NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

Ok, great....we find a house, make a bid, bid is accepted and NOW DH is having doubts....

He thinks it's really far and that no one will come visit and that we're too far from his friends and family and some SERIOUS doubts are setting in.....

My question is this:

Would you rather have a really nice home....nice property...and a easier way of life BUT a long commute and ways from your friends and family (about 1 hr. 45 minutes)



or

A smaller house that needs a lot of work, has virtually no property, but is close to your friends and family.....

WHAT TO DO??????????????

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

I know that i would choose to be close to my family and friends. IMHO, and this is for me, maybe bot for others, by why have a nice house that no one comes to visit you in.

What about finding somewhere in between, so you can have a house in between, and a bigger yard, but not as big as 2.6 acres.

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

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Posted by Sage10.03

Ok, great....we find a house, make a bid, bid is accepted and NOW DH is having doubts....

He thinks it's really far and that no one will come visit and that we're too far from his friends and family and some SERIOUS doubts are setting in.....

My question is this:

Would you rather have a really nice home....nice property...and a easier way of life BUT a long commute and ways from your friends and family (about 1 hr. 45 minutes)



or

A smaller house that needs a lot of work, has virtually no property, but is close to your friends and family.....

WHAT TO DO??????????????

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Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

It's a tough call. I have a brother who lives an hour and a half away and I have to admit I see him a lot less then my brothers who live in town 5 mins from us. You need to do what is best for you and DH. If you found something you love maybe you should go for it. Finding houses like that is not easy!

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

Buyers Remorse – I remember the feeling well. It sets in every time I make a major purchase. Just keep thinking about the PROS this house will bring you and the reasons you decided to look in the area.

Only the two of you can answer your "Which would you rather have....." question. Lifestyle questions are unique to each couple. Im sure you will make the right choice.

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

I would also choose B.

I really would want to be closer to family.

Maybe you can find a house that is closer, but does not need as much work?

Can you use this time to keep saving for a bigger downpayment, so that you can get what you both want in terms of a home?

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

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Posted by Sage10.03

Would you rather have a really nice home....nice property...and a easier way of life BUT a long commute and ways from your friends and family (about 1 hr. 45 minutes)

or

A smaller house that needs a lot of work, has virtually no property, but is close to your friends and family.....

WHAT TO DO??????????????

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Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

I would choose A. I am a firm believer in you have to do what's right for you and everyone else will adjust. Please do not get me wrong - I love my family and friends and I am VERY close to all of them.

I live close to my family and friends now and they never visit... and when I first got married that's the reason why we didn't move out to NJ - we wanted to be close to everyone.

As long as you are willing to accept being away and willing to do most of the traveling to them I think it's not a big deal. You should go with what matters most to you.

Good Luck! BTW the house is beautiful

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

Wow we are deciding the same thing. I love being close to everyone, esp my family. But would love to live out of good old New York to be able to have a bigger home and less of a financial burden.

Only you and hubby can decided... Weigh the pros and cons and decide

Its not the size of the house that makes it a home its the love inside

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

Good point Wacky!!!

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

Probably not what you want to hear but I also have to say B. DH and I have a nice size house with a nice yard but if we would have went further out East, parts of NJ or upper Westchester we could have had a huge house for what we paid in our area with tons of land. But for us we wanted to be in an area where we felt comfortable that had good schools and was withing 45/50 minutes on LIRR to NYC. The commute was high priority to us. The funny thing is our families are mostly in Queens, SI and NJ. And most of our friends live in Westchester and NJ - so it has been hard but I won't live in NJ so DH and I decided LI was better than Westchester for our families so we went with LI...but we don't get many visitors...Everyone feels differently on why they buy a house - you have to figure out what is important to you and go with your gut!

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

I live in a small house that is in a place I love. With the same money, I could live in a pretty spectacular house in the suburbs but that would mean a longer commute and being far from everything I love. And living in the suburbs is just not "me"..at least not now.

I really have no problem living in a smaller house with a small backyard. I think having more is nice of course but there are always tradeoffs and Im not willing to make them to have more square footage or newer construction.

Edited to add: I dont think being a little farther away from friends or family is that big of a deal. People will visit and you will visit them. The kicker for me is the commute. If moving to the suburbs means anothe hour of a comute per day (and thats probably conservative)..that is just too much of my life to give up. As it is now, i feel like i spend too much time working and commuting.

Message edited 2/3/2004 9:42:57 AM.

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

The commute to work either way should be a factor in where you buy. You have to commute EVERYDAY into work and can be really stressful. If it's a good commute then there's nothing to worry about!

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

I definitely vote for A.

Then again, DH and I are thinking of moving to the west coast where we don't know a damn soul! I feel that (at least in our situation) in the long run, our family members will all end up doing their own thing. So why should we compromise what we really want if no one else is really going to be around? My parents want to move out east, DH's parents and his sister wants to move to Florida, who knows what MY sister will end up doing, so... we're outta here. Yes, we are close with our families and it may be difficult, but we can always move back. New York's not going to close.

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

Thank you all so much for your honest opinions...This is so much harder than I thought it would be....

