Posted by mybabylovesmoi
Posted by Lana and Johan
I don't know what to do :(
6 years and I don't want it to end like this. We have a baby together and thought there was a future, but things will never change and he doesn't think it's serious.
I would also have an issue with what you just described. I just think it's respectful to eachother to call when you will be late so the other person can SLEEP and have peace of mind.
Was there any resolution to the fight? Did he agree to call in the future?
Maybe you can compromise and say that he must call but you can't be negative when you answer. I'm not implying that you are but I used to avoid my mom's calls (when I was teenager) because I didn't want the third degree. After we agreed that if I call she can't nag me, we talk more oftenIf you love him and he loves you, talk everything to DEATH before you make any rash decisions.
Posted by Notwedyet08
Sorry you're going through this
Only you konw what is best for you & your family. I would imagine there are other things that are causing you to be so upset at the moment and even consider calling the wedding off. Have you mentioned that to him; or is it just something that is in your mind?
Def keep talking to him about it. Express to him that you're concerned for his saftey when you don't hear from him. And it's not that you're trying to control him or keep tabs; you have a baby. You're family is your main priority so it's expected that you'll worry about him. Just try to explain to him how important that is; and that all he needs to do in the future is send a text so you know he's ok
Posted by LoveyDovey
Posted by Lana and Johan
Posted by LoveyDovey
after 6 years of being together, you can't just give up
you should try to work it out, obviously if your hearts arent in it then it won't work
but if you love each other and cant imagine life without each other, it will work out!
and whoever suggested couples counseling has a great idea
sometimes you need a neutral party and a wake up call to make it work
I have a rec if you want one for counseling p.s.
I don't want it to end. I don't want to be anywhere else but here, but we need to talk about this and he doesn't want to talk. He just wants to drop it. I was the one that wanted to talk to someone and have them help us. I think the movie 'why did I get married' was a perfect example and sometimes talking it out makes it all work!! Holding it in, ends relationships.
he has to be willing to work it out and admit there is a problem
sometimes we take each other for granted
and if he knows he has gotten away with it before, he probably feels like this will blow over and everything will be back to normal
he needs to know you're seriously hurt and worried about your future
figure out a way to get through to him...only you know him so only you know how to do this
Posted by Lana and Johan
Posted by Notwedyet08
Sorry you're going through this
Only you konw what is best for you & your family. I would imagine there are other things that are causing you to be so upset at the moment and even consider calling the wedding off. Have you mentioned that to him; or is it just something that is in your mind?
Def keep talking to him about it. Express to him that you're concerned for his saftey when you don't hear from him. And it's not that you're trying to control him or keep tabs; you have a baby. You're family is your main priority so it's expected that you'll worry about him. Just try to explain to him how important that is; and that all he needs to do in the future is send a text so you know he's ok
It's not just a one time incident. I wouldn't be so upset if it was just once, but whenever he goes out with his friend, it's always the same issue. I tried to talk to him but he says I talk too much and it bothers him. He says he's not talkative and doesn't like to talk about issues. Without communication, where would we be? It's hard u know? I am concerned and I don't want to call off the wedding, but what if this issue will always be with us? I want a better example for my son.
i have a question...what type of family environment did he grow up in? i think this plays a huge part in his communication and sweep everything under the rug attitude
Posted by Moonmist09
fist, i am so sorry you have to go through this. i know how terrible it can be to be int his 'in between' stage were you still have to solve everything but nothing is getting worked out.
who is wanting to cancel/put the wedding on hold? you or FH?
How is he in all other aspects of your life? before you had the baby, even now, if you go out and he tries to reach you and you went M*I*A on him, how would he react?
I agree that he needs to be more in tune with why you are upset, but why is he so against speaking to you about the whole problem? he shouldn't want to avoid it at all costs because he feels you talk to much (not saying that you do this, but you know how some women will not let a situation go or will harp on a subject? does he feel you will do this? there has to be some other underlying reason why he would avoid the this issue.
