Need Advice-sorry lil long

ok-so I know my wedding is a good time away but I have been having some issues. I already for the most part know who is my MOH (my sister) and my BMs. But, FH has a sister. That I didnt intend on putting in the BP. For reasons-and they are good. FH and her had HUGE problems growing up and it wasnt just regular sis/bro problems-it went a lot further. We arent exactly 'friends' and the only time we talk is at family dinners and when she comes to visit-we dont go out together so do I make her a BM? FH says he doesnt care and would prefer me not to-but I feel like the FI are trying to bring it up to me nicely.
What should I do? Save myself the aggrevation of listening to FI and FSIL complain that I didnt put her in 'her own brothers wedding party' though it will be the same amount of aggrevation to put her in

grrr

Re: Need Advice-sorry lil long

we made my younger brother a groomsmen even tho we didnt want to.
sometimes u have to do stuff u dont want to keep peace in the family.

Re: Need Advice-sorry lil long

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Posted by evnme

we made my younger brother a groomsmen even tho we didnt want to.
sometimes u have to do stuff u dont want to keep peace in the family.

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I agree, you don't want to piss you FIL off on the wedding day, wait a couple years for that

Re: Need Advice-sorry lil long

I don't know, thats a hard one. If it goes way beyond sibling rivalry to the fact that your FH will be really uncomfortable on his own wedding day then I would say absolutely not. And if thats the case then it would probably be more appropriate for him to tell his parents himself that its because he's uncomfortable and that it isn't your decision.

Re: Need Advice-sorry lil long

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Posted by evnme

we made my younger brother a groomsmen even tho we didnt want to.
sometimes u have to do stuff u dont want to keep peace in the family.

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bygones?

Is it that bad? Was there abuse?

Re: Need Advice-sorry lil long

You could include her in a different area such as being a reader or bringing up the gifts if you are doing a mass...


Also, I would wait to ask her til it gets closer. I know it is so hard because when we get engaged and start planning we want to ask the people who will be in our bridal party...but so much can happen in two years---in a year or that matter- friendships change etc...so maybe when it gets closer to the wedding...a year away or a little less and you know how the relationship is between her and you and her and her brother you can make a more informed decision.

good luck!

Re: Need Advice-sorry lil long

I dont think it will piss them off if I dont-they havent brought it up to me yet-even in convos about the BP they have never mentioned it-but I feel like they want to

It goes way past sibling rivalry-trust me. I, personally dont like the way she talks to her parents and the way she treats them-otherwise, all I know is the stories that FH and his friends have told me-and some are pretty rough to get passed.

I dont know-I feel like I should b/c its his sister but I get the feeling she is going to be cause for drama during the day...

ETA:thanks ladies

Re: Need Advice-sorry lil long

Honestly, i wouldn't do it. Your BM's should be people you can go to for support and help during the planning process and who you ultimately want to share your day with. If she's not someone you really get along with now, then think about how awkward it could get during the stressful months before the wedding. I just think it would save you a lot of aggravation not to have her in the party. There's no rules that all family members have to be part of the bridal party - its the people who are important to you.

In order to keep the peace with the family perhaps you could suggest she do a reading or something during the ceremony?

Re: Need Advice-sorry lil long

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Posted by Blu-ize

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Posted by evnme

we made my younger brother a groomsmen even tho we didnt want to.
sometimes u have to do stuff u dont want to keep peace in the family.

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bygones?

Is it that bad? Was there abuse?

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no no nothing like that.
my brother is an elitist a-hole and puts on a good show for my parents so they have no idea what he's really like. we have never gotten along.
we asked him so my parents wouldnt complain or lecture me and for some extra 'gold stars.'

