Ready to cry...Updated-Things are looking up

Well this time it's not the family or the inlaws or even friends and ex-friends(MOH).
Okay today my newest problem started with the deacon of the church we were planning on getting married at calling to tell me he had bad news for me. See when I was a teenager I got pregnant and my family convinced me for legal reasons to marry the jerk. Well even though we are divorced by Nassau County I need to annul the church wedding. We had some hope that the marriage wasn't registered in church(we were married first in city hall)but it didn't turn out that way...long story behind it were his sister called pretending to be me and cancelled the wedding and I didn't know I needed another marriage license to get remarried in church, yada yada yada. Anyway it turns out we were registered. Well the deacon informed me that it would take 13months to get the annulment but not to worry because I was getting married in 18months. Okay I knew this from talking to some girls here. Then he tells me that they can't put me in the church books though until the anullment goes through so I can't book my wedding until feb. or 2006 and by then they can't guarantee that my date will be available. Okay now depressed I ask as long as everything works out what is the earliest mass we can have because our reception is 12:30pm(I want my bp pics over before ch so I don't have to give up reception time)so he says well we are going with May 29th right what day is that so I tell him Monday and he tells me he has more bad news for me....You can't get married on a monday in church. Fri., Sat, or Sun. Now I call the hall...and she apologizes for telling me that I would have no problem getting a mass for monday(took this day to save money)and to call her with new date. Yeah well I was too emotional to go any further. I had FH call church back to ask what time was earliest to have Sat. mass and they tell him 11am. or 1pm. Now that Im in tears I explain to FH, well now we are probably going to have to move it to an evening wedding which not only goes up significantly per person but the min. goes up too. That's alot of money. I feel like Im watching my dream wedding go down the tubes. My familys answer is well don't get married in catholic church. I hate the thought of that. I don't know what to do except cry which I seem to be doing very well.
FH tells me he will call the hall with alternate dates and work something out so I don't have to deal with it right now!! Can't wait to see what the problem of tommorow will bring me cause I know there is another one with my name on it out there and I have a feeling it will surface Friday night at his cousins wedding were we will be sitting next to FBIL and wife who we don't get along with and don't talk to because they are not only jealous people but look down on us because they dont like the way we raise our children(they don't have any) and lets not forget FH parents who we are not speaking too because FH caught them talking about him and his mother turned the whole thing around on me and in her own way told him Im not a good mother or good girlfriend.

Thanks to some great ladies on this board I think I may be able to keep my wedding date and have a church. It's outside the catholic religion(which still poses a slight conflict for me)but it's very close and I can still be married before god and Im still going to go through with the anullment and renew my vows within the catholic church with just my immediate family. Last night I was going to call the whole thing off and today Im seeing everything a bit clearer. I have all of you ladies to thank for holding my hand and for FH being soooooo patient with my craziness. So THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!

Message edited 1/20/2005 8:57:05 AM.

Re: Ready to cry...

sorry you have to go through this we all are here for you

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d
Work with your hall and church, and hopefully you will find a great date and time. You can still have the wedding of your dreams, don't give up hope!

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Thanks. Im sure I'll feel better tommorow. Just right now I feel all the pressure and stress of everything crashing down. I feel like this year has gotten off to a horrible start for us.

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Oh honey- I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope it all works out for you.

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Posted by amyandeddie

Oh honey- I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope it all works out for you.

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How long have you been a member of the church? I mean the annulment should go through right? Maybe there's a way that they could work it out for you and still hold the day and time. Ask to speak to the pastor of the church.

I guess if all else fails, the easiest thing for you may be just to move the ceremony to another location.

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I know this may not be what you want to hear, but it sounds like it may just be easier for you to have the ceremony at NRC. That way you don't have to go through the bother and expense of an annulment and you gt to keep it on the Monday (cheaper pp and lower minimum.) It seems to me like it's an easy decision, but at the end of the day, it's your decision not mine. Just way out the different options and do what is most important to you and what will make you and DH happy.

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I'm sorry you are goig through this

I would consider not having the wedding in the Catholic church - a ceremony can be religious and spiritual outside of the walls of a church.

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I have a suggestion....

How about having the wedding on Saturday or Sunday at 11am and then a lunch reception?

If you want to take pictures, just take it before the wedding.... it really doesn't matter if he sees you in your outfit before the wedding despite what lore says

Would that work?

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Im so sorry to hear this i hope things work out

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I'm sorry you are going through this. But keep positive, everything WILL work out!!!!

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I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Can I ask though... do you want to get married in church so that you are recognized and your children can get baptised or do you just want it in a church. There are som Catholic Priests that will come to the hall, however I am not sure if that would be recognized by the church. I'm trying to go this route because my FH is Jewish and I know the Catholic Church won't let us get married there.

