OMG - Shoot me now.

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Posted by ellebelle1

Sweetie, save yourself the heartache and do not worry about it. I wasn't supposed to have any children at my wedding, except for my 12-year old first cousin and low and behold, one couple shows up with their newborn baby, and another person brings her 13-year old daughter as a guest. Is that normal? No, but I honestly didn't think about it twice during my wedding. I saw both kids (ahem infant), once and that was it. It was like they weren't even there. Please don't worry about it. Just seat them by the band

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did anyone else who you told couldn't bring kids get pissed?

I'll tell you the truth, no one really noticed the kids at all, so no. The kids were very quiet and well behaved, so in that regard I was lucky. In all honestly, though, because the couple was told not to bring their baby, if the baby was disruptive my MIL would have told them to leave. Its your wedding, so no one has the right to be offended by which kids are invited, etc. It's an unspoken rule that kids are not generally welcome. Most normal people do not want to bring kids because they can have a better time. Good luck with everything.

I HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT HONEY

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Posted by sarahradio5

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Posted by CLMon7906

Honestly, you won't notice them and it's not worth the fight[ing]. If you were paying for the wedding, I'd be the first to say put your foot down, but your parents are doing you a great favor by paying for it all. If they want to pay for kids, let them. There were lots of kids at our wedding...and they were self-contained and often being little angels. They ran across the dance floor a few times...to come give me hugs! Many people [except for OOTs] won't bring their kids to an evening wedding usually...but this isn't worth the pain you'll put everyone through. And yes, since you attended their weddings at 6-8, they likely won't see your reasoning for disapproval of their kids attending as they were thrilled to have you there as a child.

And, if you don't invite kids, you WILL hurt some people as you've stated hurt feelings have surfaced already from this 'ruling' in the past with your family. Those people will likely not attend, be upset and not send a gift and of course, create more drama for your family than is necessary at all.

As for the dog, no advice. Likely the 2 of you need to sit down and discuss this one...why he wants one, what breed/size, where his things will be, who's responsible for walking Fido at midnight in January when it's 12° outside and why you don't want one and see what kind of compromise or decision you can come to.

You'll never get anywhere if all you do is stomp your foot down and pout. You have to openly and calmly get your view across and listen to the other side of things and work together to see where the middle ground is.

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First of all, I am NOT stomping and pouting. I really don't appreciate that at ALL. I'm talking reasonably and stating my case, as I always do. On BOTH issues. Where do you get that I 'stomp' my 'foot down and pout'??? I really take exception to that!

Another thing is, you can do what you want at your wedding. I will do what I want at mine. From day ONE, it has been NO kids. The Crescent Beach Club is as classy as it gets. I envision my wedding as ALL class. No kids running around. Adults only. We were all on the same page about that, up until this morning. My parents are throwing this wrench into it all now to avoid conflict with my aunt, who is as stubborn as they come. You don't know her. Not talking to the ENTIRE FAMILY (not just us... I'm talking my MOM's 7 other siblings, too) because my BROTHER didn't have ANY kids at the wedding is just unreasonable. I will not give into that! Why would I give in to what my vision of my wedding is for an unreasonable person? I want my older cousins there, but not the younger kids. Not a place for them...

I just offered to my mom that they can come to the cocktail hour, and she's still not happy with that. I don't know what else to do. No kids at my wedding. And to bring this up NOW when I want to have my inserts printed is just wrong because now everything is being held up.

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I never said you were stomping around the house, I merely used an expression. Yes, you can do whatever the h ell you want at YOUR wedding, but in the end, it's not YOUR wedding, it's you and your FH's wedding and in reality, as pointed out by my own in-laws when they invited a guest the night before the wedding, a party they [your parents] are paying for and they happen to be deciding on who will be invited and included to the party THEY are throwing for YOU.


What is more appalling is that everytime someone gives you advice you disagree with, you seem to argue with the point instead of seeing that it's quite possible that there are 2 sides to things. I'm not the only one to tell you that you won't notice them in reality and that most people won't bring them! We purposely invited one couple with no kids because their kids are 1 and 2....they RSVPd with their kids and brought them...I wasn't THRILLED, but I certainly didn't fight it...in fact, I thought it was cute. We didn't 'invite' them originally because we figured this couple would enjoy a day without them.

Quite honestly, your parents are insisting and that's that. They are paying for it and if they want to spend the money on it, they will. There's nothing you can do about it except get mad and argue about it. It's not worth the pain. Yes, it's immature that your aunt will not speak to people, but it's also immature to intentionally upset her to react that way. If she hadn't been upset at your brother's wedding, she wouldn't have had the years of not speaking to your family would she?

