Tell me a story.

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Posted by Mimacat

God, doesn't anyone want to go to the nutty irishman? I miss being a drunk wh*re.

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I wouldnt take the whore part away from you though..drunk yes

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Posted by Mimacat

God, doesn't anyone want to go to the nutty irishman? I miss being a drunk wh*re.

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HAHAHAHAHAHA

me too

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Posted by yelley77

ok...

so one time FH and I came home from a bar... he was tipsy, I was totally wasted. the whole way home I'm saying completey inappropriate sexual things to him. So he's like we can't get home soon enough...

so we run in the house, clothes everywhere, i'm being a nasty slunt (alchohol makes me think I'm a porn star) and i'm like you should cuff me, i've been bad...

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These nights make for the BEST sex ever..

I agree

alcohol=pornstar behavior

OK here is one of my many sex stories!!!

OK so 2 Memorial Day weekends ago lol FH was home for that weekend from San Diego because he had a friends wedding to go to. So Sunday night was the wedding and it was at Oheka's Castle so we were a little more dressed up than normal. I had a long gown on blah blah. And on our way home from the castle I told FH i wanted him now!! He said 'we are like 5 minutes from home cant you wait?' And I said NO!!! So he finds a secluded parking lot and i jump in the back seat and lift my dress up (too drunk to even take it off) so there i am in the back sit on top of FH with my dress and stiletto heels haha.

Half way through the parking lot is not so secluded anymore. It wasnt a cop just another car of kids doing the same thing But I got scared and flipped out and leaned back to try to pick up my undies. Well I GOT STUCK in the middle consul area!! YEA STUCK. My bare sweaty *** was stuck inbetween the front seats and FH was laughing his @$$ off trying to push me. And I actually got bruises on my back thighs haha.

So the next day is Memorial Day and we meet up with my parents for the Parade in my town. Fh is all nice in his uniform. And 2 embarassing moments. A fellow Marine who lives on my block and is actually retired came over to FH and said too bad your collar doesnt cover that hickey!!! He got so embarrassed and then my mom turns to me later during the parade and says 'CATIE how the hell did you get bruises on the top back of your thighs are yuo ok??! (I was wearing shorts)

YEAH SO EMBARASSED!!

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Posted by yelley77

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Posted by Songstress

I got so drunk once...

DH and I had just started like dating, nothing serious yet but we were really feeling eachother and hanging out. Well, I got drunk at this house party waiting for him to come because he had to come after work. By the time he got there I was on the bathroom floor with the lights off passed out. He found me in there and took care of me the whole night. And didnt even try and take advantage of me. (He totally could have)

Oh did I forget to mention it was our first Valentines Day??

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you a slut, you totally did him, don't lie. lol

no, that is really sweet though. He was an FH in training!

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That would have been a really GREAT first time I soo wanted him but then I passed out and almost fell in the tub so it really couldnt have worked out.

I was walking up the block to my best friends house. ( she live 2 houses from me) and her neighbors dog Mugsy was out. He is a friendly dog. Well he walks over to me and proceeds to say hello. I walk across the street to his house because he was in the street. Next thing He jumps on me and starts humping the crap out of me. Now mind you Iam only 97lbs at the time... He actually got me down on the floor digging his paws into my side, He was having himself a grand old time.. LMAO..my best friend is watching this whole thing go on.. I screamed at her to get him OFF, GET HIM OFF!! I was laughing sooo hard i peed my pants!! After my friend was finally done laughing at me she got him off... I was so embarrased i ran home. I was violated and raped by a dog...LOL She always brings that story up tii this day!!

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Posted by Mimacat

God, doesn't anyone want to go to the nutty irishman? I miss being a drunk wh*re.

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I ♥ the nutty in Bayshore!

the FUNNIEST thing my friends and I did was...

This was like 5 years ago...

My friends and i were mallrat kids who found ourselves too old to be hanging out with the mallrats once we were in college...
so we started hanging out in parking lots instead. fun i know

LoL

Anyway, one night we were at the Stop and Shop by my then boyfriend's house, waiting for a friend of ours to get off work. They had one of those carts that had the car thing for the little kids to ride in while mommy shopped.

Everyone bet me that i couldn't fit it in, and then someone dared me to try. I almost never turn down a dare so I did it.

I fit IN it... but when it came time for me to get out... I was stuck. I mean like... seriously stuck and in pain b/c I was laughing so hard and tried to move into a position that my body couldn't handle.
My friends were cracking up and trying very hard to get me out of it but to no avail.

The stop and shop is right next door to a police precinct so... one of my friends went over and got the cops to come and help me!

They kept telling me to stop laughing so they could 'assess the situation' and i started laughing harder b/c my friend goes.. 'her fat asss is stuck in a little car! what else needs to be assessed??'

it took the cops over and hour to get me out of the thing, and by the end they were cracking up too. I'm really flexible so i was in a weird position when they finally decided to just take the top off of the thing. but i get stuck in those positions b/c i have bad joints.... they couldnt figure out how i got in there to begin with.

