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marymoon
FINALLY!?!?!
Member since 2/04 12227 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/19/2010 7:30 PM
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Interfaith Brides (catholic Jewish..I have a Q
Did your priest and or rabbi tell you that you needed to raise the childrencatholic.jewish? if you were undecided or wanted to do both or what they didn't want, did they give you a hard time? I'm really nervous!
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Posted 6/9/05 10:54 PM 
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Crismicka
Expecting TWINS!
Member since 4/04 2138 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/22/2004 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
timberpoint country club
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Re: Interfaith Brides (catholic Jewish..I have a Q
No , they were acutally more concerned with checking to see that we had talked about it and that we came to a decision that we were both comfortable with. Don't be nervous...good luck!
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Posted 6/9/05 11:04 PM
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EmberLynn
Keeping it real!
Member since 11/03 3597 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/6/2006 2:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Interfaith Brides (catholic Jewish..I have a Q
Contact the priest and rabbis you see adverised in bridal magizines that do interfaith marriages. I know people who have raised their children both. You can easly convert the two faiths together. Most are open minded theses days. Its not like 50 yrs ago.
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Posted 6/9/05 11:06 PM
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JanuaryBride06
Board Princess
Member since 4/05 13019 total posts
Wedding Date:
1/1/1995 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Interfaith Brides (catholic Jewish..I have a Q
Great, that's going to be a fun talk with strangers that I cannot put off any longer...
Message edited 6/9/2005 11:15:56 PM.
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Posted 6/9/05 11:14 PM
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mrsgtobe
Board Fanatic
Member since 5/05 943 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/4/2006 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
North Ritz Club
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Re: Interfaith Brides (catholic Jewish..I have a Q
I don't know much about this, since we haven't met with our priest and rabbi yet. What I do know is that if you are planning on getting a dispensation for the wedding so that it will be recognized by the Catholic Church, you (and only you, not your FH) will have to 1) promise not to convert to another religion and 2) promise to do your best to baptize your children. But promising to "do your best" doesn't mean that you are promising to make it happen.
As far as the rabbi half of it, I don't know yet. FH and I are in the same boat as you...we've been having discussions about how to raise our kids, but the fact of the matter is that we don't know what our life circumstances are going to be at the time of our first child's birth. We do know that whatever we choose for the first child will hold for any other children we have, but I don't want to have to choose RIGHT NOW just because our officiants want us to. I'm hoping our priest and rabbi will just guide us and help us to continue our dialogue with one another on this topic.
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Posted 6/9/05 11:38 PM
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marymoon
FINALLY!?!?!
Member since 2/04 12227 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/19/2010 7:30 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Interfaith Brides (catholic Jewish..I have a Q
Posted by mrsgtobe
I don't know much about this, since we haven't met with our priest and rabbi yet. What I do know is that if you are planning on getting a dispensation for the wedding so that it will be recognized by the Catholic Church, you (and only you, not your FH) will have to 1) promise not to convert to another religion and 2) promise to do your best to baptize your children. But promising to "do your best" doesn't mean that you are promising to make it happen.
As far as the rabbi half of it, I don't know yet. FH and I are in the same boat as you...we've been having discussions about how to raise our kids, but the fact of the matter is that we don't know what our life circumstances are going to be at the time of our first child's birth. We do know that whatever we choose for the first child will hold for any other children we have, but I don't want to have to choose RIGHT NOW just because our officiants want us to. I'm hoping our priest and rabbi will just guide us and help us to continue our dialogue with one another on this topic.
I agree 100% I'm really hoping to get guidance on this and not judgement. I hope the clergy can speak with us and help us think about it more without saying that one decision is better than another or one decision must happen.
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Posted 6/10/05 12:46 AM
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dpli
"I'm Addicted"
Member since 1/04 2471 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/7/2004 3:30 PM
Wed. Location:
The Swan Club
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Re: Interfaith Brides (catholic Jewish..I have a Q
Posted by mrsgtobe
I don't know much about this, since we haven't met with our priest and rabbi yet. What I do know is that if you are planning on getting a dispensation for the wedding so that it will be recognized by the Catholic Church, you (and only you, not your FH) will have to 1) promise not to convert to another religion and 2) promise to do your best to baptize your children. But promising to "do your best" doesn't mean that you are promising to make it happen.
