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Update:Dont want to take his last name

Original post by MrsLarrea2B

For a traditional bride, I am having a hardtime accepting the idea of changing my last name. I feel like a) I am not his damn property. i am not his dog or his slave. b) why should I have to take his stupid last name? c) why should his 'family' take the credit for my accomplishments...d) why should I have to 'give up' my family history and my fathers last name for FH ??? e) Why should I have to go through the hassle of changing my last name and all legal documents????

I have argued w. people over this and all i hear is 'I dont want my kids to feel weird b.c we dont have the same last name. i dont want teachers to think my child is a ******* child. (LOL). so then if this is the case....why not take MY last name???
What the hell makes his damn family better than mine that I should feel so damn PRIVILEDGED to have it????? people have suggested hyphenating my name....I think thats stupid. what the hell am I supposed to do... Sign 3 damn names everywhere? i really hate the fact that women are even put in this stupid position. I thought about changing my middle name to his...or maybe change it to my last name (if I want to compromise) but i hear that I have to go through the supreme court to get ny middle name changed!!! ***?

*** MY SCREEN NAME IS Mrs.Larrea 2b --- I used it b.c I figured I would 'try' to get used to it. But the more ppl at work ask me 'so you are going to be Mrs.___' and I alwasy respond 'Mrs.hurtado' and they get all weirded out. then i get the 'ur a feminist' crap.

It is a matter of principle ... What the hell makes him king of the castle???

UPDATE 03/11/08


FH and I argued about it yesterday. He was so pissed off at me. He even brought up cancelling the wedding!
He asked me why I didnt want to change my name. I told him b.c I didnt see a need for it and my name meant a lot to me. He countered w. its tradition for the woman to change her name. SO me like an *** I said, I dont wanna follow tradition...and then my super smart sneaky FH double countered w. 'so why the hell are w. paying 30k for a wedding, if you dont wanna follow tradition???' ( Just to fill you in, FH is against us having a huge wedding. But he is doing this b.c he knows I have been dreaming of this day since I was born. My FH literally starves himself in order to pay for our wedding. He doesnt go out his friends, and if he does he always invites me to come along. from the moment we got engaged he immediately went along w. the wedding plans and didnt argue w. me about it)

So basically we are 2 very stubborn people, My argument is that the whole 'tradition' excuse is not a good reason and I dont wanna go that route. Which hapens to be HIS reason for not wanting a big wedding. Money is very important to him and he is willing to give it all to me to throw away on one day, instead of using that money to buy our 1st house together or opening up a business.

As far as the last name goes, his excuse is that it is tradition and he does want to go that route.
He feels that I am contradicting myself when I say 'I am traditional and I MUST have a huge wedding. BUt then again I am a modern woman and I dont care what people say so I wont take your last name'

So then I tried to reason w. him and brought up hyphenating.... he said 'no way, how about we have a 1/2 assed wedding then? or I only give you 1/2 the money? or 1/2 a wedding cake? All or nothing'

Then I said, FINE, then NOTHING!
We walked towards the car and started laughing. He turned to me and said... 'You have to take my last name, we are going to start a family'

I pretended not to hear him and the argument ended there. I am telling you, this is not going to be an easy one.



Summertimegal424 Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

i can't wait to take FH's last name


JackieV Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

For me honestly i cant wait to take FM name. I dont feel like i'm giving anything up, i'm gaining more of a family and i'll be starting my own. i love my last name and what it means to my family and ansetors. I agree, i dont think by me taking his name i'm his 'slave' or 'dog. Also like Kristi said... its a honor for me to take FH name.

If you feel that strongly about it, then dont change ur name. But i also agree its something u teo shouldnt be fighting about.

i think it would hurt FH if i didnt take his name.
Dreemer107 Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

I am definetely looking forward to taking my FH's name...in fact, i am honored to take my FH's name....im going to hold on to my father and mother's family history as well as my new family! to me, thats the idea of marrying someone, yes u start a new life together...but its ultimately the combining of 2 families..

lizzzie35 Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

I say to each her own! I'm choosing to take FH's name for selfish reasons... I am so tired of signing my full name or writing it out! It's 24 letters long!! And no one can pronounce it! When I take FH's name, it will only be 15... 9 if I sign Liz and not Elizabeth. However, if I were to keep my last name, FH said he wouldn't care.

So again... to each her own!
tinadansr Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz

You do sound very angry about something and the psychologist in me thinks theres a bigger underlying issue than just the traditional changin of the last names....

I honestly have no prob taking FH's last name
_____________________________________

Yeah ccause your last name won't be THREE DAMN WORDS!

what about him taking your last name? if you feel this strongly?
AugustBridein09 Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

I CANNOT wait to have my FH's last name.
Don't get me wrong I LOVE LOVE LOVE my daddy but I'm VERY traditional and I want to have FH's name.

