to do any extr activities like dance and sports. I never even had a bday party growing up - I always told my parents I didn't want one - but it was really because I knew they couldnt afford to give me one.....so I don't want that life for my kids either - that is why we are moving into a less expensive part of the country - where we can get a huge house and have mortgage payments that are like our rent now....so that hopefully I can stay at home and hopefully live more than comfortably.....that is the plan at least......the whole post was about how the plan SCARES ME I didnt want to start any controversy - sorry if I offended anyone!
AmandaLynn04
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Member since
Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
Posted by SeaMaiden
Posted by Espo22
I agree, its one thing if you leave your kids with somebody else all the time, even at nights so you can go out and on weekends but during the day to go to work is something different. Honestly either way you look at it theres pros and cons. I know ppl who loved that their mom stayed home, i also know someone who says she was always embarassed that her mom didn't work and when kids at school would talk about their moms careers they'd feel left out. You just have to do whats right for you.
I was one of those children always embarrassed by my mother who didnt work, i dreaded having to say she was a 'homemaker' because she was frequently watching TV or something so i didnt understand why she couldnt work part time, especially consdering how poor we were......(that was the opinion of me when i was 9)
See, I don't ever remember being embarrassed or anything that my mother stayed home. (Not that there is anything wrong with feeling that way, I just don't remember ever feeling that way) and, now when I look back on it -- I cherish the fact that my mother stayed home with us -- and she tells me that it was the best time of her life, and she wouldn't have given it up for anything. So, that's a part of the reason that I want to do so, and I feel so strongly about it.
My mother also tells me that we did without, because she stayed home with us. This, I don't remember. I don't remember being a kid and wanting things, and not having things, I just simply don't remember that being the case. I do, however, remember being home with her. So, that's what's important, to me.
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
Posted by ant n tilde
Posted by Espo22
Posted by Future Mulligan
Posted by beachbum05
Posted by AmandaLynn04
Posted by Future Mulligan
I feel like, why have a baby if someone else has to take care of it ??
This is exactly how I feel. I'm glad I'm not alone.
Because its financially impossible to adequately care for the child?
I mean, I just think this is such a personal decision. People have different financial situations and people have different reasoning for not being a SAHM. While I am not one of these people, many friends of mine had both parents working and they turned out to be perfectly well adjusted people.
So I don't really think its fair to say that if you aren't home with your children that you shouldn't have them at all. Sometimes it's just not possible.
I didnt mean that in a bad way.....Just for me, I wouldnt want to have a child IF I couldn't raise them....I don't see a point in having my Mom raise my child - she already did her job - she raised me - I don't think its fair to her to have to start all over again with a new baby when her kids are finally grown up! That is why I am marrying a man with the same view as me AND that is why we are moving somewhere that we can afford that lifestyle. For other people they don't mind putting their kids in daycare, or getting a nanny or family member to watch their children - but I rather not do that.
my mom stayed home with me until i was about 3 or 4, i remember some of it lol but not much...she then started to work probably a year before i started school, what i remember is the times i spent with her when she got home such as eating dinner together and spending time with her, i barely remember what i did in the daytime with my grandparents. I then started school so basically at this point it didnt matter since i was at school in the daytime...Personally i always had so much respect for my mother for going out and working, glad she also did stay with me until a certain age
yeah i always say that - my mom worked and came home at around 5 and i totally DONT remember her being a 'working mom' she was there for dinner and bath time and in the day i was just hanging out with my grandma. . . never seemed like i was 'waiting around' for her to come home all day
yeah exactly...I would be out playing and doing things and then when i knew my mom was coming home it was the most exciting thing to me and i would be outside playing with friends but stop what i was doing when i saw her and ran to her. She worked but i dont look back and see her as being absent in my life. I still spent time with her and then on weekends we'd als do things, dont feel like i missed out
AmandaLynn04
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Member since
Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
Posted by Espo22
Posted by AmandaLynn04
So, that's your opinion, right? I didn't say it is wrong, I just don't agree with it, for ME.
Mine is that you cannot give your child the same love and support if you drop him off at day care at 7am, and pick him up at 6pm than if you are home with him all the time.
