What would you do?

Due to a long-time family conflict, I was put in the position to CHOOSE who to invite to our wedding: my mother or my grandmother (who I am extremely close to). Neither will attend if the other one is there. Their issues run deep... and I am in the middle. What would you do?

Re: What would you do?

Do you really have to choose, this makes no sense whatsoever, why would they put you in such a spot?? they need to put their differences aside for one day and not let you have to choose. JMO I would want both people so I would not choose, I would let both of them know they are both very important to me and whoever does not come then they will miss out on sharing in the wonderful day.

Hope all goes well

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I think you should sit them both down and tell them they both won't be invited if they don't deal with their issues for one day!

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forgive me, but that is so selfish to put you in that position... They can't see each other for a few hours for the sake of their granddaughter and daughter. Ignore each other? Is there anyway to speak with each sep. and tell them how much this means to you and that one of them is going to miss out on such an amazing special occasion. Do they both even want to be there? It is an honor to be at your wedding!

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I second Shamma. Invite both, if neither comes then tell them that the wedding pictures came out beautifully and that it was a shame that they weren't in any of them.

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OH my! I'm sorry you have to go through this... Are you closer to your grandmother than your mother?? Who is giving you this choice? They are? I don't think that's fair. I'm sorry JMHO. You should be able to have EVERYONE you love there. I don't think I'd be able to choose. I'd probably regret my decision one way or another. I'm really sorry you have to make this decision. There's no way this can be worked out?

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My sister was married a few months ago and asked my mother to put her feelings aside for the day. She said that since she is her mother, she should come first. I am very close to my grandmother (and have always been), and I can not hurt her like that. So...right now my grandparents are coming to my wedding.

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I know this is very hard. My FH parents are divorced and LONG story but will not be in the same room for the most part. In fact his father will NOT attend the engagement party OR the rehearsal dinner because my FH's mother will be there. FFIL has also made a couple of comments ( that when I calm down a bit I will post about) but he has let it be known that unless we put them on opposite parts of the room there will be an issue. I have already heard there were problems at FBIL's wedding with them. My parent's response is that these two people are adults and should be able to behave - but truth be told they very often don't.
I would try to talk to both and let them know how important it is that they be there and how it will upset you if there are not there to share your day. They might come around but maybe you could work out some sort of compromise - One come to the ceremony the other to the reception. You shouldn't have to do this - but - it might be one way to have both share your day.

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I think sometimes people need to be reminded of how precious and short life is, we waste so much time sweating the small stuff that will not matter one year from today. I feel really bad for you. I really hope it works out. All the best sweetie.

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I don't take a whole lotta crap so I would be like hey listen...stop being children this is my wedding day. Come for me or I won't be sad not inviting you. But I am just telling you the way I would do it.

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Absolutely invite both and let them know they are both invited, whoever choses not to show up, that is their loss. If you chose one over the other you will be dragged into this mess and you will look like a bad guy. Let them both know that it is disgusting to put you in a situation where you have to chose between loved ones on your wedding day. If they are not capable of being civil for a few hours, let them both stay home.
Edited to say: Good luck, I hope everything works out!

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I agree with EvenEdan let them decide.

I am sorry that you are in this position and I hope everything works out for you.

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I also go with that. It is horrible that they put you in this situation
It should absolutely NOT be left up to you, or you will forever look like the bad guy. I say invite them both, just like Even said. You should enjoy your day no matter what. Don't let them ruin it for you.

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Wow, I am so sorry that they're putting you through this. I agree with what shamma said - life is short!! I would invite them both and see what happens! Whoever wants to really be there, will be there.

Best of Luck to you!

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hey, this is such a bunch of nonsense and they should both get it together and act their age...i am so sorry that you have to deal with this...my advice to you is to just tell them that they are both invited, you will not choose and if neither of them wants to come then so be it....

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Thats terrible that you have been put in this position. I agree with Shamma,invite them both. Its up to them. Enjoy your day and dont let anyone take this very special time away from you. They will have to live with it, not you.

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I don't know what I would do- I just wanted to say that it is awful for them to put you in this situation. Would they come and sit on opposite sides of the room?

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oh wow, i am sorry you are in this situation. i would be so mad that they couldn't put me, as the bride, first for my wedding day. I would invite them both, and tell them that they are both invited. Tell them its YOUR wedding day and you will not choose between two people you love very much and that you want them BOTH there. Let THEM make the decision.

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I totally understand what you are going through. My DH whole family is like that and they do not talk to each other for whatever reasons. Even his own mother doesn't talk to any of the family and she at first didn't want to go. After that she decided she would go but to sit her on her table with her friends not with any of the family and we agreed. My DH whole family came and they put all feelings aside at the end to come to the wedding.

My advice is to invite everybody you want at your
wedding. They will all come around and those that decide not to come will regret it later. You shouldn't have to choose between your mother and grandparents, thats ridiculous.

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This is terrible. I USED to have to deal with this with my parents but now they can be in the same room. What I did (when I needed to) is tell them how much you love both of them, it is not fair you have to go through this on what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. Tell them you are inviting BOTH of them and if they want to be childish and miss this beautiful day then fine. You would love for them both to be there but if they can't handle it don't come, you can't choose between the two..AND YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO. Again, I am so sorry you have to deal with this right now!!