I'm feeling like I'm about to cry...and I'm really trying not to (updated) Now I can't stop crying

I haven't seen FI since Saturday. We've been together for 8 years and see each other everyday. Since he started going to school at night this semester he's always too busy to see me...we live two minutes away from each other. I'm feeling really neglected. Even if he can't see me, I would like to at least talk on the phone. Our last three calls have lasted less than two minutes each day. I understand that he's really busy now, but I feel that he should try to make some kind of an effort. I mean if we can't see each other then he should at least talk to me on the phone and have it last more than a minute instead of Hi, how are you...gotta go...I'm still working. This is about the third week this has happened. Should I say something? I'm throwing him a surprise birthday party this Friday and I don't want us to fight before that and ruin it.

Re: I'm feeling like I'm about to cry...and I'm really trying not to

Let the week go by with no arguements. His surprise party may just be the little reminder he needs of how great you are. I'm sure he stressed about stuff too, just give him a chance. If you're willing to marry him than he must be a great guy!

Re: I'm feeling like I'm about to cry...and I'm really trying not to

Work & school is so overwhelming. I would let it slide and enjoy the party.

Re: I'm feeling like I'm about to cry...and I'm really trying not to

I know you might be feeling somewhat lonely and sad, but hang in there. Try and understand the pressure he might be facing with school. Finishing or getting his education is only going to help the both of you in the long run.

Besides Friday is only a few days away. Keep yourself busy, talk to us on the web, finalize any last minute party plans. Imagine how special he is going to feel knowing that you took the time to plan a great party.

Re: I'm feeling like I'm about to cry...and I'm really trying not to

Sorry you are so sad... I know it's hard but try to be a little more patient with FH. Try not to make him feel guilty for not spending time with you bc he was studying. Once he gets the hang of going to school again things will get better.

When FH started law school, I was a complete mess. One day, I told him that I felt neglected and it only made him feel worse than he already did. So I was able to find other things to so with my time so I didn't think about how much I missed him.

Re: I'm feeling like I'm about to cry...and I'm really trying not to (updated) Now I can't stop crying

I think marriage is about so many things...one of them being able to have your DH away from you, but KNOW in your heart that he loves you. Of course you miss your FH. But these last few weeks have been about change..and change is never easy...never. I am sure your FH feels very overwhelmed with school, work and everything else in between. I think you both just need a few hours of quality time and things will feel MUCH better! And once you live together you will see one another even if he has to work a lot and go to school. think about that time instead of the current situation.

Re: I'm feeling like I'm about to cry...and I'm really trying not to (updated) Now I can't stop crying

I just feel like I'm at his becking call. If he's not busy then he'll see me. But if he is busy then he won't see me. I feel as if I can't make plans to do other things because when I do, then he makes me feel guilty that now he has time to see me and I'm busy. He did that last week. He was busy for about three days...then he calls on the fourth day and says that he wants to hang out and I told him that I now had school work to do and I can't and he gave me a little bit of an attitude.
It's not even quality time when we hang out. I see him at about 10-10:30 at night until about 11pm. It's not like he's working all night. He choses to start late (around 9pm) so when I call at 10 hes' still working. I would think that he would start earlier so at least we can see each other for a while. I asked him why can't he start a little earlier and he responded that he like to relax for a few hours first. (even on sunday...he was off the whole entire day and he started doing his work at 8pm...that's what bothers me most...he should of done it earlier so we could of seen each other) I'm always the one going over his house...I don't know I'm just very emotional lately.......

Re: I'm feeling like I'm about to cry...and I'm really trying not to (updated) Now I can't stop crying

My FH is finishing grad school in VA and I'm in NY - before that we lived together for over a year, and before that we had a long distance relationship. I know what you mean, but I think you need to respect the fact that school right now HAS to tie with you for #1 priority. Marriage isn't 50/50 every day - sometimes you do a lot more and sometimes it switches. Right now he needs your support to adjust to this new change in his life. Why not use this as an opportunity to make plans with some of your girl friends, take a yoga class, etc. Each of you needs to be an independent, strong person in order to make a marriage work.

