Shower/Mother/BM Vent

With less than four months to the big day...I have finally started getting my butt moving again with the wedding planning. Aside from when I first got engaged things have been pretty calm and stress free.....until today. Apparently my MOH has been making some phone calls in preperation for my shower and she wound up calling my mother. Apparently my BMs do not want to kick in much money for my shower and my MOH has decided to have it in her house and the food will be cold wraps and salads. My mother is pissed off because she doesn't think this is appropriate and that it should be in a resturaunt with hot food, yada yada yada...my mom even said she'd kick in the extra money and pick up the slack of the other BMs. Well apparently my MOH said she doesn't like that idea and since SHE is the MOH SHEs the one who decides where and what type of food there will be. Then MOH decides to explain that it can only be one of two weekend because she's too busy the other weekends. And how do I know all of this????? Because my mother is pissed off and decided to vent to ME. Is it me or should I not even KNOW about my shower??????? Quite honestly if it was up to me I wouldn't want my shower with forty people stuffed into my MOH's house but I don't have a say in this do I? Do I step into this and address all of my BMs???? Do I have a fight with my mother and tell her to MYOB and leave me out of this? Help me cause I'm pretty TICKED off right now

Re: Shower/Mother/BM Vent

The same exact thing happened to me except the other way around. My mom didn't want to chip in alot of $$ and wanted to have it somewhere my sister ( MOH) did not think was appropriate for my shower. In the end they BOTH came venting to me so I pretty much found out everything.
My MOH took over and did what was best for me and what I would have wanted. My mom then refused to give ANYTHING since it wasn't being done the way she wanted and my bms had to chip in and my DH had to put in the rest of the money!!!!!!! Thank goodness the week of the shower my mom came to her scenses and chipped in her share so that I wouldnt have to pay for my own shower!!!

Sorry but your MOH sounds kind of selfish in the fact that it HAS to be at her house and it HAS to be 1 of 2 dates.
I think your mom should take over and do what needs to be done to give you the shower you really want.

Re: Shower/Mother/BM Vent

I just wanted to add that traditionally the mother of the bride pays for the shower ( though in many cases including mine the bm's chip in or even pay for the whole thing)
I think whoever is chipping in the largist amound of money ( your mom) should have more say over when, where and how it is done.

Re: Shower/Mother/BM Vent

simply put...i would call your moh and hash it out

its wrong for you to know...its wrong for your moh to not let your mom help out

its wrong for your bp to not chip in more to make it something nicer

but you are still having one, your moh is allowed to have it when she wants to host it, and you shouldnt get upset that its in a house...ist still a party for you


just call her and talk it all out

Re: Shower/Mother/BM Vent

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Posted by Soon2bMsZ

I just wanted to add that traditionally the mother of the bride pays for the shower ( though in many cases including mine the bm's chip in or even pay for the whole thing)
I think whoever is chipping in the largist amound of money ( your mom) should have more say over when, where and how it is done.

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actually, according to etiquette

no member of the brides family should host the shower because it appears as if they are greedy to set up their relative (the bride) with tons of presents

i know- ridiculous but thats Peggy Post for ya!

Re: Shower/Mother/BM Vent

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Posted by JPC1125

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Posted by Soon2bMsZ

I just wanted to add that traditionally the mother of the bride pays for the shower ( though in many cases including mine the bm's chip in or even pay for the whole thing)
I think whoever is chipping in the largist amound of money ( your mom) should have more say over when, where and how it is done.

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actually, according to etiquette

no member of the brides family should host the shower because it appears as if they are greedy to set up their relative (the bride) with tons of presents

i know- ridiculous but thats Peggy Post for ya!

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I have read that also. Oh well. Every shower I have ever attended was thrown by the mother of the bride & it didnt seem greedy to me

Re: Shower/Mother/BM Vent

First - breathe
Secondly, I understand your mother venting to you - although you might not want to hear it now - it is better that she approached you now instead of you walking into you MOH house seeing 40 people and being really pissed off the day of your shower -

I think that your mother really needs to interfere and be your advocate!! to your MOH and tell her nicely that although she knows she is putting a lot of effort and thought into your shower - as your mother, she knows that you will have one shower - and that is probably not the way you would want it (if this is how you feel)

At this point - i really wouldn't be angry at your mom - more at your BM and MOH - since your mom is willing to pay the difference - $ obviously isn't the deciding factor here

Re: Shower/Mother/BM Vent

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Posted by JPC1125

its wrong for your bp to not chip in more to make it something nicer

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I don't agree with this. Everyone has a different financial situation. Alot of my bridesmaids were in their early to mid 20's and still in school or just starting careers where they arent making alot of money yet. If they had it my bms would have given more but they just didnt. I dont think thats 'Wrong' of them to want to be able to pay their rent and buy groceries instead of chipping in more for my shower.

Re: Shower/Mother/BM Vent

I have read that also. Oh well. Every shower I have ever attended was thrown by the mother of the bride & it didnt seem greedy to me


oh i totally agree---its your family that get you what you want the best cause they know you


and about the bp not chipping in more- well i dont know how much they were willing but i understand financial situations prevent bp's from contributing
however, if they could add a bit more and then take mom's donation, they might be able to get the restaurant

Re: Shower/Mother/BM Vent

Well I am still seething but I'm trying to breathe because now I find out that my MOH hasn't even consulted with ALL of the BMs. Apparently this whole house thing is the MOHs idea and it has nothing to do with money????? I'm really trying very hard not to pick up the phone and call her because I'm afraid something bad is going to come out of my mouth. And apparently after venting all of this to my FH he let me know that MOH hasn't even contacted his mother to run the dates past her. I think i need a margarita with an extra shot of tequila

Re: Shower/Mother/BM Vent

Your maid of honor should have consulted with all the other bridesmaids right away, annd of course your FH's mom!!! She is out of line, maybe on a power trip of some sort, and i think you should talk to her. this shower is about what's best for you and she's doing whatever the heck she wants...i personally think it's worth it to give up the secret and just talk to her. it can't do much harm at this point and you may be the only person she'll listen to!

Re: Shower/Mother/BM Vent

You gotta love this.....my MOH just called to ask me which of two dates for my shower were best for me

Is it me??????

Re: Shower/Mother/BM Vent

come on and let her have it!!!!!! you gotta get this outof your system and soon....because just firing her from the position is just much too nice

tell her you wanted it in a restaurant, catereted, suprise, etc and whatever else you want

give it to her good cause you dont deserve this!!!

Re: Shower/Mother/BM Vent

I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm going through similar problems but it's my FMIL that's causing all the havoc. Thankfully my MOH (my sister) is taking care of everything. She refuses to and get me upset and all I keep hearing is after the shower she will tell me everything that's been going on.