Need on Advise on How to deal with a friend...(alittle long sorry!)

GMB!

So I have this friend, we will call her A, I've known her for about 5 year's now, and she's a year older than me, very competitive, and seems alittle jealous, especially since even though I know her longer, I didn't ask her to be in my bridal party. (We did talk about it, and since she is not working right now we agreed that it would be too hard on her to be in the bridal party, she wasn't happy but she accepted it because basically she had no choice)

Now my Best friend, who I've known about 4 years (but she is like a sister to me) is in my bridal party, A is very jealous of this and is constantly making comments and trying to cause issues (A is also friends with my MOH (sister) ) between me, my sister and BF. She goes and tells my sister oh but your sister said xyz, and tells me oh but your sister said xyz, and tells my BF oh, Jen said xyz and on and on.

I finally got tired of it and spoke to her about it recently, she understands my choices and how her comments and actions are causing me uneccessary stress, etc. She agreed that she had been behaving badly, since she felt I was leaving her out of the wedding planning and she thought that even though she's not in the bridal party, that she would still be apart of the girl things, etc.

So here is the plm, my sister and BF have made it VERY VERY clear they don't want her to go with us to Miami for my bach weekend. One they feel she will start drama and two they feel it should only be for the bridal party.

So now I feel caught in the middle, I tried to tell my sister and BF, listen she admitted she was a bit jealous and acted stupidly, she's sorry but the girls are not having it, how would you handle this? Honestly I sorta agree with my sister and BF, knowing A, she will start some sort of drama, it's just how she is, my issue is how do tell her she can't go without hurting her feelings or proving her right that we are leaving her out of things?

Thanks for listening!!
Hugs
~Jen

Re: Need on Advise on How to deal with a friend...(alittle long sorry!)

Re: Need on Advise on How to deal with a friend...(alittle long sorry!)

Well, I see your wedding date is not until next May so you have a bit of time until your wedding. You did not say, but are you going on you batch party now or closer to your wedding? If it is now, you are in a bit more of a predicament. However, if the party is closer to the wedding, like in April, I would say nothing now and see what happens. If she changes her behavior perhaps you can broach the subject again with your BP. If she is still the same way and without a job, she may not even be able to afford to go away.
Good luck

Re: Need on Advise on How to deal with a friend...(alittle long sorry!)

First it is your day & your bach party. I didn't just have my bridal party come...i invited other people & my mom, aunts & FMIL because I wanted everyone to be involved. Also you would have had her in your bridal party had she not been out of work so I don't see why she shouldn't go to the bach party, if you want her there. Also now your sister & best friend are causing you stress over this which of course you don't want. If you aren't going away for awhile then I would just lay low about it & see what happens. If you friend acts normally around your sister & you then I don't see why she shoudl be left out. There have been a few bach parties that I was invited to & was unable to attend & when everyone talks about it I feel left out even though I choose not to come. You don't want to lose a friend because of all this or hurt anyones feelings. Good luck

Re: Need on Advise on How to deal with a friend...(alittle long sorry!)

Jen, I would definitely wait things out and see what happens in the next few months.

Honestly, I think that while your sister and BF may have the best intentions for you and the wekeend in general, I think they shouldn't by any means dictate who can/can't come.

If your friend was in-fact sorry for the way she acted, I don't see any reason why she couldn't come and help celebrate with you.

Re: Need on Advise on How to deal with a friend...(alittle long sorry!)

It's your bach party. If you want her there, she should be there. There are no rules as to who should/shouldn't be included in a bachelorette party.

If she's feeling excluded and that's what's causing her to act up, this would be a very simple way to make her feel like part of the gang. If she feels like she's part of something special, she'll be less apt to cause drama. and if this was someone who barring financial circumstances, you would have included in your BP, then she's obviously close enough to you to be included.

On the other hand, if she drives you crazy, don't feel pressured to include her just to appease her. It's really all about you. What will make YOU happy. It's not about her, your BF or your sister-- you have to decide who you want to be there to celebrate with you.
Long story short, don't exclude a friend b/c your BP doesn't want them there, but don't include someone just to avoid feeling guilty about it later.

As far as the best way to tell her she's not invited, it really depends on the size of the party you are planning. If it's going to just be your sister, BF and you taking the trip, it will be easy to skirt the issue. Just say they are taking you on a trip as a present. And then maybe you can go out to an informal dinner with A and some other friends closer to the wedding, so she can feel like she was involved in some kind of pre-wedding celebration. If a lot of people are going to Miami, then it will be more difficult to rationalize.

Good luck!

Re: Need on Advise on How to deal with a friend...(alittle long sorry!)

Thats a tough decision.....

If you believe her apology is sincere and she won't act up during your BP, I would tell the other girls that you really feel she is sorry and wont make trouble.

But since you don't feel her apology is sincere and that she will be a pain at your BP, I would gently tell her that the BP is only for the BM's but you would love to do wedding activities A, B or C with her.

Good luck!!!

Re: Need on Advise on How to deal with a friend...(alittle long sorry!)

Thanks girls! as always you give good advice. It's not until late March so yes I do have time, and I agree I don't want to do something just because I don't want to feel guilty. I think if things don't change and we don't include her I will take your advice and include in some other pre-wedding event, so she does feel included.