Re: Speaking my mind..I feel that I must.

Jenny - I don't mind AT ALL when someone uses my stuff - that is why I share it. I just don't like it when people will critized my taste/opinion with one hand but take all the free help they can get with another.

Edited to say that I have no issue with you bearsbabe NOR anyone on this board. That is why I was so shocked to see that several girls here had such an issue with me.

Re: Speaking my mind..I feel that I must.

SonicStef, I hope that your comment about being obnoxious wasn't aimed at me, although I suspect it was. I had huge issues with you calling some people's bm's gifts crap, which I expressed, but none with you personally. The fact that we all have different personalities, taste and opinions is what creates the atmosphere that makes LI Weddings worth visiting. HOWEVER, if you are implying that I used your ideas and then knocked you, I think you are mistaken. I have been married for over a year and did the majority of my planning before I even found this board.

I hope there are no hard feelings here.

Re: Speaking my mind..I feel that I must.

As someone who has read some pretty harsh posts and who has asked Stef for help, I have a few words to add. While the Melissa post is fresh in everyone's mind, there have been several harsh posts from and to many different brides. So, I don't want Stef to feel singled out.

But there are times that unsolicited negative comments come out of nowhere. I am not thinking of any one or any topic, but I have noticed it. I agree with whoever said that we should think about our advice and maybe soften the blow sometimes. We should also make sure we are responding to the request for advice.

Case in point Melissa mentioned some choices for BM gifts and asked who had seen them and which one was better. She didn't ask whether we thought they were good at all, thoughtful enough or expensive enough. I don't think anyone actually answered her!

And Stef - I have been thinking about getting matching necklaces or earrings for my BMs. I have put a lot of thought into it - how much I can spend, whether they would use them again, whether they would prefer a necklace or earrings, if I can get them from Tiffany, etc. I have also recieved such gifts as being a BM (sans the Tiffany!). While you may think that is not appropriate or thougthful enough, you don't need to refer to it as USELESS (all caps) crap. Where or not you think your comments were offensive, and I am sure that you never meant to offend anyone, I was slightly offended. It's your opinion. I think you're wrong to conclude that gifts that are not personalized, which you feel is important, are crap. That's my opinion. No big deal.

While I appreciate that you respond to my posts with your honest opinions, that doesn't mean I have to jump in to defend you when I disagree. But, hey, you didn't post the first harsh thing I have seen on this board, so I don't want you to feel targeted. Can't we all just get along

Sorry, didn't mean to drone on so long

Re: Speaking my mind..I feel that I must.

Stefanie helps many of us on this board as do many of the brides. We all contribute in our own way, as best we can. And I think that is a fact we can ALL agree on. Stefanie is NOT accusing anyone of stealing her ideas. I think, and correct me if I am wrong Stef, that she is just saying that one day a bride askes her for help with a template or design, and the next posts something negative when she responds to a thread with her opinion. If you respect her enough to ask for help, also respect her opinions even if you disagree with them. Some of us are good at etiquette questions, others have visited every reception site from Montauk to Westchester and others tried on a zillion gowns in every salon. We all have valuable information to share. So let's just do that.
This post has gotten out of hand and I feel like we are in Junior High.
If someone posts a' What do you think' thread then we should all post what we think. Some of us doing it in a 'softer' tone than others, but we all have different personalities and that shines thru on the boards. I do not dance around the issues too often, nor do I write 'That Sucks' ever. None of us do that. I think we sometimes need to agree to disagree about a topic. If we all had the same tastes and opinions then there could only be one reception site, one photographer etc...

FYI-UW stands for UltimateWedding.com where many of us also post and have journals.

Re: Speaking my mind..I feel that I must.

Sonicstef, I find your 'idiot' remark to be very rude.
So who are the'idiots'/'obnoxious' girls here??

Re: Speaking my mind..I feel that I must.

