While we are discussing RDs.....FMIL issue

FMIL wants to pay for the RD.

Our wedding is upstate, as many of you know.

FMIL originally wanted to have a RD at her house the week before, so we can give the BP their gifts and see them all, just in case some weren't coming up until the morning of the wedding.

However, now it seems that most will be coming the day before, making an actual rehearsal possible. So, I figured a RD after the rehearsal would be the best thing to do.

Now FMIL thinks she has to invite all the guests coming up the day before (namely, her friends) to the RD. I say NO WAY!

So she has asked me a few times if I still wanted to have it the week before, which I know she still wants. She feels bad abandoning her friends to rehearse.

I said, 'don't feel bad, they can all hang out at the hotel together and you will see them after'.

I really don't feel like we have to invite everyone to the RD because it's for the BP only.

Sorry so long, what do you think?

Re: While we are discussing RDs.....FMIL issue

I think your right. There's no reason to invite all these extra people. However, if she's paying for it and it would make her feel better IMO maybe it's not that big of a deal. On the other hand if it really bother's you stand your ground with it I guess. sorry if this wasnt much help.

Re: While we are discussing RDs.....FMIL issue

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Posted by Capulet72

I think your right. There's no reason to invite all these extra people. However, if she's paying for it and it would make her feel better IMO maybe it's not that big of a deal. On the other hand if it really bother's you stand your ground with it I guess. sorry if this wasnt much help.

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Well, FMIL's list already makes up 75% of the entire guestlist, so who gets invited to the RD....her side or everyone? It's bad enough that I won't know so many people at my shower, now the RD too?

Re: While we are discussing RDs.....FMIL issue

RD's are usually bridal party and SO's, immediate family, and OOT guests. So, if her friends are traveling up the day before the wedding, and they'll be at the hotel, they should probably be invited to the RD. JMO....

Re: While we are discussing RDs.....FMIL issue

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Posted by LFitzy79

RD's are usually bridal party and SO's, immediate family, and OOT guests. So, if her friends are traveling up the day before the wedding, and they'll be at the hotel, they should probably be invited to the RD. JMO....

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I agree. Maybe as a compromise have her friends come a little later so you get a little alone time with your BP -
5:30pm - rehearsal
6:00p - bp only (have toasts and give out gifts)
7:00pm - cocktails/ appetizers/ dinner/cakes, desserts, etc for everyone

Re: While we are discussing RDs.....FMIL issue

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Posted by LFitzy79

RD's are usually bridal party and SO's, immediate family, and OOT guests. So, if her friends are traveling up the day before the wedding, and they'll be at the hotel, they should probably be invited to the RD. JMO....

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That would be fine, but EVERYONE is OOT! And many are arrivinf the day before the wedding, so it would be like having 2 affairs......and why should OOT guests be invited anyway, they aren't part of the rehearsal?

Re: While we are discussing RDs.....FMIL issue

Because Emily Post says that it's proper ettiquette, and it's tradition, and if these people are friends of your FMIL's then they are old enough to know it's ettiquete, and they might get offended. They aren't part of the rehearsal, which is why they aren't at the rehearsal, they are at the rehearsal dinner..I think the suggestion of having it be broken, some time alone with the bridal party before the others come is a good idea.....

Re: While we are discussing RDs.....FMIL issue

Oh my God, this ettiquette thing is ridiculous. It's like splitting hairs with the difference between a rehearsal and a rehearsal dinner!

I am going to throw tradition out the window and say screw it! For once I think I'm going to put my foot down and say only BP and SOs and that's it!

When FMILs daughter got married, they threw a lot of things out the window, but now we have to throw them back in? Uuh, uuh, no way!

thanks for the input though

Re: While we are discussing RDs.....FMIL issue

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Posted by curliegirl

Oh my God, this ettiquette thing is ridiculous. It's like splitting hairs with the difference between a rehearsal and a rehearsal dinner!

I am going to throw tradition out the window and say screw it! For once I think I'm going to put my foot down and say only BP and SOs and that's it!

When FMILs daughter got married, they threw a lot of things out the window, but now we have to throw them back in? Uuh, uuh, no way!

thanks for the input though

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curliegirl- that is all we are going to do!! we have so many oot guests- it would be a fortune and we are already spending ALOT!! All due respect to Emily Post, but you have to do what is right for you

Re: While we are discussing RDs.....FMIL issue

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Posted by buggiegirl

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Posted by curliegirl

Oh my God, this ettiquette thing is ridiculous. It's like splitting hairs with the difference between a rehearsal and a rehearsal dinner!

I am going to throw tradition out the window and say screw it! For once I think I'm going to put my foot down and say only BP and SOs and that's it!

When FMILs daughter got married, they threw a lot of things out the window, but now we have to throw them back in? Uuh, uuh, no way!

thanks for the input though

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curliegirl- that is all we are going to do!! we have so many oot guests- it would be a fortune and we are already spending ALOT!! All due respect to Emily Post, but you have to do what is right for you

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Thanks, and if Emily Post wants to finance it, she is more than welcome!

No really, it's not even about the $$$, I want to be able to spend time with the people closest to me, not have ANOTHER day of socializing with EVERYONE and actually not talking to ANYONE!!! While most of FMIL's family (well, really friends) have been great, I just can't see having them all the the RD. And then all my guests too? That would surely top 100 people... Can't be done, I'll be exhausted!

Re: While we are discussing RDs.....FMIL issue

Traditionally the bride and her family host the wedding reception, and the groom and his family host the rehearsal dinner.
If your FMIL is absorbing the cost, I don't see the harm in giving in to her guest list, and making her happy. Like I said it's JMO.

Re: While we are discussing RDs.....FMIL issue

Just so you know Emily Post also recomends no DJ's, just live music and to have two bands so the second one can play while the other takes a break. I don't think anyone is following that!

I am NOT inviting my OTT guest to the rehersal dinner with the exception of my FH boss and his wife who are coming from England. All my OTT friends are planning on going into Manhattan anyway that night since none of them have ever been to NY. They actually would be sad to be stuck at a rehersal dinner, when they could be sightseeing.

Re: While we are discussing RDs.....FMIL issue

I think you're absolutely right. There's no need for her friends to be there and they're just gonna feel out of place with nothing to do at the rehearsal. I mean, they're adults right? They can entertain themselves for a few hours while your mom is rehearsing. The more people at the RD the less of an effect the beauty of the wedding will have on people. They aren't supposed to come 'behind the scenes' if they're not in the BP!!! JMO!