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marymoon
Someday Bride
Member since 2/04 12229 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/31/2013 7:30 PM
Wed. Location:
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Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
Do you think that it's more acceptable to give a smaller gift at an OOT wedding, since we not only have normal expensies of getting to the wedding, but also travel and hotel, or do you think, if you can't bring a decent gift, don't go?
I'm going to a wedding tomorrow for FH's 3rd cousins. My 3rd cousin is getting marired also and I want to give them at least $250, maybe more (like $400, if I cna afford it at that time)since they're also my age (not well established) and I'm close with them.
We're not as close with Fh's cousins, and we never see them, but it's a black tie wedding. Ordinaruly I'd say well, give $250, but we're spending so much money to travel and rent a car and get a hotel, plsu hair and everything b/c it's black tie. What do you think? Can we get away with $150 or 200?
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Posted 10/8/04 12:20 PM 
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anjerandunder
I passed my boards
Member since 7/04 2478 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/4/2005 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Carlyle on the Green A++
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Re: Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
that's a tough one but i've always given the same as if its in town..do what you feel best.
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Posted 10/8/04 12:27 PM
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usuk2004
The FINAL STAND - we're ready!
Member since 10/03 5472 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/21/2004 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Raphael Winery
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Re: Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
Where is the wedding? It seems that everywhere other than LI, gifts are not as extravagant. I had the ultimate OOT wedding  and lots of peole flew over from London. Honestly, we werent' expecting gifts from them, we were just happy that they made all the effort to actually get to our wedding. I think $150 is a generous gift!
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Posted 10/8/04 12:30 PM
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nov04LIbride
Asshatery: Nature or nurture?
Member since 3/04 8138 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2004 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Hard-boiled eggs also have hearts of gold.
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Re: Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
Would $200 cover the cost of you both at the place? If it covers the cost of your plate, I would think that's OK...You're young yourself and in school so I can't see that they could expect $400 or 500 from you...
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Posted 10/8/04 12:30 PM
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marymoon
Someday Bride
Member since 2/04 12229 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/31/2013 7:30 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
The wedding's in Philly, so i'm assuming t's similar to a Ny wedding. it's a black tie optional and it's at the Hyatt. I'm sure it's at least $125 p/p, but just because smsone has an expensive wedding doesn't mean you have to give a gift. Covering the plate is a myth. I mean, if I could, I would...I guess we may end up giving $250. I'm still in school, and FH JUST started working and has all of these expenses with getting hsi own place, but his mom is always bragging about how much $$ he makes....blah
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Posted 10/8/04 12:33 PM
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TwoBugs
-------------------
Member since 8/03 2394 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/4/2004 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
As a recent bride whose guests were mostly from OOT, my suggestion is give what you can - that does NOT need to be the same amount as you would give at an in-town wedding. The couple will completely understand and will be sooooo happy that you thought enough of them to travel OOT to attend their wedding.
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Posted 10/8/04 12:38 PM
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marymoon
Someday Bride
Member since 2/04 12229 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/31/2013 7:30 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
Yeah I mena it's really a lot. We're spending an extra $250 on the hotel and rental car. That would ordinarily be the gift. I'm hoping that whatever we decide they'll be grateful and won't think we're cheap or whatever.
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Posted 10/8/04 12:41 PM
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ChristineC68
Board Princess
Member since 5/01 12178 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/21/2002 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
Go with what you can afford to give. I think $150-200 is a very generous wedding gift.
Message edited 10/8/2004 12:43:16 PM.
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Posted 10/8/04 12:42 PM
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dkwife
Contracts are signed!!
Member since 1/04 2132 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/11/2004 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Bourne Mansion
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Re: Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
Posted by nov04LIbride
Would $200 cover the cost of you both at the place? If it covers the cost of your plate, I would think that's OK...You're young yourself and in school so I can't see that they could expect $400 or 500 from you...
No offense to you nov04libride, but what is the story with "covering your plate??"
I mean, do you go around telling people how much you spent to have them at your wedding and then expect that amount back??
I just don't understand that concept...
IMO, 200 is a very nice gift.
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Posted 10/8/04 12:49 PM
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usuk2004
The FINAL STAND - we're ready!
Member since 10/03 5472 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/21/2004 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Raphael Winery
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Re: Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
Posted by searsc
Posted by nov04LIbride
Would $200 cover the cost of you both at the place? If it covers the cost of your plate, I would think that's OK...You're young yourself and in school so I can't see that they could expect $400 or 500 from you...
No offense to you nov04libride, but what is the story with "covering your plate??"
I mean, do you go around telling people how much you spent to have them at your wedding and then expect that amount back??
I just don't understand that concept...
IMO, 200 is a very nice gift.
I think that people use the average amount that a wedding costs per plate as a guide for what to give. I wouldn't consider it a golden rule, but...it helps to gauge
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Posted 10/8/04 12:55 PM
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dkwife
Contracts are signed!!
Member since 1/04 2132 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/11/2004 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Bourne Mansion
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Re: Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
Posted by usuk2004
Posted by searsc
Posted by nov04LIbride
Would $200 cover the cost of you both at the place? If it covers the cost of your plate, I would think that's OK...You're young yourself and in school so I can't see that they could expect $400 or 500 from you...
No offense to you nov04libride, but what is the story with "covering your plate??"
I mean, do you go around telling people how much you spent to have them at your wedding and then expect that amount back??
I just don't understand that concept...
IMO, 200 is a very nice gift.
I think that people use the average amount that a wedding costs per plate as a guide for what to give. I wouldn't consider it a golden rule, but...it helps to gauge
So you would give more/less depending on where the wedding is? I cannot believe that people do that.
