As I have posted before, for about four months I have been in a wedding lull....I really hadn't done anything wedding related at all. All of a sudden over the last two weeks I've really gotten my lazy butt moving because I realized there's only FOUR MONTHS TO GO!!!!!
Now I think I Know WHY I haven't done any wedding planning....everything is a disaster. My shower got ruined and today the fight with my mother is probably the end to the wedding. My parents are basically footing the bill for most of the wedding. They're paying for the hall, invitations, my dress, dj and the flowers. Everything else FH and I are doing ourselves.
After a fight in the house this morning (about the darn shower again) we went to go see my dress...it's been in for two weeks now and this is the first time I'm seeing it (SO EXCITED). On the way there in the pouring rain mom suggests we eat first. We are in the middle of breakfast when my mom mentions table numbers. I bring up the fact that I was planning on naming the tables...well you would have thought I dropped a nuclear bomb on New York. She proceeds to tell me that SHE is paying for the reception and that SHE will NOT allow any such thing...this isn't a BAT MITZFA and personally she thinks my taste ***** and that if I want to continue having a wedding that SHE'S paying for then I have NO say at all. AND....there will be no sterling roses with stephonotis there will be MUMS because this is NOT about me. May I ask who this IS about if its not about me? So in between my sobbing in the middle of the seaport dinner I let her know that I don't have to be treated this way and that if she's so darn concerned about the money then FH and I can go to Mexico (honeymoon is already booked) and get married there and whoever wants to fly there can see us get married. Of course when i got home my father went ballistic screamed at my mother for being rediculous at which time my mother turned on my father and started bitching him out. Then he did what he has always done....went to the bedroom and turned on the tv. Guess he learned long ago that you can't win with my mother. I spoke with my BMs individually today and every single one of them said I need to suck it up. That weddings are for the parents and not for the children. That I should go home and apoligize to my mother for upsetting her (whether I feel this way or not) and be the better person. I'm sick to my stomach. My father is going to be crushed if I don't have a wedding and to be quite honest I WANT a wedding too. I feel very lost right now and need some sane advice. FH is very sweet but his 'I'll support you in any way you want' was just not helpful. Help please?
MrsMichel07
Posted:
Member since
Re: Very sad...Need some help from Wise Women -Long-
Posted by Anniegrl
If getting through to you mom by talking doesn't work, maybe try writing her a letter. I did this with my mom once and it worked (oops - sorry, I just re-read your posts and see that you were going to try this).
And I don't know if somebody suggested this already, but why not have your mom read this thread???? She obviously has no clue how WRONG she is, and how much she's hurting you. Maybe if she hears it from all of us, she'll change her ways.
Good luck
i WAS THINKING THE SAME THING THAT SHE SHOULD LET HER MOTHER READ THIS POST..... BUTT HER MOMS SEEMS LIKE SHE WOULD TAKE IT THE WRONG WAY!!
music79
Posted:
Member since
Re: Very sad...Need some help from Wise Women -Long-
Posted by halfpintny
Posted by suven
I don't mean to hijack, but I have a few more thoughts.
the wedding is only the beginning of your new life together with your husband. I don't think it's a good idea to let the parents force their will on you. If you set this pattern, they will continue to do this to you after you are married. Then, you may end up having problems with your husband as a result of your parents behavior.
I agree with you. FH and I have discussed this time and time again since we both have controlling parents. We have made a sort of pact that while we are still both living under their roofs (TG for only four more months) we will try to be accommodating to them but that once we are living under our OWN roof the only people we have to answer to are ourselves.
you are 100% right. suck it up for 4 more months...i am in the same boat except mine is only 2 months....TG. Since they are paying for things it is hard to tell them that they can;t have certain things but on the other hand it is your wedding. The whole situation stinks...as long as these things don't come between you and FH that is all that matters.
cloddy
Posted:
Member since
Re: Very sad...Need some help from Wise Women -Long-
I'm so sorry you are going through this. We had very similar problems when we got married. You have to handle how you think is right, but I think I responded differently than you. I disagreed with the this is our opportunity to have the wedding we never had and you can do it to your kids whne you're a parent idea. I told my father that it wasn't working out. It was causing a lot of tension to try to make everyone happy and we would be paying for the wedding ourselves and if they wanted to give us a gift before hand so we could use it toward the wedding that would be very helpful. Things eventually got so bad that we cancelled our wedding and eloped. Take this how you want, I'm not going to give you advice, but I just wanted you to see how this worked out. We are now going to be married 7 years this summer and have decided to throw ourselves the wedding we didn't have before. We are renewing our vows and having a reception. Because even though we are happy with each other I did regret not having the celebration with everyone there. And this time we are doing it our way and our parents have absolutely no say and that is making my mother crazy (added bonus!). So, moral of the story is not that I think you should suck it up but just to think long and hard about who will lose out if you don't have the wedding. But, also, keep in mind you can always do it later. Everyone is so happy for us and think it's a great idea. So it all seems to have worked out fine. And, of course, remember how lucky you are to have found this wonderful person to share your life with and don't let the party stuff cloud that! Good luck
buggiegirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: Very sad...Need some help from Wise Women -Long-
I have been waiting to post on this because I wanted to think it through and put myself in your shoes-
I think if I were you I would say forget it- you have said that your wedding is about your love- but it really isn't if your mom takes over- you will not be happy all day because it won't be what you want!! If I were you I would just try to change the wedding to something simpler- like a backyard wedding- and foot the bill yourselves.
All of this stuff requires alot of compromise- but if your mom can't see that then it is her problem!!
