Pre Nups

Neither one of us has any real prior assets or debts we would need to protect, BUT - if he asked I would sign and he would sign as well.

I agree that it does not set your marriage up for failure. Marriage itself is a contract. We had a long talk with our Deacon the other day, about how are marriage is not only a contract with each other, but with God as well. It put a lot of things in perspective.

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Posted by ChristineAE

Don't forget ladies - you can put in terms for 'debt' in a prenup as well!

Remember that your debt becomes his and his becomes yours....last thing someone needs is a marriage, ending in divorce, where the wife has no idea about the debt her husband's in, and her having to acquire it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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LOL - this is where I make out like a bandit. I have student loans, and he does not.

I still don't get how it could be setting you up to fail- that's not what it does...it really just provides a safety net IF you do. it's not like your are MORE likely to get divorced if you have a pre-nup....nor is anyone saying, 'this marriage looks shaky, protect yourself'

to me, it's like life insurance or anything else like that- it provides for the 'unknowns' of the future.

no, i would absolutely, NEVER ever sign one, and neither would FH. we've both talked about this. i would be offended and hurt and would not marry him if it was a pre-cursor to getting married.

i respect everyone for the points they made, but to ME, a PN is saying that 'when the marriage ends, this is all i'll give you'.

both of us have very little, and neither of our family is a hilton. if we were the hiltons, that would be a whole new story. but we're not...

i find them offensive. i know what i'm getting into, and so does he. if i wanted to keep everything separate, i would go the common law route and just move in together for life.

again, i respect what others have said, but would NEVER in my case.

Jess...that's a great comparison that you made with the Life Insurance....

We take out Life Insurance to make sure that those left behind are taken care of.

Does it mean that b/c we get Life Insurance policies that you are preparing yourelf for death? No...you're preparing others and looking out for their futures.

Same as a PN - you are looking out for the future of yourself, family, etc.

What happens when you have kids - chances are that you'll be left taking care of them in the case of a divorce. If you're making more money, would it be fair that your DH receives half of what you have, doesn't have to pay allimony, and you still have to take care of the children....UM - THAT LEAVES YOU WITH NOTHING....

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Posted by MissingTheBGene

I can see what you are saying, but you are both taking risks, it goes both ways. Most of the time, it's the man who ends up paying the woman alimony in the divorce settlement, so why is it so devastating if the roles were reversed? (I didn't see the movie, but you have me intrigued now, lol) We also need to factor in other elements here, such as children, etc. but that's a whole other scenario.

I understand that marriage is a contract, but IMO, I guess I just view a Prenup as a sheet of paper setting you up to fail, as well as a lack of trust, than more-so protecting you in the event divorce happens. Call me naive, but I would like to think I know my FI a little better than that. Even if he did hurt me in the most unspeakable way, I wouldn't want to leave him high and dry either, I guess that's just the way I am.

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I really feel the same way.

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Posted by MissingTheBGene

Even if he did hurt me in the most unspeakable way, I wouldn't want to leave him high and dry either, I guess that's just the way I am.

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if your fh hurt you that way, it would be HIS actions that caused you to leave and vice versa....not yours- your hand would be forced...or his if the tables were turned.

I too would give anything for my fh and we have already been through a lot, but if he did something knowing that 1) it would hurt me terribly and 2) would jeopordize our marriage and our life, that would be his choice, and he would have to live with and cope with the consequences of his actions.

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Posted by ChristineAE

MY FI is signing a Pre-Nup...we're not rockafeller or anything (believe me!) but it's to protect the assets and real estate that my family has in my name...

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If that's the case can't you just set up a clause in the deed, or for that matter in your parents Will that states that property must stay within your family - by that I mean blood relatives.

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Posted by ChristineAE

I agree! This is a great thread...

Here's our situation

FI: makes about $35K per year (yeah, he's in Minor League baseball, moving up he reaches a max of about $60K per year)

Me: make about $90K per year (bonus baby, bonus)

Family: put a lot of real estate in my name

Divorce with a Prenup - he gets no more than $45K (half of what I make)....

Divorce without a Prenup - Let's just say, he'll never have to work for the rest of his life, and make more than 150% of what I make, and probably be living with Hugh Heffner at the Playboy Mansion or on a boat in the middle of the sea somewhere!

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I think you are concerned with more than just the family real estate and assets in your name. If this brings you piece of mind and your FI is ok with it, then go for it. I just personally wouldn't be in favor of it.

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Posted by Jennie0898

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Posted by ChristineAE

MY FI is signing a Pre-Nup...we're not rockafeller or anything (believe me!) but it's to protect the assets and real estate that my family has in my name...

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If that's the case can't you just set up a clause in the deed, or for that matter in your parents Will that states that property must stay within your family - by that I mean blood relatives.

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There are alternates to everything in life. It's like others have stated, a PN is in case something does happen, not IT WILL HAPPEN.

Changing a deed that's been around in the family for years is a lot more difficult than drafting up a PN.

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Posted by ChristineAE

Changing a deed that's been around in the family for years is a lot more difficult than drafting up a PN.

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Oh ok. I didn't realize that - then go for it. Like I said before, if it's going to bring you piece of mind do it. Planning a wedding is stressful enough, there is no reason to add another issue to the plate!!

bottom line- you never know what the future may hold
that is why you buy life insurance, why you get car insurance and why you make a 401k or save money for emergencies- or any other form of insurance that you may contribute to.

no that does not mean you expect to smack your car up - or die young or any of those horrible things, but you protect youself in case.

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Posted by Preshy7

bottom line- you never know what the future may hold
that is why you buy life insurance, why you get car insurance and why you make a 401k or save money for emergencies- or any other form of insurance that you may contribute to.

no that does not mean you expect to smack your car up - or die young or any of those horrible things, but you protect youself in case.

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Very well said! Cheers!

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Posted by Preshy7

bottom line- you never know what the future may hold
that is why you buy life insurance, why you get car insurance and why you make a 401k or save money for emergencies- or any other form of insurance that you may contribute to.

no that does not mean you expect to smack your car up - or die young or any of those horrible things, but you protect youself in case.

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I know what you're saying, this just seems different to me. I'm not in love with my car. It's not going to be the father of my children. I think the difference is it's more of an emotional thing to me. But logically, I understand the concept. I guess I'm just a sap! Hopefully, I'm not a sucker!! Though I don't think I am!!

Off-topic...

Can I get insurance on my handbags and shoes? I have quite an extensive 'collection' as FI says...

I definitely love them just as much (almost more) than the FI....

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Posted by Jennie0898

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Posted by Preshy7

bottom line- you never know what the future may hold
that is why you buy life insurance, why you get car insurance and why you make a 401k or save money for emergencies- or any other form of insurance that you may contribute to.

no that does not mean you expect to smack your car up - or die young or any of those horrible things, but you protect youself in case.

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I know what you're saying, this just seems different to me. I'm not in love with my car. It's not going to be the father of my children. I think the difference is it's more of an emotional thing to me. But logically, I understand the concept. I guess I'm just a sap! Hopefully, I'm not a sucker!! Though I don't think I am!!

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i know- i didnt want to say this- and maybe im jaded from the media - but alot of people are nuts- even after you think you know them - you know?
like people that cheat on- abuse - and do other horrible things to their spouse. id never say yours does that but what if he did- would you then want him to have your assets, if you really worked so hard to get them?
its hard to understand...and the only way that I can detatch myself emotionally is if i think of those things...and that sets me straight.

at the end of the day, you do whats right for you!