Re: Need Advice-sorry if too long

Having gone through a similiar situation myself - here's my two cents: I would ask her to be in it, if you think that it may make your ILs angry to not do so. I think the call is really your FH's and he should be the one to discuss it with the ILs, if it comes up (since it is his family and his relationship with her that's giving you both second thoughts). However, since you are getting married, regardless of whether you like this girl or not (and it seems like you have a lot of good reasons not to), she is still going to be your sister in law. You will still see her for the rest of your married life together, and as long as your FH has a relationship with them, you will too. Yes, she may be a lot of trouble, but the trouble caused by not having her in the BP may last far past the wedding day. Plus, it doesn't sound like she's done anything to you (yet ), so this may be a good extension of the olive branch. I think if your FH wants her to be in it, even just a little (and he may be reluctant because he knows you are reluctant, and doesn't want to upset you), I would ask her.

PS - If you've already asked the rest of your BP, I would figure this out sooner rather than later. Asking her to be in the BP months after everyone else may seem weird, and it will be clear you're only including her b/c you have to.


I hope this helps! Good luck!!

Re: Need Advice-sorry lil long

I didn't ask either one of my FSILS to be in my BP and they weren't happy. But I didn't ask my own sisters either. I don't owe any one ANY explanations nor did I (or will I) give any.

Re: Need Advice-sorry lil long

I agree with July06bride....include her in another way. Just bc they are a sibling does not mean they have to be in the BP..I have 6 brothers, and can only include 1, otherwise there would be 9 million groomsmen, LOL..if your not close, don't bc you will share intimate moments with yoru bridesmaids, and you want to share that withonly your closest friends and family members

Good Luck with your decision.

Re: Need Advice-sorry lil long

I think you need to look at the relationship now, not the past. People grow up and change. You should not feel obligated to have her in the bridal party. If things were as bad as you are hinting at, then his parents should understand. Is she trouble now? Do they speak on the phone? Do they get along now? These are questions FH needs to ask himself. Does he see himself having a relationship with her in the future? This website isn't going to help you because half are going to say don't bother and half will tell you to include her. Do you really want her there? It sounds like his relationship with her is already troubled. Do you really think putting her in the wedding party is going to make it better? On the other hand, do you really think she will hate the two of you forever for not putting her in it? It's a tough decision, good luck.

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Re: Need Advice-sorry lil long

Thanks ladies-I think I just needed to see if anyone had this predicament and what they did-I feel obligated to put her in but I am a little torn
They dont speak at all other then family stuff, they get along but you can tell it is forced on his side and I doubt that they will ever be buddy buddy like that.
Putting her in wouldnt be to fix the relationship it would more be to save me from hearing her mouth and holding it against me-I dont think she will hate me. It would probably be easier to put her in it then not. I just dont know if I want her drama on my wedding day.
FH truly DOES NOT want her in it, I question if I should. I know that next time I see her she will be asking me if she is a BM and I tell her no-she will have a temper tantrum. Before I was engaged she actually said that (and I quote) 'you better make me a ******* BM or I swear....'
I think Im in for a ride

Re: Need Advice-sorry lil long

Yikes! She sounds scary! Older or younger? Is she single? She sounds jealous.

Re: Need Advice-sorry lil long

FUNNY!

She is his younger sister, I would hope she isnt jealous she IS getting married on my original wedding date!!!!

Re: Need Advice-sorry lil long

OH, did she ask you to be in her BP?

Re: Need Advice-sorry lil long

Neither myself nor my two sisters were not in my brother's wedding. It was his second wedding (though it wouldn't have mattered if it was his 5th). We were relieved to not be in it - yet ANOTHER dress to buy and throw out after one use. Two of us had readings from the Old Testament and the three of us even contributed to her shower by doing the favors and decorations. I made the wishing well. There was no resentment and we LOVE our sister in law and she loves us. Putting a sister or sister in law in your wedding party whom you do not wish to be there will only make you unhappy and it is your day. If you don't like her on your wedding day, you arent going to like her just because she walks down the aisle before you.

Re: Need Advice-sorry lil long

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Posted by WedHead

OH, did she ask you to be in her BP?

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No-but I am kind of glad about that