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Posted 10/8/04 12:59 PM
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usuk2004
The FINAL STAND - we're ready!
Member since 10/03 5472 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/21/2004 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Raphael Winery
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Re: Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
Posted by searsc
Posted by usuk2004
Posted by searsc
Posted by nov04LIbride
Would $200 cover the cost of you both at the place? If it covers the cost of your plate, I would think that's OK...You're young yourself and in school so I can't see that they could expect $400 or 500 from you...
No offense to you nov04libride, but what is the story with "covering your plate??"
I mean, do you go around telling people how much you spent to have them at your wedding and then expect that amount back??
I just don't understand that concept...
IMO, 200 is a very nice gift.
I think that people use the average amount that a wedding costs per plate as a guide for what to give. I wouldn't consider it a golden rule, but...it helps to gauge
So you would give more/less depending on where the wedding is? I cannot believe that people do that.
It's not necessarily that one would give more or less, it's just that the bride and groom may not expect as much. I'm not saying this is how I operate, either...
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Posted 10/8/04 1:02 PM
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2003fallwedding
Fish are friends, not food!!!
Member since 6/03 2831 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/1/2003 2:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Larkfield Manor
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Re: Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
Posted by searsc
Posted by usuk2004
Posted by searsc
Posted by nov04LIbride
Would $200 cover the cost of you both at the place? If it covers the cost of your plate, I would think that's OK...You're young yourself and in school so I can't see that they could expect $400 or 500 from you...
No offense to you nov04libride, but what is the story with "covering your plate??"
I mean, do you go around telling people how much you spent to have them at your wedding and then expect that amount back??
I just don't understand that concept...
IMO, 200 is a very nice gift.
I think that people use the average amount that a wedding costs per plate as a guide for what to give. I wouldn't consider it a golden rule, but...it helps to gauge
So you would give more/less depending on where the wedding is? I cannot believe that people do that.
I know quite a few people who do this. Some people want to make sure their plates were coverd. If the place is know to be inexpensive, some people don't give that large of a gift whereas if the wedding was held at say Flowerfield or The Carlton, they would give a larger gift. I am not saying it is right but I know a few people who do this.
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Posted 10/8/04 1:09 PM
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bellepoque
Very happy!
Member since 8/03 1287 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/7/2004 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Vanderbilt Mansion, Oakdale
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Re: Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
I say give what you can. Any token will be appreciated 
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Posted 10/8/04 1:30 PM
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dkwife
Contracts are signed!!
Member since 1/04 2132 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/11/2004 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
The Bourne Mansion
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Re: Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
Posted by 2003fallwedding
Posted by searsc
Posted by usuk2004
Posted by searsc
Posted by nov04LIbride
Would $200 cover the cost of you both at the place? If it covers the cost of your plate, I would think that's OK...You're young yourself and in school so I can't see that they could expect $400 or 500 from you...
No offense to you nov04libride, but what is the story with "covering your plate??"
I mean, do you go around telling people how much you spent to have them at your wedding and then expect that amount back??
I just don't understand that concept...
IMO, 200 is a very nice gift.
I think that people use the average amount that a wedding costs per plate as a guide for what to give. I wouldn't consider it a golden rule, but...it helps to gauge
So you would give more/less depending on where the wedding is? I cannot believe that people do that.
I know quite a few people who do this. Some people want to make sure their plates were coverd. If the place is know to be inexpensive, some people don't give that large of a gift whereas if the wedding was held at say Flowerfield or The Carlton, they would give a larger gift. I am not saying it is right but I know a few people who do this.
I'm sure people do it, I just don't get it.
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Posted 10/8/04 1:30 PM
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marymoon
Someday Bride
Member since 2/04 12229 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/31/2013 7:30 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
Many people think it's proper etiquette to give enough to cover your plate, but it really isn't. You're supposed to give according to your ability and your closeness with the couple. I mean, it isnt fiar if someone decided to have a wedding at the rainbow room and then expects me to shell out $500. Still, I feel abd if I KNOW my gift is way less. I don't generally give according to the cost of the wedding.
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Posted 10/8/04 1:34 PM
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lilmrs
I am a conundrum
Member since 5/02 12034 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/17/2003 12:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Under a rock
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Re: Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
A lot of people use the cover your plate method as a gauge to make sure that they are giving enough (not usually too much) people like to do it this way to ensure that their attendance does not put the newly married couple in debt.
I don't do it, I gauge my gift on the closeness with the couple and what I feel is right.
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Posted 10/8/04 1:36 PM
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HearzBellz
Always a bridesmaid 3x over
Member since 4/03 10389 total posts
Wedding Date:
1/9/2004 1:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Harbor Club
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Re: Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
Posted by usuk2004
I had the ultimate OOT wedding and lots of peole flew over from London. Honestly, we werent' expecting gifts from them, we were just happy that they made all the effort to actually get to our wedding.
Ditto...I did not expect anything from my OOT guests & we had people from London, Dublin, LA, Nashville.....
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Posted 10/8/04 1:38 PM
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lilmrs
I am a conundrum
Member since 5/02 12034 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/17/2003 12:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Under a rock
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Re: Need advice: Being a guest at an OOT wedding
Mary, I am sorry I forgot to answer your original question. We had quite a few poeple from OOT attend out wedding, we were thrilled that they could make it and knew how much it cost for them just to be there. I was more happy that they were there than anything else. Many poeple from OOT did give less than those from the area and I could have cared less. A gift is a gift adn as long as it is heartfelt that is all that should matter.
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Posted 10/8/04 1:38 PM
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