Now after reading your post I don't think its being 'his slave' or 'dog' and if you say that and then you say 'why can't he take YOUR family name?' makes no sense to me b/c then its a double standard then is he your slave? or dog? ........in my opinion since you feel so strongly about this topic, you would have to re-create a whole new name for both of you to take if you wanted something like that.
CNC4eva3402 Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

You seem to feel really strongly about this, so you have to do what you feel.

I can't wait to have FH's last name..I've even practiced my new signature since we first started going out. I don't think of it at all as a 'slave' thing...I've actually never thought about that?? I can't wait til we share the same last name and start our family!
mrsdraskin2009 Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

my FH wants me to take his name and I will, although for my professional career i will hyphenate to keep my maiden name. i don't agree with you in terms of property or being the king of the castle, but i am traditional in the sense that i want to take his name, its an honor.

MRSin2009 Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

I don't mind changing my last name. The only thing is his last name is so greek so people will always think I am greek which is fine but I love my italian heritage as well. Not to mention his last name is so long but I want to be a family and I love the idea of sharing my last name with my small family!

Cannizzo12509 Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

I cannot wait to take my FH's last name as well. I feel it is a HUGE disrespect to your FH to not take his name. You are not loosing yourself, you are gaining a new journey. Your FH loved you enough to want to spend the rest of your life together. If you don't want to take his last name then what is the point of getting married in the first place. You should feel honored to take his last name. I am sorry but that is just the way I feel.

MrsLarrea2B Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

Posted by Cannizzo12509

I cannot wait to take my FH's last name as well. I feel it is a HUGE disrespect to your FH to not take his name. You are not loosing yourself, you are gaining a new journey. Your FH loved you enough to want to spend the rest of your life together. If you don't want to take his last name then what is the point of getting married in the first place. You should feel honored to take his last name. I am sorry but that is just the way I feel.


First of all it is an honor for him to marry ME. I have not sat around for the past 25 years 'hoping' for someone to want to marry me. FH was smart and realized how good I was. He realized that he loved me and couldnt live w, out me. I aways hoped to get married b.c it would mean that we were ready to live together, share finances and have/raise our chidren.

THIS has nothing to do w. me changing my last name. 'If you don't want to take his last name then what is the point of getting married in the first place. ' ---- This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. LOL. I don't even think my grandma would say something that silly.

I do agree w. the whole 'starting a new journey together' . But again, I just dont see why that would require me to change my last name.
It is annoying that women are put in that situation where they are 'expected' to take their FH last name and men are not. But even MORE annoying is the fact that women don't even stop to question this.Did anyone stop and think how this whole mess even got started and why? If you research it, you will see that it stems from women being looked down upon as property...b.c they needed to be taken care of and they NEEDED a man to take look after them.

I understand that in todays world most women dont see it that way. Women are taught to think of it as romantic and traditional....and to a certain point, I agree. But ask yourself how men see it. Men didn grow up daydreaming of his wife taking his last name. They dont even think of marriage until they meet 'the one'. Once they meet the 'one', most (not all) automatically assume the bride is to take his last name. NOt because its romantic, but b.c 'she is now his wife' and ' its the way it is'' I have spoken to men at work about this. When I asked them why they were so passionate about their wives changing their last names, they all said, 'b.c I wouldnt have it any other way...or she woud never even think of not taking my name... ' All said w. the same tone a father uses when he tells people ' my daughter would never even think of talking back to me'

Not once did any of the men say... ' b.c its romantic. or it shows her undying love to me' - in fact they sounded 'proud' that they had that control over their woman.

Somebody mentioned previously 'You took daddys last name at bith so take FH name now'--- FIrst of all I didnt have a choice in the matter. 2nd of all, I was given his last name b.c he is my father. As a father he made the commitment to raise me and provide for me. I was dependent on my father. FH is NOT raising me, NOT supporting me and I sure as hell am NOT dependent on him.

I finished school on time, paid for college myself, found my own jobs, bought a 2 family house at 24, got into Columbia and I make close to 6 figures. I have worked hard for my diplomas and my tittle at work. My name should be on those papers. My father's name should be represented b.c he is the one that raised me and helped get me to where I am. Not FH. FH's job is to be a great father to our future children....NOT to me.
MrsLarrea2B Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

MRSin2009 Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

You have to understand its a public forum and not to take things to personal. Everyone has opinions on things and because everything is online words come off differently.

People usually post on here for opinions and that is what you got.
MrsLarrea2B Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

Posted by mdawg

this is probably gonna start a huge fight, but here it goes anyway.

1. you seem a little angry. this is not a huge deal when you really step back and look at it in a bigger picture.

2. nobody is holding a gun to your head, making you change your name. If your FH has a mega problem with this, and a compromise cannot be met (for instance, you keep your name, but the kids take his name) then maybe you should reevaluate your relationship cuz thats one heck of a stupid thing to fight about.

3. why in the hell would you give a crapola what anyone else thinks (teachers, parents, etc) if your kids have a different last name than you. A. its none of their business, and B. ..well thats about it, its just none of their business.

