Sensitive subject...UPDATED

Is there anyone out there with CPS experience? I have a situation where a child (couple is in the middle of a divorce) and the wife is "coaching" the child to say/make false accusations of molestation against the father. She is also very explicit with details of the problems in the marriage in front of the child (talks extremely badly about the father, etc.). Is this a form of abuse that CPS will investigate if a complaint is issued and do they give the complaintant's name to those being investigated?

Please help

Message edited 9/15/2004 11:34:59 AM.

Re: Sensitive subject...

I don't think CPS will do much because you don't think the child is actually being molested. Its for the courts to figure out. Its not against the law to talk bad about another spouse. Sorry. Doesn't sound like abuse or neglect, just stupidity.

Re: Sensitive subject...

CPS will step in for any case in which they think there is abuse, this sounds like emotional abuse, however, there would have to be sufficient evidence.

Coaching a child to make false accusations is illegal. if there is sufficient evidence, the police should be called!

Re: Sensitive subject...

it doesn't hurt to try and all calls are confidential..even if they don't take the call you can at least feel as if you've done your best..sometimes people amaze me at lack of responsibility for raising children..look what she's putting that poor child through..arrrgghh

Re: Sensitive subject...

just curious, how do you know this for sure?

Re: Sensitive subject...

http://www.ocfs.state.ny.us/main/cps/

this might help.

Message edited 8/4/2004 8:30:03 PM.

Re: Sensitive subject...

If you even think for a second there is a reason to call, CALL! Let them try to sort out the details. They will not disclose your name and you do not even need to disclose who you are to them. I have had to call a few times and all I can say is thank god I did.

Re: Sensitive subject...

I was there when the mother was "coaching" the child on what to say about what daddy does to her.

The father has since gotten an attorney and is filing for full custody.

Re: Sensitive subject...

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Posted by september2004

just curious, how do you know this for sure?

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Re: Sensitive subject...

This is horredous, to abuse a child in any way -whether verbal or physical, and especially emotional. If you do not step in - and make the call - this child will have some serious emotional problems when she gets older - for a mother to do this to a child is outrageous. That child should be taken away from her - to use children as pawns in a divorce is awful - I would definetly make that call. You'll be sorry if you don't, I know I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing this is going on.

Re: Sensitive subject...

I'd rather not say what the relationship is betwen the child and myself. Anyway, it doesn't have any bearing on my decision one way or another to report her or not - abuse is abuse.

Hopefully the father can get the ball rolling and get her away from the mother before she can do any more emotional damage to her. I know things take time in the courts, but I have to believe the truth will be exposed and she'll (the mother) will be lucky if she gets visitation.

Re: Sensitive subject...

There was a very "public" case of ths same nature recently. It involved a former playboy playmate who lives in NYC with her twin daughters. She had an affair with a married man but in the end he won custody of them because she basically did something along the lines where the judge found that she was psychologically hurting her children and removed them.

Re: Sensitive subject...

Ok unfortunately, I have dealt with CPS. My husband and I found out that his ex was doing drugs, We filed for custody of our daughter and won. It took a long time and a lot of stuff happened. But eventually we won, Which is not easy to take a child away from her mother believe me. But a husband or a wife cannot talk bad about the other party that is against the law (in front of the child). Just like that case in the city. Im sure if he goes to court and gets an order of protection to stop bad talking him to the child that will get the ball rolling, But it will be a long battle and Im sure he will need a lot of proof. FM if you want.

Karen

Re: Sensitive subject...

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Posted by Sweetie2004

CPS will step in for any case in which they think there is abuse, this sounds like emotional abuse, however, there would have to be sufficient evidence.

Coaching a child to make false accusations is illegal. if there is sufficient evidence, the police should be called!

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Re: Sensitive subject...

Thanks to everyone for their input. Sadly, the situation has gotten so out of control that I decided to call CPS last night. I got a call back today and apparently there is already an investigation in place! The mother is claiming to CPS that the father is molesting the child! Things weren't going her way and now she's pulling out all the stops. I told the investigator that I had an abundance of documentation (emails from the older child over the past several years) which will shed some light on what has really been going on over there. The investigator also asked if I would be willing to go into family court and petition for temporary custody if they remove the child from the home (which is what they are leaning towards at this point). I can't believe this is happening....

Re: Sensitive subject...

You are totally doing the right thing - I realize it is very hard for you - but for you to step in - you are really helping this child.

Re: Sensitive subject...

If she is coaching the child to say these things, CPS will be called because of these lies.

There was a story in the news not too long ago about a women who did something similar. She lost custody of her kids as a result.

You didn't say how you knew these people. But whenever you doubt, call CPS. They'll tell you whether or not there is a case. It is better to make the call.

Re: Sensitive subject...

Oh yeah, I know CPS really intimately.
Been the kid others worried for
Been the family who made the call for the kids – we adopted them
Been the family others called CPS to complain about – false accusation

It’s always an issue of what’s in the best interest of the child, but generally speaking they try very hard to keep the child with the parent. They took the kids (my bros & sis) away from their mother nearly 5 times before they made it permanent. We’re talking SERIOUS physical abuse no less on kids under the age of 2. They usually try to get the parents to straight out.