ETS: As unromantic as it is why not schedule an event each week, whether it be a dinner on a night he doesn't have class, or a weekend event that you both make #1 priority. That way you won't feel that he gives you attitude when you don't drop everything to be at his beck and call.

Re: I'm feeling like I'm about to cry...and I'm really trying not to (updated) Now I can't stop crying

i agreework and school is overwhelming, maybe you can meet him at his place to make it easier to see him?

Re: I'm feeling like I'm about to cry...and I'm really trying not to (updated) Now I can't stop crying

my fiance and i have a similar situation, he goes to school all day on saturday and one day during the week. i go to school two days a week.

i know it is hard, but if this is something important for him, you shouldn't make him feel bad about doing it. being in school is very stressful. especially when you have projects and pressures of getting stuff done, as well as stuff going on that isn't school related. my fiance are dealing with that now. i probably won't see him again until sunday and we usually see each other everyday.

i know that he is doing it so that he can grow in his field, get a higher paying job, so that we won't have to struggle as much.

last night we both had work to do. we realized that it's hard for us to do it separate so he came over...we sat in the same room and did our work. we didn't talk or anything, but it was just nice to have him there. maybe you could do tha sometimes. if you have something to do and he is doing work bring it. just being there might be nice...and it may even relive some of his stress.

Re: I'm feeling like I'm about to cry...and I'm really trying not to (updated) Now I can't stop crying

Just remember he is doing something now so that your future may have more promise, getting another or a first (dont know the situation) degree should help him get a better job so that in the future he can work one good paying job and you will be able to spend more time together then...you don't want him to have to work two or three jobs just to get by later right? think of it like that. hope it helps.

and if that doesn't just think of me, lol, I NEVER see my FH b/c I have two jobs and go to grad school and he is a Marine.
that always makes my friends feel better when they haven't seen their men in a few days.

Re: I'm feeling like I'm about to cry...and I'm really trying not to (updated) Now I can't stop crying

Hang in there. I'm sure it's hard for both of you. The surprise party may be just what you both need.

Re: I'm feeling like I'm about to cry...and I'm really trying not to (updated) Now I can't stop crying

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Posted by hugs213

I just feel like I'm at his becking call. If he's not busy then he'll see me. But if he is busy then he won't see me. I feel as if I can't make plans to do other things because when I do, then he makes me feel guilty that now he has time to see me and I'm busy. He did that last week. He was busy for about three days...then he calls on the fourth day and says that he wants to hang out and I told him that I now had school work to do and I can't and he gave me a little bit of an attitude.

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You definitely should try to coordinate your schedules better. If you both have school work to do, then you should try to make sure you are both doing that at the same time.

Why can't you spend time with his during his relaxing hours before he starts his work? You don't have to hang out late at night. Why not relax with him and then you can both take care of what you need to later in the evening.

As for the short phone conversations, I am so with you on that one. Whenever I have to be away from DH and we speak on the phone it always frustrates me that he can't have a conversation that lasts more that two minutes. He just is not a phone person. Try not to take as a personal insult if your FH does not want to have a long phone conversation.

Re: I'm feeling like I'm about to cry...and I'm really trying not to (updated) Now I can't stop crying

Well, I think I'm going to say something a little different than everyone else. I'm going to let him off the hook so easily just because he's busy. We are all busy. Yes, I agree you should wait until after the party and see what happens but honestly, this type of behavior was what started the end of my 5 yr relationship with my ex. And though that was a good thing for me, I learned it's important that you don't feel neglected in a relationship and after the surprise party is over with you should really talk to him and tell him what you've been feeling. Don't say it in blaming way, just tell him you miss him and would like for both of you to make a little bit more of an effort to spend some quality time with each other. You are both busy people but a relationship takes alot work and effort and that means that you should both learn to balance a busy life and nuture a relationship (marriage). Better that you start practicing that now rather than waiting until one of you is complaining later on that you feel neglected in your marriage.

Good luck and believe me, I understand how you feel.

Re: I'm feeling like I'm about to cry...and I'm really trying not to (updated) Now I can't stop crying

I would say that you need to talk to him. I am in school and work full time also and I still found time for Fh even before we lived 2gether. I think he needs to be some kind of balance between you and his studies.........I know how he feels, but I feel for you too.