Again, like I said in my previous post this is getting to be a catty junior high school fight. We all write/say things when we are angry and upset. Stef said that in her previous post. No offense at all Jennbaby- you help me a lot but I think it is time to put this to rest and get on with our helping each other.
Also Becky- Stef did not say that non-personalized gifts are crap. She was referring to those gifts that people get their BMs that have NO thought put into them. Such as a piece of jewerly that you can ONLY wear with the BM dress. I had a friend who got HUGE applique earrings once, that matched the HUGE applique on the BM dress. She can NEVER wear those again. That is not a thankyou gift, it is 'wear this for the wedding' stuff. She also discussed how she got nothing from one bride after throwing her a shower, spending over $300 on a gown etc..

Re: Speaking my mind..I feel that I must.

i agree michele.

Re: Speaking my mind..I feel that I must.

Steph:

You responded to my original post:

'I am 100% sincere, where have you seen evidence of this...?'

And on my second post, you said something to the effect of 'I think its unfair to even clump me in with those.'

First, I re-read my email. Did I 'clump'? -- I don't think so - and that certianly wasn't my intention. I was trying to make a general point that might potentially apply to anyone who hit reply without thinking first (myself included!)

You're right when you say you've never told someone 'Your reception site su*ks' (not that I said 'Step tells people their reception site is yucky!' either -- but that's besides the point) And honestly, I don't remember the Mark Kauffman threads so I can't respond to that.

I don't have the time to do searches through this site until I find a truckload of evidence of specific examples of people being nasty. But if you want give you a specific example --> fine! I thought your comment describing someone's suggested gift idea as 'useless crap' was harsh.

Remember - you asked! Enjoy my honest feedback...

I don't want to get into a pissing contest here... although it's probably too late for that now. The truth is this: Do you routinely put people or their ideas down? No! Do you try to offer whatever assistance you can? Yes! Do I think there are other people who are 110% worse than you? Yes!

If you feel attacked and that everyone who ever used your templates should rush to your defense... well whatever.. That's your business.

Again -- all I'm trying to say is that there are nice ways to tell someone you disagree with them & nasty/snotty ways. Being 'brutally honest' doesn't have to come at the price of disrespecting someone else.

If you feel that every comment you have ever made has been respectful -- then fine! Go home, cuddle up with your FI and sleep like a baby tonight! If you think you may have slipped up once or twice when you were stressed from work or whatever -- guess what? Join the club! Sometime expressing ourselves in writing is different than expressing ourselves verbally...

Re: Speaking my mind..I feel that I must.

Michelle, I left junior high in the past long ago. If you feel this is childish, then what part does your response play? That question is not meant to be snide, but I thought my post pointed out that I didn't think Steph meant to offend anyone and that she was certainly not the first person to offend someone on this board. However, the comment about all the BM gifts that she had read about on this board that she considers useless crap offended me. I have never posted my thoughts about gifts for my BMs, but it still offended me. Am I childish for wanting to reply when Steph has asked where the people are who she has offered advice to and why they are not defending her? I don't think so.

I really don't want to cause any problems. So what if I was offended? I'm already over it, just wanted to point out to Steph how her post could, and in my case did, offend. It pales in comparison to seeing how the LIWeddings brides who posted on Melissa's intial thread were bashed on UW

Re: Speaking my mind..I feel that I must.

Jenn: No my comment was not directed at you all! Actually, I dont remember nor do I care to dig up who said the obnoxious comment that I was rude for my first suggestion that Melissa choose sometime more personal with her Macys gift card. In general, I find it obnoxious when someone declares my opinion (which was not a swipe at Melissa or anyone here for that matter) which was written in a straightforward, honest but not derogatory way rude.

I never said that I thought ANYONE in particulars gift ideas were uselesss crap - I said that I think sometimes brides get USELESS CRAP for the bridesmaids in general and that a thoughtful gift (no matter the cost ) is in order.

Perhaps you believe that no gift is useless no matter what its purpose or effort behind it but we can agree to disagree on that.