And if you don't like other opinions and views, don't ask for them.

i'm sorry. that's really not something you want to be dealing with now. the first thing i would do is sit down with your parents and figure something out so they don't go ahead and tell your aunt yes or no without you knowing it. tell them calmly that not having kids is something that was agreed upon from the beginning and it's something that is part of the wedding you've been dreaming about since you were a little kid. explain everything them and see where it goes.

be prepared to compromise though, as it will make things easier and make you seem like the adult. i'm not talking about letting them come to your wedding, but what about hiring a babysitter to either stay home with the girls or stay a room over with them. maybe have their own little 'wedding' - a few streamers, some baloons or something. or you could have a little thing for them at someone's house with a babysitter, maybe invite your fh's nephews and have his other nephew go there after he leaves. nothing too expensive, maybe a cheap cake from the store and some cheap little decorations. that way you're appeasing everyone but you still don't have to have kids at the wedding.

bring it up to your aunt like this: 'aunt ____, i'd love to have your daughters be part of my special day, but i'm really worried that they won't have fun as they'll be the only kids there. i wanted to invite them instead to a special kids only party during the wedding. it'll be a blast, we'll have ______. that way they'll have fun and you can spend some adult time with me and the rest of the family.'

maybe you should try talking to your aunt too. she may have become more reasonable and your parents may be stressing over nothing. just hoping here.

It seems like from your previous posts that usually your parents are really understanding and usually work with you. Just take a step back and let them invite these kids.

And if people complain to you, direct them to your parents. It may seem immature, but they can deal with the fallout if there is any.

Regardless of who is paying this is your decision. My mom's wedding three years ago was no kids and whoever couldn't get a babysitter didn't come-fine. If your aunt and uncle are spiteful and are going to separate themselves from the family-then who wants them there???

I would inform your parents that if they wants these kids than they can pay the extra $$$ to invite every kid (cousins, nieces, nephews) because otherwise other people may get very offended. Good luck! I also second having a few shots of tequila.

I lost the 'no kids' fight with my parents.

My wedding is on Saturday and I am having *count them* 12 children and 2 babies, one three months old come to my wedding. Am I happy about it? No way!

However- if I hadn't invited kids, none of my cousins would have come. I'm the last cousin in the family to get married- they've all started their familes. That wouldn't have been any fun either.

I don't know what the answer is, but I sure as H-E- double hockey sticks am NOT going to let it ruin my day.

The thing that I've come to realize about a wedding is that there's no right way. If you invite the kids, you worry about them not behaving. If you don't invite them, you worry about people creating a fuss.

I hope it works out for you and that you guys can reach some kind of compromise that you're both happy with. But don't let it ruin your day.

I had this discussion at the start of the wedding planning with my parents as well. I told them I really didn't like the idea of cousins younger than 16 being invited. My parents understood where I was coming from, and I could tell they were hesitant as well about it, and in the end, we shot ourselves in the foot with it b/c many people are not coming, but those that are completely understood. I understand youre point of view that the late reception wouldn't be a place for the children as your FG/RB will be going home early. However, your parents are shelling out money for this wedding and for that - you have to be gracious.

I would try this angle - if they are inviting this one aunt's children and not younger family from FH's side - then include them in to balance the children out at the wedding. The children can sit together, you can make coloring books for them, create games and such for them to keep busy and have fun while the adults mingle, etc.

It's better to keep the peace than dredge on another family drama for years to come!! Good luck!!!!

Sarah!!!!

Ok, I would sit down and calmly and rationally discuss this with your parents. Maybe your brother can back you up. This was really sudden, and it wasn't fair for them to spring it on you.

And tell FH you'll start him with a fish and see how well he takes care of it, then MAYBE you'll get him a puppy!

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Posted by snydl40

Regardless of who is paying this is your decision. My mom's wedding three years ago was no kids and whoever couldn't get a babysitter didn't come-fine. If your aunt and uncle are spiteful and are going to separate themselves from the family-then who wants them there???

I would inform your parents that if they wants these kids than they can pay the extra $$$ to invite every kid (cousins, nieces, nephews) because otherwise other people may get very offended. Good luck! I also second having a few shots of tequila.

