Would you agree to pack up and move to another state if you were 4 mos pregnant???

This is sort of related to a post I started on NWR but I want more of a newlywed's perspective on this.

DH and I have discussed moving to FL several times and I think it's something I want to do in the future (like a couple of years from now). I didn't think we were ready now. But DH came up with one of his famous infallible "plans" that he thought would be "perfect" and would have us completely moved to FL POSSIBLY by the time I was ready to deliver.

That "possibly" was enough to make me say absolutely NOT. Anyway, the point is, if I wasn't pregnant, yes I might be more open to the idea of semi-impulsively uprooting our entire lives here in NY, selling our HOUSE, throwing away 2 VERY secure, well-paying jobs and moving to florida without a 2nd thought. But I can't see it all getting done smoothly in the next 5 months BEFORE I deliver!!! Frankly, I think the idea is insane.

Never tell MY DH that one of his "plans" is not fool-proof. He says that if we don't do it now, we'll NEVER do it after the baby is born. I think it's way more feasible with no delivery timeline after the baby is born.

Well... as it turns out apparently I will be hearing "I told you so" about this for the rest of my life and we had another argument about it this morning. He says that I'm holding us back because I'm afraid to take chances. Easy for him to say, he's not the one whose pregnant.

So AM I a chicken? Would YOU do it??

Re: Would you agree to pack up and move to another state if you were 4 mos pregnant???

My parents moved when I was 2 months old from NY to NJ. This meant they were looking for houses in NJ when my mom was VERY PREGNANT, and then packing up everything when she had a newborn. My father started working in NJ before they found a house, so my mom was alone in NY trying to sell the Long Island house by herself with my dad only in NY on weekends. It sounds like a nightmarish way to do it!

I don't think I would, UNLESS there was a very stable job making more pay in FL. You NEED health insurance and benefits with a newborn (or pregnant) now more than ever--you can't be starting new jobs, waiting for them to kick in...Good luck!

Re: Would you agree to pack up and move to another state if you were 4 mos pregnant???

It's a little too impulsive for me. Buying and selling homes is the least of it. I would only go if there was a job waiting for at least one of us.

Maybe your DH can set up some job
interviews in Florida from here.

Re: Would you agree to pack up and move to another state if you were 4 mos pregnant???

Two main thoughts came to mind as I read your post.

First of all, as I have seen all of my siblings and most of my friends have children, I have realized how important it is for new moms to have a support network, ESPECIALLY right after the baby is born. I don't think people realize what a big help this is until after the baby comes. Do you have family or friends in FL to help you?

My second thought has to do with medical care. First, we have top medical care here in NY and I would be hesitant to give it up at such an important time in my life. I am assuming that you have already been seeing an OB/GYN that you are comfortable with. How do you feel about trying to find another one in another state that you would trust with your new baby?

Edited: I thought of something else. Does he realize that you will not be able to lift or pack heavy things the more pregnant you become and he will have to do all of it himself, or get someone else to help? This can be very stressful for both of you.

I would want to wait at least until after the baby is born, JMHO.

Message edited 1/27/2005 12:37:57 PM.

Re: Would you agree to pack up and move to another state if you were 4 mos pregnant???

If you could move right this minute ( or this month), maybe then I'd say do it, but when you move, you may have to wait for health insurance to kick in at new jobs, I assume wouldn't get a new job untill after the baby.

Since it would take a while to sell your house & move, I'd be concerned abotu findig a new Dr in time. Who wants to switch drs right before you give birth?

Maybe you can compromise & set a date when you will move. (Like, when the baby is a year old or something)

Re: Would you agree to pack up and move to another state if you were 4 mos pregnant???

I agree with everything the other ladies have said.

There is no way I would have taken that big of a move when I was pregnant. I wouldn't even do it with an infant.

Re: Would you agree to pack up and move to another state if you were 4 mos pregnant???

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Posted by nov04LIbride

My parents moved when I was 2 months old from NY to NJ. This meant they were looking for houses in NJ when my mom was VERY PREGNANT, and then packing up everything when she had a newborn. My father started working in NJ before they found a house, so my mom was alone in NY trying to sell the Long Island house by herself with my dad only in NY on weekends. It sounds like a nightmarish way to do it!

I don't think I would, UNLESS there was a very stable job making more pay in FL. You NEED health insurance and benefits with a newborn (or pregnant) now more than ever--you can't be starting new jobs, waiting for them to kick in...Good luck!

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Re: Would you agree to pack up and move to another state if you were 4 mos pregnant???

If part of the plan includes a well paying job for DH, I would go for it...

Re: Would you agree to pack up and move to another state if you were 4 mos pregnant???

I posted something similar. http://www.liweddings.com/chat/topic.aspx?ID=194518

If we move to Florida we could have a free house (grandpa will buy a house) or a nice down payment for a house. I am so stuck on what to do. I want to go BAD but my brother is there (mikes whole family is there also) and has a son And I see what that does to my mom (her not being able to see her grandson) I would hate to go there and start a family and her not be able to see them. I feel like I would be depraving her of that. If I goto Florida I see myself having a better life. A HOUSE a better job.

I talk to my Cousin and she said to me (she has a 1 year old) that she thought about moving and she would have done it before the baby, She said She wouldnt be able to move away from her mother after the baby was born.