Then the cops made us all take a sobriety test and searched us for drugs b/c the situation was so ridiculous... they laughed even harder when they realized we were all perfectly sober.

I guess you kinda had to be there

QUOTE]Posted by jonsgirl04

I was walking up the block to my best friends house. ( she live 2 houses from me) and her neighbors dog Mugsy was out. He is a friendly dog. Well he walks over to me and proceeds to say hello. I walk across the street to his house because he was in the street. Next thing He jumps on me and starts humping the crap out of me. Now mind you Iam only 97lbs at the time... He actually got me down on the floor digging his paws into my side, He was having himself a grand old time.. LMAO..my best friend is watching this whole thing go on.. I screamed at her to get him OFF, GET HIM OFF!! I was laughing sooo hard i peed my pants!! After my friend was finally done laughing at me she got him off... I was so embarrased i ran home. I was violated and raped by a dog...LOL She always brings that story up tii this day!!

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THAT was the funniest one yet ! I laughing my a** off at that one !

My drunk story : I was staying at my ex's dorm room for the first time and we got sloppy drunk . His roomate was staying at his g/f dorm ( they went to the same school as my ex , we went to different schools) . after having sloppy drunk sex , we passed out naked.

I woke up at some point in the night and had to pee real bad. i forgot where i was , i guess i thought i was in my dorm or something, and i proceeded to pee in his roomates closet !!!!! (my dorm was suite , with the bathroom right out side my room, so i guess i thought i was there ??? )

the worst part of this is his roomate and his gf had a fight, so as im pissing in his closet , his roomate walked in, flipped on the light and was like ' *** are you doing!!!!' . there i was .... butt naked, peeing in his closet. i was mortified , i was so drunk and out of it i had no idea. my bf woke up and laughed his as@ off !

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Posted by jessnstu08

QUOTE]Posted by jonsgirl04

I was walking up the block to my best friends house. ( she live 2 houses from me) and her neighbors dog Mugsy was out. He is a friendly dog. Well he walks over to me and proceeds to say hello. I walk across the street to his house because he was in the street. Next thing He jumps on me and starts humping the crap out of me. Now mind you Iam only 97lbs at the time... He actually got me down on the floor digging his paws into my side, He was having himself a grand old time.. LMAO..my best friend is watching this whole thing go on.. I screamed at her to get him OFF, GET HIM OFF!! I was laughing sooo hard i peed my pants!! After my friend was finally done laughing at me she got him off... I was so embarrased i ran home. I was violated and raped by a dog...LOL She always brings that story up tii this day!!

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THAT was the funniest one yet ! I laughing my a** off at that one !

My drunk story : I was staying at my ex's dorm room for the first time and we got sloppy drunk . His roomate was staying at his g/f dorm ( they went to the same school as my ex , we went to different schools) . after having sloppy drunk sex , we passed out naked.

I woke up at some point in the night and had to pee real bad. i forgot where i was , i guess i thought i was in my dorm or something, and i proceeded to pee in his roomates closet !!!!! (my dorm was suite , with the bathroom right out side my room, so i guess i thought i was there ??? )

the worst part of this is his roomate and his gf had a fight, so as im pissing in his closet , his roomate walked in, flipped on the light and was like ' *** are you doing!!!!' . there i was .... butt naked, peeing in his closet. i was mortified , i was so drunk and out of it i had no idea. my bf woke up and laughed his as@ off !

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Posted by jessnstu08

My drunk story : I was staying at my ex's dorm room for the first time and we got sloppy drunk . His roomate was staying at his g/f dorm ( they went to the same school as my ex , we went to different schools) . after having sloppy drunk sex , we passed out naked.

I woke up at some point in the night and had to pee real bad. i forgot where i was , i guess i thought i was in my dorm or something, and i proceeded to pee in his roomates closet !!!!! (my dorm was suite , with the bathroom right out side my room, so i guess i thought i was there ??? )

the worst part of this is his roomate and his gf had a fight, so as im pissing in his closet , his roomate walked in, flipped on the light and was like ' *** are you doing!!!!' . there i was .... butt naked, peeing in his closet. i was mortified , i was so drunk and out of it i had no idea. my bf woke up and laughed his as@ off !

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I really need to think of something. I can't think of any!

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Posted by yelley77

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Posted by jessnstu08

QUOTE]Posted by jonsgirl04

I was walking up the block to my best friends house. ( she live 2 houses from me) and her neighbors dog Mugsy was out. He is a friendly dog. Well he walks over to me and proceeds to say hello. I walk across the street to his house because he was in the street. Next thing He jumps on me and starts humping the crap out of me. Now mind you Iam only 97lbs at the time... He actually got me down on the floor digging his paws into my side, He was having himself a grand old time.. LMAO..my best friend is watching this whole thing go on.. I screamed at her to get him OFF, GET HIM OFF!! I was laughing sooo hard i peed my pants!! After my friend was finally done laughing at me she got him off... I was so embarrased i ran home. I was violated and raped by a dog...LOL She always brings that story up tii this day!!

