i m devastated *UPDATED*

as many of u know i have posted about my boyfriends hesitance on getting married and we had talked and worked things out...i was not going to pressure him and give him time to see what he wanted from life being that we r only 23...well on saturday we had a fight about something really stupid, and then it led us to saying horrible things to each other and then he said he wanted a break from us and was going to move out of our apartment to live at his friends house. we have been together for 3 years and we have lived together for 2. I can not believe this is happening. he is my whole world and i love him more then i love myself. i can not imagine my life without him in it and now we have not talked since saturday even tho he promised to call last nite to talk more about things. i m scared that this is the end, i dont know how im going to live day to day w/o him when for so long i lived my life with him, i feel like i wana die, the pain is that bad. i feel like i have lost my best friend, my lover, my everything..the ache in my chest is so bad i could just kill myself. even when my father passed away the pain did not feel this real. i went to my moms ghouse to sleep b/c i can not bare the thought of being in the aprtment i share with him alone. everything is a reminder of us, and i just wanna die..i dont know whats going to happen to us now, maybe he just needed some time to think, but i m devastated and just wanted to share what has happened. thanks for all the past advice. -Michelle

UPDATED--
me and him talked yesterday and he told me i m his best friend and he loves me but he needs to b alone to find out where he is going in life and that he is sorry he is ripping us apart. he definitly loves me but unfortauntly i can see that for now, it is not ment to be. he will b moving out by the end of the week and we r splitting the things we owned together. we r signing a contract to prevent further problems. i m so heart broken but i m trying to cope and just think positively. thank you for all the kind words and fm's i really appreciate it all. i m terrifed to go back to the apartment that we shared, that is covered in pics of us and b there all alone so im staying at my moms until he moves out and then she is helping me redecorate. deep down he is a wonderful man who has a lot of selfishness to overcome and a lot of growing up to do. and i pray and pray that maybe one day we will b in the same place in life. my heart aches with this unbearable heartache but i hope with each passing moment that things will work themselves out.

Message edited 6/15/2004 9:48:46 AM.

Re: i m devastated

I suggest that for the next couple of days you try to avoid your apartment, stay with friends, family, etc. Try talking to him later on... to see if you cannot work things out.

We are here if you need us, good luck to you.

Re: i m devastated

First & foremost he's not worth dying over!!!!!!!!! So, get those words out of your head!!! Maybe a seperation id for the best. It seems to me that you need to start thinking about you. The way you talk it seems you do everything to please him. What about making YOU happy? Give him the space he is looking for. I know it's hard but, it's for the best. And hopfully he will realise that you are the one he wants to be with. And he'll come back to you!

Re: i m devastated

First of all, don't even think about hurting yourself! No one and nothing is worth contemplating suicide or killing yourself. Breaking up is horrible, and so incredibly painful. So many of us have gone through it, and the not wanting to eat or sleep part is awful. But you will get through it. Throw yourself into everything else in your life--work, friends, family. If you can't be happy alone you won't be able to be happy in a relationship. And the one thing that helped me when my boyfriend of 5 years and I broke up was that I was glad it happened then, and not 10 years later when it would have involved a divorce and possibly children.

Good luck and stay strong.

Re: i m devastated

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Posted by nov04LIbride

First of all, don't even think about hurting yourself! No one and nothing is worth contemplating suicide or killing yourself.

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Re: i m devastated

thank u all for all this advice i promise to b in touch :)

Re: i m devastated

oh gosh i am so sorry to hear this....maybe it will be for the best in the long run. Or maybe he just needs some time apart and you guys will work things out. Hang in there

Re: i m devastated

I am so sorry to hear this - last I saw was you posting about a romantic picnic, now this. I feel so badly for you - but please don't do anything to hurt yourself - we've all been there, just give him a little time. I know this sounds cliche but if its meant to be it will be. Please keep posting if you need to talk - we are all here for you!!!