Re: Would you agree to pack up and move to another state if you were 4 mos pregnant???

I might get flamed for this, but I also haven't heard great things about the public school system in FL, if it is a consideration where the child goes to school. I am sure some areas are better than others, but as a state it really doesn't perform well compared to the national averages...

Re: Would you agree to pack up and move to another state if you were 4 mos pregnant???

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Posted by nov04LIbride

I might get flamed for this, but I also haven't heard great things about the public school system in FL, if it is a consideration where the child goes to school. I am sure some areas are better than others, but as a state it really doesn't perform well compared to the national averages...

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Re: Would you agree to pack up and move to another state if you were 4 mos pregnant???

No, I would not agree to move to another state just because; especially if I was pregnant.

I can't imagine not having any family around to help when the baby is born but not only that, you will be home with a newborn with no one to even visit with because you probably wouldn't have made new friends by then.

On top of all that, you have to move being 6-9 months pregnant? Does he have any idea what it might possibly be like to be that pregnant trying to set up a new home?

I would make him where one of those pregnancy suits for a week and do his normal things. Maybe he will have a little more sympathy and empathy for you then.

Re: Would you agree to pack up and move to another state if you were 4 mos pregnant???

I'd look at his plan, see what holes YOU find make it a possible and not a definite. Work out the kinks and GET THE HECK OUT OF NY.....

I'll tell you first hand, and I've said it many times....moving was the BEST decision we made as a married couple. DH is working FT, I work PT and sell on Ebay, we have a BRAND NEW car, a dog, and a 2 bdrm apt for $875...and we are STILL saving money!!! Not alot, but little bits here and there. There is more than financial freedom...there is a degree of respect down here that does not exist in NY. Children call ALL adults sir or maam. Families and morals are what is important, not things. It's very refreshiing being down here and experiencing the smiles walking in the store instead of people grunting and pushiing their way through the aisles. I was having conversations with people on line at Kohls at 8am on Black Friday....in NY...people would be complaining about the line! This is all my HONEST opinion and what I have experienced....it might be different for others or in another state.


Work out the plan as a couple....MAKE it work. I hate to say it, but he's right...if you don't do it now, you'll never do it. Especially after your child is in school......

Good Luck in whatever you decide!

Re: Would you agree to pack up and move to another state if you were 4 mos pregnant???

No, I wouldn't do it. My mother and father moved down the street when she was in her 3rd term. With all of the stress she was under, she could have miscarried. And, they were only moving down the road...

Re: Would you agree to pack up and move to another state if you were 4 mos pregnant???

does he have a plan for medical insurance - would your husband be transfering in the same company or a getting a new job - the new health plan may consider your pregnancy a prior existing condition and not cover it

just a question that is really important to ask because it is expensive to be in the hospital without insurance

Re: Would you agree to pack up and move to another state if you were 4 mos pregnant???

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Posted by JimmysBride

This is sort of related to a post I started on NWR but I want more of a newlywed's perspective on this.

DH and I have discussed moving to FL several times and I think it's something I want to do in the future (like a couple of years from now). I didn't think we were ready now. But DH came up with one of his famous infallible "plans" that he thought would be "perfect" and would have us completely moved to FL POSSIBLY by the time I was ready to deliver.

That "possibly" was enough to make me say absolutely NOT. Anyway, the point is, if I wasn't pregnant, yes I might be more open to the idea of semi-impulsively uprooting our entire lives here in NY, selling our HOUSE, throwing away 2 VERY secure, well-paying jobs and moving to florida without a 2nd thought. But I can't see it all getting done smoothly in the next 5 months BEFORE I deliver!!! Frankly, I think the idea is insane.

Never tell MY DH that one of his "plans" is not fool-proof. He says that if we don't do it now, we'll NEVER do it after the baby is born. I think it's way more feasible with no delivery timeline after the baby is born.

Well... as it turns out apparently I will be hearing "I told you so" about this for the rest of my life and we had another argument about it this morning. He says that I'm holding us back because I'm afraid to take chances. Easy for him to say, he's not the one whose pregnant.

So AM I a chicken? Would YOU do it??

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Re: Would you agree to pack up and move to another state if you were 4 mos pregnant???

I am not sure that I would do it pregnant.

1st- I would not want to leave my ob/gyn and the hospital I was planning on delivering at.

2. As someome else said- what about jobs?I know the cost of living is lower but I would definetly research the job market and be secure before uprooting.

3. THinking of moving and selling and closing on a home etc. during a pregnancy sounds like a lot.

I probably would make a deal after the baby was born to see where you are at. Maybe during the pregnancy researching the area he wants to move to.

Thats definetly a tough one

Re: Would you agree to pack up and move to another state if you were 4 mos pregnant???

I think you just have to take everything into consideration and make the decision that is best for you and DH. It can be done - my SIL was eight months pregnant with her first child when she moved from South Carolina to Boston - by herself! My brother had moved to Boston earlier for a new job, and she stayed in SC to pack and sell the house, and she drove up by herself. Physically, if your doctor says its okay, it's not a problem. It might be difficult but it would be safe (my SIL had no problems at all). Whether or not you can handle it emotionally (moving away from the family and your friends and job, etc) is something only you can decide. In the end, you have to do what's best in the long run for both of you (or should I say, all three of you? ).