I want to switch back to separate checking accounts

i told dh and he didnt take it very well, but for the past year and a half we have been
spending money up the wazoo and not saving anything at all and its getting ridiculous
we are depleting our savings and its not good. I am super anal about finances and i do all
the bills, Dh could care less about spending money frivolously and it really gets to me i am
always checking our account online and seeing atm withdrawal after another. we have sat down
several times making a budget and somehow it never sticks. I feel that if we had our separate checking
accounts ( not savings) then we could do what ever we wanted with our money and not have to worry about 'play'
money and how we spend as long as we pay our bills and deposit money into our savings account. Am i being
totally unreasonable - dh is very insulted right now- but I dont know why I thought this would be a good thing.

Re: I want to switch back to separate checking accounts

I think FI and I are going to put about 3/4 of our salaries in a joint account, and the rest in separate 'play' accounts. I know I would resent him spending too much on poker with his friends or whatever, and he would probably think I shop too much. Keeping the play $ separate seems like the easiest way to avoid fights. Good luck! FI was offended when I mentioned this to him too, because I know I would be the pissed off one, not him, about the spending.

Re: I want to switch back to separate checking accounts

Open a CD and have a set amount automatically deducted from your joint checking... this way you are saving and cannot take out money from it without incurring a penalty.

Re: I want to switch back to separate checking accounts

Just a suggestion but instead of dissolving this joint account, how about opening another one JUST for bills. We have a joint account and we have a separate account. It’s nice for him cause he likes to just ‘buy’ stuff. I like it because I make him write me a check from his account to put into the joint account for bills. For a while, he had no access to the joint account other than actually showing up to the bank to withdraw money (his never had an ATM card, it was a goof) so Jim is used to not spending from ‘that’ account. It took only one bounced check for him to see how disappointed, annoyed and frustrated I was.

Re: I want to switch back to separate checking accounts

DH and I both have separate checking accounts...it works for us. We have a joint savings account which we make sure a certain $ amount is deposited into each month. We are both savers and separate checking accounts have nothing to do with spending too much money...more we just feel we should both have the freedom to do what we want with the moeny we earn once we save a certain amount a month - plus I am more anal about saving atm receipts and stuff than he is and he gets annoyed if I ask him for them and such..so we keep it separate.

Re: I want to switch back to separate checking accounts

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all - planning for your financial future is very important.

What is insulting to him about having seperate accounts for play money? We each have our own accounts for incidentals and it works fine.

Why won't he conform or try to stick to a budget? I know it's not easy, but we do our best to meet our savings goals every month.

Re: I want to switch back to separate checking accounts

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Posted by ChristineC68

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all - planning for your financial future is very important.

What is insulting to him about having seperate accounts for play money? We each have our own accounts for incidentals and it works fine.

Why won't he conform or try to stick to a budget? I know it's not easy, but we do our best to meet our savings goals every month.

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Dh has a live for today attitude, which is why i love him but when it comes to finances someone has to buckle down and that someone is me, unfortunately.

Re: I want to switch back to separate checking accounts

We have separate accounts...sort of. DH has a checking account...and I have a checking account. A certain amount of his paycheck gets direct deposited in my checking account...and I take care of all the bills and my own spending money. I worry about how much we save and he doesn't know or get involved. He gets an 'allowance' which is the balance in his checking account which he can spend at will. When it's gone...it's gone. He gets a 'lecture' if he asks me for money if he's spent it all...so he's learned to keep quiet or make it last the whole week.

Re: I want to switch back to separate checking accounts

from a male perspective -- i disagree with separate accounts, marriage is about trust and money is one of the biggest trust issues. It is crucial that each one knows what the other is doing. Putting money aside only insinuates that you don't trust the other person with that money

Re: I want to switch back to separate checking accounts

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Posted by don424

from a male perspective -- i disagree with separate accounts, marriage is about trust and money is one of the biggest trust issues. It is crucial that each one knows what the other is doing. Putting money aside only insinuates that you don't trust the other person with that money

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that is EXACTLY what my dh said.

Re: I want to switch back to separate checking accounts

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Posted by don424

from a male perspective -- i disagree with separate accounts, marriage is about trust and money is one of the biggest trust issues. It is crucial that each one knows what the other is doing. Putting money aside only insinuates that you don't trust the other person with that money

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My DH & I trust each other 1000000%. We have seperate accounts for personal day to day spending, no one is high tailing to vegas with it.

Re: I want to switch back to separate checking accounts

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Posted by don424

from a male perspective -- i disagree with separate accounts, marriage is about trust and money is one of the biggest trust issues. It is crucial that each one knows what the other is doing. Putting money aside only insinuates that you don't trust the other person with that money

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I have to agree.

ETA: its one thing to always have separate accounts, it's another to try to back out of a joint acct.

Re: I want to switch back to separate checking accounts

because then you'll wonder if the other is truthful with the paychecks -- how do you know he or she is being honest about the amount he or she is putting in the private checking account

Re: I want to switch back to separate checking accounts

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Posted by don424

from a male perspective -- i disagree with separate accounts, marriage is about trust and money is one of the biggest trust issues. It is crucial that each one knows what the other is doing. Putting money aside only insinuates that you don't trust the other person with that money

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I agree with this and I suppose I am from the female perspective.

I think that your DH needs to understand how crucial it is for you guys to save money but at the same time, you have to remember that, as you said, part of the reason you married him is his 'live for today' attitude. I don't think your request was unreasonable, it just seems you're at the end of your rope. Maybe you and DH could see a counselor about this so you can both understand each others' perspective. IMO this is an enormously important element of marriage.

ETS: I meant a financial counselor - not suggesting you guys are having marital problems!

Re: I want to switch back to separate checking accounts

What about setting up a third JOINT account for discretionary spending. This is where the extras go after savings & after bills. You would both have access but you would get some peace of mind.

Re: I want to switch back to separate checking accounts

i'm not much of a financial guru though I think I'm pretty good with money..

I honestly don't know about opening new accounts will solve things... the CD thing does sound good.. it kinda forces you to save..

but I offer one small grain of knowledge I heard that I have really taken to..

with respect to money.. (and this goes for other things too.. not only money)

Here's the thing..

'Failing to plan is planning to fail.'

I would not want that to happen to anyone.. so work something out.. talk with someone you know who is VERY good with money.. and take it from there. Good Luck!