Okay so my FH was in Atlantic City this past weekend for his friends bachelor party. And the last stop they made was to a strip club. Now there's nothing i can do about it. It was his friends bachelor party and i certainly don't expect my FH to sit anything out. But i had a few thoughts on the topic...
-lots of people say that it's their last chance to see some boobs or naked bodies. Now correct me if i'm wrong, but didn't the guys think of this before they put the damn ring on your finger? I mean when you give the girl a ring... it sort of means that she's it, doesn't it? And that she's the last person you're ever going to sleep with? So if you want to see more boobs or a*ses... shouldn't you wait to give her the ring or at least visit the strip club before you propose to get it out of your system? I mean how romantic is it that your FH has to go to a strip club right before he marries you? Wow that says romance to me!!!
-Okay so say your FH is at a bar and him and a group of people leave. Then he realizes he has to pee and this girl in the group says oh i'm right around the corner, you can use my bathroom (i know its far fetched, but keep with me). When your FH comes out of the bathroom, she all of a sudden comes out of the room naked.... shouldn't your FH feel awkward and that he shouldn't be seeing this, much less be there? That's its very inappropriate? So why is it okay to see someone naked as long as you PAY for it?
I know i'm rambling and all, but it just aggravates me. I mean just because some people say it's acceptable to pay to see naked women, doesn't mean that it's okay. If you're single, that's one thing. But especially when you're engaged... how is it appropriate or acceptable to see other naked women!?!?!?! My FH definitely wouldn't like me showing my goods to other people, so why would it be okay for him to see someone else's goods?
Chelle
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by MrsWmson2be
From my viewpoint, it isn't disrespectful if a man just GOES to strip clubs. It becomes disrespectful when a woman makes it a point to her FH/DH that it's a serious issue for her and he disregards her feelings, goes anyway, or lies and says he isn't going but goes anyhow. I think it can definitely be a huge wedding related issue! If you think about some of the things a lot of brides freak out about (which stamps to use for their for their envelopes, disagreements about seating arrangments, FH's watching football every Sunday, that their FMIL is wearing an ivory dress, etc) to me, FH having someone grinding naked on his lap seems like just a little bit of a bigger issue. Yet, I've seen more women lose their minds over what shoes they'll wear, what hairstyle to use, and whether or not to allow a child to come to their wedding. It doesn't make any sense.
A guy that FH went to college with went to a strip club for his bachelor party anyway, knowing his fiancee was strongly against it. She communicated to him her feelings about it, and he told her he wouldn't go, he'd just go out to bars and dinner with the guys. This person told FH and some other guys that he went to the strip club anyway and just didn't tell his wife. FH told me what he had said, and then called him a real piece of S***. (Prior to that, FH was thinking about inviting him and his wife to our wedding, in order to make our minimum). After he heard that, he said he didn't want him there. I agreed with FH that what he did to his wife was disrespectful and selfish, and it was even worse that he lied to her face about it.
A man doesn't HAVE to do that for his bachelor party. It's just as easy for him to do other things that are enjoyable to him (golf, gamble, drink, whatever) have a good time with his guys, and respect his FW's feelings all at the same time. For the men who have women who made clear that it's an issue to them and would do it anyway....all I can say is that such an inability to compromise speaks VOLUMES about that person's ability to be a good lifelong partner.
You are truly amazing. Thank you for being so eloquent where I could not. You said EVERYTHING I would have said and I agree with you 10000000%
ellebelle1
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MrsWmson2be
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by BHW
Posted by MrsWmson2be
Posted by BHW
I'm not a fan of strip clubs, but I'm not going to tell DH he can't go to a bachelor party that involves strip clubs. I wouldn't want him telling me what to do, so why should I try to control him? I trust him. I would never risk ruining our relationship over something like this.
I'm curious. For those who won't 'let' their FI/DH go to strip clubs, how do you feel about them looking at porn? Is that any different? What about watching movies with naked women in them? Where do you draw the line? What makes one ok and not the other?
My objection is him taking initiative to go to these strip clubs. If we walk on a nude beach or see skinmax or a woman is naked in a movie we are watching, I don't care.
I don't consider myself one to 'let' or not 'let' my fiance do something. I just told him early on, if you don't have strip clubs out of your system, don't continue to date me lol. Fortunately, he doesn't like them, doesn't go to them and we're getting married in 5 days!
We can agree to disagree, but I think if you're going to threaten or consider ending a relationship over him going to a bachelor party involving strip clubs, you're essentially not letting him go. If he doesn't want to go to a friend's bachelor party b/c it involves strip clubs, then that's great and you don't have any issues to resolve. However, if he'd like to go, but knows you won't want to continue a relationship if he goes, you're telling him what he can and cannot do.
