Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
DoYouReallyLuvMe
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Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
I'm not a newbie but I wanted to come on anonoymous.I'm in an abusive relationship. Basically Fh hits me. He has beat me on 7 occasions dating back to Nov'04. The police came one time but he had left and I didn't press charges. The most recent being last week. When I ran to the room to call the police he broke my phone and threatened that he will only be there for 2 days and he'll be out for me. If not him then someone will come and cut my pretty face or burn it with lye. So I was really scared. The next day he came home with $400 earrings and roses. Every time he apologizes and I forgive him. I don't know if it's because I'm scared to leave him. He doesn't trust me at all he told me so himself. He's 15 years older than I am. I don't work and in the past 7 months since I lost my job I have been out 2 times without Fh, I don't go anywhere because I don't want to hear his mouth. Right now I 've had enough I can't take it anymore. A part of me still loves him but another part of me can't be with someone who does this to me. I'm sad and mad at myself for letting it go on for all this time. We live with my mother and I cant go to her because she has been around when it has happened on 2 occasions but it's like she puts on blinders to it. So I'm coming to you ladies what would you do in this situation? He claims he's looking for an apartment but who knows. I need help. Sorry for rambling. He's sleeping and I wanted to get this off my chest.Thank you.
afrodyt2000
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Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
what do you want to do? Are you going to leave? Is there any family members who can help you? You need to take care of yourself. If you get married, he will probably keep abusing you and God forbid you guys have kids. Good luck.
enjft
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Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
I am sorry you are going through this but there is no way in hell you can stay with this man. He will kill you. Worse if you have kids he will kill you and them. I have never heard of an abuser stop abusing. It is an illness that will not be cured. You know this is wrong that is why you wrote this. Honey please save yourself while you still can.
giapet99
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Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
I agree with Eliana you have to get out now!!!!!! This is only going to get worse and just think if you have kids could you live with yourself if he beat them? Call the police get a restraining order do something!!!!! You have to do it for your own safety! Let us know what happens I hope everything works out for you
DoYouReallyLuvMe
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Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
All I have is my sister, 1 aunt who has a big mouth and my grandma. I never had contact with my fathers family. The rest of my family is not in this country. At first I wanted to stay because he claimed he was going to get help he spoke to a Dr one time and that was it. But now I'm confused because I love him but I noticed that they are becoming worse and more violent and that I need to leave or I may not see it to get married.
Thank you.
giapet99
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Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
Leave if it getting worse know it's not going to get any better after your married, please do it for yourself. What if he kills you and your mother. Kick him out change the locks and go to the police!!!!!!!!!!
glinda_goodwitch
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Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
I'm not usually on this board, but I have to reply to this. You NEED to go and get a restraining order against him. You cannot go on like this; it's very dangerous to be in such a relationship! Please, I urge you to go to the authorities. Even if you need to leave in the night while he is sleeping. You deserve better than this.
ZuzusPetals
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Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
Go to this website: http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200505/tows_past_20050526.jhtml
Last week she was on the Oprah show. This young woman was shot in the face by her boyfriend. She also lived with her mother at the time and he murdered her in a jealous rage because he thought someone was in the house. I hope you read and watch this – and I hope it saves your life. Best of luck! I am sending good thoughts your way. Justine
Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
Dr. Alford shows a computer-generated image of what Carolyn's face might look like if the surgeries are completely successful. Carolyn has been having problems smelling, so she will have a prosthetic nose to preserve appearance and function.
'The endings that allow you to smell, the nerve endings, are [currently] at about the level of the eye [on Carolyn],' Dr. Alford says. 'The reason she has difficulty smelling is there's nothing to guide the air over those endings. A nose serves to guide the air through the nasal passages to make contact with the smell nerves.'
Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
OMG I saw the Oprah episode with that women on it. It was so horrible what he did to her. She has a whole in her face. I agree go and read that story it will make you leave hopefully
weddingbunny
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Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
ok, I'm not so sure posting horrible pictures of what happened to somebody is going to do anything besides terrify this woman... but that's just me. I understand we're all trying to help.
To the poster - I assume he still works? Tomorrow while he is at work, go to the police. Tell them exactly what happened, they will help you. If you feel you need to, they will probably also be able to get you in contact with a battered women's shelter where you and your mother can stay for a little while if necessary.