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I agree-- I wrote how I felt earlier and this pretty much sums it up. But I will restate again: REGARDLESS of who is paying for it... this is Sarah and Joe's wedding. I don't understand why people are so generous as to pay for something but then say (especially TWO months before the wedding) 'But ONLY if you do this...'. That's ludicrous and not fair. Things like that should not come with conditions and what her Aunt did is wrong and now her parents are re-inforcing her bad behavior by allowing her to bring her kids. That's really wrong-- she should want to go out of her way NOT to bring the kids after she saw how much of a problem it caused for Sarah's brother's wedding. The fact that the Aunt is still insisting after all that is outright ballsy and RUDE. If this was the first time I would say OK she's just an idiot but this is not the first time-- she knows exactly what she is doing. I would be upset too. Of course anyone can say 'Don't worry about it, no big deal' but that doesn't make it better-- that won't take away the fact that it's the principal, the point, it's about respecting Sarah and Joe's wishes. And moreso, it's about the fact that it's two months before the wedding and they are trying to add people-- that will offend other guests who have kids that are NOT invited. Wow, now I need tequilla

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Posted by STBMrsDaniRella

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Posted by snydl40

Regardless of who is paying this is your decision. My mom's wedding three years ago was no kids and whoever couldn't get a babysitter didn't come-fine. If your aunt and uncle are spiteful and are going to separate themselves from the family-then who wants them there???

I would inform your parents that if they wants these kids than they can pay the extra $$$ to invite every kid (cousins, nieces, nephews) because otherwise other people may get very offended. Good luck! I also second having a few shots of tequila.

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I agree-- I wrote how I felt earlier and this pretty much sums it up. But I will restate again: REGARDLESS of who is paying for it... this is Sarah and Joe's wedding. I don't understand why people are so generous as to pay for something but then say (especially TWO months before the wedding) 'But ONLY if you do this...'. That's ludicrous and not fair. Things like that should not come with conditions and what her Aunt did is wrong and now her parents are re-inforcing her bad behavior by allowing her to bring her kids. That's really wrong-- she should want to go out of her way NOT to bring the kids after she saw how much of a problem it caused for Sarah's brother's wedding. The fact that the Aunt is still insisting after all that is outright ballsy and RUDE. If this was the first time I would say OK she's just an idiot but this is not the first time-- she knows exactly what she is doing. I would be upset too. Of course anyone can say 'Don't worry about it, no big deal' but that doesn't make it better-- that won't take away the fact that it's the principal, the point, it's about respecting Sarah and Joe's wishes. And moreso, it's about the fact that it's two months before the wedding and they are trying to add people-- that will offend other guests who have kids that are NOT invited. Wow, now I need tequilla

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I hear you- I totally totally hear you, but money is money.

And I'm guilty of it myself. FH and I are paying for all of our vendors. My parents are paying for the reception. So when someone made some sort of request. . (ie: I want this song playes, I want this for flowers) If if was my Mom or my FMIL, I totally pulled the 'Well I'm paying for it so deal with it,' card. I'm just as guilty. And when I look at the bill for the reception- I think to myself that it really is so much money, and my parents shouldn't have to give in to all of my demmands. So I gave in on the children issue. And though I'm not pleased about it, I'm sure that if I hadn't invited all of these kids, nobody would have come to my wedding.

It is what it is. I'll let you girls know how it went when I get back from the HM. Honestly, I love you all, but there are times when I think to myself that I should have just eloped!!

Sarah, again, I wish you all the best. And I hope it works out for you. I feel your pain.

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Posted by CLMon7906

I never said you were stomping around the house, I merely used an expression. Yes, you can do whatever the h ell you want at YOUR wedding, but in the end, it's not YOUR wedding, it's you and your FH's wedding and in reality, as pointed out by my own in-laws when they invited a guest the night before the wedding, a party they [your parents] are paying for and they happen to be deciding on who will be invited and included to the party THEY are throwing for YOU.

What is more appalling is that everytime someone gives you advice you disagree with, you seem to argue with the point instead of seeing that it's quite possible that there are 2 sides to things. I'm not the only one to tell you that you won't notice them in reality and that most people won't bring them! We purposely invited one couple with no kids because their kids are 1 and 2....they RSVPd with their kids and brought them...I wasn't THRILLED, but I certainly didn't fight it...in fact, I thought it was cute. We didn't 'invite' them originally because we figured this couple would enjoy a day without them.

Quite honestly, your parents are insisting and that's that. They are paying for it and if they want to spend the money on it, they will. There's nothing you can do about it except get mad and argue about it. It's not worth the pain. Yes, it's immature that your aunt will not speak to people, but it's also immature to intentionally upset her to react that way. If she hadn't been upset at your brother's wedding, she wouldn't have had the years of not speaking to your family would she?

And if you don't like other opinions and views, don't ask for them.