4. more and more brides are saying a big FAWK YOU to tradition, and theyre doing their own things. I think you should join them. youre obviously very passionate about this and if its something that you really cant see yourself budging (and you shouldnt budge if youre that passionate about it), then stick with it.

5. lastly, i think you might win this if you were a little less angry about it. passion is one thing, but anger is something entirely different.

you can hate me if you want to, but for some reason i felt the need to respond to this one. good luck.



1. I am not angry. I am annoyed. Perhaps to you it is not a big deal, but for FH and I it is.
2. We have been together for 3 years. To re-evaluate our relationship over this topic is stupid.
We only spoke about the issue once when we first got engaged. It wasnt a fight. But it was clear that we didn't see eye to eye. Eventually we will compromise. Thats what a marriage is...compromise. But again, I am annoyed that I even have to consider compromising on the issue.
3. I dont care what people think. I said that when I talk to women who have changed their last names, those were the reasons they gave me. Those were the reasons they had / gave for changing their last names.
4. I didnt realize how passionate I was about the issue unil I started writing the post. I was bored and decided to post something new...next thing I knew, I had rambled on and on and on....
5. When FH and I get together to seriously discuss the issue (very soon) I know better than to fight. I deal w. morons at work all day. If there's one thing I've gotten pretty good at is 'controlling my temper' and reasoning w. idiots. lol

and last but not least... There is no reason for me to hate you. If anything thank you for replying to my post
MrsLarrea2B Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

Posted by CNC4eva3402

You seem to feel really strongly about this, so you have to do what you feel.

I can't wait to have FH's last name..I've even practiced my new signature since we first started going out. I don't think of it at all as a 'slave' thing...I've actually never thought about that?? I can't wait til we share the same last name and start our family!


Yeah I never thought about it like that either. I knew I was uncomfortable w. changing my last name. It always bothered me. It wasnt until I actually thought about it that I ended up feeling that way about it. But I can also see why many brides see it as romantic though.
MrsLarrea2B Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

Posted by MRSin2009

You have to understand its a public forum and not to take things to personal. Everyone has opinions on things and because everything is online words come off differently.

People usually post on here for opinions and that is what you got.


I can see you are having a hard time sleeping as well?? lol.

I just wanted to clarify why I was having an issue w. the whole name changing thing. I like talking to people who dissagree w. me. I like to hear their reasons why, and in turn I get to have my say as well. Its not about who has the final say though. I think we can all agree to dissagree???? LOL
MrsLarrea2B Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

Posted by UKsunshine

I CANNOT wait to have my FH's last name.
Don't get me wrong I LOVE LOVE LOVE my daddy but I'm VERY traditional and I want to have FH's name.

Now after reading your post I don't think its being 'his slave' or 'dog' and if you say that and then you say 'why can't he take YOUR family name?' makes no sense to me b/c then its a double standard then is he your slave? or dog? ........in my opinion since you feel so strongly about this topic, you would have to re-create a whole new name for both of you to take if you wanted something like that.


I def. DONT want him taking MY last name either. lol. I woud be open to making up a new name. But he is soooooo proud of his last name, he would never go for it. boo!!!
MRSin2009 Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

Posted by MrsLarrea2B

Posted by MRSin2009

You have to understand its a public forum and not to take things to personal. Everyone has opinions on things and because everything is online words come off differently.

People usually post on here for opinions and that is what you got.


I can see you are having a hard time sleeping as well?? lol.

I just wanted to clarify why I was having an issue w. the whole name changing thing. I like talking to people who dissagree w. me. I like to hear their reasons why, and in turn I get to have my say as well. Its not about who has the final say though. I think we can all agree to dissagree???? LOL


HAHA I cannot sleep its so bad.

You are right I think the motto of this site should be ' adree to dissagree'
MrsLarrea2B Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

Posted by MRSin2009

I don't mind changing my last name. The only thing is his last name is so greek so people will always think I am greek which is fine but I love my italian heritage as well. Not to mention his last name is so long but I want to be a family and I love the idea of sharing my last name with my small family!


lol, my friend Tara is Italian and her new last name is Martinez.... wejoke around about it all the time.
MrsLarrea2B Posted:

Re: Dont want to take his last name

Posted by MRSin2009

Posted by MrsLarrea2B

Posted by MRSin2009

You have to understand its a public forum and not to take things to personal. Everyone has opinions on things and because everything is online words come off differently.

People usually post on here for opinions and that is what you got.


I can see you are having a hard time sleeping as well?? lol.

I just wanted to clarify why I was having an issue w. the whole name changing thing. I like talking to people who dissagree w. me. I like to hear their reasons why, and in turn I get to have my say as well. Its not about who has the final say though. I think we can all agree to dissagree???? LOL


HAHA I cannot sleep its so bad.

You are right I think the motto of this site should be ' adree to dissagree'



lol. omg, I am actually going to force myself to go to bed. Honestly, I am ADDICTED to LIWEDDINGS. Anyway, See you tomorrow??? lol

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