Becky - what i said was that a 'thoughtless' gift is useless crap. I never said all jewelry is useless! As long as a bride has selected a gift the bridesmaids might enjoy after the wedding - thats a thoughtful gift in my book.

And personalization is not all that important to me...its making sure that the gift is selected with the receiver in mind. I just don't see how someone can argue with that?

Jenn - My 'idiot' remark was aimed at people who are not even participating in this thread. I wont name names but there are SEVERAL girls on this board who requested my help that took several hours of my time. (Not just downloading program templates or something else trivial). I don't mind helping a bride but I think if that person will take advantage of my time and generosity - they can at least post some sort of defense to me. It was not aimed at you or anyone else here.

In general, I find it obnoxious when someone declares my opinion (which was not a swipe at Melissa or anyone here for that matter) which was written in a straightforward, honest but not derogatory way rude. Some people may disagree with that - and that is fine. But please remember I didn't run here and start a whole new thread calling people obnoious or idiots. I wrote it in my journal after being pissed about the previous thread - and Im not going to apologize because I think some peoples behavior is fitting for those descriptions at times. Maybe you think Im being obnoxious or rude - I gaurantee i wont go searching for your wedding journals on other sites to see what you said about it.

Dora - IF that was not your intention than I apologize for assuming such.

Yes I agree - my 'useless crap' comment was harsh. And while I didn't describe what I though useless crap was - it was meant to be harsh. Hopefully some bride who planned to get their party matching purple applique chandlier earrings decided to re-think the idea. But being harsh is not the same as being disrespectful as you are accusing me. I respect everyones opinions here and I would never call someone out and say that they were rude for stating their opinion - which is where this whole mess started.

Michele - that is exactly what Im saying!

Re: Speaking my mind..I feel that I must.

i bet LIWeddings is going to lock this thread real soon.

Re: Speaking my mind..I feel that I must.

They arent gonna lock it before I chime in again thats for sure! My original post wasnt meant to start trouble by any means. It was meant to do exactly what i titled it...SPEAK MY MIND. Why is it ok for some of you to say anything you want, whether its nice, rude, mean, helpful, hurtful or whatever? But then I cant make one comment?

I would really like to know who you were referring to as being obnoxious because I know it wasnt me! I never planned on sounding obnoxoius or anything else. And you cannot say that I personally ever asked you for anything because I never have. I also saw another little piece of your journal where you said 'I do think my wedding will be better than theirs!' Yeah right! You can go on thinking that...I am sure we all believe that our weddings will be great.

Freedom of speech is a wonderful thing...but when we hurt others with it, it is a horrible thing. I am not saying that Melissa was hurt by comments made nor am I saying that I was directly hurt either. It just bothers me that I along with many others on this board try our best to help people in the best way possible and others (not directed just to one person) just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

I think everyone spoke their mind and I think thats a great thing in a community like this. I just hate to see people hurt and all I know is that I hold back from posting many things because I am afraid those people will just totally shoot me down. I want to be able to post questions, opinions and anything else but I just feel that some should be a little bit more caring of others and they should realize that not everyone is in the same financial situation.

Good luck to you all!

Re: Speaking my mind..I feel that I must.

By the way ladies,
Give it up. Sonic said her peace since I guess she felt attacked or guilty and chic gave her follow up as well!
Just end it!

Or handle this stuff on forum mail, especially if you don't want other bride's adding there 2 cents!

Thanks! happy planning!
Laurie

Re: Speaking my mind..I feel that I must.

Don't worry they won't lock this post because we are not bashing one of the advertisers
And all I am saying is that the posts were getting catty Becky- you have to admit that they were. That makes me feel like JR. High- and believe me I left Jr. high way too long ago. I would rather not think of which year because it makes me feel old.

Re: Speaking my mind..I feel that I must.

an article that may put things into perspective...;)

Bride Only One That Has Fun At Wedding


happy planning ladies...and please remember after the wedding...there ARE more important things to worry about...ie. starting a life together, starting a family, finding a place to live, getting laid off...knowing that whatever good or bad happens that you love this man (or woman for matt) so much that you cry tears of happiness just eating dinner next to him (her)

Although I still haven't forgotten that I was flamed for my do not play list (<- that was a wink...please take it as a joke....)