Yeah, he doesn't want to go and therefore that's not an issue for us. I am my own person, as is he, and I have a right to stay with someone who I feel respects me, my feelings, and wouldn't want to see me hurt. I wouldn't do anything to disrespect his feelings, so he should't engage in activities which result in disrespecting mine. I have no idea why you think that this is a problematic way to feel. It's completely logical and natural. 'Do onto others as you would want done onto you'
BHW
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Re: strip clubs... vent
stephanief
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by BHW
Posted by MrsWmson2be
Posted by BHW
Posted by MrsWmson2be
Posted by BHW
I'm not a fan of strip clubs, but I'm not going to tell DH he can't go to a bachelor party that involves strip clubs. I wouldn't want him telling me what to do, so why should I try to control him? I trust him. I would never risk ruining our relationship over something like this.
I'm curious. For those who won't 'let' their FI/DH go to strip clubs, how do you feel about them looking at porn? Is that any different? What about watching movies with naked women in them? Where do you draw the line? What makes one ok and not the other?
My objection is him taking initiative to go to these strip clubs. If we walk on a nude beach or see skinmax or a woman is naked in a movie we are watching, I don't care.
I don't consider myself one to 'let' or not 'let' my fiance do something. I just told him early on, if you don't have strip clubs out of your system, don't continue to date me lol. Fortunately, he doesn't like them, doesn't go to them and we're getting married in 5 days!
We can agree to disagree, but I think if you're going to threaten or consider ending a relationship over him going to a bachelor party involving strip clubs, you're essentially not letting him go. If he doesn't want to go to a friend's bachelor party b/c it involves strip clubs, then that's great and you don't have any issues to resolve. However, if he'd like to go, but knows you won't want to continue a relationship if he goes, you're telling him what he can and cannot do.
Yeah, he doesn't want to go and therefore that's not an issue for us. I am my own person, as is he, and I have a right to stay with someone who I feel respects me, my feelings, and wouldn't want to see me hurt. I wouldn't do anything to disrespect his feelings, so he should't engage in activities which result in disrespecting mine. I have no idea why you think that this is a problematic way to feel. It's completely logical and natural. 'Do onto others as you would want done onto you'
I just don't see the point in ending or even contemplating ending a relationship over something like this. It's not a deal breaker for me whereas it seems to be for you. We all tolerate different things. I'd never want to be the kind of wife who tells her husband what he can and cannot do. I'd never forbid him from going to someone's bachelor party. That's just not me. I'd also hate for him to try to control what I do. That's not the kind of relationship I have or want. No one's right or wrong. It's just a difference of opinion.
the most elequoent (sp) post of the thread. I agree 100%
VadersBride2006
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by ellebelle1
I think everyone has different tolerance for certain things. I am anti-strip clubs because the vision of my FH having a LIVE naked chick standing or dancing in front of him makes me want to puke. I've tried to convince myself not to care, but it doesn't work. I end up severely angry when people try to tell me I'm wrong for feeling this way. I think it's logical for me not to want my FH to have naked boobies shaking in his face that aren't mine. But, that's just me. There are things I'd like to do in my life that I can' t do because I'm an almost married woman. That' s life, and I accept it.
No where in this thread has anyone told another that they are 'wrong' for feeling the way they do - either for or against strip clubs. At least I haven't seen that post...
transamgirlie
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Re: strip clubs... vent
It's no biggie to me personally. I think as long as you are secure in your relationship that seeing naked people isn't a big deal. Now don't get me wrong, I still get a little twinge but I know that it's not necessary. It's just my own insecurities talking. Of course if he went there all the time and was layin gout all kinds of cash then I would have to take up stripping and have a pole built into the livingroom so I could get some extra cash from him!
Oh and to answer your question - he would be a dead man if he went to pee at some random womans house - that is a NO NO! I don't care if she is clothes or naked
VadersBride2006
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Re: strip clubs... vent
My last two cents on this...
Read the book Mars and Venus in the Bedroom... it's the best thing I did for ALL my relationships with men... some very good insights there.
JMO
aliwnec10
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by VadersBride2006
My last two cents on this...
Read the book Mars and Venus in the Bedroom... it's the best thing I did for ALL my relationships with men... some very good insights there.
JMO
I'm just a little confused by this. What does this book have to do with someone's beliefs??
*And just to say it because i'm not sure if it's been said... but for those of you girls who think that some of these strip clubs & bachelor parties are harmless... well then you're just being naive and/or your relationship with your FH might not be as honest as you think it is. I'm not saying all of you, just some. They're not harmless and some of you would be disgusted if you knew what actually went on at some of them!