There’s a lot of bad mouthing out there of parents. My father happens to work as a Child Advocate who tries to identify fiction from truth and reality from imposed/coached behavior. They goes to training and all that.

No they never give out the name of the person calling in the complaint. I just don’t think they’ll do a whole lot to help you. Unless there’s a claim for molestation, there’s nothing much I think that can be done.

But as my father says, it never hurts to try and for him it makes him feel better that he at least ‘said something’ as he tells me.

Re: Sensitive subject...

I have worked with CPS many times, I'm a mandated reporter due to my job title (in healthcare). CPS is not always helpful, sometimes law enforcement neds to be pulled in . I;ve had cases where thed mother is a crack addict and unless the actually catch her in the act it is all heresay so they investigate and send a counselor back a few times, but if no act in progress the case is closed.
Any suspected cases of any kind of abuse are viable reports. They may need to pull in some psychiatric components with this mother which will also get her help as well as the child out of this undesirable situation. You definitely did they right thing, it;s tough, but you may have saved this child's emotional status from being even more damaged.

Re: Sensitive subject...

I just wanted to give you all an update and to let off a little steam/frustration right now...

This situation deals directly with my brother and soon to be ex sister in law. While I didn't expect to win any popularity contests in my family, I can't believe that almost 3/4 of it has turned their back on me for making the call. They all KNOW the situation over there was very, very volitile, they all know that my older (now former) step-niece was completely mentally screwed because of her mother's actions and behaviors, they all know there is more violence over there than a child needs to be subjected to, but they are rallying around my brother and crying foul against me for making the call. Why?? Because it's an inconvenience to the parents?!? The case wasn't even issued against my brother but because there is prior cases against them (leading all the way back to the step-niece), they are all under investigation. I haven't heard back from the case worker even though I have attempted to follow up with her several times. Last night my brother/SIL received form letters from CPS, just outlining that there is an additional complaint to the charges she filed regarding molestation. My brother went off his rocker. Totally flipped out, went over to my parents and threatened them, my baby, my house, etc. He said he was going to kill me, kill my baby, f up my house, the works. Now I'm afraid to leave my baby with my Mother because he's mental enough to go to my parents and hurt her while she's being babysat. I'm ready to head to Walmart and get a gun. I'll kill the ba$tard if he touches my baby!! My parents have nothing to do with this but my brothers have all but written me off. Glad to know they are such morally conscious individuals. I don't know what I'm looking for here, just a hug I guess because I'm ready to break down and cry at this minute. I never thought helping my niece would be viewed in such an ugly manner.

Re: Sensitive subject...UPDATED

I'm sorry your brother is reacting that way. Is there anything you can do for your own safety - Order of protection, etc?

Unfortunately it's usually the whistleblower that gets its the worst.

Please remember though you did all of this for the children

Re: Sensitive subject...UPDATED

OMG I just don't know what to say, Sharon. I'm sorry you have to go thru this... its amazing that when you TRY to do the right thing these days, somehow it can totally backfire on you. The threats against you and your family is what concerns me the most ... it sounds like insanity. Who will watch Amber if you don't trust you brother enough to leave her with your Mom? Ugh I wish I lived closer by and could figure out some way to help you

I wish I could help, hon. Truly I do.. I am so very sorry. please be safe Many

Message edited 9/15/2004 11:40:55 AM.

Re: Sensitive subject...UPDATED

Outrageous! I can't believe they are turning the focus on you!!!! I feel so badly about this and that you have to fear for your own safety now, ridiculous!!! Given all that you are going through now - how did they find out that you called? I thought these things were kept confidential. I remember way back when my cousins were being abused by my aunt, I called CPS - they never told my aunt that it was me.
Anyway - I am so very sorry that you have to deal with this - I am sending you many hugs.
If there is anything we can do,anything at all, just say so!
And please - stay safe -
I'm hoping these threats were just made out of anger - heat of the moment type threats. And that your brother realizes that you were doing what was right.

Re: Sensitive subject...UPDATED

People are so f'd up! I can't believe your Bro and your family have turned against YOU!

Does he not get it that you were trying to help him???? Does he realize that your call was so that CPS would know that the mother was trying to get him in trouble?

Well here's the thing - your brother and sister in law don't care. He doesn't care if CPS and the law accuse him of molesting the baby. Your family doesn't care that the wife is making the child lie. And maybe he'll get arrested who knows. All because you tried to help but hey! why should that count for anything!

I feel so bad for you. How could your bro even THINK of harming your child????? It's just sick and I hope that he doesn't touch a hair on her head.

It's a shame but this is why people stay out of situations like this these days, because of the repercussions.

I hope someone in your family will finally "see the light" about your bro's and SIL's behavior.

Re: Sensitive subject...UPDATED

CPS will investigate emotional abuse cases if the child is really distressed, etc.