VENT - Guest list drama

Well, I made it 6 months and 5 days into this engagement without there being any big issues. Then, I brought up the subject of the guest list with my mother. Everyone said this would happen. I wish all my fortune tellers were wrong. I have finally been brought to tears; a place I promised I wouldn't let this wedding take me.

This wedding is getting bigger than my fiance' or I wanted it to be. Were were trying to keep it under 120 --- KA BOOM!!!! My mother and I just had our first heated guest list conversation. There are sure to be more of them. We are arguing about whether she needs to invite her whole stupid office of 14 people (BTW, people I don't particularly care for). We were going over the list and when I mentioned 10 people from my office, my mother asked why I am inviting them. Are you kidding?! I should invite people from your office that I don't care about, but not the people I sit with every day, go to lunch with every day and share every little detail with? Yeah, right. Hello?! Remember, MY wedding?!?!

Now she is sulking and beiing a martyr. 'Fine, leave them off. I just won't go to work anymore.' Someone else's daughter is getting married in October, she managed to not invite our mothers' whole office. Why is it such a big deal that I want to do the same thing?!

Fine. My parents are paying for the wedding and have been wonderful and supportive. I guess I'll just shut up, get over it and hope my fiance' does too.

Any words of advice before I resort to murder to cut the guest list? Or am I just being Bridezilla?

Re: VENT - Guest list drama

You're not being bridezilla at all. I'm actually rather jealous of your issue!! Your mom should be so happy that you are trying to maintain the guest list so costs don't get to be ridiculous. I'm having exactly the opposite trouble - my fiance is inviting 120 GUESTS. I am invited 35 GUESTS. He promises me that everysingle person on that list is an A-lister. My mom and dad are giving me a hard time - they wanted a wedding no larger than 175 AND they are paying for it. Who's side do I take??!!!!!!!

Re: VENT - Guest list drama

honestly, in my opinion, f your parents are paying for the wedding, they should be able to invite who they want to. Why do you have to keep the list under 120?
And remember that just becuase people are on the guest list doesn't mean they will come!

Oh, and if you think making the guest list causes trouble....wait until you try to do the seating arrangements

Re: VENT - Guest list drama

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Posted by palebride

Oh, and if you think making the guest list causes trouble....wait until you try to do the seating arrangements

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Thanks, I think...

Re: VENT - Guest list drama

If i could hug you sweetie I would cause fights suck big time....I think that you should be abl eto have who you want there....I think its icky to have strangers surrounding you on your special day- regardless of who's paying.


I think alot of our moms and sometimes dads are following old etiquette rules for weddings and they need to be told what should and does happen in the 21st century

Re: VENT - Guest list drama

As your MOH I can offer you lots of hugs...


And, I don't think you are being a bridezilla -- yet!

But I think palebride has a point. You're parents are wonderful, very caring, generous and giving people. With everything they are doing for this wedding, if it makes your Mom happy to invite her friends from work so she can show off her beautiful daughter on her wedding day, then I think you should let her be the proud Mama she wants to be.

Like palebride said, many might not come and in the overall scheme of the day, you will spend your time with the most important people to you.

Just my two cents. Remember, I still love ya!

Re: VENT - Guest list drama

I know what you mean. My parents are also paying for the wedding, but when I showed her my list, it was like 'why are you inviting that person', yet shes inviting 2nd cousins, and people i have never met.....hmmmm......but i talked to her about this, and told her that i am not changing my list...its my wedding not hers....and that if she wants those people there, the # will just go up....i think shes gotten mydrift!

Re: VENT - Guest list drama

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Posted by JLP

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Posted by palebride

Oh, and if you think making the guest list causes trouble....wait until you try to do the seating arrangements

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Thanks, I think...

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didn't mean to scare you - just wanted to warn you!

the good part is that when the wedding happens...., NONE of this matters....and the day is pure BLISS!!!!!

Re: VENT - Guest list drama

Sorry about the problem and I think you are totally right about whether or not you want them there but maybe make a compromise (being that they are paying and all) and say that they have to be seated in the back or whatever. Hope it works out, and thats what we are here for. Vent away!

Re: VENT - Guest list drama

Thanks everybody!

My FI reminded me that as long as we are married by the time we go to bed that night, the rest doesn't matter.

I don't have the time or the patience to fight over this. Mom wins. Doesn't matter in the grand scheme anyway.

We made up and hugged an hour ago and the glass of Pinot in my hand is making it all fade away.

Oh yeah, still 190 days to go... I might need a twelve-step program by the wedding.

Re: VENT - Guest list drama

i agree that you should just invite them they might not even come. there are going to be far more stressful things then this so i wouldnt sweat it. oh and for the seating chart i think i was the only person in the world lol that did it in under an hour lol.

Re: VENT - Guest list drama

I'm having a similar problem - being told to cut my guest list so people i don't know can be invited.

We've solved some of the problem - FH's mom is paying for anyone over the the amount of 70 on her side...

And I've managed to B-list a few of my friends...

I know it's tough though - inviting family members and their friends who you don't know/haven't seen since you were in diapers.

Good luck, and it will all come together - as far fetched as that seems right now.

Re: VENT - Guest list drama

Ooh, did your mom talk to my mom?
I went through the same exact thing with my mother. She even went so far to say that this isn't about me! Uh, what? I thought I was the bride here. If a wedding isn't about the bride, who is it about?
The biggest difference is that my parents are NOT paying for the entire affair. They gave us xx amount of money towards the wedding. They just have very traditional values as to the parents of the bride's role. They are in a tight financial situation and I know the money they gave us is probably beyond their means. I got to the point of finally saying to them that they can either have half the guests at the wedding or half the decisions, not both. We went through some VERY stressful weeks when we were doing the guest list. Like a few other brides have already said, sometimes you just have to pick your battles. This is only one in many! If you are really set on having a smaller wedding, just explain that your hall can only accomodate xx number of people.

Re: VENT - Guest list drama

Everyone is different and every 'family situation' is different. So go with your gut feeling in terms of what you feel is right. My personal opinion is this - whether parents are paying or not - it's my wedding and I'm doing it my way. That's final and not open to discussion. When parents pay it's a gift and should not come with expectations as far as I'm concerned. I'd rather pay 100% myself and hope they just put a nice check in an envelope because it's not worth it. At some point your parents got married and they should have done it their way then. Invite who YOU want. Granted if your mom has worked with someone for 15 years or is very close to someone you may have never even met well yeah, they should probably be invited to be fair to your mom. However, who wants to go to their own wedding and see 70% of the people they don't know, don't care about, etc.

Re: VENT - Guest list drama

My mother told me a hundred times over the years that when she and my dad got married, she had a guest list fight with her parents and told them, 'This isn't my wedding, it is an excuse for you to throw a big party.'

Suddenly she is on the other end. I haven't reminded her of her fight with my grandparents, but am so tempted to. Trying not to go there... YET.

I think I'm gonna roll over and play dead on this. This is the only big argument we've had so far.

We need a white flag icon.