OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

Original post by nrvbrd

Dec 16, 2003 10:23 AM

I know I am going to get it for this one, but here goes.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my friend/co worker as we were leaving. She told me she was upset because she had a fight with her live in boyfriend.

It started Sunday afternoon. She was writing out thankyou cards from their son's birthday party, and on top of that she also wanted to send christmas cards. So she turns to boyfriend while he is watching a football game and asks him to help her. Of course he says no and tells her that he is watching the game and to please not bother him with that.
Naturally she got upset and an argument started. He called her a nag and this and that.

I told her that while it was not nice for him to speak to her like that, she has to realize that there are some things men are not interested in, ESPECIALLY while they are watching FOOTBALL. She set herself up for that one. HELLO the game is on down to the last second- oh yeah I really want to write a thankyou.

I told her one of the cardinal rules is to never bother a man while watching sports.

THIS MAY NOT apply to everyone but to the huge majority of men who love sports.

I said to her this is not an invitation to let him off the hook with not doing his share of the work, but to some degree you have to be realistic in what you ask him to do.

My hubby did not help write our TY;S- did I throw a hissy fit- no wrote them and sent them out. There are some things he will do and some he will not- ya gotta learn to pick your battles and deal. JMO.

nrvbrd Posted: Dec 16, 2003 11:31 AM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

You women make some great points

As Sassy says each couple is different.

Dh and I have been together forever so I kind of know the lay of the land and honestly I do not let some things get to me.

I know sports are important to him, but if something was MORE IMPORTANT that needed to be done of course that is where his focus would be.

My Dh tells me all the time, how much I 'get it' and that men really appreciate women like me

Sassy Posted: Dec 16, 2003 11:32 AM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

Posted by nrvbrd

My Dh tells me all the time, how much I 'get it' and that men really appreciate women like me

LOL you hooked him good, didn't you

Samanthas Mom Posted: Dec 16, 2003 11:37 AM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

Liz- I meant I know craig, and he is not into stuff like writing thank yous so I would never bother him for that no matter what he was doing
thank yous are not stupid in and of itself
just it would be stupid to bother him for that and some other men who wouldnt want to write them

Sassy Posted: Dec 16, 2003 11:46 AM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

Tammy, I guess that's an example of 'picking your battles'

MarcellaBella Posted: Dec 16, 2003 11:53 AM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

It's a good thing I'm a sports buff.. lol I'm watching the game with him LMAO!

Samanthas Mom Posted: Dec 16, 2003 12:03 PM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

Posted by Sassy

Tammy, I guess that's an example of 'picking your battles'

lol-- I guess

Suzanne Posted: Dec 16, 2003 12:05 PM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

I guess im lucky, I know frank for coming on 16 years. So we really 'know' each other, and that helps. Like Sassy said, every relationship is different.

shamma Posted: Dec 16, 2003 12:24 PM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

Roger is not writing any TY his HW is like chicken scratch, but I am not doing garbage either so I guess its a balancing act. I do not do laundry or dishes either, but everything esle is fair game. You have to know what works for you. I don't believe in woman's work or man's work. I believe in everyone doing their part to making this thing work.

Suzanne Posted: Dec 16, 2003 12:39 PM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

Shamma Well said!

Fran M Posted: Dec 16, 2003 01:20 PM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

I told her one of the cardinal rules is to never bother a man while watching sports.

I do have to remember that one. I admit that I am guilty of offending. DH is in the game zone when he is watching and I just have to realize that.

I do agree that there are certain thanings that I have to do if I want them done no matter what. Cards and TY's other social correspondence fall into this catagory.

Cindy Posted: Dec 16, 2003 01:28 PM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

I agree with you completely. I think some women expect TOO much. While it would be nice if he did take interest, some guys are not interested in Thanks you's, etc. I did all of the thank you's myself, christmas cards, etc. My husband barely even looks at cards people send us.

dgtlsunshine Posted: Dec 16, 2003 02:11 PM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

I'm old school I don't bug my husband to do girly things and he doesn't bug me to do menly duties. Like he knows if he doesn't take out the garbage it will pile six feet high and I still won't take it out. It snows he has to clean off my car and shovel outside the house b/c no way I am doing it.