ETA: I was not saying anywhere in the above that any girls who let their FH's go to a strip club are naive. That was not my intention and not the purpose of what i wrote. I was simply saying that they're not harmless and i was hoping to open a few eyes to that.
DjPiLL
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Re: strip clubs... vent
*And just to say it because i'm not sure if it's been said... but for those of you girls who think that some of these strip clubs & bachelor parties are harmless... well then you're just being naive and/or your relationship with your FH might not be as honest as you think it is. I'm not saying all of you, just some. They're not harmless and some of you would be disgusted if you knew what actually went on at some of them!
OMG... stop crying over how baaaaaad strip clubs are. You really don't have a clue what really goes on in a strip club.
You are just insecure, and now you are calling other girls that allow their FHs to go to strip clubs for their bachelor parties naive.
The point is... a man can go to a strip club... sit down at a table... have a couple of beers with his friends... and do NOTHING. Its his choice. No dancer will pay him any bit of mind if he isn't tipping.
But I guess since you talk about *HONESTY*... if you can't trust your DH enough for him to just go to a strip club and do NOTHING... then maybe your relationship might not be as honest as YOU think it is.
aliwnec10
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by DjPiLL
*And just to say it because i'm not sure if it's been said... but for those of you girls who think that some of these strip clubs & bachelor parties are harmless... well then you're just being naive and/or your relationship with your FH might not be as honest as you think it is. I'm not saying all of you, just some. They're not harmless and some of you would be disgusted if you knew what actually went on at some of them!
OMG... stop crying over how baaaaaad strip clubs are. You really don't have a clue what really goes on in a strip club.
You are just insecure, and now you are calling other girls that allow their FHs to go to strip clubs for their bachelor parties naive.
The point is... a man can go to a strip club... sit down at a table... have a couple of beers with his friends... and do NOTHING. Its his choice. No dancer will pay him any bit of mind if he isn't tipping.
But I guess since you talk about *HONESTY*... if you can't trust your DH enough for him to just go to a strip club and do NOTHING... then maybe your relationship might not be as honest as YOU think it is.
I believe i said 'SOME' places... didn't i? And no i didn't call girls who let their FH's go to strip clubs naive. I said if you think that they're always harmless... than you're naive. Again, you're putting words in my mouth.
now try to pay attention... okay? It has nothing to do with trust or insecurities. just because a girl doesn't like strip clubs or bachelor parties does not mean she's automatically insecure or that she's not trustworthy of her FH! Do you understand that or should i repeat it 5 more times for you for you to actually listen and absorb what i'm saying??
As for my comment about letting girls know that not ALL of these strip clubs and bachelor parties are harmless... well i was just passing along some interesting information for others to either listen or not listen to. What's the matter with that? Am i putting a damper on this 'tradition' for you?
cantwait2bewed
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Re: strip clubs... vent
This really doesnt bother me. My Fh doesnt like strip clubs though. He never did like them. So i dont have to worry about it. But if he did then i wouldnt care b/c i look better and give him much better than those girls can.
ladybug78
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Re: strip clubs... vent
When you forbid someone to do something, it will make them want to do it even more....I don't have a problem with DH going to a strip club for a bachelor party because I know he would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship....IMHO, there are more things in life to get upset about then DH going out with his guy friends to a strip club for a bachelor party.
BHW
Posted:
Member since
Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by DjPiLL
*And just to say it because i'm not sure if it's been said... but for those of you girls who think that some of these strip clubs & bachelor parties are harmless... well then you're just being naive and/or your relationship with your FH might not be as honest as you think it is. I'm not saying all of you, just some. They're not harmless and some of you would be disgusted if you knew what actually went on at some of them!
OMG... stop crying over how baaaaaad strip clubs are. You really don't have a clue what really goes on in a strip club.
You are just insecure, and now you are calling other girls that allow their FHs to go to strip clubs for their bachelor parties naive.
The point is... a man can go to a strip club... sit down at a table... have a couple of beers with his friends... and do NOTHING. Its his choice. No dancer will pay him any bit of mind if he isn't tipping.
But I guess since you talk about *HONESTY*... if you can't trust your DH enough for him to just go to a strip club and do NOTHING... then maybe your relationship might not be as honest as YOU think it is.
I completely agree.