So, why is my opinion wrong? I don't get it.
it doesnt necessarily have to be between 7am-6pm...my FH gets home between 2pm-3pm and quite a few times will get out even earlier.
Also its not just about money for nice cars and all that...but things like a college education...i know so many ppl who did well in school and got accepted to good schools but their parents had to say sorry we can't afford it.
Honestly i know the good and bad of parents staying at home, its hard to determine what is right or what is wrong bc every situation is different. I know those who loved that their mom stayed home and those who didn't like it, same with working mothers those who liked it and those who didn't
I was specifically referring to the things I saw and knew of at the day care that I worked for. That was the case with many families. I saw moms drop off that early, and come back that late, on a daily basis.
nmagel
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Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
My job offers really generous maternity leave (20 wks paid), so at that point, a baby would be 5 mths old. After that, I would like to work 3 days a week to keep bringing in benefits b/c FH works for his own business and benefits are . This way, I get the best of both worlds. Home 4 days, work 3 days.
binx214
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Member since
Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
I stay at home with my daughter and its really tough. FH makes about 70k we already have a house but its so hard but worth it, staying home is the best thing ever you know whats going on with your child you know theyre being cared for and not relying on a stranger. If you cut corners on things you'll be fine I highly recommend staying home!!!
KK Holiday
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
Posted by Espo22
Posted by ant n tilde
Posted by Espo22
Posted by Future Mulligan
Posted by beachbum05
Posted by AmandaLynn04
Posted by Future Mulligan
I feel like, why have a baby if someone else has to take care of it ??
This is exactly how I feel. I'm glad I'm not alone.
Because its financially impossible to adequately care for the child?
I mean, I just think this is such a personal decision. People have different financial situations and people have different reasoning for not being a SAHM. While I am not one of these people, many friends of mine had both parents working and they turned out to be perfectly well adjusted people.
So I don't really think its fair to say that if you aren't home with your children that you shouldn't have them at all. Sometimes it's just not possible.
I didnt mean that in a bad way.....Just for me, I wouldnt want to have a child IF I couldn't raise them....I don't see a point in having my Mom raise my child - she already did her job - she raised me - I don't think its fair to her to have to start all over again with a new baby when her kids are finally grown up! That is why I am marrying a man with the same view as me AND that is why we are moving somewhere that we can afford that lifestyle. For other people they don't mind putting their kids in daycare, or getting a nanny or family member to watch their children - but I rather not do that.
my mom stayed home with me until i was about 3 or 4, i remember some of it lol but not much...she then started to work probably a year before i started school, what i remember is the times i spent with her when she got home such as eating dinner together and spending time with her, i barely remember what i did in the daytime with my grandparents. I then started school so basically at this point it didnt matter since i was at school in the daytime...Personally i always had so much respect for my mother for going out and working, glad she also did stay with me until a certain age
yeah i always say that - my mom worked and came home at around 5 and i totally DONT remember her being a 'working mom' she was there for dinner and bath time and in the day i was just hanging out with my grandma. . . never seemed like i was 'waiting around' for her to come home all day
yeah exactly...I would be out playing and doing things and then when i knew my mom was coming home it was the most exciting thing to me and i would be outside playing with friends but stop what i was doing when i saw her and ran to her. She worked but i dont look back and see her as being absent in my life. I still spent time with her and then on weekends we'd als do things, dont feel like i missed out
hear hear!!! My mom worked toO! She is a single working mom and she was GREAT!!!!
sometimes though our school would have stuff during the day and my mom wouldnt be able to come because of work. like Halloween parades in elementary school. stuff like that she missed but like what was said. i was never unloved
DNS91308
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Member since
Re: NWR: stay at home Mom
Like everyone has said its a personal choice. People who swear they might not be SAHM's might change their minds once they have a child and people who wanted to stay home might decide its not for them.
Its funny, i keep trying to write a better response but i cant.... i fee like there are so many things that come into play with this discussion, the kind of life you want to give your child, the kind of mother you want to be and also dedicated enough time to your husband and your marriage.... there are just so many decisions....
