OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

I know I am going to get it for this one, but here goes.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with my friend/co worker as we were leaving. She told me she was upset because she had a fight with her live in boyfriend.

It started Sunday afternoon. She was writing out thankyou cards from their son's birthday party, and on top of that she also wanted to send christmas cards. So she turns to boyfriend while he is watching a football game and asks him to help her. Of course he says no and tells her that he is watching the game and to please not bother him with that.
Naturally she got upset and an argument started. He called her a nag and this and that.

I told her that while it was not nice for him to speak to her like that, she has to realize that there are some things men are not interested in, ESPECIALLY while they are watching FOOTBALL. She set herself up for that one. HELLO the game is on down to the last second- oh yeah I really want to write a thankyou.

I told her one of the cardinal rules is to never bother a man while watching sports.

THIS MAY NOT apply to everyone but to the huge majority of men who love sports.

I said to her this is not an invitation to let him off the hook with not doing his share of the work, but to some degree you have to be realistic in what you ask him to do.

My hubby did not help write our TY;S- did I throw a hissy fit- no wrote them and sent them out. There are some things he will do and some he will not- ya gotta learn to pick your battles and deal. JMO.

Re: ok THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

I agree with you completely. Even though hubby doesn't like sports but you are right.

Re: ok THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

I agree with you too. We had a whole talk about this in Pre-Cana. There are just diiferences between men and women. I have come to realize there are certain things that my DH will never do! Also we dicussed how men will never listen to us during a sports games or why we choose to watch sappy movies on the Lifetime network.

Re: ok THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

i kind of disagree. yes i agree that she shouldn't have bothered him while watching the game. but i think it's unfair to say well he's a guy he doesn't want to to write thank you's so he doesn't have to. i'm a girl, i don't want to change the oil in my car or change a tire or wash the car, but i have to. i don't think it's fair for women to be expected to do every kind of chore, but men can sit out the 'girly' chores. i told my hubby, you are writing the thank yous to your side of the family. this was your wedding too and it's only fair. and he did it with a minimum of complaints.

Re: ok THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

Its stupid to bother him for thank yous at all, game or no game but if I am upset about something I have bothered him during a game and he stopped watching, plus his team Stinks now so who cares
but seriously I wouldnt bother him for something unless it was important or upsetting to me

Re: ok THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

Timing is everything!!!

She should have waited to ask for help.

Pick your battles!!!

He should have said let me watch the end of the game and then I'll help. Even if it was to do something else so she can finish writing the TY's & cards.


I know DH would never write out TY cards, holiday cards or christmas cards (unless they were to me). But he would do just about anything else around the house if it needed to be done - laundry, dust, dishes, etc. It's all trade offs.

Re: ok THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

---

Posted by ChristineC68

Timing is everything!!!

She should have waited to ask for help.

Pick your battles!!!

He should have said let me watch the end of the game and then I'll help. Even if it was to do something else so she can finish writing the TY's & cards.


I know DH would never write out TY cards, holiday cards or christmas cards (unless they were to me). But he would do just about anything else around the house if it needed to be done - laundry, dust, dishes, etc. It's all trade offs.

---

SO SO TRUE!!!!! Boy have I learned this over the years.

Re: ok THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

I agress with Cristine

Re: ok THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

I aggree with ReallyBehind. I dont think there is ANYTHING that he cant do because hes a man and he just shouldnt. Like this year he said, hey how come we didnt send christmas cards out yet? and i was like WE??? if WE send them out how come you dont know the answer? (the answer was that I have been so overwhelmed by the house stuff that it slipped my mind) Sure enough he went out and picked up a pack of christmas cards.

If I was a SAHM I would be happy to do all the house work and the little things, but the truth is I work 40 + hours aweek, and I refuse to come home and have to take care of ever little detail.

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

Suzanne and Really Behind, I am not saying that WE have to do EVERYTHING.

My hubby is so good now with helping around the house, so I am not overwhelmed. However I have realized there are certain things he does not care about so I let it go.

Some things are not worth getting into it over.

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

Men care about certain things and if it does not interest them, they won't really make an effort until they're ready to (and it's usually done by then!)

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

I understand what you are saying, however, right now im in the busiest time of the year for my job and I will be working EVERYDAY 10-14 hours a day until January with no day off except christmas day. I just expect him to take on the same responsibilites as me. I made him do christmas shopping this year, because I felt why should i fight the malls alone and him sit around doing whatever. but he came and it was a nice day, and now we will do this every year.

We dont own our own house yet so he really does not take on ANY house responsiblities .. the landlord takes care of them all. So writing christmas cards and thank yous and whatnot does not seem like a lot to ask,

I also expect him to help with the house cleaning, laundry, ect...