(btw...edited b/c the stupid wink didn't show up and that would have totally ruined the tone of my whole post )

and to add that Michele31 already posted this...

My thoughts!!!

I was not going to join in on this but I must say that I think we all have at one point or another been harsh. When a bride post something that is not to my liking I look at it and move on, I do not yes her to death and I do not lie to her and tell her its fantastic. I was raised with the saying if you do not have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. I might not always follow it but some things are best left unsaid.

I have told Stef on more than one occasion that the way she comes off can be harsh. Whether or not I have helped anyone, if they jump to my defense or not, me helping does them does not change the faith in which I did it. Michelle shared a template with me I shared it with a lot of people, if they disagree with me or do not defend me on a topic should I ask for it back? one has nothing to do with the other. You did it out of the kindness of your heart and that's that, unless when you did it you expected a life long commitment from the individual?

If they don't defend me maybe its b/c they disagree with me or they agree that I was wrong so they cannot jump to my defense. I would not want anyone feeling like every time they see me on the offense that b/c I assisted them some how they have to jump to my side. My side may not be the side they want to be on and that is fine, they as well are entitled to stay silent or speak otherwise

I do not go to UW, and after seeing that comment that Stef posted in her journal, I was offended, but she is entitiled to her opinion no matter how harsh it may be. The useless crap comment again her opinion, I disagree but its her opinion, does not mean I am going to change the gifts that I had planned to give b/c of what she said. Useless crap to her could be gold to me . You know your BP best and you should know what they would like not anyone here.

No matter what the cost of a bride's wedding or where they are having it or who their vendors are does not make their wedding any less special. wonderful, or nice than any other bride. You are doing what makes you happy and what works for you and your FI.

I have to agree with whoever said it, think before you hit the reply button, in other words put yourself in the person's shoes on the receiving end of your comment.

My wedding was 13 days ago and if it was not for some brides here I would not even bother coming back to LI Weddings. I have to look at it this way, I have been helped by pass brides so I have to stay and do my part. I will try as I am doing my part to be mindful of other's feelings as we all should be.

Happy planning all

Re: My thoughts!!!

If you are offended by a generic opinion (not directly aimed at anyone, just stating something I find to be less than desireable), I don't think that gives anyone the right to be rude to me.

I never asked for a lifelong committment NOR did I ask for anyone to agree with me. All I ask is that people not specifically attack my opinion over anyone elses. If courtesy is too much to ask in return of being helpful, then that is up to you. But I am entitled to feel a bit miffed about it. If you feel the need to read my journal then be prepared to hear what I have to say.

Further - I have explained my comments in my PERSONAL JOUNRAL to everyone in detail. You are free to accept that or jump to your own conclusions. I have NEVER called anyone on this board idiots or obnoxious directly - I said those comments out of anger and they were not to anyone participating here. Honestly, I don't see why anyone would care to lurk in my journal and then report back but what you girls do with your time is up to you.

Re: My thoughts!!!

I didn't think I'd post on this again but.......

not bashing you stef, but aren't personal journals or anything else on the internet for the world to see?
if the answer is yes, then you should have thought about what you wrote before you posted it, like we all do sometimes, post things that we later thought were the wrong answer. We all do it, but those idiot/obnoxious comments were very uncalled for!!
as most of us agree, you can be very harsh with people, maybe you don't mean to, but maybe in the future, everyone can just get along on here and be more polite in our responses, even if the opinion is not to our liking, mabe word it differently?

It's Friday everyone! Have a wonderful weekend! I am going to C&H veil shop tomorrow to look....Happy thoughts to all & Happy Planning!

Re: My thoughts!!!

Jenn you know I coined the phrase happy planning right.... I see you using it now...I love to end my post like that It's either that or Stay blessed