This is a bit misguided, or I am misunderstanding what the poster is trying to say.
If you are getting married in a Catholic church (which is really the only way it is recognized by the church) the Catholic person promises to baptize the children Catholic and raise them Catholic. It is not a suggestion - it is very clear when you are sitting with the priest or deacon. He asks, "do you promise to raise your children Catholic?" I said yes- I think if you say no, it is a deal breaker for the Church.
My DH is not Jewish, but another Christian faith. He did not have to convert, but he had to promise to raise the children Catholic as part of being married in the church. If you are doing something at your hall and not in the church, you probably don't have to do all of this, but technically, that would not be recognized by the church.
ETA: After re-reading the posts above, I don't think it is a matter of being judgemental, but rather that for Catholics, marriage is a sacrament and a covenant one enters into. As part of receiving the sacrament, you are agreeing to the whole package. I doubt the deacon who worked with us would have been judgemental, but might have suggested another way of getting married - by an minister at the hall or elsewhere, just not in the church.
Message edited 6/10/2005 8:26:12 AM.
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Posted 6/10/05 8:21 AM
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Goldi1021
Growing a miracle in my belly!
Member since 1/05 12771 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/18/2006 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Temple Avodah
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Re: Interfaith Brides (catholic Jewish..I have a Q
I do not know whether this will help you or not but it may add some insight. My brothers second (and current) wife was raised Catholic. My brother is Jewish. They were not married in a Catholic Church because the priest wanted my brother to have his first marriage annulled. He refused because hat would have denied the union that created his two daughters. My sister in law was in agreement that he should not get an annulment either. My brother DID give his ex wife a get (Jewish divorce) but I don't think it is the same as an annulment. I will ask someone who may know.
So, my SIL had to forgo a Catholic ceremony in the church. She had been turned off by what she was told my brother had to do. They were married by a reform rabbi and an Episcopalian minister in a catering hall but agreed to baptize their son Episcopalian. He is and will be exposed to both faiths, however, should he decide to convert to any faith in the future, his mother is completely ok with it. Both my brother and my SIL (and myself) feel that a child is too young to choose a religion on their own.
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with showing the child both religions but I personally do not believe that a child can be half of one religion and half of another. The choice is ultimately yours and there may be many struggles along the way, but the fact that you and your FH are discussing it now will make things much easier.
Message edited 6/10/2005 8:50:55 AM.
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Posted 6/10/05 8:49 AM
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amyandsteve
Wedding Newbie
Member since 7/04 41 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/17/2004 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Rockleigh Country Club
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Re: Interfaith Brides (catholic Jewish..I have a Q
Our rabbi didn't ask us that question. But our Deacon Did say "To the best of your ability at this time in your lives, will you raise the children Catholic" We said yes, even though we've already discussed that they will be Jewish. That's what they ask more often now. They say they do it that way b/c you never know what can happen later in life. We didn't get married in a Catholic Church, that's why the question wasn't as direct. Hope this helps
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Posted 6/10/05 8:54 AM
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17sugars
Board Enthusiast
Member since 3/05 213 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/8/2006 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Sand Castle
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Re: Interfaith Brides (catholic Jewish..I have a Q
That post is a bit misleading. Getting married in the Catholic church is not the only way to get your marriage recognized by the Catholic Church.
There are other threads on this board from several months back that may shed more light on this situation. Do a search and I'm sure you will find lots of info- but just be aware that the rules are not always consistent.
If you do not get marriage IN church, your marriage CAN be recognized by the church IF you are married by a priest. The only way a priest will marry you OUTSIDE the church, is if your FH is of a different religion, which is the case here.
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Posted 6/10/05 9:36 AM
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Mrs. dleeny
My most beautiful day ever
Member since 3/05 12394 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/6/2005 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Swan Club A+
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Re: Interfaith Brides (catholic Jewish..I have a Q
The Rabbi that is marrying us (as a justice of the peace) has not said anything to me about it at all. we’re meeting with him sometime next month… but IMO, if they know up front that you’re interfaith, how can they make any demands of you on how to raise your kids?
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Posted 6/10/05 9:51 AM
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marymoon
FINALLY!?!?!
