Having a baby while living in my parents house..

We just moved into the basement apartment of my mother's house because my stepfather was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. My parents are encouraging us to have a baby soon and I will have a free and wonderful babysitter (my mom) if we have a baby while living here when I go back to work. My DH wants to wait until we have a house.

I know there will be privacy issues and unwanted advice. ..but since we are saving so much money from the dirt cheap rent they are charging us and the free babysitter and the fact that it might take a while to afford a house..do you think it is a good idea to try soon?
I just feel at almost 31 years old this woud be a good time?
Any advice?

Message edited 2/24/2004 12:34:27 PM.

Re: Baby while living in Parents house..

Honestly, this should be a discussion between you and DH only. I wouldn't base this decision on what your mother encourages simply because IMO it really is not her decision to make or even influence. I would suggest thinking and discussing it with DH. Yes, a free babysitter is great! But from what I understand there is a lot more to it than that. Just be careful that you are making the right decision for you and DH...not for your family.

Re: Having a baby while living in my parents house..

I didn't mean to come across that she was the one that wanted me to have a baby soon. I do too! And since my stepfather is sick and we the we are saving alot of money living there, I just thought it would be a good time.
Sorry if it came across that way..
I would never let my mother influence us on something that major!

Re: Baby while living in Parents house..

If you & DH feel you are ready in every other way, and don't feel pressured to start trying I don't see anything wrong with it. I hear you about unwanted advice but if you get along well with your Mom, you will work it out. DH & I bought a Mother/Daughter house last year specifically so my Mom would have a place to live downstairs and she does at times offer unwanted advice but not as much as I thought it might be. And my adult relationship with my Mom is that the things she does don't "annoy" me like they use to when I was younger. I can politely not take the advice. (But she acutally has good advice some of the time too which is great) But for the most part, she doesn't interfere. She even respects my wishes, like when she wants to appease my son and I am trying to teach him that he can't always get his way. And my Mom is an outspoken person. As for privacy, if it's not a concern as a married couple, then I wouldn't be concerned about it as a parent. I crave more privacy in my marital relationship than my parental relationship.

I'm sorry about your stepfather, that was very caring of you & your DH to move back in to help out. Not everyone would want to do that so I think that speaks volumes about your relationship with your parents already.

And free & loving babysitting from Grandma can't be beat.

Message edited 2/24/2004 12:44:34 PM.

Re: Having a baby while living in my parents house..

I agree with ddunne's advice.. and I also support and understand how you feel.

Is this the time in your life that you are ready for a child? It sounds like you do want to start a family, but you should also make sure that other factors are right. Is hubby ready (other than the fact that he wants a house?).
Although I dont beleive in waiting till we accomplish ten things on our life's goals list before we have a baby, I do think you should see if your lifestyle will still be comfortable with the baby added to your lives.

I see nothing wrong with mom helping out with babysitting. Thats what grandmas LIVE FOR Whether grandmass babysit them or not, there will be unwanted advice, its natural. Theyve been there done that, and they know better than us

If you foresee buying a house very soon, and want to wait till you have a home, thats great too. But things done always work out in planned order...

Good luck and let us know what you decide

Re: Having a baby while living in my parents house..

Thanks.
We have been married less than a year. I love my DH for letting us move back there. My mom doesn't drive and I wanted to make sure if anything happened we would be right there. He gets along with them really well. I would love for our future children to know and love my wonderful stepfather. We really don't know what the future will hold..so i say, why wait!
I lived in a 2 family house with my grandmother downstairs until I was 16. I felt very lucky having the love so close to me in the same house. I felt so loved and would like my children to be that lucky!

Re: Having a baby while living in my parents house..

Dawnie-you sound like you have strong family ties and I can relate to that. Your mom appreciates what you are doing for her, being there for anything they need. and she is offering herself to be there for you when you need babysitting...

I say go with your gut and start trying!

Lots of luck to you!

and youre right, its an amazing bond, and a special experience to be so close to loved ones, especially grandparents... its a bond that is like no other...

Message edited 2/24/2004 12:50:23 PM.

Re: Having a baby while living in my parents house..

Thank you so much for the wonderful advice!

Re: Having a baby while living in my parents house..

I think all of ladies already offered you some "food for thought" on this topic. I do agree that this decision needs to be made by you and DH only.

Have you already moved back to your parents house? If so, how has it been going? If everything's just fine and you and DH are getting along well, that's great! But, if you haven't moved back yet, perhaps you should give yourselves some time to see how you do living under someone else's roof for awhile.

Also - how big is the living space that you'll be in? I will tell you that DH and I lived in my parents house with Paul for 9 mos. and it was TIGHT...the baby "gear" takes up a lot of room and it was not always fun having Paul sleeping in the same room as us!

Re: Having a baby while living in my parents house..

We moved back about a month ago. We have a living room, kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. I think it has been working out OK.
It was an adjustment but I think it will work out . I am not saying that I want to be in the apartment forever, but with the money we are saving, our goal of buying a house will hopefully happen within a couple of years. If if we have a baby the adjustment of me going back to work would be easier with my mom right upstairs. I don't think I could pick a better babysitter than my mom. I think I could fit a newborn in there..then we would definately need more space.

Re: Having a baby while living in my parents house..

I think we "make do" with circumstances in life. There is no perfect time, place or situation in which to decide to have children. You can say "after we have a house" and after you buy a house, you might have 5 other things to consider that you didnt think about beforehand...

It sounds like you have lived with extended family before, and it sounds like you are adapting ok now.
If this is something you and hubby both want and are ready to start a family, and you will adapt to your living situation...God Bless and baby dust

YES, involvement of parents and IL's can be overwhelming, but thats part of life... No family situation is "perfect" and "storybook" ideal, no matter how close or how far you live...

My mom and MIL are a phone call away, and I "hear it" (unwantd advice, 20 questions) all the time!

Message edited 2/24/2004 1:13:24 PM.

Re: Having a baby while living in my parents house..

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Posted by Claud2001

I think all of ladies already offered you some "food for thought" on this topic. I do agree that this decision needs to be made by you and DH only.

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Re: Having a baby while living in my parents house..

i think that as long as you have a good relationship with your mother, and you're ready to have children, it's the best setup you could possibly ask for

Re: Having a baby while living in my parents house..

I think you are very fortunate to have your mom right there when you are ready to have a baby. I do agree with the other girls however that this is solely a decision between you and your husband.

I know from experience that parents mean well, but make no mistake about it when we get married they want grandchildren! I think they indirectly pressure us although their intentions are of course loving. So just make sure you talk it through with your husband and make sure he is 100% on board. Otherwise Happy Trying!

Re: Having a baby while living in my parents house..

what does your "gut" tell you?
I know your mom is probably under a lot of stress with your SF sick. Would she be able to care for a baby and your SF?
i think it is great that you moved in to help your mom/sf and they are helping you to save for a home.
IMO once you have a child and live with your mom for a while it will be very difficult to move out on your own. Especially if your mom doesn't drive- since she will need you more than if she did.
Scott's sister has her mom live downstairs and care for her daughter. It is really nice that she can run an errand at anytime and never worry about the baby. But there is also limited privacy. It is a tradeoff.
You and your husband should do what is best for your relationship.