Working vs. staying home (by choice or not by choice--POLL)

Hi Parents, I'm a bride-to-be with a question that is getting a LOT of air time in our home right now and I could really use your real-life experience!!!

BEFORE you ever got pregnant, what were your opinions on working after children? I spent 6 yrs in grad school to get a PHD and feel very conflicted about potentially not working at all. So, especially for people whose identities were strongly linked with professional life--how did you go about making this choice??

Then AFTER having kids--did anyone's opinions or decisions change?

Re: Working vs. staying home (by choice or not by choice--POLL)

I am a professional woman and was always 100% sure I would go back to work and continue my career. I make a nice salary and worked hard to get where I am so giving up my career was never an option in my head. My career is part of my identity. Even though financially - DH and I can afford to live on his salary alone....lifestyle change of course but totally do-able.

I have to say during my pregnancy I started to question that - and wondered if I should change careers or find some kind of part time work closer to home - something more mommy friendly...I started to fill my mind with all kinds of thoughts. Now, baby is here for 2 weeks and already I am seriously conflicted. I can't imagine going back to work and at the same time I can't imagine not going back to my career and everything Iworked so hard to become professionally. Right now my plan is to go back full time but I can work from home two days a week - cutting out three hours of commuting time day....I will see how that goes. Most people say it is hard at first but does get a little bit easier with time...I shall see in May....

Re: Working vs. staying home (by choice or not by choice--POLL)

Same here. I got married at nearly 30 because I was working my way up the corporate ladder and getting my PE license. I never thought I would work that hard to give it all up. But once he arrived, I made the decision not to go back to work FT and I am enjoying staying home so much. Yes, I do miss work a lot. I am a part time subcontractor now for my company, and I work maybe 10 hours a week at the most. It's a nice arrangement that I can do from home in my own time. We are trying to decide when to have another child, and that's also coming into play about going back FT, if ever.

There's no right or wrong. You need to do what's right for you and your family.

Re: Working vs. staying home (by choice or not by choice--POLL)

For me the decision was easy to stay home because it would actually cost me more to go to work everyday because I would have to use daycare full time. Another factor that is making it easy is that I do not like my current job and it isnt a career for me. On the other hand my sil is a psycologist and she is going back to work full time once her baby is born like your situation she has worked really hard for the position she has now and she doesnt want to jeopardize anything by leaving the workforce for a few years and Im going to be watching her son while she works for a cost much much much lower than day care- so hopefully everything will work out for us. Im also going to be working part time a few hours a week just to have extra money. We will be struggling though but we would be struggling more with having to pay day care.

Its a tough decision either way- maybe you can find something part time in your field so you can keep your career flowing but still be able to spend the majority of time with the baby

Re: Working vs. staying home (by choice or not by choice--POLL)

I haven't had the baby yet, but I can tell you that even right now, I'm only working due to $ neccessity. I've never been a fan of working and would love to be a SAHM once the baby's born, but we'll have to see what our financial status is at that point. I might have to continue working for the same reason afterwards.

Re: Working vs. staying home (by choice or not by choice--POLL)

My decision to stay home was kind of an easy one since I didn't have a job to go back to after Jack was born. We had moved from Texas to Ohio when I was 6 months preggo and I wasn't about to find another full time job knowing I would be out in a few months. Even if we had not moved I would not have gone back full time, probably worked out something part time. I too had a very good job, made good money and enjoyed that part of my life. But for me, the thought of someone else changing and feeding Jack when he is only 12 weeks old made my stomach turn. So, you adjust your lifestyle and choose what is best for you and your baby. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I would give my left arm to be sitting in my old office dealing with annoying clients. But overall, being home with Jack is what is right for us.

Re: Working vs. staying home (by choice or not by choice--POLL)

I'm only 9 weeks pregnant, but there is no doubt in my mind that I will work full-time after the baby (granted, I'll take at least 8-10 weeks maternity leave). My career is tremendously important to me (I'm an attorney), and I've worked my arse off to get to where I am. My identity isn't entirely intertwined with my career, but it is a significant part of who I am. I thrive on the intellectual stimulation, and I think I would do a disservice to myself and my child if I stayed at home miserable and ansy. I think a big part of why I feel this way is (1) my husband supports me 150% in my career, and we've had so many discussions about how we will take care of, and raise our child 50/50, and (2) I was raised with a working mother whose career was VERY important to her. I never once felt neglected, and in fact, she jokes all the time that I was a feminist the second I popped out of her, and I'm convinced, that has a lot to do with the fact that I was raised by a strong, independent, career-minded woman who never let any barriers stop her. I really think that watching her balance her family and her career helped me see that I can follow my dreams, while at the same time, raise a wonderful family. Of course, all with the much needed support of my hubbie!