Don't worry! Everything will work out.

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First of all, , then vent, vent, vent - you have every right to. I know it feels like everything's turning to crap now, but thankfully you do have some time and you are planning ahead. OK, if you really have your heart set out on a church wedding, there are other churches that will be more willing to work with you - there are reformed priests that will help you get an annulment faster - there are options! You are not alone, this has happened to many others and the resurces are out there. Definitely leave it up to God for He never gives us more than we can handle. This is probably one f those "funny" tests, you shall overcome it like you have all the others. Plesae don't think that you are doomed to keep stumbling upon problems, try to remain positive and trust God. OK, I asked around and got the name of a reformed priest who is supposed to be absolutely wonderful. My boss had a rally unfortunate situation (involving a priest and a rabbi) and really terrible family issues and he was able to help her.

His info is as follows:

(Father) Francis Maione
(973) 639-5047

And if that doesn't turn out to be hte answer, we'll try other things - don't give up!

Best wishes and sending positive vibes your way!

P.S.
I was told "NO!" and actually laughed at by many churches for wanting a church wedding even though I'm not baptized catholic (fi is). I trusted God to help me and found a beautiful Catholic church where I will be getting married in a few short months and I did not have to do RCIA. Don't despair!

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Have you looked into an Episcopal church? Episcopals follow the same rites as Catholics execpt we don't follow the pope and pray to saints. Also, they tend to be a little more leanient if someone has already been married.

Good Luck, I hope everything works out for you.

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This was already suggested but maybe get married at NRC? It will save you the time and $1,000 or so to get an annulment.

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Posted by nferrandi

I know this may not be what you want to hear, but it sounds like it may just be easier for you to have the ceremony at NRC. That way you don't have to go through the bother and expense of an annulment and you gt to keep it on the Monday (cheaper pp and lower minimum.) It seems to me like it's an easy decision, but at the end of the day, it's your decision not mine. Just way out the different options and do what is most important to you and what will make you and DH happy.

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I couldn't get married in the Catholic Church either because I am divorced and refused to wait for the annullment (or do all the paperwork either). We had a ver special ceremony, that included the Our Father, Sign of Peace, and a few other "Catholic" things. It was spiritual and meaningful and all our guests were as touched as we were. I would say, have a ceremony at the hall, and you can later get married in the church I believe....after the annullment is done.

If youhave not started the annullment process yet, be prepared to be overwhelmed. Sorry, but to me it seemed like such a lot of BS that I couldn't be bothered. And I still go to church, I still receive communion, and when ( ) we have kids we will baptize them and raise them Catholic.

Good luck!!

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Posted by nferrandi

I know this may not be what you want to hear, but it sounds like it may just be easier for you to have the ceremony at NRC. That way you don't have to go through the bother and expense of an annulment and you gt to keep it on the Monday (cheaper pp and lower minimum.) It seems to me like it's an easy decision, but at the end of the day, it's your decision not mine. Just way out the different options and do what is most important to you and what will make you and DH happy.

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Re: Ready to cry...

I love that I have made so many good friends here and that so many of you are always there to help and not judge. Thank You
There are a few things I want to clear up though after reading your responses. All of my kids were baptised catholics, two have made communion, one confirmation and another making his confirmation in May(we have 5 together). I was not baptised however raised very much catholic, growing up going to catholic church and of course continuing raising mine. There are some things I disagree with and I don't follow the laws of the church but I do believe. I want to be married in church because being married within my faith in church I feel can only make the experience more special to me and for us. For me I am emotionally overwhelmed even at mass and have beens since a kid.
As far as his sister cancelling the wedding, that was what happened to me when I married the first time as a kid and have not seen these people in 13 years.
The anullment isn't even concerning me because according to the church I have plenty of time if I start now. Not stressing over this. Stressing over everything coming down on me at once. Stressing over that not only do I have a f&*( up family that I will be marrying into and have to deal with all the pressure of their nonsense but this as well. I said it earlier I knew I'd feel a little better about everything today. FH is gonna handle the hall and work something out. I have wonderful people in the church who are helping me with advising me throught he anullment. We are looking into the option of getting married within a different religion and church possibly Luthern because that is what my dad was and his family. I understand what you are saying as well as getting married at the NRC except that now that I have made my feelings clear to my family about that to do it now I think would take away from the ceremony because it's not what I wanted to do but what I had to do. Im trying to hold on to my faith and hope that somewhere something will go right for us and some stress will be relieved. Im just sooo happy I have wonderful friends here to turn to just to blow off steam or to cry on your shoulders. Thanks Again. I appreciate the suggestions and believe me I will consider all of them.

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