FMIL and Guest List Vent!! (Sorry-long)

Okay, so FH and I were engaged in July 2004. I asked him to have his mother start preparing her guest list for the wedding, b/c I knew for FH’s brother’s wedding, she was still giving him names 4 weeks before the wedding!! He tells her. By November I ask him to ask her again. He tells her, again. Then as we approached the 1-year mark, I told FH again. And he told her. So, this past Saturday, we were having a BBQ to celebrate FFIL’s birthday and FH said to his mom, “So, do you have your list?” and her response… “I don’t want to invite anyone, just you guys (immediate family)” Now, many of you would pray for this, but I don’t want to order 150 invites (not ordering yet, but figuring what invites I can look at based on how many I need) and have her turn around and ask to invite people and I end up needing another even 10 or 20!! On the other hand, I don’t want to order 175, and end up with 30 left over!

What to do!?!?! I DO have time before I order, that’s not the concern, I just have budgeted for a maximum of $6.50 per invitation. I don’t want to get my heart set on something that is in my budget now, then in a couple months, when I order the invites, FMIL wants to add people and I have to order more invites, therefore going OVER budget!! FH is freaking out already with the cost of the invites I want!!!!

Thanks for listening!!!

Re: FMIL and Guest List Vent!! (Sorry-long)

We were in the same situation, and I FORCED FMIL to give me a guest list that was complete - I told her, that b/c we were sending out STD's that I needed a definitive number and list.

Your best bet is to give another 'warning' and tell her - okay, we're finalizing the list very soon, and capping the invites. After I receive a final list, we cannot add or delete any names.

PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN GIRL!

Re: FMIL and Guest List Vent!! (Sorry-long)

Oh boy.... I went through this.... I asked and asked for the list and then finally got it way after it was due. Then she keeps adding people even up the the week before the wedding and these were friends of her sisters!!!!!! IMO, definitley put a deadline on the list.

Re: FMIL and Guest List Vent!! (Sorry-long)

I think sending save the dates definitely helps. It forces people to get their final guest list to you EARLY. Its not too late...you could do that and see what happens.

Re: FMIL and Guest List Vent!! (Sorry-long)

Hey, if she wants to add more people to the list after you've purchased your invites, tell her she'll have to pay for the extras because they're out of your budget!

Re: FMIL and Guest List Vent!! (Sorry-long)

Honestly, I don't think this is your problem to deal with. I think you need to speak to your FI and make him make his mother understand the situation and submit a list. I would make sure that when your FI talks to his mom that someone other than the two of you are with her so you have a 'witness' so to speak!

Good Luck!

Re: FMIL and Guest List Vent!! (Sorry-long)

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Posted by ChristineAEid

We were in the same situation, and I FORCED FMIL to give me a guest list that was complete - I told her, that b/c we were sending out STD's that I needed a definitive number and list.

Your best bet is to give another 'warning' and tell her - okay, we're finalizing the list very soon, and capping the invites. After I receive a final list, we cannot add or delete any names.

PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN GIRL!

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Definitely. Tell her that you aren't ordering a million extras and if she adds names and you run out of invites then she is going to be making them on the computer HERSELF!

Re: FMIL and Guest List Vent!! (Sorry-long)

I tried the save-the-date tack - didn't work with my MIL. She said 'well, if they don't get Save the Dates, they don't get save the dates.' Of course, when certain family members got and others didn't, that was my fault.

We actually drove to my ILs' house the day my Dad called to tell me he'd started to address the invitations (he does calligraphy) to demand a final list.

My sympathies, hope she is better to you.

Re: FMIL and Guest List Vent!! (Sorry-long)

I had this problem with my FMIL when we were looking at halls. We told her our guarantee was 150-she told us we would never have that many...though I knew how many I had without her list.

I have the time for her to forget and take her time but FH needs to put HIS foot down about it. Tell him what she said, then turn around and tell him that if she changs her mind HE is going to deal with her.

Re: FMIL and Guest List Vent!! (Sorry-long)

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Posted by glinda_goodwitch

I think sending save the dates definitely helps. It forces people to get their final guest list to you EARLY. Its not too late...you could do that and see what happens.

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I am actually prepping the Save the Dates to send out in the next week, but see, when I showed FMIL the STD magnet, she said (in Spanish-FH's family is from Argentina) 'What is this, the invitation?' FH explained it was a 'reminder' for the wedding. She said she liked it and put it in her pocketbook!

I am going to talk with FH tonight and have him explain to her the budget. I will have him tell her that I am ordering invites in Dec/Jan and I am ordering a set number, and not going to order more. And that I will only have approx. 27 extra. So if she wants to put in names, she has until Dec. b/c I am only placing 1 order.

I KNOW she'll say 'Fine, Okay' now, but I can see it now, 5-6 months from now she'll want to add people...AFTER the invites are ordered and CLAIM she didn't know... I should make sure FH tells her w/ a witness.

Thank you ALL!!!

Re: FMIL and Guest List Vent!! (Sorry-long)

I asked my FMIL for a list right after we got engaged. 8 months later.... Still no list! glad i have time.

Re: FMIL and Guest List Vent!! (Sorry-long)

Well, invites don't take that long to print up. So you may want to hold off until January or so. I ordered mine online and they only took 2 weeks.

We got a lot of extra invites. It was almost crazy not to. it was only a few dollars more for double the quantity we needed, so that is what we did. I'm glad too, because there were some add ons.

Re: FMIL and Guest List Vent!! (Sorry-long)

order extra invites.

Things may change right before your wedding- you might make more friends, get closer to people at work, meet new neighbors, and want to invite more people.

I ended up spening over $1200 on invites, only to go out to Staples and buy a $19 package for 20 more invites. And, the people who received those last 20 invites new they were 'fake' because one of our guests hand stitched out wedding invite as our wedding gift and put it up on our gift table (It was the most awesome gift EVER, but it was very obvious that we sent those extra 10 couples a different invite).

Besides, you'll want to have 4 or 5 left over for yourself anyway.

Re: FMIL and Guest List Vent!! (Sorry-long)

Ah, dealing with old school, clueless moms...I know the feeling! Sorry!

Can you ask FSIL for the list she used? This will at least give your FH an idea of anyone who may be 'missing' or who could be 'cut'. This is what I did.

After I had this list, I went over to my (FM)IL's house with my DH and basically read it aloud and asked if anyone was missing. I got a few more names that way. I wish I could tell you there's an easier way, but I had to add 2 people the day I sent the invites to the calligrapher. BUT, at least I had an idea of how many invites to order from my DH's brother's list since he had been married 2 years prior.