Aliwnec10, I find it funny that just because people disagree with you and don't make a big issue out of strip clubs, you tell them they're being naive in their relationships. Honestly, if a guy wants to cheat, he doesn't need a strip club to do it. Should he not be allowed to go to a bar with friends because girls may start talking to him? At some point you have to let go of the reins and trust that your FI/DH is committed to you. I don't think any woman is thrilled with the idea of her FI/DH going to strip clubs, but as long as he's not going every week and is just going for a bachelor party, I don't see the reason to make a huge issue out of it.
aliwnec10
Posted:
Member since
Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by BHW
Posted by DjPiLL
*And just to say it because i'm not sure if it's been said... but for those of you girls who think that some of these strip clubs & bachelor parties are harmless... well then you're just being naive and/or your relationship with your FH might not be as honest as you think it is. I'm not saying all of you, just some. They're not harmless and some of you would be disgusted if you knew what actually went on at some of them!
OMG... stop crying over how baaaaaad strip clubs are. You really don't have a clue what really goes on in a strip club.
You are just insecure, and now you are calling other girls that allow their FHs to go to strip clubs for their bachelor parties naive.
The point is... a man can go to a strip club... sit down at a table... have a couple of beers with his friends... and do NOTHING. Its his choice. No dancer will pay him any bit of mind if he isn't tipping.
But I guess since you talk about *HONESTY*... if you can't trust your DH enough for him to just go to a strip club and do NOTHING... then maybe your relationship might not be as honest as YOU think it is.
I completely agree.
Aliwnec10, I find it funny that just because people disagree with you and don't make a big issue out of strip clubs, you tell them they're being naive in their relationships. Honestly, if a guy wants to cheat, he doesn't need a strip club to do it. Should he not be allowed to go to a bar with friends because girls may start talking to him? At some point you have to let go of the reins and trust that your FI/DH is committed to you. I don't think any woman is thrilled with the idea of her FI/DH going to strip clubs, but as long as he's not going every week and is just going for a bachelor party, I don't see the reason to make a huge issue out of it.
Okay i'm done trying to explain my post and what i said in the original post. Obviously whatever i say gets twisted around and people are putting words in my mouth.
MrsWmson2be
Posted:
Member since
Re: strip clubs... vent
Posted by BHW
Posted by DjPiLL
*And just to say it because i'm not sure if it's been said... but for those of you girls who think that some of these strip clubs & bachelor parties are harmless... well then you're just being naive and/or your relationship with your FH might not be as honest as you think it is. I'm not saying all of you, just some. They're not harmless and some of you would be disgusted if you knew what actually went on at some of them!
OMG... stop crying over how baaaaaad strip clubs are. You really don't have a clue what really goes on in a strip club.
You are just insecure, and now you are calling other girls that allow their FHs to go to strip clubs for their bachelor parties naive.
The point is... a man can go to a strip club... sit down at a table... have a couple of beers with his friends... and do NOTHING. Its his choice. No dancer will pay him any bit of mind if he isn't tipping.
But I guess since you talk about *HONESTY*... if you can't trust your DH enough for him to just go to a strip club and do NOTHING... then maybe your relationship might not be as honest as YOU think it is.
I completely agree.
Aliwnec10, I find it funny that just because people disagree with you and don't make a big issue out of strip clubs, you tell them they're being naive in their relationships. Honestly, if a guy wants to cheat, he doesn't need a strip club to do it. Should he not be allowed to go to a bar with friends because girls may start talking to him? At some point you have to let go of the reins and trust that your FI/DH is committed to you. I don't think any woman is thrilled with the idea of her FI/DH going to strip clubs, but as long as he's not going every week and is just going for a bachelor party, I don't see the reason to make a huge issue out of it.
I wouldn't be cool with him doing that, but if the woman is okay with it, and the guy goes, then I don't see a problem. However, if it's an issue for the woman, and the guy goes anyway, then that makes it a problem. I just believe that there are ways to compromise, and that each couple needs to work together to define for them what works for their relationship. Different strokes for different folks!
Beth1210
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Member since
Re: strip clubs... vent
Ladybug78 and BHW- you guys sumed it up for me 100%
do you want you FH or DH telling you what you can and can not do? I don't think so
some times it's best to say- 'have a good time'
BHW
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Re: strip clubs... vent
nicolehojo
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Re: strip clubs... vent
ok, so for the man on this board,... If your WIFE is at a strip club, or better yet, a b-ette party, and another man is Naked, rubbing, shaking twisting and all the other wonderous moves they have all over your wife... would you like it? or how about when they take the bride to be, and pull them up with them, throw them on there lap, make some moves. Just immagine, try to see what is going on, Does that not bother you in the littlest way ?
Chelle
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Re: strip clubs... vent
Since when did this website become 'Attack the Poster'?
Geez guys, if you can't express your feelings or opinions on this site without getting attacked, then what's the point???
