An example of how different and unique New York Weddings are.

Like I said most of my friends are coming from small towns outside of Rochester NY - I am afraid they are going to think I am showing off even though I am having a decent sized wedding for NYC area standards.

Most of the weddings I have been to up there were in bars or church basements. No offense to anyone who has a wedding there - I dont think the catering halls up there are as lavish as the ones down here....

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Posted by ChristineC68

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Posted by maiahsdad

the reason that ny york weddings are like that is because , well we dont have a problem paying for the wedding for the next 10 years, and in some cases it will pe paid for after the marrage lasts


jonn

p.s. i think it is so ridiculous to spend 40,00 for a wedding, use the money for something that is needed not a party for friends....

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I think this last remark is judgemental. Just because you wouldn't spend the money on a wedding doesn't mean you should make suggestions as to how other people spend their money.

ps....not everyone goes into debt for their wedding.

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I don't think he was being judgemental...just speaking from experience. Before he met me, he had a VERY expensive, lavish wedding in CT. You see how long that marriage lasted.

We discuss our priorities all of the time. We have a child now and it would be ridiculous to spend a year's salary on one day. That's why we're keeping it 'simple' and having a laid-back party. Our day will be something that our friends will enjoy and won't have to worry about buying a new outfit.

But to each his or her own. I applaud you girls who save and save to have your dream wedding. I personally wouldn't do it...but I was raised in a different place where we have different priorities. I have FILs from LI and they aren't too keen on our idea for a lakeside BBQ wedding. As my FMIL said 'It's just weird.' None of my family or friends from here think it is weird. It's fairly the norm.

Okay...sorry so long. I was just defending my FH 'cause I love him so!

But to each his or her own. I applaud you girls who save and save to have your dream wedding. I personally wouldn't do it...but I was raised in a different place where we have different priorities. I have FILs from LI and they aren't too keen on our idea for a lakeside BBQ wedding. As my FMIL said 'It's just weird.' None of my family or friends from here think it is weird. It's fairly the norm.

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I think it sounds cool. I always wanted a BBQ, but I didn't want to worry about the weather for 10 months, and our families expected a more real wedding.
It is getting a little fancier than I originally though, but I'm happy with it.

my boss had a pool part at his in laws house for his 2nd wedding.
As for the midwest & South, I think it can depend.

My friend is from the midwest, but from an area where they have debutant balls and its pretty much set that if she gets married it will be at the private club her family belongs to. And I think certain parts of the South are like that too.

I think coctail weddings & things are fine too, but it really needs to be specified on the invites.
I think that's why some invites say dinner & dancing to follow, because some people don't assume its that is always the case.

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Posted by eogara

I went to school in Rhode Island so most of my friends are from New England - it's the same thing with them. One of them got married the year after college. I went in a long dress (Saturday night wedding) only to find that it was in a tent on her FH's parents' farm! There was a horse about 15 feet from where we were eating. All the groomsmen got changed into sneakers the second we got to the reception. It was interesting to say the least.

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I read your quote but couldn't help and laugh...not too be mean though but I tried picturing all dressed up in a long dress and 15 feet away there is a horse..too funny to me..

How about a dry wedding? My MOH got married in TN and there wasn't even cash bar. All they had was iceed tea and I hate that so I drank water the whole night. I was shocked when I realized that we had to serve ourselves at the buffet. I thought at lease the BP should have been served. I don't mind a buffet but I think there should be wait staff serving dinner.

Here's the best one yet... FH's friend was got married in Chattanooga, TN last year. At the reception, they served chicken wings, cheese/crackers, fruit and veggies. The kicker is that they didn't even get the whole wing! He and his friends that went ended up going to Waffle House after. I was so happy I decided not to go bc I would have been pissed that I sat in a car for 7 hours for this meal. FH agreed that it was good that I didn't go bc he would never hear the end of it.

My FH's cousin got married in a bowling alley ladies. Granted it was a quickie wedding, but it was a room in a bowling alley. The bride's family made dinner and there was free wine and soda, everything else was a cash bar. It was so funny. His family was from down here so we just couldn't get enough of it, but we all had a great time and it was very memorable!

My cousin's FH is from Rochester and she is afraid that his family is going to be shocked by her wedding. I keep telling her that there are a bunch of them and they'll be fine...who doesn't like going to a party with a ton of food and drinks?

I took a bus up to Montreal for my cousin's wedding. For the cocktail hour, there was a HUGE line for the ONE meatball, ONE eggroll and cup of punch they allowed you. You couldn't go back for seconds - if you did, the guy told you no!

AND the dinner was horrible. Just terrible! My mom asked for extra butter for the bread for the table, and the guy TOLD HER NO, and then acted like he did her a huge favor when he finally did bring some over. Don't remember any drinks or cake.

Just a bad wedding in general, but maybe it was close to the norm up there?

I'm from Seattle and when I was explaining to my mom all that goes into a NY wedding....lol...she said...'Why can't you just have Northwest wedding?' Which means that you get married at a church or wherever and then the reception is at someone's house or a restaurant! We don't have 'Reception/Catering Halls' out on the west coast! I guess we're a little behind...I don't know!

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Posted by steph4777

How about a dry wedding? My MOH got married in TN and there wasn't even cash bar. All they had was iceed tea and I hate that so I drank water the whole night. I was shocked when I realized that we had to serve ourselves at the buffet. I thought at lease the BP should have been served. I don't mind a buffet but I think there should be wait staff serving dinner.

