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I'm so upset I missed the post today, this was a GREAT one NVRBRD!!!! Now that I have a new job and a new work schedule, I won't be on the boards as much, I come on only if I'm not too tired.
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I was cracking up at some of the posts and I agree and disagreed with some.
I am still growing within my marriage, however, for our almost 4 years I have learned quite a bit about my husband, myself, and many other important factors of what it takes to have harmony in a marriage. The first couple of years is all about trial and error. But when you look down the line 5, 10, 15+ years, it's not hard to get on each others' nerves - that's where boundaries come in, especially if you want to keep the respect and good feelings flowing.
There have been times when I would get so upset if he didn't do certain things, but it was almost 99% an argument, after a while that get so tired and I think you even start to grow small hints of resentment. SO not the worth the hassle! If I need help with a chore or project, I'll say 'babe, we need to get these TY card's out by tomorrow, you think you can lend me a hand for about an hour after the game? He'll then give me my answer, more than likely he may help or he may say, I'm not really good at that then I decide what to do next!
When it comes to doing TY's and things like that, I usually do it myself b/c he really is not good at it and the time it takes me to explain or correct mistakes would annoy me, so I do it. Hubby and I have an agreement from the beginning that the interior of our home is my responsibility and the exterior is his! However, it's not set in stone. He still helps clean, wash dishes, cook and do laundry depending on what's going on or my schedule, but when things are flowing smooth we all handle our chores with no problem. And b/c I don't nag him about stuff he'll even volunteer at times or do it without me asking. NO our relationship is not perfect, but these are things that we realized we had to incorporate inorder to live peacefully. Communication is really a constant learning process. When hubby sees me here on the LIW he sometimes laugh and tells me how I need to invest in LIW b/c I love you guys so much, and he doesn't bother me when I'm on here. I also give him the same respect when he's watching sports or reading or doing whatever he likes to do. If it's not an emergency and it can wait I - then I wait.
Like many of you said, picking your battles is so important! Being married doesn't really give us the passport to suddenly get demanding, if he wasn't like that before you got married, it's going to be a pretty damn hard job changing him after. I USED to try to change my hubby, but I have long since learned that people don't change, but they do adjust to 'certain things.'
Unfortunately, men were not really trained as young men to be domestic or do the little touches that we women do. Doing things like writing TY's comes natural for us and for most men it's forced. I'm not saying he shouldn't help and get involved, but sometimes (i'm going to go out on a limb here) I think some women measure how much their husband loves them or care about the relationship by how much he does little things like writing TY's, or shopping for certain things, or helping to decorate the home etc. Please don't take offense - it's just MHO!
Sorry for the rambling, but this was a great topic!
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See you all later!
