Update:Dont want to take his last name

For a traditional bride, I am having a hardtime accepting the idea of changing my last name. I feel like a) I am not his damn property. i am not his dog or his slave. b) why should I have to take his stupid last name? c) why should his 'family' take the credit for my accomplishments...d) why should I have to 'give up' my family history and my fathers last name for FH ??? e) Why should I have to go through the hassle of changing my last name and all legal documents????

I have argued w. people over this and all i hear is 'I dont want my kids to feel weird b.c we dont have the same last name. i dont want teachers to think my child is a ******* child. (LOL). so then if this is the case....why not take MY last name???
What the hell makes his damn family better than mine that I should feel so damn PRIVILEDGED to have it????? people have suggested hyphenating my name....I think thats stupid. what the hell am I supposed to do... Sign 3 damn names everywhere? i really hate the fact that women are even put in this stupid position. I thought about changing my middle name to his...or maybe change it to my last name (if I want to compromise) but i hear that I have to go through the supreme court to get ny middle name changed!!! ***?

*** MY SCREEN NAME IS Mrs.Larrea 2b --- I used it b.c I figured I would 'try' to get used to it. But the more ppl at work ask me 'so you are going to be Mrs.___' and I alwasy respond 'Mrs.hurtado' and they get all weirded out. then i get the 'ur a feminist' crap.

It is a matter of principle ... What the hell makes him king of the castle???

UPDATE 03/11/08


FH and I argued about it yesterday. He was so pissed off at me. He even brought up cancelling the wedding!
He asked me why I didnt want to change my name. I told him b.c I didnt see a need for it and my name meant a lot to me. He countered w. its tradition for the woman to change her name. SO me like an *** I said, I dont wanna follow tradition...and then my super smart sneaky FH double countered w. 'so why the hell are w. paying 30k for a wedding, if you dont wanna follow tradition???' ( Just to fill you in, FH is against us having a huge wedding. But he is doing this b.c he knows I have been dreaming of this day since I was born. My FH literally starves himself in order to pay for our wedding. He doesnt go out his friends, and if he does he always invites me to come along. from the moment we got engaged he immediately went along w. the wedding plans and didnt argue w. me about it)

So basically we are 2 very stubborn people, My argument is that the whole 'tradition' excuse is not a good reason and I dont wanna go that route. Which hapens to be HIS reason for not wanting a big wedding. Money is very important to him and he is willing to give it all to me to throw away on one day, instead of using that money to buy our 1st house together or opening up a business.

As far as the last name goes, his excuse is that it is tradition and he does want to go that route.
He feels that I am contradicting myself when I say 'I am traditional and I MUST have a huge wedding. BUt then again I am a modern woman and I dont care what people say so I wont take your last name'

So then I tried to reason w. him and brought up hyphenating.... he said 'no way, how about we have a 1/2 assed wedding then? or I only give you 1/2 the money? or 1/2 a wedding cake? All or nothing'

Then I said, FINE, then NOTHING!
We walked towards the car and started laughing. He turned to me and said... 'You have to take my last name, we are going to start a family'

I pretended not to hear him and the argument ended there. I am telling you, this is not going to be an easy one.

I think you are right...I feel the same way...I really am not in love with the idea of taking his last name ( I like mine better) but hes real hell bent on it...and to me thats just not worth the argument...If hes cool with you keeping your last name then why should it be a problem?

he's not cool w. it . He was shocked..'what do u mean ur not taking my last name?? why wouldnt you??.... I'd be damned if my wife doesnt take my last name...we are supposed to be a family...'

-funny, b.c the people that already have ur last name 'his family' - haven't been there for you. so what the hell are you talking about???? My family may be a pain in the *** but we stick together !
i still think he should take MY last name

ugh.

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Posted by flairforfashion

I can see your point. At times, I can only wonder why I have to have my name changed as well. I am proud of my last name, my family history and the oddity of my last name to some people. And, my dad has a son from a previous marriage that is never going to get married and no one will be able to carry the last name. I thought of hyphenating as well and the two last names really don't go. My last name is very Italian and FH's is sooo Irish. I don't know- I think about this and wish I could keep my last name too!

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This is so unfair. I reallly hate this. its 2008 for gods sake!!!

You Go Girl!!!! this is a very annoying and sticky topic for me too..I really dont see a need for changing my name...Ill still be his wife...I want to know who the idiot was that started this!!!

this is probably gonna start a huge fight, but here it goes anyway.

1. you seem a little angry. this is not a huge deal when you really step back and look at it in a bigger picture.

2. nobody is holding a gun to your head, making you change your name. If your FH has a mega problem with this, and a compromise cannot be met (for instance, you keep your name, but the kids take his name) then maybe you should reevaluate your relationship cuz thats one heck of a stupid thing to fight about.

3. why in the hell would you give a crapola what anyone else thinks (teachers, parents, etc) if your kids have a different last name than you. A. its none of their business, and B. ..well thats about it, its just none of their business.

4. more and more brides are saying a big FAWK YOU to tradition, and theyre doing their own things. I think you should join them. youre obviously very passionate about this and if its something that you really cant see yourself budging (and you shouldnt budge if youre that passionate about it), then stick with it.

5. lastly, i think you might win this if you were a little less angry about it. passion is one thing, but anger is something entirely different.

you can hate me if you want to, but for some reason i felt the need to respond to this one. good luck.

If you don't want to take his name, don't take it. Who cares what other people think?

I'm not taking my FH's name. I'm 37 years old and I dare anybody to tell me to change a name that has suited me just fine and dandy for this long!

You do sound very angry about something and the psychologist in me thinks theres a bigger underlying issue than just the traditional changin of the last names....

I honestly have no prob taking FH's last name and I dont attach any type of 'slave' or 'dog' type reasons to it... I dont see the big deal... I dont think it takes away from your character at all or all that someone has accomplished.... I am actually looking forward...

don't do it if you don't want to. i'm keeping my last name. for one, i like it better than his. secondly, my father died when i was 9, and i feel like my name is part of him and i'm not willing to sacrifice that for some patriarchal double standard. FH's fine with it.

as a joke, we talked about a hybrid name--the huffburns not seriously tho.

I think that if you really feel this strongly about taking his name, then don't! He will have to understand why you feel it's important to keep your own name.

I'm actually not bothered by the whole name changing thing because in all reality it doesn't change who you are one bit, you will always be who you've always been in addition to being his wife -- name change or not!

I definitely want to change my name.

I love my name and have acomplished a lot with it, but I think it is an honor to take his last name and I am proud to be part of his family.

But there is nothing wrong with keeping your name. It is a part of who you are, so if you don't want to change it, don't.

Yeah, I've felt that way too...but I just decided to suck up my feelings and take his last name despite it all

It almost seems like I'm in the minority here, but I really couldn't wait to take my husbands name after we got married. I was excited to start our family together, and to me, in the traditional sense, that also meant that I would have the same last name as my husband and our future children.

And its really not as bad as you think to change it everywhere (paperwork/document wise). I've been doing it slowly, and it hasn't caused any headaches so far. So, honestly, I don't personally think that should enter into the list of reasons not to change it.

I agree with the previous posters that you might get better results when discussing this with your FH if you take some of the anger out of it.

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Posted by fiore76

I definitely want to change my name.

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i can't wait to change my name. my last name isn't what ties me to my family. plus ive had it with being compared to a tortellini.