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Excuse me... but yours was the ONLY response I took exception to because yours was the only one that was insulting. And this isn't the first time I've noticed that in a reply from you. I don't appreciate the 'high and mighty' tone. No one else's is coming across that way. I always appreciate other's opinions, which is why I post for help, but writing 'stomping and pouting' is just plain insulting. I would never say that to someone and I will not have it said to me. Did I tell you not to stomp and pout when your aunt told you that you shouldn't wear white? No - I supported you. That's what I'm looking for here - and except for YOUR post, that's what I've received.

Your wedding was apparently very different than mine will be. I have a different vision for mine, which never included inviting children. And my parents are paying for about 60% of the wedding... not everything. So this is still OUR wedding. They're not throwing us a 'party'.

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Posted by sarahradio5

The WHOLE reason I'm going NUTS wording my reception card 'Adult Reception Only' and making my RSVP card say ___ of ___ will be attending, etc. is so that there will not be any kids at my wedding (except my ring bearer, who is my Godson, and Jr. Groomsman, my FH's nephew, who will both probably leave half way through the reception). My FH's OTHER two nephew's (the Jr. Groomsman's BROTHERS) aren't even coming to the wedding because there are no kids.

Well - some background - we didn't talk to my aunt and her whole family for SIX years after my brother's wedding because he didn't have kids at his wedding, and they took exception to that, so they alienated themselves from the entire family. Just recently, we made up with them and invited them to my bridal shower, and they came with the girls, which was fine because it was a shower. Great.

I really thought I was on the same page with my parents on this. JUST NOW my parents tell me that we're inviting just THEIR kids (my SECOND COUSINS) to save aggravation!!! NO! I do NOT want kids at my wedding! My parents say that since they're paying for the wedding, they are allowing it. This is the first time they've pulled that card on me, and I don't like it! How can I invite just those THREE kids, and not my own FH's nephews (granted - his family's not paying for anything, but still...) or my FH's second cousins!?!?! OMG! I'm gonna throw up. My dad's yelling at me telling me we're inviting me and my mom just hung up on me. And my FH isn't talking to me because he wants a F#$^@ING dog.

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I feel our pain. I agree about the children. I love my young cousins and Nieces and nephews but I prefer that my wedding be adult only. Not everyone agrees with me.

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Posted by BHW

How old are the kids? Do you know if they behave well? I really don't think you're going to notice them. You'll be so wrapped up in the excitement of the day that you probably won't even realize the kids are there. I understand you don't want kids, but IMO, it's not worth arguing with your parents and alienating your family. Besides, you can seat them as far away from your table as possible.

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The thing is, even if I decided to say... 'Okay fine. We'll invite kids.' My parents don't WANT THAT!!! It's JUST THESE KIDS!!! My FH's sids of the family's kids AREN'T invited!!! And my parents are okay with that because his family isn't paying for it... they are! That puts ME in a VERY uncomfortable sitation! It's not fair!

My mom hung up on me before, so now
I can't even order my friggin' inserts, which NEED TO GET DONE because I don't know if I'm putting 'adult reception' on the reception card, or if I'm putting ___ of 2 will attend on the RSVP card! This was all DETERMINED!! That's what is the MOST aggravating!

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Posted by sarahradio5

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Posted by BHW

How old are the kids? Do you know if they behave well? I really don't think you're going to notice them. You'll be so wrapped up in the excitement of the day that you probably won't even realize the kids are there. I understand you don't want kids, but IMO, it's not worth arguing with your parents and alienating your family. Besides, you can seat them as far away from your table as possible.

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The thing is, even if I decided to say... 'Okay fine. We'll invite kids.' My parents don't WANT THAT!!! It's JUST THESE KIDS!!! My FH's sids of the family's kids AREN'T invited!!! And my parents are okay with that because his family isn't paying for it... they are! That puts ME in a VERY uncomfortable sitation! It's not fair!

My mom hung up on me before, so now
I can't even order my friggin' inserts, which NEED TO GET DONE because I don't know if I'm putting 'adult reception' on the reception card, or if I'm putting ___ of 2 will attend on the RSVP card! This was all DETERMINED!! That's what is the MOST aggravating!

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Your parents should be the ones who have to deal with the aftermath of inviting only 3 kids. If your FI's family or other people with kids are pi$$ed, they should take it up with your parents, not you.

It's hard to say no to your parents when they are paying for a lot of the wedding. Is this something that's worth fighting about? I think you have to pick and choose your battles. Either way, it sounds like someone is going to be unhappy. Sorry you have to deal with this.