Shut UP, Slider!

He drops off one of his postage-sized post-it notes on my desk this morning. While I'm sitting there. It's a reminder that a former co-worker's birthday is tomorrow. This co-worker quit over a year ago. I've spoken to her 3 times on the phone (at work) since (at her behest) and, to be honest, I'd rather she left me alone because I'm completely indifferent to her existence, never really cared that much to begin with and I think she's a bit of an attention vampire who latches on to people and insists they are best friends. Also, she's another link to Slider so...
Anyway, Slider really is BFF with her and just informed me her birthday is tomorrow and I should drop her a line.

Dude, shut up!! Why do you care if I remember her birthday or not? I was never 'friends' with her! I was a co-worker!!! And that was a year and a half ago! I don't tak to her anymore and when I do I feel forced and annoyed! Which part of 'I don't like making friends with co-workers' don't you understand? Don't leave me pointed messages that allude to my lack of decorum and leave me the f*$@ alone!! You're not my mother, or my palm pilot so keep your reminders to yourself... or remind yourself that I f***ing hate you and back the f*** off!

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

He didn't plan a 'birthday happy hour' did he? Watch out. Tomorrow will come and he will tell you that a bunch of your coworkers are meeting your former coworker for drinks and then he has you all to himself!

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

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Posted by xjulietx

He didn't plan a 'birthday happy hour' did he? Watch out. Tomorrow will come and he will tell you that a bunch of your coworkers are meeting your former coworker for drinks and then he has you all to himself!

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No worries there! I never go to those! Even when the co-workers I really like invite me. I don't mix my work life and my personal life. Ever. I've had too many bizarre experiences (Slider being a prime example) to do that.

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

Liz, I think you need to send a letter to the writers of SNL and propose that they make the Slider a character on the show. You could potentially make some money for the wedding off the Freak-in-a-can!

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

Ann, I'm so tempted. I'm considering compiling these stories into a book.. sort of a cautionary tale for office-workers!

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

Ann, I'm so tempted. I'm considering compiling these stories into a book.. sort of a cautionary tale for office-workers!

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oooh..let's think of a title. How about 'Memoirs of a Slider'

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

Seriously Liz, what a great idea for SNL or Mad TV (is that show still on??). I could so see a weekly skit out of that!

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

I don't know how to get this guy to leave me completely alone without specifically itemizing the ways in which he can and cannot interact with me. I need a freaking chart over my desk to identify what is and isn't acceptable!

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

I don't know how to get this guy to leave me completely alone without specifically itemizing the ways in which he can and cannot interact with me. I need a freaking chart over my desk to identify what is and isn't acceptable!

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A chart would be awesome. A big sign that says STOP! Please read before bothering Liz. If you are here to do any of the following ____, you may proceed. If you are here to do anything else, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

Omg... how annoying and rude!!! This guy is really something else, isn't he??

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

I've been sitting her, fuming for the last hour or so and debating whether or not to email my former co-worker a perfunctory Happy Birthday. It occured to me that:

1. I hate forced courtesy for the sake of appearing 'nice' or 'thoughtful' when there's not a hint of sincerity involved anywhere.

2. She's basically a stranger, and I feel very uncomfortable being generous with the familiarities with strangers... especially slightly crazy, emotionally-stunted, possibly-recovering-drug-addict strangers that I worked with for a year and have not seen in a year and half.

3. I don't have her email.

4. I am a disillusioned, emotionally-closed-off control-freak unwilling to try new friendships for fear of disappointment, and an irrational and inexplicable judgemental attitude with dizzyingly high expectations of others.

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

4. I am a disillusioned, emotionally-closed-off control-freak unwilling to try new friendships for fear of disappointment, and an irrational and inexplicable judgemental attitude with dizzyingly high expectations of others.

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this is SO true about you ...

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

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Posted by wc0143

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

4. I am a disillusioned, emotionally-closed-off control-freak unwilling to try new friendships for fear of disappointment, and an irrational and inexplicable judgemental attitude with dizzyingly high expectations of others.

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this is SO true about you ...

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I don't believe that for a second! You wouldn't be so open with us here at LIW and so generous in the distribution of titles for the Yule Lads. I think you're a riot!

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

I knew it!!

Oh well, Mr Boots is a realistic, overly-friendly person with no expectations of anyone.

Perhaps little Monkey Zoom and Baby Grout will blend our temperments!


ETA: Ambersmom, that's because I use humor to keep people at arm's length and ward off the possibilty of forginh deep, meaningful relationships.

And also because you're all just imaginary people that live in my computer.

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

Okay, here's the thing. she's called you a few times, so she obviously likes you. Maybe more than you are comfortable with - that's fine. It also means that she would most likely welcome a little 'Happy Birthday' email from you.

BUT, I don't think this girl (unless she is the She-Slider of the world, and then I think you may need to reconsider your place of employment because the place obviously breeds freaks!) is sitting in front of her computer today waiting for your email to arrive and getting really upset that you and only you have not wished her a Happy happy

kay?

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

And this is precisely why I f***ing hate the Slider.

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

I knew it!!

Oh well, Mr Boots is a realistic, overly-friendly person with no expectations of anyone.

Perhaps little Monkey Zoom and Baby Grout will blend our temperments!


ETA: Ambersmom, that's because I use humor to keep people at arm's length and ward off the possibilty of forginh deep, meaningful relationships.

And also because you're all just imaginary people that live in my computer.

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Yep, Mr. Boots had to break through that thorny exterior with a pick axe in order to win her over!

ETA: Liz, if you were going to make up imaginary cyber friends, do you really think you could ever in your wildest dreams think up us??? No offense to your obviously vivid imagination!

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

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Posted by MonkeyLuv


And also because you're all just imaginary people that live in my computer.

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I tell Husband that all the time. We are still trying to figure out how Nferrandi materialized & appeared in the city clerk's office.
Must have been a wish from a genie or something.

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

I do believe Baby Grout will be the one to make the Boots name proud

Re: Shut UP, Slider!

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Posted by wc0143

I do believe Baby Grout will be the one to make the Boots name proud

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Of course! No one expects much of Monkey Zoom, he's an underachiever.