Member since 2/04 12227 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/19/2010 7:30 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Interfaith Brides (catholic Jewish..I have a Q
Posted by 17sugars
That post is a bit misleading. Getting married in the Catholic church is not the only way to get your marriage recognized by the Catholic Church.
There are other threads on this board from several months back that may shed more light on this situation. Do a search and I'm sure you will find lots of info- but just be aware that the rules are not always consistent.
If you do not get marriage IN church, your marriage CAN be recognized by the church IF you are married by a priest. The only way a priest will marry you OUTSIDE the church, is if your FH is of a different religion, which is the case here.
Thanks. Yup, you're absolutley right. If one party is non christian the wedding can absolutely be held outside of church, you just need special dispensation, which is basically no big deal.
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Posted 6/10/05 10:05 AM
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dpli
"I'm Addicted"
Member since 1/04 2471 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/7/2004 3:30 PM
Wed. Location:
The Swan Club
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Re: Interfaith Brides (catholic Jewish..I have a Q
Posted by 17sugars
That post is a bit misleading. Getting married in the Catholic church is not the only way to get your marriage recognized by the Catholic Church.
There are other threads on this board from several months back that may shed more light on this situation. Do a search and I'm sure you will find lots of info- but just be aware that the rules are not always consistent.
If you do not get marriage IN church, your marriage CAN be recognized by the church IF you are married by a priest. The only way a priest will marry you OUTSIDE the church, is if your FH is of a different religion, which is the case here.
Sorry, I may have spoken a bit out of turn and I am definitely not trying to start an arguement. I just wanted to say that I do agree with 17sugars that the rules are definitely not always consistent. I attended a wedding where a Catholic priest did perform a wedding outside of a church for 2 baptized Catholics, but it was sort of a renagade move on his part and I think the story was just that they were married out of town (which was true - the priest travelled there.)
I just wanted to add, marymoon, just ask LOTS of questions, because I know in the Catholic church things vary tremendously from parish to parish and some priests are willing to do things others would never dream of. Rabbis may also be like that - just make sure whoever you are dealing with is willing to do what you are confortable with and if not, keep looking.
ETA: I was curious to know myself, and I found this link that did a good job explaining it:
http://catholiceducation.org/articles/religion/re0043.html
Message edited 6/11/2005 9:43:34 PM.
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Posted 6/11/05 9:30 PM
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mrsgtobe
Board Fanatic
Member since 5/05 943 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/4/2006 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
North Ritz Club
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Re: Interfaith Brides (catholic Jewish..I have a Q
Posted by dpli
Posted by mrsgtobe
I don't know much about this, since we haven't met with our priest and rabbi yet. What I do know is that if you are planning on getting a dispensation for the wedding so that it will be recognized by the Catholic Church, you (and only you, not your FH) will have to 1) promise not to convert to another religion and 2) promise to do your best to baptize your children. But promising to "do your best" doesn't mean that you are promising to make it happen.
This is a bit misguided, or I am misunderstanding what the poster is trying to say.
I just wanted to let everyone know that FH and I met with a priest from my parish today, and what I wrote here the other day is exactly what transpired during our meeting. We will be married by a priest and a rabbi at the hall, we are getting a dispensation, and I had to make those two promises. The promises are worded very specifically so that you are not put on the spot to "choose" how you will raise your kids at that moment.
marymoon, I hope this info helped you!
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Posted 6/11/05 9:46 PM
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17sugars
Board Enthusiast
Member since 3/05 213 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/8/2006 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Sand Castle
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Re: Interfaith Brides (catholic Jewish..I have a Q
Congrats Mrsgtobe!
I am glad it all worked out for you!
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Posted 6/12/05 9:59 AM
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cocoa
I love my mer-man!!!
Member since 1/04 5870 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/8/2004 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
thatched cottage
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Re: Interfaith Brides (catholic Jewish..I have a Q
nope. they told us that it is possible to raise our children both and that there are groups that we can join with other interfaith families. they were very supportive!
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Posted 6/12/05 10:03 AM
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marymoon
FINALLY!?!?!
Member since 2/04 12227 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/19/2010 7:30 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Interfaith Brides (catholic Jewish..I have a Q
Posted by cocoa
nope. they told us that it is possible to raise our children both and that there are groups that we can join with other interfaith families. they were very supportive!
Which officiants did you use?
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Posted 6/12/05 12:59 PM
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