This is personal.....

I need your advice ladies. We just found out that my FI's dads cancer is terminal and that he has maybe months not years to live with this. This came as a real shock to us, he was in remission for 2 years and it came back even stronger and in a different area.
Since we are getting married in 2004, we now know that his dad won't be there to share that day with us. It's really bothering us that he will not see us begin our life together.
We want to do something special to include him now, and we don't know what to do. His dad is also a christmas baby so we want to do things to make this time more special. I need your suggestions, please. Thank you.

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I am so sorry to hear this. I know how it feels as I lost my mother from cancer also. I would spend as much time around him as possible and especially during this holidy season. If I can think of any special idea I will let you know. Your FFIL and your family will be in my prayers.

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This is only a suggestion but how about an e-party. When My sister and BIL got engagged My grandfather didn't have much time. We planned an e-party so that he could share in something special. He didn't make it. (we canceled it) If that is not an option then do something at home. Do it in a way that will make evryone happy that he is there not sad that he is sick. This is a hard one. Sorry if I wan't much of a help. lots of hugs for you and your family.

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Oh my goodness. I am so sorry, what a tragedy.

What about having some portraits taken with him? it might be something special for the two of you to have...

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I agree with Kathy. Spend as much time with him as possible. I think that is the most special thing you can give him right now. My prayers and thoughts will be with your FFIL and your family.

Kathy: I'm so sorry about your mom

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I know this may take away from your official wedding in 2004, but what about an early ceremony with just close friends and family within the coming months? And then the big party as planned. Kind of a different way to do it, but then FI father would be there for your legal marriage and then you could follow up with the plan of 2004 wedding as your church/religious ceremony.

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I think some of these suggestions are wonderful.
Also, maybe find out a favorite song of his or something along those lines, and maybe you can incorporate that when you do get married.
You will be in my thoughts.

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When my grandfather turned 80, we gave him a party celebrating his life. A large birthday party... How about throwing him a lovely celebration where he is the honor. Everyone could get up as we did, come from all over, and speak into a microphone that we had set up for him. People of all ages were getting up and saying how my grandfather touched their lives or read a poem or thanked him for something. It's really lovely and shows how generation move forward.

On a personal note, I am truly sorry to hear that you are going through this and about the sad news. My thoughts are with you and your family.

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How terrible .... my prayers for your FIL. I think the idea of a civil wedding is great. A special day that will live in your memories forever. Then when you have grandchildren, what a story you'll tell them!

A ton of hugs!!!

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I am so sorry you, your FI and family are going through this. You will all be in my thoughts

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I agree with the small ceremony. I'm not sure of your religious background (I'm sure it works the same w/ all religions) But my priest told my FI & I that we can get married any day of the week. So, you can ask the person who's going to marry you in 2004 if they can marry you one day during the week. You can wear just a white dress/suit. Don't feel you are taking away from 2004 see it as doing something nice for your FFIL. I'm sure he would absolutley be honored that you did this for him.

If you want you don't have to tell anyone what you did! I got the shock of my life when a good friend of mine admitted to me that she & her husband were married 9 mths before the wedding that I attended. (She was pregant & wanted to be officially a Mrs before her baby was born) Her family doesn't even know!!
I hope this helps!!

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I agree.Don't wait for a big wedding. Have your small, family ceremony now and take photos! You will both regret him not being there with you if you wait. I think God has given you a gift- you KNOW that your FFIL is ill. Many people lose a loved one without any warning.

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I am so sorry to hear this. I know life throws us all challenges now and then and it's never easy.

I was going to suggest the same as some of the others. Perhaps a small ceremony now w/ just your family and bridal party? Keep your date and have the party as planned? Or, I didn't look at your date, but do you think he'll be around in 2003 on your same date?

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I am so sorry to hear this. I had a friend who just recently faced a similair situation. Her mother had cancer and would not make it to her big wedding in December. What they decided to do was rent a tent at her mothers house and invited only family and a few close friends. They had the ceromony, her in her wedding dress so that her mother felt a part of it. They were able to take pictures, which they haven't shown to anyone, and her mother was there with them. They are having the big wedding, as her mother wanted, in 3 weeks.

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Amen to what Michele31 said! My dad died one day after he was diagnosed with cancer. If we had known he was sick, would we have done things differently? Yes. Having my father at my wedding would mean the world to me, and I would put off my dream of a huge wedding for a vow renewal, and have a small ceremony now if I were you. Good luck in your decision.

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I have to agree with the girls. Having just gone through this all I can say is having my mom there made the day so special. For the 2 weeks or so it was touch and go if she would make it. When the day came and she got to be there it was all the more special. Iwish sometimes that I had moved it up so she could have been more 'herself' and stayed for the entire thing. Now that she is gone just 2 weeks after the fact I have the memory of her at my wedding and all the pictures as the most wonderful memories!!!!

What if you do the small ceremony and make it a total suprise. When it comes down to it none of the stuff that goes along with the big wedding matters. Being surrounded by the people who mean the most becomes the most important thing.

I will keep him in my prayers! And I am here if you need to talk. I know exactly what you are going through.

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so sorry to hear this
can you have a small ceremony in a nice restaurant w/ just your family? and still have your wedding later on? maybe

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I am so sorry to hear this.

I agree with some of the other brides - I think you should get married in front of him, have a small private ceremony with only closest family/friends and use your reception in 2004 as the big party. Maybe you can get married on 7/23/2003 then use 7/23/2004 as a one year anniversary reception? I don't have a father in my life, and neither does FI, but if this was my mom, I would do everything in my power to move it up so that she could share in our day.

you are in my prayers.

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So sorry to hear about your FI's father.

I would suggest as so many have already, hold a small ceremony so that he is a part of it. Then have something as planned in 2004. I hope everything works out for you.

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do not wait for the big day! arrange a great holiday party - Santa and all with his favorite food and music. I would get a photographer and wear a great dress and let him know that you two love him from here to eternity!

oh - and pray - you'd be surprised as to what the man upstairs has up his sleeve!

My most sincere thoughts are with you and your family. All my love from me and my husband.