Pre Nups

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Posted by ChristineAE

A prenuptial accord is a contract between two people about to wed that spells out how assets will be distributed in the event of divorce or death. Such agreements have existed for thousands of years in some form or another, particularly in European and Far Eastern cultures, where royal families have always made provisions for protecting their wealth.

There's a difference between 'what's mine is mine, what's yours is yours' than 'everything gets divided down the middle.'

Let's say you have a lot of assets and money(YEAH!) and didn't have him sign a prenup...few years down the marriage, DH is cheating (GOD FORBID) and you want a divorce...NOW - do you think he deserves HALF???? F-NO!

You have get a prenup to protect a specific amount of assets and money and still be fair to the other party and they can still end up with half of what YOU have (salary earned on your own), rather than the whole thing.

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exactly- did any of you see Under a Tuscan Sun- Diane Lane supported he husband financyially while he stayed at home 'writting' meanwhile he was having an affair...she ended up having to pay him ALIMONY b/c he was financially dependent on her!

I know that's Hollywood, but that legal aspect is a reality. As much as you love NOW, if that changes (as much as we don't want it to) things can get UGLY! you do NOT want your ex-husband living off of YOUR money with his little trollop in a house that YOU bought!

That's exactly what was going through my mind while I was writing it!

Loved that movie by the way - LOL.

Marriage is a contract - that's why you take vows...

We're not looking at the PN as a contract though - looking at it as a 'if this happens...this is what will be done.'

It all depends on how you look at it ya know? People honestly shouldn't freak out when the words PN are said - it's a reality that we unfortunately have to face.

Of course it's a COMPLETELY different story if no one has anything 'more' than the other. Then the whole PN isn't even an issue and doesn't exist.

If my family didn't put the things they have in my name, then we wouldn't even have a PN...I don't have a pot to pi$$ in...and every purchase we've made together, we've equally contributed.

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Posted by cjb88

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Posted by Jen2999

Uh we are both broke so it doenst apply to us. I think I might be a little offended though.

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same here...

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Yup, us too. We're both broke, and we'd both be offended if the other asked for a pre nup.

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Posted by cjb88

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Posted by Jen2999

Uh we are both broke so it doenst apply to us. I think I might be a little offended though.

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same here...

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Ditto for me

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Posted by ChristineAE

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Posted by tracie143

WOW,, I would never... I would be real upset If my FI asked me to do that. I would not marry him!!! and I swear by saying that... To me that would be saying that the marriage will was not going to work ....

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Don't take offense or anything, but I've seen engagements break off b/c of this. I know we're all speaking hypothetically, but if FI refused to sign a pre-nup, I wouldn't go through with the marriage. My family has worked way too long and hard to have someone come along and take it away from them through a divorce.

Divorce is reality that we unfortunately have to face, in that there are assets and money to protect that sometimes do not belong to us - but to our families. (Such as our case.)

If it was the other way around, I'd sign it and shutup - knowing that the marriage would work b/c we belong together, not set up for failure b/c of a piece of paper.

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OMG, I couldn't agree with you more, very well put, a piece of paper is not going to determine if your marriage will last. I mean look at the statistics.

I can see what you are saying, but you are both taking risks, it goes both ways. Most of the time, it's the man who ends up paying the woman alimony in the divorce settlement, so why is it so devastating if the roles were reversed? (I didn't see the movie, but you have me intrigued now, lol) We also need to factor in other elements here, such as children, etc. but that's a whole other scenario.

I understand that marriage is a contract, but IMO, I guess I just view a Prenup as a sheet of paper setting you up to fail, as well as a lack of trust, than more-so protecting you in the event divorce happens. Call me naive, but I would like to think I know my FI a little better than that. Even if he did hurt me in the most unspeakable way, I wouldn't want to leave him high and dry either, I guess that's just the way I am.

this is something I have considered, I don't have a lot of money or anything, but I do have a home, and if a divorce happened, I would still like to have a home in the end of it all. But I do not feel that I can ask for a prenup bc my FH is now paying the mortgage (to make up for the $$ I have already invested), and soon we will sell this house, and buy a new one together, so I guess I just have to hope half is enough, heaven forbid anything happen to our marriage.

Christine - you and I sound like we're in the same shoes. My fiance has to sign a prenup and it's all because of my family. There are a lot of things in my name, and it would hurt BOTH of us in the long run if he didn't sign the PN because my dad would end up changing his estate and taking a lot of stuff OUT of my name.

I don't think anybody should take offense to it... It's just practical really. My sister just got divorced, and no one ever thought that would happen. But thank god the PN is in place, because he turned out to be a real A$$.

I agree! This is a great thread...

Here's our situation

FI: makes about $35K per year (yeah, he's in Minor League baseball, moving up he reaches a max of about $60K per year)

Me: make about $90K per year (bonus baby, bonus)

Family: put a lot of real estate in my name

Divorce with a Prenup - he gets no more than $45K (half of what I make)....

Divorce without a Prenup - Let's just say, he'll never have to work for the rest of his life, and make more than 150% of what I make, and probably be living with Hugh Heffner at the Playboy Mansion or on a boat in the middle of the sea somewhere!

We discussed this before the wedding and we decided that if the marriage disolved, I would get $1.00 and he would get $1.00 because that's all we had!

Not to make light of a PN, I just thought back to before we were married and had nothing. Now we have $10, so we're moving up in the world.

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Posted by Blu-ize

We discussed this before the wedding and we decided that if the marriage disolved, I would get $1.00 and he would get $1.00 because that's all we had!

Not to make light of a PN, I just thought back to before we were married and had nothing. Now we have $10, so we're moving up in the world.

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I enjoyed that...Thank you for that!

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Posted by T&V

I wouldn't. What's mine is his, what's his is mine. We already live together. God forbid, we ever go our separate ways, everything would be divided evenly. We both put everything we got into this relationship, neither one of us has ever put more then the other into anything.

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Same with us.. but remember that prenups are to protect assets that you have before the wedding like in Christines case, where her family has property in her name. I dont think I would ever sign one, but I dont feel that theres anything wrong with them.

I wouldnt be offended...he can have 1/2 of my nothing and i can have 1/2 of his nothing

No but seriously I wouldnt care

I've told FH I would sign one. He is coming into the relationship with more than me - although we are spending most of it on the wedding Our earnings, however, are almost exactly the same. I can imagine situations where they would be important, but as he and I basically have nothing, we aren't going to.

Ha ha, FI and I made a joke of this. If he asked me for a pre-nup, it would be like the seinfeld episode when George asked whats-her-name for one and she laughed at him.

We were both in grad school and have little money now, but he has major loans from college and i actually have some savings. I also make more money.

If we actully had money, I'd think about it, but, now, it is just funny for us.

Don't forget ladies - you can put in terms for 'debt' in a prenup as well!

Remember that your debt becomes his and his becomes yours....last thing someone needs is a marriage, ending in divorce, where the wife has no idea about the debt her husband's in, and her having to acquire it!!!!!!!!!!!!!