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Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

oh yeah...do a search on the nerwlyweds board...we recently had a huge thread about this

Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

We had a really huge engagement party and we didn't receive gifts from a few people. Two couples had however, purchased gifts from our registry and had them delivered to our home. We didn't get it for almost 2 weeks after (back orders). Maybe their in the mail or maybe their dead beats and they just suck

Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

Definitely send a thank you anyway. Thank them for coming and sharing your day with you. Maybe that will jog their memory. If they don't send anything, just remember it for the future when they have an affair!!

Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

Etiquette says that you can give a wedding gift for up to a year after the wedding.

Some people either can't afford a gift now, or wanted to wait until after you returned home from your HM.

Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

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Posted by babygirl0918
i am not trying to sound ungrateful, of course we are happy they were there,

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For me.. there's your answer.

Send a thank you.

Just my opinion.

Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

yeah grow up it happens welcome to world of people with no money but generous at heart .they showed you support,send a thank you a card and get over it.

Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

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Posted by carline

yeah grow up it happens welcome to world of people with no money but generous at heart .they showed you support,send a thank you a card and get over it.

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wow - that's a little harsh

we had a bridesmaid who couldn't afford to give us a gift.....every time i see her she apologizes to me. honestly, i don't mind that she didn't give a gift. she was there with us and for us on our wedding day. money she would have given us would already have been spent....but the pictures of her will last forever....and that's what really matters when you think about it!

send a thank you card to let them know you appreciate them sharing your day with you

Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

etiquette says they have a year - alot of people send one after the fact.

A girldfiend of mine got married last fall and enjoyed receiving presents for the next 8 months - she said she really liked it that way - her whole first year of marriage was a celebration.

eta: she sent a thank you after the gift - even if it was 6 months later. She did not send a thank you after the wedding just to thank them for coming - personally, i think that would look pushy for a present.

Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

I had many guests not give a gift either because they were tight on money or just forgot that day. The funny thing is I have been getting cards and gifts in the mail a lot lately. I had friends of mine say they couldn't come to the wedding because they couldn't afford to give us a gift. I told them that having them with us on that day is the only gift I want.

On the other hand I was quite upset at some of my DH family members that did not give a gift. I know it's kind of hypocritical but they have MONEY and didn't even give us a card. That I found to be rude.

Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

I always hear, at every wedding there is at least one envelope w/out a name and no gift.

Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

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Posted by palebride

we had a bridesmaid who couldn't afford to give us a gift.....every time i see her she apologizes to me. honestly, i don't mind that she didn't give a gift. she was there with us and for us on our wedding day. money she would have given us would already have been spent....but the pictures of her will last forever....and that's what really matters when you think about it!

send a thank you card to let them know you appreciate them sharing your day with you

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Very well said!
guests are NOT required to give us gifts for our wedding. It is a bonus, not a requirement. Enjoy the fact that they were there. Nothing wrong with sending a thank you stating only Thank you for being there as we began our journey as husband and wife.

Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

I'll probably get flamed for this but I think that attitude of 'expecting' a gift is your problem.
I am sometimes ashamed to know that people are out there that have a wedding and expect either to get a gift, to have the guest 'pay' for their plate , or to complain about the amount of a gift.

Here's how I feel, maybe someone else does too. I am having a wedding to marry the man of my dreams. I am INVITING guests. They do not HAVE to bring a gift as I invited them for them. If I choose to have $150 pp reception dinner then unless I make people know their is a cover charge I cannot expect people to give or if they do, give what they can afford.
I have been a guest at a wedding where I have given $100 for me and FH because we were broke and I have been to weddings where we have given $500. Should I stay home if I cant afford anything?

I get realy opinionated over this so I will shut up now, because it infuriates me that people even expect a gift at a wedding. Thats presumptious and lends to the reason why weddings in NY cost $50,000!

Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

On another note you may want to talk to some people ( on the down low) that are close to the people that didn't give you a gift. In case they gave you a gift and it got lost or something. You never know.

Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

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Posted by dm24angel

I'll probably get flamed for this but I think that attitude of 'expecting' a gift is your problem.
I am sometimes ashamed to know that people are out there that have a wedding and expect either to get a gift, to have the guest 'pay' for their plate , or to complain about the amount of a gift.

