vent....... advice needed please

I have to admit, this is embarrasing for me to post, but I really need to vent. My father has been acting really weird lately and I didnt know why. My mom tells me today that he thinks I am paying for the entire wedding and my FH is not helping at all towards it (my parents are paying for the hall and my dress). I was shocked, to say the least, that my father would have the audacity to even think such an absurd thing and at the same time I am soo hurt that he feels this way towards mine and my FH's relationship to think that I would pay for everything! This is sooo far from the truth! If anything, FH is paying a hell of alot more than I am!!!!!!! I am soooo confused because I really want to confront my dad, but I do not even know what to say. I cannot tell my FH that my father thinks this way because I know it would hurt him too. So I have to keep this in. I don't know what to do though. Aside from the hall and my dress, we are paying for everything ourselves (1/2 each!!!!!!) In a way it bothers me because I feel like what does that mean my dad thinks of me?? I mean really?!?!? My father and I do not have a close relationship like most fathers and daughters and I am fine with that, I've gotten over that, but I really feel like I need to say something to him to set the record straight. My mom knows the deal and she thinks hes insane for thinking the way he does but I just don't know what to do.

eta.... Should I confront my dad? Better yet, should I talk to my FH about this or just keep in it?

Re: vent....... advice needed please

I would keep it in, keep the peace between the two men in your life. (I have to do that sometimes) For example my Dad used to think that my FH was still immature and not driven. Well, then he proposed and gave me a ring and boom! he's the best guy in the world now!

Your father will change his mind off and on I'm sure about your FH. Just like mine. Your father probably doesn't realize (like mine) how much a wedding costs now and doesn't realize how much your FH is contributing. I would drop subtle hints as to how expensive things are, and then just conveniently say how much it was and make it understood that your FH paid for it.

Remember that your Dad wants the best for you, and nobody is what he pictured you being with I'm sure. They will always have something to say...I have learned this recently.

Re: vent....... advice needed please

The funny thing is once you guys are married doesn't his money become your money and vice versa?? You guys are going to be taking care of eachother for the rest of your lives what does it really manner in the end whose account the wedding money is coming out of???

Re: vent....... advice needed please

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Posted by cjb88

The funny thing is once you guys are married doesn't his money become your money and vice versa?? You guys are going to be taking care of eachother for the rest of your lives what does it really manner in the end whose account the wedding money is coming out of???

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I know!!! my dad is soo hard-headed though. he complains about everything and anything and when he is not complaning, we wonder whats wrong with him

Re: vent....... advice needed please

from my point of view I would want to set the record straight but I'd find a non-confrontational way to do it. I might sit him down and explain that you feel like there is some distance between the two of you and when you asked mom she told you why. Then I'd explain that his assumptions were inccorrect and break it down. THere may be other reasons for him to be acting so strangely but at least if you confront this 'excuse' if that's what it is, then you can get to the root of the problem. I would not advise telling FH though because that will only breed resentment. Good luck in whatever you choose!

Re: vent....... advice needed please

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Posted by halfpintny

from my point of view I would want to set the record straight but I'd find a non-confrontational way to do it. I might sit him down and explain that you feel like there is some distance between the two of you and when you asked mom she told you why. Then I'd explain that his assumptions were inccorrect and break it down. THere may be other reasons for him to be acting so strangely but at least if you confront this 'excuse' if that's what it is, then you can get to the root of the problem. I would not advise telling FH though because that will only breed resentment. Good luck in whatever you choose!

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thank you! i decided to keep this bit of info from FH because I do not want to cause friction between them.

Re: vent....... advice needed please

I'm so sorry. My father passed away years ago, so Im not the best person to give advice about the father daughter relationship...

I would do what some of the other girls said... just try to ignore it. I think if you tell your FI this (if he is anything like mine), it would greatly hurt him, and it would be something he wouldn't easily forget and hold with him for years to come. If this is just the way your dad is sometimes, take his grumpiness with a grain of salt and keep planning your big day and think about the happy fabulous life you are going to have with your guy! Hopefully by the time he walks you down the aisle, this will all be water under the bridge! I know that my dad was stubborn and hard headed and sometimes a big jerk, but I would still love to have him around to walk me down the aisle and to dance with me at my wedding!

Re: vent....... advice needed please

yeah....i don't think i would say anything unless it got obvious (like, nasty comments to my FH or something).

can your mom set him straight?

Re: vent....... advice needed please

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Posted by halfpintny

from my point of view I would want to set the record straight but I'd find a non-confrontational way to do it. I might sit him down and explain that you feel like there is some distance between the two of you and when you asked mom she told you why. Then I'd explain that his assumptions were inccorrect and break it down. THere may be other reasons for him to be acting so strangely but at least if you confront this 'excuse' if that's what it is, then you can get to the root of the problem. I would not advise telling FH though because that will only breed resentment. Good luck in whatever you choose!

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i totally agree.... you should talk to your dad (but wait until you are the least upset),,, and i wouldnt mention it to FH... your dad may just be in a 'mood', and will probably forget about it... but if you tell FH about this... i feel like its something he'll never forget (like it will alwys be hovering inside him)

good luck

Re: vent....... advice needed please

thank you all for your comments. i really appreciate it! the thing that bothers me is that my parents love my FH soo much and to hear that my dad thinks such an absurd thing really bothers me alot

Re: vent....... advice needed please

Coming from a bride that paid for the entire wedding herself, I may be a little bias. However, I do not think that you should confront your dad. It is very generous that they are paying for anything. You might want to put aside some time for him and thank him for his contributions and how much he is doing for you two. He may feel like you are taking advantage of him or that he is being unappreciated.

Unfortunately, when you have others helping with footing the bill, they feel they have a say in it.

Re: vent....... advice needed please

I would definitely say something to my dad, but that's just me. It eatsx me up whn I harbour things inside. Just let your dad know how much you apprciat his contributions, but you just want to let him know that you and your FH are sharing the additional costs.

Re: vent....... advice needed please

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Posted by nferrandi

I would definitely say something to my dad, but that's just me. It eatsx me up whn I harbour things inside. Just let your dad know how much you apprciat his contributions, but you just want to let him know that you and your FH are sharing the additional costs.

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I know.... I am going to have to say something to him because if I dont, I am going to feel like I need to justify everything to him! If only this man knew how much weddings costs! My parents have been married for over 43 years... NEWS FLASH... its 2004, almost 2005!!

Re: vent....... advice needed please

well..i would keep it in.. you got bigger things to worry about...

on the other hand, i'm concered with you and fw saying, i got my half, you got yours. You guys do thing together. It doesn't matter what precentage who contributes what. as far as your father should know, the two of you are handleing it together. i would not go any further. yes, you do need to respect some things as he's paying for the biggest part.

Re: vent....... advice needed please

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Posted by MCDO15

well..i would keep it in.. you got bigger things to worry about...

on the other hand, i'm concered with you and fw saying, i got my half, you got yours. You guys do thing together. It doesn't matter what precentage who contributes what. as far as your father should know, the two of you are handleing it together. i would not go any further. yes, you do need to respect some things as he's paying for the biggest part.

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well we arent splitting it 100% down the middle. when payments come up, whoever has the money pays it at that time. we arent keeping a running tally of who paid for what. i just need my dad to know that i am not paying for all of it. shoot if that was the case, we would never get married lol