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THAT was the funniest one yet ! I laughing my a** off at that one !

My drunk story : I was staying at my ex's dorm room for the first time and we got sloppy drunk . His roomate was staying at his g/f dorm ( they went to the same school as my ex , we went to different schools) . after having sloppy drunk sex , we passed out naked.

I woke up at some point in the night and had to pee real bad. i forgot where i was , i guess i thought i was in my dorm or something, and i proceeded to pee in his roomates closet !!!!! (my dorm was suite , with the bathroom right out side my room, so i guess i thought i was there ??? )

the worst part of this is his roomate and his gf had a fight, so as im pissing in his closet , his roomate walked in, flipped on the light and was like ' *** are you doing!!!!' . there i was .... butt naked, peeing in his closet. i was mortified , i was so drunk and out of it i had no idea. my bf woke up and laughed his as@ off !

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OMG that is hysterical!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Posted by jonsgirl04

I was walking up the block to my best friends house. ( she live 2 houses from me) and her neighbors dog Mugsy was out. He is a friendly dog. Well he walks over to me and proceeds to say hello. I walk across the street to his house because he was in the street. Next thing He jumps on me and starts humping the crap out of me. Now mind you Iam only 97lbs at the time... He actually got me down on the floor digging his paws into my side, He was having himself a grand old time.. LMAO..my best friend is watching this whole thing go on.. I screamed at her to get him OFF, GET HIM OFF!! I was laughing sooo hard i peed my pants!! After my friend was finally done laughing at me she got him off... I was so embarrased i ran home. I was violated and raped by a dog...LOL She always sh:

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by jonsgirl04

I was walking up the block to my best friends house. ( she live 2 houses from me) and her neighbors dog Mugsy was out. He is a friendly dog. Well he walks over to me and proceeds to say hello. I walk across the street to his house because he was in the street. Next thing He jumps on me and starts humping the crap out of me. Now mind you Iam only 97lbs at the time... He actually got me down on the floor digging his paws into my side, He was having himself a grand old time.. LMAO..my best friend is watching this whole thing go on.. I screamed at her to get him OFF, GET HIM OFF!! I was laughing sooo hard i peed my pants!! After my friend was finally done laughing at me she got him off... I was so embarrased i ran home. I was violated and raped by a dog...LOL She always sh:

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oh dear!

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Posted by bemyyoko

the FUNNIEST thing my friends and I did was...

This was like 5 years ago...

My friends and i were mallrat kids who found ourselves too old to be hanging out with the mallrats once we were in college...
so we started hanging out in parking lots instead. fun i know


I guess you kinda had to be there

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omg that is freakin hysterical

I was getting it on this one time and. . . .

FH and I were upstairs in his room. Our faces had gotten really red, and when we went downstairs, his Mom was sitting at the kitchen table with a neighbor. The neighbor goes 'Oh my god, what were you doing?' We assumed she was talking about the red faces, so the first thing out of FH's mouth was 'umm, blow drying my hair' (his head is shaved). His Mom goes 'really? i heard so much banging (I don't think she intended the pun), it sounded like elephants stomping around up there!!!!!!!'

I. almost. died.

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Posted by jonsgirl04

I was walking up the block to my best friends house. ( she live 2 houses from me) and her neighbors dog Mugsy was out. He is a friendly dog. Well he walks over to me and proceeds to say hello. I walk across the street to his house because he was in the street. Next thing He jumps on me and starts humping the crap out of me. Now mind you Iam only 97lbs at the time... He actually got me down on the floor digging his paws into my side, He was having himself a grand old time.. LMAO..my best friend is watching this whole thing go on.. I screamed at her to get him OFF, GET HIM OFF!! I was laughing sooo hard i peed my pants!! After my friend was finally done laughing at me she got him off... I was so embarrased i ran home. I was violated and raped by a dog...LOL She always brings that story up tii this day!!

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I just busted out laughing at work LOL. I would have died

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Posted by bemyyoko



They kept telling me to stop laughing so they could 'assess the situation' and i started laughing harder b/c my friend goes.. 'her fat asss is stuck in a little car! what else needs to be assessed??'

it took the cops over and hour to get me out of the thing, and by the end they were cracking up too. I'm really flexible so i was in a weird position when they finally decided to just take the top off of the thing. but i get stuck in those positions b/c i have bad joints.... they couldnt figure out how i got in there to begin with.

Then the cops made us all take a sobriety test and searched us for drugs b/c the situation was so ridiculous... they laughed even harder when they realized we were all perfectly sober.

I guess you kinda had to be there

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They could have oiled u up and pulled you out!

hot!