Re: i m devastated

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know right now it seems like the end of the world but time does really heal all wounds. What now might seem to be the worst thing that could happen may turn out for the best.

Re: i m devastated

I think you need time for you...many of us have been through something this hurtful..believe me, Time helps and it will nto feel as strong today as tommorow and so on...If you feel this strongly for him, in all honesty , you need a break, because you can't commit your life to someone untill you know inside yourself that you are worth it and that he loves you the same..it doesnt sound like you realize that yet, nor does he...Take some time to relax, stay in, hang out with friends and let him decide how he feels...you'll be surprised at what you find out about yourself as well....

You have to learn to care enough about yourself to say that you can make it alone, if you can't imagine that, a life with him would never work out...I'm sure he will call to talk...you need him right now, but he may need some space, so if you do love him, give him that so he can think ( remember men are different!)
Good luck!

Re: i m devastated

I'm sorry to hear you and your boyfriend are having troubles. Focus on yourself right now. As everyone has said, no one is worth hurting yourself. We've all been there and you will get through this, whether he stays in the picture or not. Give him some space and take care of yourself. He'll talk when he's ready but you have to be ready for what he might say. Just hang in there and remember that whatever happens, happens for the best, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.

Re: i m devastated

I know this must hurt like HELL< but he is not worth thinking suicidal thoughts over!! Can you seek the help of a professional? Maybe they can help you get over this and see why you would allow someone who has been in your life only three years to have you thinking of killing yourself. You lived your life for years without him...YOU CAN DO THIS! You really can! Staying with your mom is a great idea and possibly if he does move out, can you move home? I dont recommend staying in the apt, it will only prolong your pain. Do you have gooooood friends that you confide in and that can take you out, keep you busy and be there for you? I know this is hard, its incredibly painful, breaking up with someone you love is the worst kind of pain and you probably cant even see straight right now, but ending it is not the answer. If he said he was going to call and didnt..he is being a selfish prick because he must know you are in extreme pain. It is time for you to start thinking of YOUR feelings now and what will work best for you.BE GOOD TO YOURSELF...please dont hurt yourself. I know this sucks, but it will pass someday and you have your whole life ahead of you...Im so worried about you! Please hang in there!!! You made it your whole life without him..if he doesnt want this..consider him a detour to your real happiness!!!

Re: i m devastated

I just sent you FM..please please read it!!!

Re: i m devastated *UPDATED*

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine anything much harder than this. You'll definitely get through it. you have your family and friends. It seems like he's just not ready. You're both young. It's not you. I think the split, as hard as it is, may be good for you. The fact that you said in one of your posts that you love him more than you love yourself is alarming. Think of this is a time to do things that make you happy and learn to love yourself even more. You'll definitely get through it, and if it's meant to be, it'll happen.

Re: i m devastated *UPDATED*

You seem to be in a better place than you were the other day - glad to hear it. Good luck!!

Re: i m devastated *UPDATED*

You hang in there!! This is probably one of the harder things you will ever have to do, especially since you live together...but you be strong and no that although it doesnt feel like it, it WILL get easier, it just takes time. Take advantage of people who love you and let them keep you busy, go out and do things you love and you will begin to feel whole again. Possibly start a new hobby, most importantly, know that you are stronger than you think!!!!!!! Be proud of yourself and love yourself!!!

Re: i m devastated *UPDATED*

Girlfriend, there is no man worth killing yourself. We have all been there and it gets easier over time. (Yes, this is coming from the girl who dumped a guy on valentines day, but it doesn't matter.) I was absolutely heartbroken when this one shmuck dumped me, I thought I would never find anyone and I had lost Mr Right. Well, I lost 20 lbs over the next 3 months because I decided to work out to vent my anger and depression. I looked so good that he wanted me back but guess what, I don't think so. You are only 23 and have your whole life ahead of you! I hope if anything, my life has made you laugh because that was my whole point, lol!

Re: i m devastated *UPDATED*

Message edited 6/15/2004 5:58:11 PM.