I love him so :hug

My husband always does his laundry. I don't consider that a man or woman thing that is just a cleansiness thing. He does the dishes as well.

I guess I am just spoil. But please I have been with my husband long enough to know not to even ask him to write thank you cards. He would run them through the printer and call it a day.

dgtlsunshine Posted: Dec 16, 2003 02:15 PM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

But you know I find it so rude when people interrupt people when they see them doing something. My husband is not into sports but he loves anything computer related. Now I am sorry but I would not bother him about anything during that time unless it was extremely important and thank you cards do not fall in that area.

I think people just need to THINK sometimes. Like when I am at work eating my lunch at my desk and someone comes over (standing over my food by the way) and starts talking some work crap. I mean really do you really need someone to tell you not to bother someone when they are eating lunch unless it is extremely important.

****that is a big pet peeve of mine****

nrvbrd Posted: Dec 16, 2003 02:21 PM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

Posted by dgtlsunshine

But you know I find it so rude when people interrupt people when they see them doing something. My husband is not into sports but he loves anything computer related. Now I am sorry but I would not bother him about anything during that time unless it was extremely important and thank you cards do not fall in that area.

I think people just need to THINK sometimes.

Neva, you are so right.

Like how did my friend not think she was going to get the reaction she did from her boyfriend? Some things are common sense.

Sonicstef Posted: Dec 16, 2003 02:34 PM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

I dont think I could live with a person that Im not allowed to speak to on certain days b/c something they find entertaining is on the television. I mean, football lasts for over 12 hours in a weekend that last 48 - how are you not supposed to discuss stuff during that period? At least Oprah is only on for 60 minutes :D

MarciaD Posted: Dec 16, 2003 02:37 PM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

Posted by nrvbrd

I There are some things he will do and some he will not- ya gotta learn to pick your battles and deal. JMO.

......I totally agree.......

Sassy Posted: Dec 16, 2003 02:40 PM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

Posted by Sonicstef

I dont think I could live with a person that Im not allowed to speak to on certain days b/c something they find entertaining is on the television. I mean, football lasts for over 12 hours in a weekend that last 48 - how are you not supposed to discuss stuff during that period? At least Oprah is only on for 60 minutes :D

This is EXACTLY the way I feel.
To be honest, if I felt I could not interrupt my hubby whenever I felt like it, important or not, I would not be with him. I personally don't believe in all these boundaries in a marriage. JMHO.

nrvbrd Posted: Dec 16, 2003 02:41 PM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

Posted by Sonicstef

I dont think I could live with a person that Im not allowed to speak to on certain days b/c something they find entertaining is on the television. I mean, football lasts for over 12 hours in a weekend that last 48 - how are you not supposed to discuss stuff during that period? At least Oprah is only on for 60 minutes :D

Stef- maybe we are being too literal, or maybe I will speak for MY situation. I do ask DH a question or two during the game, but I do not engage in a full fledged conversation with him, because I know his attention is elsewhere. Sometimes I am even watching it with him and making jokes about the players.

Also, after all these years of being together what is SO important to discuss that cannot wait, and if it IS URGENT AND THAT IMPORTANT, my Dh will def talk it out, and I agree with Neva thank you cards were not a life or death situation.

Oh well I guess I am different.

Latina511 Posted: Dec 16, 2003 02:41 PM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

All I have to say is THANK GOD hubby hates sports. LOL

nrvbrd Posted: Dec 16, 2003 02:44 PM

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

Posted by Sassy

Posted by Sonicstef

I dont think I could live with a person that Im not allowed to speak to on certain days b/c something they find entertaining is on the television. I mean, football lasts for over 12 hours in a weekend that last 48 - how are you not supposed to discuss stuff during that period? At least Oprah is only on for 60 minutes :D

This is EXACTLY the way I feel.
To be honest, if I felt I could not interrupt my hubby whenever I felt like it, important or not, I would not be with him. I personally don't believe in all these boundaries in a marriage. JMHO.

If you ask any woman who has been HAPPILY married a signficant number of years
and you ask them what their secrets are, I can almost guarantee one of them will be

LEARNING WHEN TO SHUT UP!!!