I just dont want to get into a routine, and 30 years from now be the one doing everything and wondering why i never had him do anything.

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

---

Posted by MrsTC

Men care about certain things and if it does not interest them, they won't really make an effort until they're ready to (and it's usually done by then!)

---

I do the same thing.

For example: I cannot stand dusting. I would rather not have things to dust (like pictures & knick knacks) then to actually dust. DH likes having these things, the dust bothers him so he dusts

We both have certain things we like doing, don't mind doing and can't stand doing. Luckily it balances out and neither of feel that they are doing everything. We will go in waves where I do more for a while or vice versa but it's balanced in the end.

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

While I agree about the sports stuff. I never ask him to do anything during sports. Unless it has to do with Damien, whom we both put first. BUT he so helped with the wedding thank yous. He wrote out for his family and friends and I wrote out mine. Why shouldn't he? It was his wedding too.

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

Maybe here is another perspective:

If roles were reversed and DH asked me to help him write TY's or pick up leaves outside or anything for that matter while I was watching Alias, I can tell you right now that I would ask him if he was crazy!

Alias to me is like a football game to DH. I'm sure there are times when we wives would not want to be disturbed in the same way our DH's don't want to be disturbed at times. Granted it seems like there is a damn sporting event on the TV every waking moment that they have to watch, but such is life.

So, I agree as others have said...timing is everything. As for the whole debate of woman's vs man's work, yes it is total BS! BUT, I think to a point most of us probably go along with it. DH expects me to be the one to make dinner while I expect him to be the one to mow the lawn and pick up the dog poop! (I think I win on that one! )

So, pick your battles, go with the flow, compromise and remember that life is to short to waste time battling over stupid things will only put unnecessary strain on your relationship.

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

I agree you have to pick your battles but I tottally disagree in allowing a man to 'get away' with not doing stuff b/c he is not interested. Um, do you think I am interested in writing out a billion thank yous? Absolulutely not! Does that give me an excuse not to do them? Nope!

Same goes for cooking and laundry, etc... Its one thing if you do something for your husband b/c you love him or just b/c you like to do it. But to do something for him with the excuse that a man cant be bothered. Sorry - that doesnt fly with me.

Some men will allow their wives to do every thing for them if the wife allows themselves to be a martyr. I am not a martyr. He is a grown man and has to live up to certain parts of life that he doesnt want to do just like the rest of the world.

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

---

Posted by reallybehind!

i kind of disagree. yes i agree that she shouldn't have bothered him while watching the game. but i think it's unfair to say well he's a guy he doesn't want to to write thank you's so he doesn't have to. i'm a girl, i don't want to change the oil in my car or change a tire or wash the car, but i have to. i don't think it's fair for women to be expected to do every kind of chore, but men can sit out the 'girly' chores. i told my hubby, you are writing the thank yous to your side of the family. this was your wedding too and it's only fair. and he did it with a minimum of complaints.

---

Although everyone's situation is unique, DH would never expect or let me change a tire, worry about the oil, or wash the car. It's an unspoken trade off we have (and of course this doen not go for everyone) and I am all for it!

I would much rather write out TY's than be outside changing the oil or tire....

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

Actually I'm glad you posted this because I learned this lesson since we got two tvs. Under no circumstances am I to bother hubby when he is watching sports. I have to admit Sunday afternoon he is pretty much off limits and I can pretty much engage in conversation with the wall and get the same response.

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

I agree with some, disagree with some. Here's my view.

Definitely Pick your battles, and YES Timing is key, but I refuse to be stuck not saying what's on my mind, or not asking for help b/c 'DH is watching a game'
Right now Football games are on all day Sunday, Monday nights and on Holidays
So all those times are off limits?

During the wedding planning, DH said he needed to have Sundays off so he could watch sports. I let it slide, although occasionally he did have to do something on Sundays, and I did not take NO for an answer.
He had to be responsible just as I had to be also. I was considerate that I let him watch IF POSSIBLE but not always.

I don't care what the task is either, if something needs to be done, then it needs to be done.

I also think there is no 'Right answer' that will suit all couples. Rather I'd say keep lines of communication open, compromise and be PARTNERS. Decide together what is right for you as a couple. No one should ever have to feel their needs are not as 'important' as a game, TV show, whatever.

Re: OK THIS TIME I am being hard on the ladies-Are you realistic when it comes to hubby sometimes?

---

Posted by tammyjill

Its stupid to bother him for thank yous at all, game or no game

---

Why is it stupid and why is writing thank yous a bother?
I don't understand this at all............