seeking advice re: somewhat sticky social situation

Today, my supervisor told me that her father is dying. I am wondering about the best way to respond -- what to say, and, perhaps more importantly, what NOT to say. I'm wondering what would be most helpful to say, or what she'd most like to hear.

She e-mailed me this information, because we mostly communicate via e-mail. (I'm not based in the same town as she is.) She and I are close, but not really tight friends (she's significantly older than I am). I don't know her father, but I do know her husband and kids.

Of course, because she is my supervisor, I must maintain some professional decorum. I've got to write back to her, but I don't want to sound too gloomy or unrealistically upbeat or anything.

Thanks in advance for any insights you can offer.

Re: seeking advice re: somewhat sticky social situation

Definitely write back asap and something along the lines of 'I will keep your father in my thoughts during this hard time' and 'if there's anything I can help with' (unless you're afraid she might dump half her workload on you) would be good too.

And even though you have a professional relationship w/ her, I would send her a 'thinking of you' card anyway - something short and to the point but not mushy sad.

Re: seeking advice re: somewhat sticky social situation

Hrm..

Just say what you feel.
I am sorry for your loss.

sending a card would be too much for me.

But that's just me.

*shrug*

Re: seeking advice re: somewhat sticky social situation

Thank you so much for your ideas! I definitely need to write back tonight...

Re: seeking advice re: somewhat sticky social situation

was this e-mail sent to just you or a few people? Honestly....if it ws jsut you, she may be reaching out. I know if that were me, even though she's my supervisor....via e-mail I'd offer anything I could do to help, but I'd get up, go in there, and give her a hug and walk out without saying a word. That's just me though....

Re: seeking advice re: somewhat sticky social situation

I wrote a friend of mine a note when his father passed away saying he must have been proud to have such a good person as a daughter, and happy to see you become such a success in life. She told me later it meant a great deal to her.

Re: seeking advice re: somewhat sticky social situation

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Posted by nov04LIbride

I wrote a friend of mine a note when his father passed away saying he must have been proud to have such a good person as a daughter, and happy to see you become such a success in life. She told me later it meant a great deal to her.

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That's a nice idea. Thank you!

Re: seeking advice re: somewhat sticky social situation

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Posted by btrflygrl

was this e-mail sent to just you or a few people? Honestly....if it ws jsut you, she may be reaching out. I know if that were me, even though she's my supervisor....via e-mail I'd offer anything I could do to help, but I'd get up, go in there, and give her a hug and walk out without saying a word. That's just me though....

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Yes, the e-mail was just to me. I wrote back offering to help and telling her that she'd be in my thoughts. If she does send some grunt work my way, I really don't mind at all -- it may ease her mind to cross some stuff off of her 'to do' list. If I lived anywhere near her I'd definitely visit in person!

Thank you again to everyone for the advice!

Re: seeking advice re: somewhat sticky social situation

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Posted by Maribelle7777

Definitely write back asap and something along the lines of 'I will keep your father in my thoughts during this hard time' and 'if there's anything I can help with' (unless you're afraid she might dump half her workload on you) would be good too.

And even though you have a professional relationship w/ her, I would send her a 'thinking of you' card anyway - something short and to the point but not mushy sad.

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I agree.

Re: seeking advice re: somewhat sticky social situation

I would definitely reply to the e-mail or call and just let her know how sorry you are to hear this. Let her know that you'll have her and her father and the family in your thoughts and prayers.

I would also follow-up with a card. You don't realize how meaningful it is to know that there are people thinking about them.