Good luck, I hope this works out and you will be okay.
bride2b24
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Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
sweetie....getting married is the least of ur problems right now....there are anonymous shelters and numbers you can call.....someone can arrange to help you hide and leave while he's not around ......search online....there are plenty of sites.I wish you luck and be strong.
Rach22
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Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
You have to leave him as soon as possible. The abuse won't stop. Go to someone you trust and stay with them. I know it will be hard, but you have to do it. You're safety is your #1 priority. I wish you luck and I hope all turns out for the best.
wendy1220
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Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
First let me say that it is horrible that you are dealing with this but it takes a tremendous amount of courage to speak up and ask for help. ALL women can find themselves in this situation; thereis no need to feel embarrased or ashamed. It is also easier said than done to be told to just leave or get out. Not that easy and your safety must be considered first and foremost. Please know that the abuse is NOT your fault, no matter how your FH turns it around on you and blames you for his behavior. He is indeed extremely abusive and it does follow the pattern you have described....an incident happens, he leaves then comes back extremely apologetic and with presents, claiming he'll never do it again. Things will be fine for a while but then it will escalate again until the next incident happens. Over time, these incidents will increase in frequency and intensity. I am concerned about your safety and urge you to think seriously about seeking help. You have many different options, please either FM me for further details or consider reaching out to a domestic violence agency. However there are a few things you NEED to remember:
1. DO NOT tell him you are considering leaving, calling the police or obtaining and Order of Protection; this can put you in more danger. 2. DO NOT tell him if you reach out for help to an agency that can assist you and be carefull of what phone you use, if you call a hotline when you hang up dial a different number so if he presses redial he will not know what you are doing. 3. If you are planning on leaving, do not be obvious and pack up everything, just your personal items that he will not notice are missing. 4. Next time something is happening, if you can, just pick up the phone, dial 911 and lay the phone down, the police WILL repsond even if you abandon the call. 5. Always know where your car keys are and your pocketbook so if you feel like something is about to happen you can get out easily.
Good luck to you and if you need any assistance please let us know. If you want, you can call the following 24 hour hotline: 666-8833 or check the website www.sccadv.org All calls on the hotline are kept confidential so you don't need to worry. There are also services to help you obtain an Order of Protection, shelter if you need to get out, etc. The only way for you to obtain an OP is for your fh to be arrested; assuming you don't have children together.
Stay safe and good luck.
wendy1220
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Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
Posted by weddingbunny
ok, I'm not so sure posting horrible pictures of what happened to somebody is going to do anything besides terrify this woman... but that's just me. I understand we're all trying to help.
To the poster - I assume he still works? Tomorrow while he is at work, go to the police. Tell them exactly what happened, they will help you. If you feel you need to, they will probably also be able to get you in contact with a battered women's shelter where you and your mother can stay for a little while if necessary.
Good luck, I hope this works out and you will be okay.
I agree with everything you've said. If you report to the police what happened, they will take the report. Tell them you want to press charges (if you do), from that point you can obtain an Order of Protection. I don't know where the poster lives but in Suffolk County there are domestic violence advocates for each of the 7 Precincts; ask to speak with one of them. They can direct you from there.
Happybride2005
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Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
u need to get out. is there a friend u could go to. u deserve better treatment. can someone in his family talk to him
wendy1220
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Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
Having someone in his family say something to him could potentially make things worse. Most times this happens privately and the abusive party does not want anyone to know about it. If she tells anyone he could become more violent, after he denies it to everyone and blames her.
kris15198
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Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
I agree and try to go somewhere like the annonymous shelters. You can't keep dealing with this. I don't think there is a chance that it will get better. A friend of my moms' married an abusive guy. While they were married he used to put a gun to her head with one bullet in it. Not to scare you, but you don't want to take that chance. Mind you, they also had 2 children (one which was deaf beacuse he drank). My advice is to get out when you can. A relationship is supposed to be meaningful and with happiness. You are not supposed to be scared. If it happened 6/7 times it will not stop. I would also notify the police because if you get away, he may do it to another woman, possibly worse. Best of luck.
Faith
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Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
This is an emergency. It is URGENT that you get out of this relationship. This is not in any way normal and it will only get worse. He is not going to change. Please, I'm begging you, get out of this relationship, do whatever you have to do to break this off.
prinses777
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Re: Urgent.Need help. I can't go through with the wedding
He lives with you in YOUR mothers house... Kick him out... Plain and simple... Or if you feel so crazy right now... You don't have a job (I think) Just pack your stuff up and leave for a while... Stay with a good friend.
