Major faux paus with the ILs! Advice please - sorry long

I asked one of my FSILs & her DH to be in the BP back in July. I was never planning on asking the other sister because 1. FI doesn't really want her in it (neither do I really) and 2. we plan on having her daughter as the FG and thought it would be too much of an imposition financially to ask their whole family (things are very tight for them). Plus they all live in another state 9 hours away.

Well, this weekend I was working on our website and updated FSIL as a BM completely forgetting that no one knew I had asked her. Not like me to be such a ditz, I guess I was just excited about updating the page. We were waiting to tell everyone until we asked the FG. I don't know what the hell I was thinking, but I didn't even warn FSIL. She got a phone call from her sister at 8am saying 'Hello Bridesmaid'!! And she had no idea what I had done. She didn't know what to say and her sister caught her completely off guard!

Well, I called FSIL (the BM) and apologized profusely for putting her in that position with her own sister. She said it was fine and not to worry. I asked if her sis was mad and she said she really couldn't tell. I don't think she told me the whole story.

Well, I'm worried that I've offended my other FSIL. I was putting off asking her daughter to be our FG until x-mas when we go visit them so I could do it in person. But now I feel like I blew the whole thing and maybe I should just ask her now so she doesn't build up this resentment and say no at x-mas. But then, if I ask her now, it might seem like I'm just doing it cuz she found out about her sister being a BM. So, I ALSO think I should just ask her to be a BM also!

I don't know what to do. I feel like I've stirred up some trouble in the family and we all got along pretty well. Do I wait for x-mas to patch this up? Do I ask the other sis to be a BM anyway? Advice please!

Re: Major faux paus with the ILs! Advice please - sorry long

I would just call the FSIL and ask if her daughter would like to be the flower girl. I wouldn't bring up the internet thing unless she does. And, maybe just mention that with all the other things you have going on, it's taken a long time to get in touch with everyone you want to ask to be in the Bridal Party.

But, if you weren't planning on asking her to be a BM before, then I don't think you should ask her now.

Good Luck!

Re: Major faux paus with the ILs! Advice please - sorry long

I would call the other FSIL and tell her that you were only updating the webpage as you asked people (since it would be a terrible way to ask someone by just posting it) and that you were waiting to discuss it with her in person but perhaps should have discussed it sooner.

Then tell her that you want her and her family to be a part of the wedding party. You planned on asking the daughter to be a FG and would love to have her as a BM as well but didn't want to impose financially by having to have her buy a BM and a FG dress. Ask if she'd want to be a BM or would rather just her daugher be the FG.

I think asking one FSIL and not the other is asking for trouble later on. Let her make the choice if she wants to be in it or not.

Re: Major faux paus with the ILs! Advice please - sorry long

Be honest. Tell her exactly what you told us. It was an honest mistake. If you tell the truth and she is still upset at least you know you were honest. I would tell her you were going to ask her daughter to be FG but you wanted to wait until Christmas like you planned and then you ditzed out and put the BM on the website without thinking. Maybe she'll be so thrilled you asked her daughter to be FH she won't be upset she's not a BM.

Don't worry - honest mistakes happen!
Good luck!!