So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

and here is my best shot. I am, by my own admission, completely addicted to this website. I started using it as a planning tool but more than that now, have discovered the joy of encountering people who share my hopes and concerns, and more often than not, who have shared some of the joys and frustrations of planning this big event. I have found that I have gained insights and ideas from people spending $5000 on their day as well as people spending $150,000 on their day. In fact, I find it thrilling that we so clearly transcend our basic demographic (of how much money is involved) and are instead about support and sharing each other.

Recently, I have watched several discussions degenerate into attacks and I wonder what could prompt this level of passion. From what I have seen, we are a group of powerful, independent, smart women many with careers, some with families, and all with weddings to plan. It occurs to me that there are much better ways to handle having different opinions than with vitriol. To be clear, I too have my list of people who post that I find unpleasant, patronizing, and even obnoxious. For the most part, as I do when I encounter unpleasant people in life, I laugh, try to clarify, and move on. Rarely, I have become involved as I thought it was appropriate. But, even in those instances, if you read what I wrote, I think I have tried to balance being constructive without being unpleasant.

I guess what I am trying to say is I have another year to go on this site and I look forward to spending it with you amazing ladies. I hope to leave my wedding with new friends and compatriots, and I would hope that by treating each other with dignity and respect, we could all do the same.

Please forgive me if this reads as preachy or patronizing -- that not my intention. It is like your mother always told you, "think before you speak." Well, in this virtual world, I just want us to think before we write.

Cheers, Deb

Message edited 9/10/2004 7:30:20 AM.

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

BRAVO WELL SAID

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

WHy is it that I alsways miss the drama on this board? I never see anyone say anything bad. But then I see people posting about how people shouldn't get into fights.

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

Very well said -

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

Very well said!!!

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

Very well written Deb. Thanks for expressing what I believe is the opinion of many brides on these boards.

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

I have to say, I've been on this board for a few years now and you're not the first b2b to try and be a "voice of reason" so to speak, but IMO you have said it better than anyone else I've seen. Good for you!

(You'll quickly see if the majority agrees, because in the past the "voice of reason" often gets her head chopped off )

Message edited 9/10/2004 8:53:59 AM.

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

Very well put. I totally agree with you.

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

Well i hate to be the negative one but conflict happens..
From big drama to little spats....but it happens
I think it is very rare that a large amount of people chatting everyday day
won't have conflict! Should we all be respectful with differing opinions
DEFINATELY....

BUT because we are typing thoughts and emotions, in stead of saying them
in person...ofter things written are EASILY misinterpreted!
Again this is going to happen...

But i do hope the "big" drama ends....

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

beautifully put, Deb!

i have to say though, that i keep on missing all of the drama here.

Jennifer

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

Very well written Deb.

I am not trying to cause DRAMA here, I promise. But I would just like to say: What drama? I really don't feel like there is drama on the boards. This is life!

The chatboard is microcosm of what life is like. (I know, really broad, poorly written statement but hear me out.)

Conflicts happen in life. Every day. They never really feel pleasant, and nobody likes them, but they are neccesary. They allow people to form opinions, look inward, explore, and asses how they REALLY feel about a situation. If everything were so nice and flowery and full of love and compliments all the time, I think life would be so boring and uninspiring.

Please don't get me wrong. I am not in support of people who are outwardly mean or obnoxious at all. But I just see people like that as extremely insecure individuals who are far worse off than the women on here who have their heads on straight. I think it is clear who "gets it" and who does not.

I too have another year on this board and have grown to enjoy it immensly. I look forward to sharing with all of you, drawing inspiration from you, and in turn , giving the best words I have from myself back to you. I do think before I speak, even if what I say sometimes might be harsh. I am a firm believer in the truth. But the truth told with sensitivity and compassion (regardless of how rude the recipiant is) is always the best version.

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

very well said deb!!!!

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

OMG!!! My sister at heart....Deb...very well put but in the end...Can we just move on. I am so darn tired of thinking about this that I am about to just say to he!! with LIW.

I really feel like we are beating a dead horse here and I am soooooooooo tired of it!

Please girls...the way to express your sincere want for no drama....let's not mention it!
Please. I ask because I was in the heated discussion yesterday and more than anything, I would LOVE it if we could stop mentioning it and just move on.

Deb...I hear you 100% and agree with you 100% so this is not to shout you out or attack you at all. But I really am tired of it coming up already. I am sure you understand.

Message edited 9/10/2004 11:14:20 AM.

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

couldn't have said it better myself! as john lennon said...."give peace a chance!"

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

something else to ponder:



How can I be on this site literally 24 hours a day and not have a clue about the drama thread. I have been trying to figure out why you guys have been posting about no drama all morning.


shhess - I actually do work for 1/2 hour and look what happens. I guess I'm going to have to quit

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

All I can say is that each one of us have our flaws, and we all, unfortunately, will not have a complete quarrel-free experience on LIW. However, that being said, I still agree that the tiffs shouldn't be followed by drama. We all should respect each other 100%, and accept that there are people in this world that we just can't stomach.

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

Interesting to read what Deb wrote!!! The only boards I noticed that have a tendency to get catty is those where people list how many carats their rings are, or list their rings as being "BLING BLING." Just an interesting thing to note....

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

Here here!

And I will jump on the pre-appologetic bandwagon and say: If at any time, my words have offended anyone or come off in any other way than helpful, than I assure you that was not my intention.

This forum has been a safehaven for me! I would never want to have "bad blood".

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

Fun:
I don't find it catty to talk about rings -- some are bigger than others but they are all beautiful to the wearer. But you can think what you would like, that is the beauty of it. Anyway, Deb, well said and hear hear.

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

Indeed, very well said Deb. However, I'm feeling really put off by this board. Is this not supposed to be "brides helping brides"? I feel that many of the posts this week have been of no benefit what so ever

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

well said, but I too want to ask, what happened this time?

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

Well said! I too missed the drama but heard about it from a friend.

Re: So I have been thinking a while for how I wanted to say this

Thank you for being so well spoken. I have often had the same opinion but didn't know how to spell it out as well as you. I too have almost a year to go to spend on this site and look forward to many friendly exchanges of advice and opinions.

I have a secret love affair with this site and want it to continue!

Thanks for all of your great advice thus far...I look forward to giving and receiving lots more!!!