Here's how I feel, maybe someone else does too. I am having a wedding to marry the man of my dreams. I am INVITING guests. They do not HAVE to bring a gift as I invited them for them. If I choose to have $150 pp reception dinner then unless I make people know their is a cover charge I cannot expect people to give or if they do, give what they can afford.
I have been a guest at a wedding where I have given $100 for me and FH because we were broke and I have been to weddings where we have given $500. Should I stay home if I cant afford anything?

I get realy opinionated over this so I will shut up now, because it infuriates me that people even expect a gift at a wedding. Thats presumptious and lends to the reason why weddings in NY cost $50,000!

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I have to admit that I agree with you. I think the meaning of marriage and sharing your day with the people you love gets lost in the gift giving area. This annoys me to no end.

Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

Maybe I'm different then. I do expect a gift. If someone were to come and not give a gift I would be a little offended and I would think it's very rude and classless. Our wedding is an elegant affair, top of the line across the board, not a backyard bbq. Personally I couldn't attend a wedding and not give a gift. I was raised much better than that. Especially going through the whole process and realizing now how much money and time it really does require to pull it all together the way you want.
The funny thing from my experience though is that sometimes the people you think will give little end up giving the most and vice versa. I also wouldn't jump to conclusions if someone didn't get you a gift because maybe it's in the mail, maybe they forgot to leave it, maybe it was lost, whatever. Benefit of the doubt.
The other thing to consider is that, like people have mentioned, not everyone is financially well off these days. So if someone honestly cannot afford to give a gift -that's life and you should be happy they were able to attend and share in the day (and hopefully this is a limited number) - that I don't have a problem with. But don't think I'm going to see someone show up in what looks like a new dress, new $150 shoes, a new matching bag and no gift - that would definitely be addressed by me personally after the honeymoon. Because the wedding is about 'us' not them and by doing that in my opinion they have made it about 'them' and not us.

Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

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Posted by Dooodles
Guests are NOT required to give us gifts for our wedding. It is a bonus, not a requirement. Enjoy the fact that they were there. Nothing wrong with sending a thank you stating only Thank you for being there as we began our journey as husband and wife.

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Posted by dm24angel
I'll probably get flamed for this but I think that attitude of 'expecting' a gift is your problem.
I am sometimes ashamed to know that people are out there that have a wedding and expect either to get a gift, to have the guest 'pay' for their plate, or to complain about the amount of a gift.

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I agree with both of you wholeheartedly! A gift is not a requirement for a wedding, it's a lovely and special addition to a wedding. No matter how elegant or lavish it is. There is a big entitlement metaility in this country that people expect things that really have no right to. It disgusts me to no end.

And anyone who bringS up to someone the fact that they didn't bring a gift for their wedding is classless, rude, and a neanderthal and I would most likely not be friends with them anymore.

Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

I personally think it's rude for a guest to go to a wedding & not give the couple anything, even if it's just an inexpensive frame vase with a card wishing them the best (any small gesture).
Some people are probably just not in the financial position to give a monetary gift and that's understandable, but the lack of thought would irritate me more than anything.

Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

''Here's how I feel, maybe someone else does too. I am having a wedding to marry the man of my dreams. I am INVITING guests. They do not HAVE to bring a gift as I invited them for them. If I choose to have $150 pp reception dinner then unless I make people know their is a cover charge I cannot expect people to give or if they do, give what they can afford. ''


I think this brings us all back to the REAL point of the wedding. Very well said :)


Do whatever makes you happy. If you are indeed thankful that they were there, then thank them. If you feel you will look like you're 'fishing' for a gift, then skip it. Do whatever is genuine for you.

Re: guests came and didn't give a gift?!!??

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Posted by palebride

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Posted by carline

yeah grow up it happens welcome to world of people with no money but generous at heart .they showed you support,send a thank you a card and get over it.

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wow - that's a little harsh

we had a bridesmaid who couldn't afford to give us a gift.....every time i see her she apologizes to me. honestly, i don't mind that she didn't give a gift. she was there with us and for us on our wedding day. money she would have given us would already have been spent....but the pictures of her will last forever....and that's what really matters when you think about it!

send a thank you card to let them know you appreciate them sharing your day with you

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my thoughts exactly palebride...a little harsh!
i agree, send a thank you, you can just leave out thanking them for a gift, just say thank you for celebrating the day.