In one instance I think:
We both fell in love with the house for a reason and the area is so beautiful....we really love it!!!
BUT - the commute will be hell....
I have to say that I am not as worried about seeing friends and family....
As it is, we are 45 min. away and don't see them unless we go to them...and I know we will still go to see them just as often...

I guess now that DH has doubts, my little doubts are creeping up too....

I am so confused and don't know what to do....

I know the decision has to come from DH and I, I am just totally split down the middle and looking for someone to just say:
" this is what you have to do.....so do it"...lol...

If it were only that simple!

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

You have to go with your gut!!

You guys put a bid on the house for a reason!

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

We thought about the same issues....DH has long hours at his position in the city. I'd love to have a house with more property, etc but at the end of the day to me it's not worth the sacrifices of a long commute - I'd eventually never see him if that was the case

So for our first house, we are settling for something smaller, closer to the city for now. Maybe our second house, hopefully once his work is a bit better, we'll look at a nicer house with more amenities and deal with a longer commute.

Just take time to weigh all of your options - there's so much to think about.

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

Sage, I would also do option B simply b/c of commute. I don't want my commute to be more than 1hr or 1.5 hrs (on the train).

I don't know if this will help you right now, but if you can't decide, it may make sense to RENT in that really far away area for a little while and see how commuting goes. If you love it, great, but if you hate it, its no biggie...

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

I would definitely choose option B. It does not have to do with the family/friends issue so much as the commute. As we have grown older, my family and friends have moved further apart (I think it naturally happens), but we still make an effort to see each other when we can. It may not be as often as if we lived 5 minutes away, but I still see the people that matter in my life.

As far as commute goes though, I personnaly could not handle a commute that lasted over an hour each way. I already spend so much of my life at work that I really try to minimize the time I spend getting there and getting home. For me, a smaller house that needs work is worth it because I at least I get to spend my time at the house and not in the car.

But as others have said, this is such a personal decision and it really depends on what works for you. Good luck

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

I was in the same predicament as you are. A while back (while I was pregnant) we were looking to move further east just to get more for our money. We put an offer on a huge house with lots of land and then right when we were going to contract we had doubts because it was pretty far (about an hour with traffic) from family and work. We backed off the deal, bought a smaller house (with just about no yard!) closer to work and family. I had my baby and realized we made the best decision ever to stay close to family because now Joseph sees family frequently, but more importantly, I don't waste 2 hours every day commuting when I could spend time with my son. So, I go with B.

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

We're in a similar situation.

My family is in Patchogue, where I lived most of my life.

I'm now living with DH in his house on the Yonkers border of the Bronx. I'm 1.5 hours away from my family and to be honest, it's VERY hard on me.

We were considering looking upstate at houses, but when I think of the 3 hour distance from my family, I just know I will be miserable. So we might get a bigger house with more property in Putnam or Orange County, but to me it's not a good trade for feeling lonely and homesick for my family.

So we're looking on Long Island, but keeping in mind that DH works in Manhattan. So we're compromising. We're looking on LI but in Western Suffolk, so we will be as close to mid-way between my family and his as we can get (while still being in Suffolk County).

To make a long story short (too late, I know), I would rather have less in the way of property and a house, but be closer to my family, than have a big house with lots of land, and hardly ever be able to share it with the ones I love because it's too far away.

Just my opinion. You need to do what's best for you both.

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

You should do whats best for you. with that being said. my family ALL lives in franklin square and I live in Bellmore.. now you probably say thats not a big deal... its only 20 minutes but I HATE it.. I never can just go to my cus house after work for dinner or if I am at my moms for christmas or something I cant just run home to walk the dogs... its the little things that bother me.. Plus i feel lonely and I sometimes go weeks without seeing my parents.. that I hate the most..

So I chose B and bought a house in Franklin Square... I cant wait to go back "home"

Of course frank was not Thrilled with the idea of Franklin Square.. but I told him to give me a couple of years and if he doesnt like it we can go where ever he wants..

Good luck no matter where you live..

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

We choose option #1 except I am 4 1/2 hours away.

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

I am in the process of deciding the same thing! My commute into Manhattan is now 1.5 hours. If we move out east more, it will be at least 20 min longer. Is it worth the commute?

The thing is, I live with my parents now, and I can't wait to get away! And I want to live somewhere a little different than where I live now. I want a house that is not in a neighborhood where every house is the same.

I want my dream house!

Also, If I have a baby within two-three years, I will start working from my house. I don't want to commute with a baby at all!

Message edited 2/3/2004 1:30:48 PM.

Re: NEED ADVICE ASAP.....re: house.....PLEASE HELP!!!!

This is a debate between DH and I now. If he was answering, he would probably choose A. If I were answering I would choose B. To him, having a nice house with more property is a bigger deal for him. (ALthough we are in NJ now close to his family so he doesn't really know what it's like ot be that far). I on the other hand, have all my family in LI so I would choose to stay closer to them. As it is, we are a little over an hour from my parents and it's very hard. I think that when we have a baby, it's not that easy for them just to pop over. We always have to make "plans." Not that I want people just showing up, but you knwo what I mean. Think about the future and what you want for yourselves in 3 years, 5 years....