Re: Working vs. staying home (by choice or not by choice--POLL)

I started my career early in life and made an extremely good salary. DH and I both were very money oriented and had nice bank accounts which is the main reason why I will be able to stay home. I took my step down from the corporate ladder shortly after we got married and am enjoying PT work right now. DH wants me to be a SAHM and I am in total agreement I was always more of the domestic type than the business type.

Re: Working vs. staying home (by choice or not by choice--POLL)

My situation is a combination of going back to work for $ and by choice. I love being a mommy, but I do need that time away, for a couple of hours a day and the money comes in very handy. We are fortunate enough to have my parents and my MIL to take care of the baby while I go to work for about 4-5 hours a day for 4 days a week. I don't want to sound like a bad mommy, but I like the time away.

Re: Working vs. staying home (by choice or not by choice--POLL)

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Posted by Dee7772

My situation is a combination of going back to work for $ and by choice. I love being a mommy, but I do need that time away, for a couple of hours a day and the money comes in very handy. We are fortunate enough to have my parents and my MIL to take care of the baby while I go to work for about 4-5 hours a day for 4 days a week. I don't want to sound like a bad mommy, but I like the time away.

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This sounds like an ideal balance, especially with family watching your baby

I really appreciate everyone's replies and perspectives. We are in total agreement that we need to discuss this before actually having a family, but are really clashing on this. He is coming from family of 4 kids where mom stayed home for over 15 years. I am coming from family where mom was single mom for awhile, always worked and I feel she was a kick-*ss mom. She and I are very close and I had a very happy childhood. I don't think he thinks that mom & work = happy is an actual possibility and that really angers me. A lot. I am even willing to 'compromise' and attempt PT if that's a possibility.

anyway, great responses...keep 'em coming. It's a tough issue with no right general answer, but a right answer for each individual situation...

Re: Working vs. staying home (by choice or not by choice--POLL)

I had every intention on going back to work after my 12 weeks were up but then my son came and I couldnt leave him. I just wanted to be with him and couldnt imagine being away from him. I actually went back to school as well and now have another child too. By the time my kids are in school, I will be going back. Im grateful we have the choice, I love being with them.

Re: Working vs. staying home (by choice or not by choice--POLL)

I'm not pregnant (yet) but we are talking about starting to ttc soon.

This is a serious topic in my house. My DH can not have anyone other than a family member watch our child. He insists that his parents watch our child while we both work. I have a good job now, and DH has a good job, but we don't make that much $$ that one of us could stay home. I've just started a business, and hope it really takes off and I do well, so that I can work from home and still make a decent, if not a really good salary in the future. DH is willing to be a house-dad.

For what it's worth, I come from a single parent home. I was raised by my Mom who worked her arse off to make sure I had the best of everything. She wasn't home a lot. I'm your typical 'latch key kid'. I think I had a good upbringing, don't get me wrong, but I'm also an only child. I think that when you have loving parents and being supportive of eachother- there's nothing you can't accomplish.

Re: Working vs. staying home (by choice or not by choice--POLL)

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Posted by nylibride

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Posted by Dee7772

My situation is a combination of going back to work for $ and by choice. I love being a mommy, but I do need that time away, for a couple of hours a day and the money comes in very handy. We are fortunate enough to have my parents and my MIL to take care of the baby while I go to work for about 4-5 hours a day for 4 days a week. I don't want to sound like a bad mommy, but I like the time away.

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This sounds like an ideal balance, especially with family watching your baby

I really appreciate everyone's replies and perspectives. We are in total agreement that we need to discuss this before actually having a family, but are really clashing on this. He is coming from family of 4 kids where mom stayed home for over 15 years. I am coming from family where mom was single mom for awhile, always worked and I feel she was a kick-*ss mom. She and I are very close and I had a very happy childhood. I don't think he thinks that mom & work = happy is an actual possibility and that really angers me. A lot. I am even willing to 'compromise' and attempt PT if that's a possibility.

anyway, great responses...keep 'em coming. It's a tough issue with no right general answer, but a right answer for each individual situation...

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I am in the same situation as you. I am from a family where my mother was a doctor and father had his career. I never once felt neglected and really feel that I knew I was always in the first place. She came to all my concerts, shows and competitions. He is from a 3 kid family, where his mom stayed at home with them, until, he the youngest, went to college!!! I know I can't do that. I am now going to get my MBA and he fully supports that. Does he really think I would do that if I wanted to stay home???? We are in a dissagreement over this, and he would rather not have kids at all than have them 'raised by someone else'. Its something we still really have to talk about , and its a good thing we won't be doing this too soon !,but I really hope he changes his mind. I know myself, I need the career challenge.

Re: Working vs. staying home (by choice or not by choice--POLL)

I work in NYC and this is the biggest issue for me. I cannot afford to stay home but would in a heartbeat if I could. My mom will be watching the baby and I feel very lucky. I worked very hard to get where I am but I woild love to be a SAHM if we could afford to buy a house without my salary.