Here's the best one yet... FH's friend was got married in Chattanooga, TN last year. At the reception, they served chicken wings, cheese/crackers, fruit and veggies. The kicker is that they didn't even get the whole wing! He and his friends that went ended up going to Waffle House after. I was so happy I decided not to go bc I would have been pissed that I sat in a car for 7 hours for this meal. FH agreed that it was good that I didn't go bc he would never hear the end of it.

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I am from TN. and I can assure you that the wedding that your FH experienced in Chattanooga is not the norm. A buffet dinner is common and in TN people just serve themselves.

My FI's family is from Kansas (they lived in Vermont for sometime also), but they all think that they are coming to Princess Di's wedding. I have to explain to them that the CH is NOT the dinner. They have no idea what they're in for.

I went to a wedding in Syracuse where there was no cocktail hour whatsoever, you went into the room, sat down, and waited for the buffet to start an HOUR later. I was starving by the time I finally got to eat.

It was also a dry wedding, but the brides mom came over to my FI and said, 'Hey you guys, open soda bar, take advantage!!!'

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Posted by meghanmetz

It was also a dry wedding, but the brides mom came over to my FI and said, 'Hey you guys, open soda bar, take advantage!!!'

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My FH is from Boston and his family was in utter shock with the menu. they thought when they read the cocktail hour menu that was our buffet dinner. (we are having sitdown) when we were telling his parents about prices down here, they said, how about negotiating for cash bar. Okay first of all I could not invite my family with a cash bar....that would not be socially acceptable to them BUT ITI S NOT DONE LIKE THAT DOWN HERE!
I just hope that it still works out with the gift end of it since weddings are sooo differnet

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Posted by dolphin

My FH is from Boston and his family was in utter shock with the menu. they thought when they read the cocktail hour menu that was our buffet dinner. (we are having sitdown) when we were telling his parents about prices down here, they said, how about negotiating for cash bar. Okay first of all I could not invite my family with a cash bar....that would not be socially acceptable to them BUT ITI S NOT DONE LIKE THAT DOWN HERE!
I just hope that it still works out with the gift end of it since weddings are sooo differnet

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Put it this way, I've only been to ONE...yes ONE...wedding in Maine that wasn't cash bar. And there were only 14 of us there. Trust me, I'd much rather have free drinks, but I've gotten used to bringing money to weddings. It's funny.

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Posted by heidla

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Posted by steph4777

How about a dry wedding? My MOH got married in TN and there wasn't even cash bar. All they had was iceed tea and I hate that so I drank water the whole night. I was shocked when I realized that we had to serve ourselves at the buffet. I thought at lease the BP should have been served. I don't mind a buffet but I think there should be wait staff serving dinner.

Here's the best one yet... FH's friend was got married in Chattanooga, TN last year. At the reception, they served chicken wings, cheese/crackers, fruit and veggies. The kicker is that they didn't even get the whole wing! He and his friends that went ended up going to Waffle House after. I was so happy I decided not to go bc I would have been pissed that I sat in a car for 7 hours for this meal. FH agreed that it was good that I didn't go bc he would never hear the end of it.

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I am from TN. and I can assure you that the wedding that your FH experienced in Chattanooga is not the norm. A buffet dinner is common and in TN people just serve themselves.

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I figured the chicken wing reception was not the norm. I have realized that this couple is just cheap. I understand people trying to save a few bucks, but not even giving guest one whole wing! Especially since everyone from her side had to travel from Chicago. FH said that there couldn't have been more than 60-70 ppl there.

Yeah...I've been trying to prep FH's family. They think we're just loaded. I've been living in chicago for the past 6 years and even the fancy weddings are no where near NY level of excess.
There is no cocktail hour. Dinner is 1 or 2 courses and served all at once in the beginning. Then the dancing starts. Desert is the wedding cake.
My friends were shocked when I showed them the menu and promised that they wouldn't eat for days in advance to prepare. lol!
I've never been to a wedding with cash bar but all of the weddings have had the bar open for only the first hour or so. I've never mentioned the price of dinner to anyone outside of NY eitehr. I remember them talking about someone's wedding where hey spent $25 pp and it was a lot!!

I went to a dry wedding in PA. It was only my 3rd wedding ( and at one of those I was 2), so I didn't really notice, I was only 16, but my uncles were shocked. Espceially since we stayed at the hotel next door & they didn't have to drive.

It was a pretty normal wedding otherwise: in a hotel, sit down dinner they did have the menu choises on the invite though. I think the no alcohol was there choice b/c htey didn't want to worry.

Someone mentioned people not knowing the CH wasn't the dinner.

I remember I went to a Bar Mitzvah on LI, whe I was 13 and they told us to switch rooms after the CH- and I was thinking, ' wait, there's more?'

so I can relate.

My aunt and uncle once went to a wedding in NC. The reception was in the church basement and they served finger sandwiches and punch (non-alcoholic). This to my aunt and uncle who have all their parties at Russo's on the Bay.

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Posted by kel2004

I don't care what part of the country you are in, it is tacky to expect guests to pay for drinks. Even if you provide only beer, wine and soda, that's fine, just don't ask guests to pay.

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I don't think it's tacky to not provide alcoholic drinks. Soda, juices...yes, it would be outrageous to have guests pay. But I know what it's like to not have a ton of money for a wedding and I'm sure the heck not going to pay for great-uncle Stevie's 6 rum and cokes. (no, I don't really have an uncle Stevie )