Coming home at all hours of the night and not calling you is not ok and its extremely irresponsible. not icking up the phone to avoid a fight is even more childlike.
i hope this really does work out for both of you.![]()
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Posted by J79
i have a question...what type of family environment did he grow up in? i think this plays a huge part in his communication and sweep everything under the rug attitude
Posted by Im getting Married
But I do not think that staying together just for family is the best option either.
my Fh went through a time where he did this, though you have every right to be mad my advice would be to treat him like a baby, try not to yell at him, you really have to walk him through everything, i know its cliche but a lot of men really are taught to hide their feelings and act like a man, and they do. Your FH avoided your calls because he thought you'd be mad he was staying out late, you need to explain to him that you wouldn't be mad (hopefully) if he took the time to talk to you and consider you before deciding to stay out late, call you up and let you know. Another tip, guys don't like to be at fault, I know its difficult when you are mad, but if you want to get through to him sometimes the best way is to make sure he dosen't think you are blaming him as much as trying to talk and get through to him, there is a big difference to men.
Posted by Lana and Johan
Posted by Moonmist09
fist, i am so sorry you have to go through this. i know how terrible it can be to be int his 'in between' stage were you still have to solve everything but nothing is getting worked out.
who is wanting to cancel/put the wedding on hold? you or FH?
How is he in all other aspects of your life? before you had the baby, even now, if you go out and he tries to reach you and you went M*I*A on him, how would he react?
I agree that he needs to be more in tune with why you are upset, but why is he so against speaking to you about the whole problem? he shouldn't want to avoid it at all costs because he feels you talk to much (not saying that you do this, but you know how some women will not let a situation go or will harp on a subject? does he feel you will do this? there has to be some other underlying reason why he would avoid the this issue.
Coming home at all hours of the night and not calling you is not ok and its extremely irresponsible. not icking up the phone to avoid a fight is even more childlike.
i hope this really does work out for both of you.![]()
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Thanks again for the support and kind words. I don't usually post my personal business but I needed some help.
the canceling of the wedding was both of our suggestions because why get married if it's not working out. I dont wanna get divorced 2 years later.
Before the baby, he was a party animal. Always going out with friends, drinking, staying out and not caring. We fought about it all the time. He changed and has calmed down. He doesn't go out as often, but when he does, he goes overboard. Last time it was 4am and we fought about it and he promised never to let it happen again....and now? same thing. When I go out, i am always responsive.
He says he is not talkative and that's not in his nature. He says if this is it, so be it. He's not even fighting for it and that hurts! Its like he is waving the white flag of surrender.
He feels like i will talk to death about the subject and wont let go. I do that sometimes when he is unresponsive and wont get any feedback.
I dont mind him going out, but there has to be a medium and he has to be responsible.![]()
Posted by Lana and Johan
Posted by J79
i have a question...what type of family environment did he grow up in? i think this plays a huge part in his communication and sweep everything under the rug attitude
It plays a lot in this: his dad was never caring to his mom, did his own thing. could get up and leave and not come home for days.....
Posted by J79
Posted by Lana and Johan
Posted by J79
i have a question...what type of family environment did he grow up in? i think this plays a huge part in his communication and sweep everything under the rug attitude
It plays a lot in this: his dad was never caring to his mom, did his own thing. could get up and leave and not come home for days.....
ok, so we're basically having a therapy session with or without him
that is exactly the reason he thinks its okay that he does this!!
and it sounds like you both need to change. you cant attack him and freak out that hes not home yet. thats why he doesnt pick up the phone bc he doesnt want to deal with it. if you werent like that, he wld pick up and then you wouldnt be fighting about it
you have FM
Posted by Lana and Johan
Posted by J79
Posted by Lana and Johan
Posted by J79
i have a question...what type of family environment did he grow up in? i think this plays a huge part in his communication and sweep everything under the rug attitude
It plays a lot in this: his dad was never caring to his mom, did his own thing. could get up and leave and not come home for days.....
ok, so we're basically having a therapy session with or without him
that is exactly the reason he thinks its okay that he does this!!
and it sounds like you both need to change. you cant attack him and freak out that hes not home yet. thats why he doesnt pick up the phone bc he doesnt want to deal with it. if you werent like that, he wld pick up and then you wouldnt be fighting about it
I wasnt freaking out and I wasnt harrassing him. i was worried and calling to see if he was okay.
