A little background: my grandfather and I were super close...shared the same birthday, named after him, lived around the block from each other. When he passed away (7 years ago) I was devastated and actually joined a grief support group for awhile...I have been getting upset thinking about him not being at my wedding as the time gets closer and closer...
The Problem:
I recently found out my grandmother has started dating someone. I reacted positively to her when she told me, and I understand that she is probably lonely and this is good for her...but after I got off the phone with her I cried because I was so upset about the idea of her being with someone else, feeling like my grandfather has been replaced, etc. (I know he hasn't, but I can be emotional when it comes to him!)
So my Mom said Grandma wants to bring this new boyfriend to my wedding....my stomach immediately dropped...I feel like I don't really want him there because I am so upset about the fact that my grandfather can't be...
Thoughts, opinions?
P.S. My guest list is way over what it should be (by about 50) and I know it is only one other person, but I am just throwing this out there....
buggiegirl
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Re: What is the 'right' thing to do?
I have tears in my eyes reading this
And a big hug to you
I am also close with my grandfather like that- he is like my 2nd dad!! If it were me in your position, I could not deal with grandma bringing her boyfriend.
Maybe you can talk with her and compromise: for example maybe he can skip the ceremony and just come later? Or something like that?
I'll keep thinking and let you know if I come up with anything else.
suven
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Re: What is the 'right' thing to do?
Was this your mother's father? If so, and your mom is okay with your grandma bringing her companion, then I think you should be okay with it.
But, have you thought about how you want to handle the family photos? You should definitely think about this and plan for it before the big day.
I had a close family member bring a date and he is now in the family portrait (that I gave to ALL of my family members). But, the companion is no longer a part of the family, so it's a little weird seeing him in the front row of my family photo.
Lastminute
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Re: What is the 'right' thing to do?
Hi, I think you should invite him. You loved your grandfather and by inviting your grandmothers new boyfriend does not diminish that in any way.
Life is very short and your grandmother was obviously blessed to have had a happy life with your grandfather and the fact that she has someone new in her life in no way means that she didnt love your grandfather, just that she is one of the lucky ones that is experiencing love twice in her lifetime.
Try to be happy for her a lot of people go through their whole lives without experiencing love once.
If you are not already doing it,maybe you should have a moment where you light a memory candle for your grandfather.
Good Luck to you
AnniesSS
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Re: What is the 'right' thing to do?
Definately invite him... you need to put yourself in grandma's shoes. i'm sure she is lonely - my gma has said the same thing recently - and she only has so long to live... let her bring her date with her... just make sure he isn't in the family photos.
leighdvm
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Re: What is the 'right' thing to do?
I would invite him.
dita531
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I'm sorry this may be very hard for you. Just remember your Grandma has also had a great loss and would probably like your blessing. Her BF will never replace your Grandpa but will ease her pain so I think you should invite him, I think it would be even harder for her so see you married alone.
justshir
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Re: What is the 'right' thing to do?
invite him.
MrsTC
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i would say invite him he may not be a replacement for your grandfather but it seems as if he is an important part of her life.
FrescaBride
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I think you should invite him. Everyone deserves a companion. Your grandfather would never be replaced in your heart or in your grandma's life. But you also need to know that it is wonderful she has met someone that she can shared the rest of her life with. I think it will be good for her to have someone there and not to feel even more your grandpa's passing.
ManhattanWoman
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I think you should invite him too! JMO. Hope it all works out for you.
Katherine121
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I understand how you feel. It's totally understandable. Just Remember that you love grandma too and want her to be happy.
RedHead
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Re: What is the 'right' thing to do?
of course you should invite him!
You may be sad but i am sure your grandmothers happiness is MORE important to you!
JMO - but I think you should make your grandma happy and invite him!
06NovBride
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Re: What is the 'right' thing to do?
My really good friend was kind of in the same situation. Her mother passed away a year before her wedding. At the time of the wedding her dad was dating someone else. She was torn as to whether or not to invite her. She did end up inviting her, but she sat down and talked to her dad beforehand and let him know she wasn't going to be in any of the pictures. I believe she also didn't come to the ceremony.
I know it's a tough situation and it's really hard to see your grandmother with someone else, but don't you want her to be happy?
It's a tough decision, but you have to go with what you feel is right. If it is going to make you upset all day b/c he is there, then maybe sit down and talk with your grandmother.
buggiegirl
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Re: What is the 'right' thing to do?
Obviously I am outnumbered here- But I still think the same...talk to your Grandma tell her how you feel...compromise with her.
I am sure she will understand...either way it is worth talking to her!!
Sorry if I seem selfish, I just know I would not be OK with him being there!
06NovBride
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Posted by buggiegirl
Obviously I am outnumbered here- But I still think the same...talk to your Grandma tell her how you feel...compromise with her.
I am sure she will understand...either way it is worth talking to her!!
Sorry if I seem selfish, I just know I would not be OK with him being there!
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions...if you wouldn't be comfortable then that is your decision.
RedHead
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Posted by buggiegirl
Obviously I am outnumbered here- But I still think the same...talk to your Grandma tell her how you feel...compromise with her.
I am sure she will understand...either way it is worth talking to her!!
Sorry if I seem selfish, I just know I would not be OK with him being there!
is her grandmother supposed to me by herself forever? Compromise? Personally i do think it is selfish...i understand the initial saddness but we are grown ups here and it is time to think about her grandmothers happiness...
lullabella
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Re: What is the 'right' thing to do?
I think you are being a little selfish. Put yourself in your grandma's shoes for a minute? It is so hard for an elderly person to meet someone else. She deserves to be happy and not alone.
Sorry about your grandpa but I am sure he would want your grandma to be happy.
nov04LIbride
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Re: What is the 'right' thing to do?
Posted by RedHead
Posted by buggiegirl
Obviously I am outnumbered here- But I still think the same...talk to your Grandma tell her how you feel...compromise with her.
I am sure she will understand...either way it is worth talking to her!!
Sorry if I seem selfish, I just know I would not be OK with him being there!
is her grandmother supposed to me by herself forever? Compromise? Personally i do think it is selfish...i understand the initial saddness but we are grown ups here and it is time to think about her grandmothers happiness...
I agree. My grandma had a new BF after my grandfather passed, and he went to all weddings and family affairs with her. Actually, they were more like best buds because when they are in their 80s they aren't doing it anymore for the most part.
