Need advice - very stressed/sad

My dad and I haven't been close since he met his current wife (she doesn't want him to have anything to do with his "past.") He's barely spoke to his kids, brothers, sisters, etc. for the last 9 years.

Theyhave a 4 year old daughter that I met maybe twice. I've invited them over, etc...there's just no interest. Well now its my wedding and I have a no children rule, but all of a sudden she's my "sister" To me a sister is a relationship and its there fault we have no relationship - not mine.

Anyway he says I'm ruining his marriage and he has to come with this little girl. I told many family members (that I'm close with) that they can't bring their kids and she's not well behaved at all.

He calls me EVERYDAY telling me wants to bring her. I don't want her there - I want to be the center of my fathers attention (since I never had it) and I don't want him minding this wild child all day.

Should I just let her come or stick to my guns?

I can't believe he's doing this with 2 weeks to go!!!

Re: Need advice - very stressed/sad

I'd stick to my guns...Why make exceptions for those who don't deserve them?

Like LP says: Your day, your way!

Re: Need advice - very stressed/sad

personally i think you should stick to your guns....from the way you explain the relationship between you guys, you owe them nothing, your father and his wife in my opionion do not have your best interest at heart. stick to it

Re: Need advice - very stressed/sad

NO KIDS>>>>>> If he really insists then get a babay sitter ( at his expense) and have the kid come to the cocktail hour and then have the sitter come and watch the little girl in the Bridal suit or something... OR have his WIfe's Friend or someone come and pick her up after the cocktail hour.....

GOOD LUCK

Re: Need advice - very stressed/sad

You are right in the way you feel. Stick to your guns. Oh and that's a load of BS about you ruining his new marriage... only he and his wife can do that. He's being manipulative... don't cave in. You deserve your day.

Re: Need advice - very stressed/sad

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Posted by lgluszak

NO KIDS>>>>>> If he really insists then get a babay sitter ( at his expense) and have the kid come to the cocktail hour and then have the sitter come and watch the little girl in the Bridal suit or something... OR have his WIfe's Friend or someone come and pick her up after the cocktail hour.....

GOOD LUCK

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Re: Need advice - very stressed/sad

i would sick with your guns. i doubt its your father insisting it sounds like the wicked stepmother is behind it. i would just tell him that you already said no children and you would upset a lot of people if one showed up and the rest couldnt come.

Re: Need advice - very stressed/sad

I would stick to your original plan. If you prefer not to have kids at your wedding then that is your choice.

Re: Need advice - very stressed/sad

Thanks girls! I was leaning toward sticking to my guns - I just didn't know if I was being too stubborn.

It's not a new marriage - they've been together for 9 years. I KNOW for a fact this has nothing to do with hurting a 4 year olds feelings. My step monster has never liked me (or anyone in my family) and is probably trying to sabatoge my wedding. So either way she's going to make things miserable.

He comes without her - she claims she's divorcing him - he comes alone and miserable

He doesn't come - uhhhh not very nice

He brings wife & kid - she grins and sets the wild terror loose! (You should see what this girl did at my grandma's funeral - I blame the parents not the child!)


I can't WIN


OH he's making a big deal about it b/c my flowergirls are young (my brothers daughters) - but I see her all the time and I'm
very close with them. If I was close with my "sister" she'd be in my wedding party and be invited as well.

Message edited 10/23/2004 11:32:28 AM.

Re: Need advice - very stressed/sad

Dont' give in. This is your day and they can get a babysitter.

You have every right to want your dad all to yourself and I agree it's not like she's a sister because you have no relationship with them.

Re: Need advice - very stressed/sad

Man. Families can put you through it worse than any stranger can!! I'm sorry you're experiencing this. The truth is, weddings bring out what's already in people. This isn't really about the wedding; it's about your stepmom trying to have her way to try and prove that in your dad's eyes, it's about her and nobody else.

My advice is to (very sweetly of course) stick to your guns. And like you said, this is not about hurting a 4 year old. Hopefully when she gets older you and your sister will have a much better relationship. But if dad and stepmom succeed in manipulating you now, they'll try it in the future too. Dad doesn't want your sister to come to the wedding because she's dying to come. He just wants peace and doesn't want to hear it from his wife.

Blessings to you!

Re: Need advice - very stressed/sad

I would stick to your guns. It's your wedding. It seems his wife is playing games and putting your father in the position of choosing between his first family and his new one. Only childish & immature people do things like that. (My MIL pulls stunts like this). I wouldn't let my father off that easily in this type of situation and I really doubt she is going to divorce your father over this. (My MIL has played the divorce card so frequently we wonder if she has one on retainer.)

Good luck

Re: Need advice - very stressed/sad

this woman sounds like a psycho-- do not let them bring the child with them.. Your dad should be able to stand up to his wife- it's his problem. not yours. Have who you want there. done.

Re: Need advice - very stressed/sad

you better stick to your guns on this one!! DO IT FOR YOU - BUT DO IT FOR ALL OF US IN SIMILAR NO KID SITUATIONS!!

im sticking to my guns. i said no way, no heII, and i mean it! i dont care how B!tchy people think i am.

You are TOTALLY right and dont give in!!!


jennifer